18

Important Points for Lonely Hearts

Regarding Ashwin's guilt : We need to understand that it's 3 chapters for us but not even been 10 hours in story. Poor boy didn't even get to sleep on it. So, to think that he isn't dealing well with guilt is unfair.

What Ashwin did is nothing compared to what few heros have done in books I have read. So, it isn't very scandalous for me.
Punishment should fit the crime. So his redemption is gonna be only as hard as his action is.

If you haven't figured already, Shivangi is angry at him only for leaving her. She doesn't hold anything else against him. He cant take blame for what was not consequence of his action even though he feels extra guilty for it too

****

Ashwin bent forward a little, the tears in his eyes made its way down his cheeks, his lips trembled as he softly spoke, "Enaku idhu mudiyadhu. En vazhkaila kadhal oru ragamave..."

(I can't do this. In my life, love is a wonder...)

"Ranamave." He heard the assistant director prompt.

(wound)

"En vazhkaila kadhal oru ranamave mudiyum pola. Naan unaku...Naan unnai..." Ashwin sighed as he forgot the lines one more time.

(In my life, love is a wound. I ...you...)

"Cut!" the director shouted in mike. "Ashwin break eduthukonga. Lunch ku aprom vena shoot panlam."

(Ashwin, take a break. Let us continue after shoot)

Ashwin bee lined to his caravan. The day after he enters the most precious relationship of his life isn't the best day to shoot a break up scene. He has not yet come to terms with the major changes of his life and his heart is still holding remnants of guilt. To now convince a girl, albeit in his movie, to leave him is hitting too close home. He needs a break.

Incidents of early morning kept playing in Ashwin's mind. Six months. They have six months for them to prove to themselves that this relationship will have a future without shadow of past. How content she looked after they had agreed to it!

When it was time for her to leave after they both witnessed the first sun rise of the new day together, Ashwin was half convinced he is going to beg her to stay fearing once she leaves, the magic the night weaved might disappear. Her optimism was finally managing to spread on him regarding them.

However, when he was dropping her at her home, before she got down, she looked at him with the most vulnerable look and asked, "Enn decision tappu illai la, Ashwin?"

(My decision isn't wrong, is it?)

There was so much in that one single line. Her trust on him and also lack of it reflected in that one line and Ashwin's heart was soon flooded by doubts of his own. Is he worth it?

At that moment he wanted to take her in his arms and whisper in her ears that everything was okay. At the same time, he wanted to let her go giving her the perfect closure so that she moves on to better life.

That is the conundrum she left him in. Now, it has been more than six hours since he last saw her. Neither of them spoke to each other or even messaged each other. Ashwin wondered if such prolonged silence is okay for a new relationship.

Not for the first time that day he took his phone, typed a message for her, but deleted without sending. He was desperate to reach out to her. He wondered if she was in same plight waiting to talk to him even though it is unlike her to be hesitant to make the first move.

Ashwin was toggling the apps in his phone. He wanted to have some communication with her if he wants peace to prevail in his day so that he can give his best in the shoot. That is when he noticed Instagram and something stuck him.

He immediately clicked a photo of the lights and camera arranged in the sets and posted a story with caption 'Shooting'. He knew she will see it. Will she know it is his way of telling her what he way up to even though 4.6M other followers in his Instagram will also see it?

Ashwin didn't know what reaction he expected from her. He sat in the caravan staring at his Instagram story for five minutes until his assistant asked him if he wants food to be bought to him or he wants to dine out.

"Naan lunch ku veliya poren. One hour la vandiruven nu director kitta solleeru."

(I am going out for lunch. Will be back in an hour, inform the director)

He badly needed to get out and breathe some fresh air.

Ashwin was still looking at his phone while walking towards his car when a familiar black car was parked on the way out of the studio.

Without second thoughts, Ashwin made his way to the car and bent down at the driver's side to talk.

"Shooting ah? Mudinjidha?"

(Shooting? Are you done?)

Pugazh knew in the morning that Ashwin was shooting in the adjacent set to his. He was hoping to avoid him at any cost. No matter what Shivangi says to convince him, Pugazh cannot stop being apprehensive about Ashwin. However, fate has to play games to make them meet.

"Veetuku poren. Evening Hyderabad ponum." Pugazh replied, but didn't bother to ask any question in return out of civility

(I am going home. Leaving to Hyderabad in the evening)

"Lunch ku dan poren. Free ah?"

(I am going out for lunch. Are you free?)

Pugazh didn't think a minute even before declining the invitation.

"Pugazh." Ashwin's voice softened. "Nee yaar naala enkitta pesa kudadhu nu nenaikarayo, avala pathi dan naan unkitta pesanum. One hour dan. Enakum shooting ku tirumbi varanum."

(Pugazh, I know because of who you want to avoid me, I want to talk to you about the same person. One hour. I have to be back to shoot soon.)

Both men agreed to drive to the restaurant nearby that is frequented by many celebrities in between shoots so offer good privacy.

This was the first time Pugazh and Ashwin were alone outside the sets. Even when they shot their first movie together, they were always accompanied by someone from cast or crew.

"Thanks, machan." Ashwin said genuinely catching Pugazh off guard. The latter didn't expect gratitude and definitely not with the tone of complete gentility.

Ashwin only took a minute to grasp Pugazh's expressions before he continued. "Nee en mela kova padradhu tappe illa. Naan yen senjen nu enaku oru reason irunduchu, en parvaila naan edir paathu senjadhu enga rendu pethu vazhkailayum nadanduchu. So, unn kovam enaku puriyave illa. Aana, nethu dan Sivaangi en kitta ellam sonna. Nee avaluku evlo help panna nu kooda sonna. Ne ... Nee... ava unmela vecha pasathukum nambikaikum correct aana aalu da. Ava unn tangachi. Avala nee paathukatadhuku naan Thank you solla koodadhu. Irundalum Thank you."

(I know your anger isn't wrong. I had a reason why I did what I did. What I wanted for both of us was achieved even. So, I didn't understand your anger. But, yesterday Shivangi told me what she went through and how you helped her. She is your sister. I shouldn't thank you for what you did for her, but still I want to. Thank you)

"Ellame sonnala?" Pugazh asked surprised.

(Did she tell you everything?)

Till date even her parents were not privy to the depth of her issues for she didn't want to worry them. Was she open to Ashwin? Did she already trust this man who has been back in her life for only less than a month?

"Enkitta ellame soleeta." Ashwin confirmed. "Naanga rendu perum..." he didn't know how to tell Pugazh that in spite of all that happened they were giving themselves a chance. "Engala pathi unaku evlo teriyum nu terila. Naanga ..."

(Everything. Both of us....I don't know if you know about us. We...)

"Sonna." Pugazh leaned back in the chair and chuckled humourlessly. "Enna elavu love oh." he remarked sarcastically. "Ungala ellam purinjikave mudiyala da. 5 varsham paakama irupeengalama, didirnu nee varuva avalum ellam maranditu unn kitta vandarra." Pugazh muttered something under his breath.

(She told me. Bloody f*** love. I can never understand you guys. You left her for five years, return from nowhere and she wants to go back to you forgetting everything)

"Inga paaru Ashwin." Pugazh leaned forward and place his elbow on the table. "Nee nallavana kettavana enaku teriyadhu. Apdi enna pannayo avala, Papa unna innum nambara. Ava romba buddisali. Adhunala yaarum ava mudivula talai idradhu illa, aana en kannu eppavum unn melaye irukum. Indha vaati edachu tappu panna, nee enna friend ah paaka maata."

(Listen, Ashwin. I don't know what kind of person you are. I don't know what you did to make her trust you so much. She is a smart girl, so no one tells her what to do. But, I will have my eyes on you. If anything goes wrong this time, I will not spare you)

Ashwin shook his head and sighed. "Ungala maari ellam enaku pesa teriyadhu. Pasamo,verupo enakullaye vechukuven. Adayum meeri ava enna purinjikara. Evlo nadandum ava enna nambara na andha nambikaya enn life ah veeda safe ah paathukanum. Naan sollamaaten machan, senju kaatren. Nee paapa."

(I don't know to express myself. Love or hate, I keep it to myself. She understands me. She trusts me in spite of everything so it measn to me more than my life. I will show you in action not just words.)

Eventually, the tension in air was still fresh for the men to have a cordial lunch. So, Pugazh left with untouched glass of lemon soda, while Ashwin munched jam roll while driving back to studio. At least, Ashwin felt better after expressing his gratitude to Pugazh.

One last time when Ashwin decided to check Instagram before he switch off his phone for shoot, he noticed Sivaangi had updated a story half an hour ago. She was with her mentees from Super Singer Junior. Three kids who were grinning at the camera for selfie while Sivaangi also had identical expression. Her caption read "Training the rowdies."

Ashwin immediately replied to her story in DM.

Ashwin : Senior rowdy with junior rowdies

Her reply was quicker than expected

Sivaangi : Naan rowdism vittachu. Ippo amaidi aaiten

(I have quit rowdism. Now I am calm)

Ashwin : Apdiya? Namba mudilaye.

(Really?)

Sivaangi : Naan yaarayadhu meratrena ippo ellam?

(I don't threaten anyone anymore)

Ashwin : Naan dan meratamaye nee nenaikaradhu seirane

(I do what you want without being threatened)

Sivaangi : Apdiya? Namba mudilaye.

(Really!)

Ashwin : Eppo paaru

(Watch out)

Ashwin dialled her number and she picked within three rings.

"Naan phone pannanum nu nenacha dana?" he asked using his base voice that she adores

(You wanted me to call right?)

"Illaye."

(No)

"Yen?"

(Why?)

"Yen na?"

(Why why?)

"En kooda pesa vendama?" he asked

(Don't you want to talk to me?)

"Enaku pesanum na naane koopduven."

(I would have called you if I wanted to talk to you)

"Appo naan phone vechiruta?"

(Shall I cut the call then?)

"Ungaluku onnum pesa vendama?"

(Don't you have anything to say?)

Ashwin took a deep breath. One phone call and he could already feel all the mixed of emotions of dullness he has been having since morning is evaporating. How does she have this magic over him?

"Neraya pesanum." He confessed

(A lot)

"Appo pesunga."

(Then talk to me)

"Nerla pesanum."

(I want to meet you in person and talk)

"Hmmm"

"But, naan shooting la iruken. Whole night pogum."

(But I have shooting, whole night)

"Ashwin, enna venum ippo?" she asked with a small smile. "Didirnu call panni pesanum, nerla paakanum, aana shooting iruku nu confuse panreenga?"

(Ashwin, what do you want now? You call me out of nowhere and tell me that you want to talk, meet, but can't because of shooting)

"Naan nenachapa ellam un kooda pesalam, naan nenachapa ellam unna paakalam nu innum en manasu namba maatingudu."

(I am still coming to terms with the fact that I can call and meet you when I want)

"Appo ivlo naal naan illama epdi irundeenga?"

(How did you survive all these days?)

"Terila." He said honestly. "Inniku kalaila irundu naan edho pudhusa poranda maari iruku."

(I don't know. Feels as if I am born again this morning)

Shivangi didn't reply. She likes hearing him speak. Listening to him open up for the first time since he returned in her life doesn't have to be guarded by her mind. She can now afford to let her heart feel his words without inhibitions. She cannot be falling more for him than she already has.

"Night namba toongave illaila? Aanalum, enaku romba fresh ah iruku. Edayo sadicha maari. "

(We didn't sleep whole night, did we? Yet, I feel so fresh like I have achieved something)

"Hmmm" she hummed

"Naan break up scene shoot panren. Oru dialogue mandaila nikka maateengudhu." He chuckled. "Aama, unaku swaram ellam marakuma?"

(I am shooting for a break up scene. I cant seem to remember my dialogues. Do you forget tunes?)

"Adhu epdi marakum?"

(How can I?)

"Correct dan, neenga periya singer adellam epdi marakum."

(Yeah, how can a famous singer like you forget tunes?)

"Hmm."

"Bore adikarana ma?" he asked consciously

(Am I boring you?)

"Illa"

(No)

"Neraya pesanum nu tonudhu. Enna pesanum nu terila. Meet pannalama?"

(I want to talk to you a lot, but not sure what to say. Shall we meet?)

"Shooting iruku nu soneenga?"

(You have shoot, don't you?)

"Night meet panlama? Nethu maari?"

(Shall we meet at night like last night?)

"Nethu maariya?" she sniggered. "Enga amma avlo dan."

(Like last night? My mom will have my head)

"Drive? Anniku maari?"

(Drive? Like the other day?)

"Nalaiku dan rehersal la paapome."

(We will meet at rehearsals tomorrow, won't we?)

Ashwin sighed. Maybe it was just his insecurity taking root. With her presence, everything peachy and sorted. Her voice, her presence sooths him. Without her, he feels handicapped. His heart seems to have no orientation and often threatens to take him to the darkest corners.

"Enachu, Ashwin?" she asked as if sensing his turmoil

(What is it, Ashwin?)

"Onnum illa." He lied. "Shoot ku koopadranga."

(Nothing. I got to go back to shoot)

"Dialogue marakadeenga."

(Don't forget your dialogues)

"Papom." He smiled

(Will try)

"Aprom..." she drawled. "Eppo venalum phone panni en kooda pesalam. Story ellam poda vendiya avasiyam illa. Shoot mudichitu call pannunga, naan toongama wait panren."

(And...when you want to talk to me, call me. Don't post random instagram stories. Call me after shoot, I will wait for your call.)

"Thanks ma."

"Hmm."

"Shivangi?"

"Hmm?"

"Nee regret pannalaila?"

(You don't regret, do you?)

"Pannuven nu tonal."

(I don't think I will)

***

Important Points

1) Just a filler chapter to get back in the grove of writing and see how response is

2) Length and frequency of update will depend on response, time and inspiration

3) Even though 6 months for relationship is mentioned in story, it was never intent to show that long journey her. So, don't think its cut short or compromised because of what happened.

4) MBY will be on hold until I can bring myself to write HEA for them in that story

5) New story means a lot of commitment. Until I am sure I can commit there will not be any long/novel length stories. One shot again are products of inspiration. Will pen one as and when any concept attracts me.

If you have any questions that these 5 points don't cover, feel free to ask as inline comment.