29

The photo had a back story and just like everything significant related to her social media presence started with Ashwin, even this did.

Even though Ashwin and Shivangi wouldn't love anything more than staying in their personal space after professing love, they had responsibility to their profession. They were due to appear on stage after the last performance for final goodbye and impromptu fan interaction.

Ashwin had already started to behave like a hyper kid owing to overwhelming feelings much to Shivangi's dismay. He kept poking at her, trying to rile her up and seemed to get some gratification out of seeing her glare at him or whack him secretly.

So, when Shivangi was climbing the stairs and felt a tug at her pallu, she was convinced it was Ashwin. That explains the magical look in her eyes when she turned around before realizing it was actually Anirudh who was releasing her pallu from a nail that was on the side of the stairs. Even though Shivangi's face immediately masked unaffected expression, camera was quick to catch her faraway look and Anirudh's wide eyed surprise.

In no time the photo was viral owing to the national level star status of the man involved and his history with beautiful belles.

After her call with Ashwin when Shivangi decided to take a last look at her social media for fan reaction on her latest post and stories from the event, she was caught in the whirlpool of media articles, assumptions, gossips and dissection that Shivangi was way too familiar with.

It was like she was once again going back in time to a place where she sat alone hearing thousand voices telling her what to do, how to do, why it is not okay to decide her life on her terms and in short dictating her life sometimes in name of toxic fan and love and other times just because she is a celebrity and people had time to waste on correcting her life to save themselves from the failure of not being able to correct their own life.

Maybe to an outsider Shivangi was overreacting, however, to be her, to let herself hope again was not easy. To go back to remembering old Shivangi felt like a warning bell from the universe that her life will always be loomed by shadow of the past.

"Inga paaru pattu kutty."Pugazh's voice broke her trance. "Ivlo varshama media la iruka. Unaku teriyadhadhu onnum illa. Idellam sagajam dana. Oru naal oruthara pathi pesuvanga, innoru naal innorthar kedacha marandiruvanga. Nee yenda unnaye varuthikara?"

(Listen, dear, You have been part of media since long now and you know how it is. It is common. One day it is gonna be about you and next day someone else. Don't react.)

The problem was not that Shivangi didn't understand the facts, it was that she was not ready to accept it. She didn't know how to walk on same fire path and emerge unscathed.

She knew rumours were not formed over night. She knew there has been fireless smoke about vague interest the rockstar had on her. She knew fans indulged in public banters that they considered harmless. When culminating result of everything stood in front of her, her mind coerced her to blame herself more than anything else.

"Nee oru rendu naal indha instagram twitter ellam vittutu velaya paaru. Ellame seri aaidum. Edho Hyderabad concert nu sonnaye, adhuku practice pannu. Indha social media ellam poi ulagam, adhuku poi yaaradhu ivlo feel pannuvangala. Naan vena..." A sharp intake he heard made Pugazh stop his sentence mid sentence and look at Ashwin.

(Take a break from social media. Everything will be fine. You have a concert in Hyderabad, don't you? Practice for it. Social media is a mirage, don't give it more attention than it deserves. You can....)

Throughout Shivangi's confession and Pugazh's pacification, Ashwin was silent spectator. Maybe he was not as sharp as Pugazh in grasping her mood or not accustomed to her conduct when she hits the rock bottom, but he knew her heart more than anyone else, maybe even her. This woman is a part of his soul and he knows better how to press on to make her realize her true worth.

While Ashwin might not agree with everything Pugazh was suggesting, he knew better than undermining her brother's effort. Pugazh was there when she needed and he will continue be there for her not to be replaced just because now she has Ashwin.

Shivangi knew what was running in Ashwin's mind. It was as if she could already read his thoughts in his voice.

"Inga paaru chellam." Pugazh tried to her attention from Ashwin. "Oru vaati nadandadhu innoru vaati nadakaranala tappu unnudhu illa. Namba vela seira idam apdi. "

(Look, dear, just because something is repeating once again it doesn't mean it is your mistake.)

Shivangi nodded. She is going to take her time, but she is not going to make people wait at her beck and call until she has come out of it. It is better if they think she is feeling better.

"Puriyudhu anna." She said

(I get it)

"Ippo paathaina naan kood..." Pugazh's phone buzzed for the third time in thirty minutes indicating how much he was needed elsewhere. "Idhu vera." Pugazh was about to cut the call when Ashwin stopped him.

(Even now)

(Damn!)

"Machan, shooting la irundu phone-na nee poo. Naan paathukaren."

(If it is from shooting, go ahead with it. I will take care of her)

Pugazh was about to refuse. He was not going to choose work over family, however a closer look at the two with him finally made him realize that the couple will more than welcome their privacy.

"Seri maapla." Pugazh agreed without fuss making Ashwin nod gratefully. "Nee papa va paathuko. Veetla vitru. Naan night call panren."

(Okay, take care of her. I will call later)

Once Pugazh left, Shivangi looked at Ashwin from beneath her eyelashes pretending to drink from her empty rose milk glass.

"Vera engayadhu polama?" he asked and she simply nodded.

(Shall we go somewhere else?)

Shivangi felt awkward as the elevator took them to fourteenth floor. She has never done this before and doing it now when her mind was already occupied with so many thoughts felt like a burden.

"Ashwin, inga edhuku?" she hesitated as she saw him press numbers on the keypad with ease

(Ashwin, why here?)

"En friend veedu dan ma." He said pushing the door open."Avan-um avan wife um orrku poi irukanga. Avanuku teriyum namba inga varadhu. Namba onnum trespass pannala."

(It is my friend's house. His wife and he are out of town. He knows we are here.)

It still felt like intruding and Shivangi was not sure how someone like Ashwin was okay with entering someone else's house when they were not present. Even as she thought about it, she wondered if he was doing it for her. She refused to go with him anywhere if they can't hide from privy eyes and only then he was seen making a phone call. Is he doing something otherwise his principle will not allow him to do just because he wants her to feel comfortable?

"Ashwin" she held his hand as he was walking in front of her. When he turned to look at her, she wordlessly hugged him.

Ashwin wrapped his arms around her and patted her back trying to calm her. They stood like that for few minutes before Ashwin led them to the couch.

"Ippo sollu." He said determined. "Enna aachu?"

(Tell me now. What is bothering you?)

"Adhu dan sonnen la."

(I told you, didn't I?)

"Pugazh kitta solladadhu sollu. Your actual fears. No matter how silly you think they are."

(Tell me what you didn't tell Pugazh. Your actual fears. No matter how silly you think they are.)

It was strange that Shivangi wanted to smile at that moment and she did exactly that. What else can you do when you hear something you always wanted to hear even if it is late by five freaking years?

Shivangi held his shoulder as she shifted herself on his lap. Before he could realize what she was up to, her lips were on his forgetting for few moments everything she believed was wrong in life.

Ashwin wrapped his arms around her waist with no plan to let her go until she is back to being his rowdy who he fell in love with, not that she was willing to let go the security of his arms any time soon.

Shivangi placed her head on his shoulder as she bought her legs close to her chest with her feet half on his and half on the handrail of the couch.

"Toongalaya?" she asked tracing dark circles under his eyes

(Didn't you sleep?)

"Umh umh" he nodded

"Naanum toongala." She said. "Happy ah toonga polam nu dan nenachen." She exhaled deeply. "Romba chinna pulla tanama iruka naan impulsive ah behave pannadhu?"

(I didn't either. I was excited to go to sleep. Was I impulsive and immature?)

Ashwin shrugged not wanting to answer that yet.

"Naan yaarkoodayadhu sirichu pesinale ellarum tappa solla arambichanga. Enaku edhu correct, edhu tappu ne puriyala. Adhu nala dan oru feelings-um yaar kittayum kaata vendam nu decide pannen. Social media la pudicha oru paatu paadna kooda avlo decoding. Romba bayam aaiduchu. Adhunala dan social media la irundu kooda break eduthen. "

(Even my friendly interaction was scrutanized. I didn't know what to do and what not to do. So, I decided to not to be open with my feelings. Even in social media everything was decoded, so I thought of taking a break.)

Ashwin slowly caressed her arm as if giving her support.

"First break dan nu nenachen. Aprom tirumbi vara tonave illa. Mathavangulukum enakum nadula veil irundadhu nalla safe-ah irunduchu. Apdiye continue aaiduchu. Neenga enna palaya Shivangi ah paakanum nu sonnapa enakum asaya dan irunduchu. "Shivangi smiled. "Enakum andha Shivangi romba pudikum. I thought everything was going back to normal. Naan five years munnadi enna life edir paathano adhu enaku nadaka aarambichudhu. Didirnu indha rumors paathu bayanduten. I don't want to go back to feeling alone and miserable."

(First I thought it was going to be break, then I never felt like returning. I liked this invisible cloak around me. When you wanted to see old Shivangi, I was equally excited. I like her too. I thought everything was going back to normal. Finally I was going to get the life I wanted five years ago. When these rumors started, I was scared. I don't want to go back to feeling alone and miserable.)

"Idellam unn tappu illaye ma."

(It is not your mistake)

"I know. Idhu edhuvum en tappu illa. Not now, not five years ago, but indha society oru ponnuku nadakara aniyayam ava tappu dan nu ava othukara varaikum vidadhu. Idhu kooda oru maari manipulation dan. Ungaluku ellam kashtam vandadhuku aprom dan self doubts varum. Enagaluku self doubts kuduthu valatana nala dan kashtame varudhu."

(I know it isn't. Not now, nit five years ago, but this society makes a woman believe that she is responsible for whatever wrong happens to her. It is manipulation of a kind. You might have self doubts after something drastic happens. Something drastically wrong happens with us often, because of self doubts we are fed from childhood.)

"Othukaren. Nee anniku sonna maari different rule book for men and women in the society, but yaarum 30 varshathuku munnadi irunda maari ippo illa. Neraya role models palaya ways maathananga. Idhu varaikum nee evlo old patriarchal ways challenge panna? Nyabagam iruka? You are that once in a lifetime kind of woman. Bayam nyayam dan, aana nee bayapadradhu nyayam illa. Unna maari yosi, enn palaya Shivangi maari yosi. Ava enna pannuva? Ipdi dan story poduvala ava?"

(I agree. As you said the other day men and women have different rule book. However, things have changed a lot and it is because some strong woman like you decided to change it. Do you remember how many patriarchal ideologies you challenged being yourself? You are that once in a lifetime kind of woman. It is okay to be scared, but you can't give up. Thank and act like Shivangi. Is this how she will react?)

"Avala maari yosika mudila Ashwin." Shivangi felt so disconnected with her own self. "Enakum avalukum nadula ennamo tadukudhu."

(I am not able to think like her. I feel a block between her and me)

"Seri, naan onnu kekaren." He said. "Nee yaarukaga andha story pota?"

(Let me ask you something, tell me why you posted the story?)

"Hmmm..." Shivangi formed a list in her mind. "Media, some fans....maybe people in general."

"There is your answer." He said in matter of fact voice. "Palaya Shivangi enna pannalum avalukaga dan pannuva. Ellarum paraparapa 5 varsham munnadi corona time la irunda pa, ore negative environment irundapa, poona kutty video potu laughing emoji potu, ellathayum oru nimisham 'che, inda maari cute things kooda life la iruku illa.' nu yosika vecha. You know how it was possible for her? Ava mathavangalukaga onnum pannala. Avalukaga mattum dan panna."

(There is your answer. Old Shivangi always does things only for herself. When everyone was scared and affected by negativity of corona in the past, she used to post cat videos with smiling emojis making everyone realize there are happy moments to life. You know how it was possible for her? Because she didn't do it for others. She did it for herself)

Shivangi looked at Ashwin as if she could hear him even after he has stopped talking.

Ashwin lifted his eyebrows. "Enna apdi paakara?"

(Why are you looking at me like that?)

"Unaku enna romba pudichiruku illa?"

(You like me a lot, don't you?)

He has never failed to convey through words and actions how much he loves her. Every time Shivangi thinks she knows the depth of his love he surprises her.

How can he love her more than she has ever loved herself? It was as if he even knows things about her that she has not put enough brain cells to analyze.

Ashwin chuckled at her untimely question. "Romba." He kissed the tip of her nose.

(A lot)

"Naan illama ivlo varsham epdi Ashwin irunda?"

(How did you manage life without me?)

It was so strange that she was feeling sorry for his life without her when she had a more challenging life in his absence. Is that how selfless love feels?

"Nee en koodave dan ma irunda." He smiled. "Maybe naan unna eduthu kitta nala dan nee unn kooda illa pola."

(You were always with me. Maybe since you were with me, you left you alone.)

Shivangi remembers how her teenage self was enamoured by cinematic love declarations about two bodies and one soul when she was obsessed with K-dramas. Those shows taught her everything can go wrong in life, but your true love will always find you no matter what. She, Shivangi, was always a believer. No matter how hard life treated her, she realized she still is, not only because those shows impacted her in such a way, but because she was living one such epic romance.

Shivangi cupped his cheeks kissed his temple, one cheek followed by other, his eyes and then a seamless peck on his lips.

Ashwin smiled at her antics. This unpredictability in her is what makes him crazy for her. One minute she will be debating social inequality and the next she will be flustered kissing him. Life is never banal with her.

Ashwin was about to tell her the same, when her next line threw him off completely.

"Enna kalyanam panniko Ashwinney."

(Marry me, Ashwin)

***

Good one?

I don't know how many more chapters are remaining. Mentally get prepared and gear up for last section of the journey.