17

Shivangi was shivering to the point her teeth were clattering. It was extremely unwise to drench themselves like this. Ashwin felt the most helpless on their way back from beach to his house when he saw that cold made her shudder.

Eventually when they both walked into the house, he rushed to his room to get a spare towel for her.

Before Ashwin could leave his closet with a towel for her, he stopped in tracks as he saw her walk inside his small walk-in closet. She stood near the dressing table as she looked around.

"Thala todachuko." He handed her the towel. "Naan edachu akka dress iruka nu paathutu varen."

(Dry your hair. I will get you my sister's clothes)

Shivangi didn't reply as she slowly made her way to his wardrobe. Ashwin wasn't able to move from there desperate to capture in mind the vision he has imagined numerous time. The side from which he retained a spare towel was still open and Shivangi stood in front of it letting her fingers brush the clothes in hanger. Her hand finally settled on a yellow sweatshirt. She took it off the hanger and turned to Ashwin, "Naan refresh aaikaren."

(Let me use the restroom)

Ashwin had to use immense strength to pull himself out of there. When he closed the door of his room, his hands actually shivered. This cannot be happening to him. He cannot get to live his dreams this easily. He cannot be this lucky.

Shivangi stood in front of the mirror as she looked at herself. His sweatshirt was oversized and so was the khaki shorts that almost reached her calf. However, she couldn't resist the urge. She felt powerful today in his presence and every ounce of her old self, her desires and aspirations that she has bottled for the past five years are finally taking root. She was not able to resist herself.

Grabbing her wet hair to one side of her shoulder, Shivangi left Ashwin's room in search of him.

Ashwin almost forgot to blink when he saw her walk towards him effortlessly in his simple clothes that looked flattering on her and kindled the urge to pull her closer to him. The hot steam from the vessel in front of him was only saviour that deterred him from acting on his instincts.

Shivangi raised her eyebrow in question as she saw Ashwin stood near the dining table with hot water and beige duvet. He has already changed into dry clothes and his hair was semi-wet and ruffled.

"Aavi pudichuko." He said in meek voice.

(Hot water steam)

"Aavi ah? Edhuku?" she knew the answer, but she wanted the pleasure of hearing it from him.

(Why?)

"Tannila nenanjiruka. Event vera iruku. Edachu Sali pudichita kashtam."

(You were drenched. You have an event, you can't fall sick)

Shivangi didn't even try to hide her smile. How does it come easy for him to care for her. She was taken back to the time they were together in show. After initial acquaintance turned to friendship, every time Ashwin was in vicinity, she has always felt like she doesn't need to bother about herself. He will always have one eye directed towards her and just knew when she was in trouble. His protective nature is what attracted her to him the most.

Shivangi obliged as she sat on the chair he pulled out for her and let him cover with the duvet so she could inhale the steam of hot water mixed with eucalyptus oil.

"Neengalum pudinga." Shivangi insisted as soon as she had enough of the home remedy.

(You have to do it too)

"Naan edhuku?"

(Why me?)

"Tannila nenanjiruka. Event vera iruku. Edachu Sali pudichita kashtam." She repeated his words.

(You were drenched. You have an event, you can't fall sick)

Ashwin didn't argue more because he can't than he didn't want to. His words were not his best assets in front of her that day.

Unlike Ashwin who stood beside her patiently while she inhaled the stream, Shivangi left his side to explore his living room.

Five minutes later, Ashwin found her standing in front of the shelf that held his awards and accolades caressing his very first award he received from Behindwoods in her presence.

"Neenga enaku award kudutheenga, en kaila neenga innum award vaangave illaye." She turned around and smiled at him.

(You presented the award to me once, you didn't receive one from me yet)

Ashwin didn't say anything as he simply stood beside her.

She now moved her concentration to another award from famous magazine for 'Most Promising find of the year' that he received for his debut movie.

"Naan unga padam paathade illa." She confessed. "Asai irunduchu, aana paatha unga kooda pesa tonumo nu bayama irunduchu."

(I have not watched your movie yet. I wanted to, but I was worried I will want to talk to you)

Barely there smile in Ashwin's face vanished as he once again pushed himself in the pool of guilt. How much difficult he must have made it for her that she had to stop herself from watching something as simple as movie?

"Okay dana?" she asked

(Is it okay?)

"Enna?" he didn't pay attention to what she had said.

(What?)

"Illa, ippo unga padam paakalama nu keten."

(Can we watch your movie now?)

It was thirty past three in the morning and she wants to watch a movie that he is tired of watching during editing and previews, yet Ashwin couldn't deny her.

By the time Ashwin put the DVD in player and turned to seating, Shivangi was already in the couch with the duvet covering her and her legs behind her spread on half the couch. There was a generous place left to her right for him to sit. Ashwin debated between sitting there or pulling a chair from the dining table. Eventually, not wanting to embarrass her because his self control seeming fragile that day, he sat beside her.

"Action ah?" she asked

"Romance." He answered in monotone.

"Pugazh anna irukanga dana?"

(Pugazh is also with you in the movie right?)

"Hmmm..."

"Heroine azhaga irundanga. Poster paathen."

(Heroine is pretty, I have seen the poster)

How can Ashwin forget this particular scene? It was anything but explicit, but definitely one that made him awkward four years ago when his parents watched it and now when Shivangi is by his side watching it.

"Adhu actual ah apdi shoot pannala." He reasoned himself without being asked. "Set la ellarum irundanga. Pugazh kooda irundan."

(It wasn't shot that way. Everyone was in the sets, even Pugazh)

Shivangi chuckled, but didn't reply anything.

Another ten minutes into the movie, when Ashwin felt a weight on his shoulder. Shivangi has dozed off with her head on him. Ashwin muted the movie and looked at her. He wondered if he should not disturb her and leave her sleep in the couch. Wouldn't that be inhospitable?

Ashwin held her head and tactfully got up from the couch. Unfortunately, though his action woke her up.

"Sorry sorry." He apologized immediately. "Nee toongita adhu dan nan..."

(Sorry, you fell asleep, so...)

Shivangi straightened herself and pressed her palms to her eyes trying to rub off her sleep.

"Tookam vandha toongu ma. Padam aprom kooda paathukalam."

(Why don't you sleep. Let us watch movie later.)

"Enaku toonga vendam." She replied promptly.

(I don't want to sleep)

Ashwin narrowed his eyes.

"Enaku inga romba pudichiruku. Toongana time waste aairum."

(I like it here. If I sleep, I will miss spending time)

Ashwin's heart filled with sweet pain. How can she be so adorable?

Ashwin had a selfish heart. Even after knowing he did nothing to deserve her, he couldn't help but be dragged into the sweet love world.

It has been his dream to stay with her like this. Finally, when he has an opportunity, he was debating if he should enjoy or feel guilty. That is his usual way of thinking. Not accepting any happiness without suspicion. However, here she is, his smile machine, not only making sure he indulges himself in the moment but also thriving to make it memorable for them both.

Ashwin pulled the tea table closer to the couch and sat there facing Shivangi.

"En kooda sanda podu, Shivangi ma. Make it difficult for me." He begged. "Anju varshatuku munnadiyum edhum edir paakama nee enaku kudhute irunda, naan eduthute irunden. Ippavum ade pannadha please. Enaku edha enjoy panradhu veeda guilty aagaradhu dan adigama iruku. Enna ivlo seekiram manikadha."

(Fight with me, Sivaangi. Make it difficult for me. Five years ago, you kept giving without expectations and I took. Don't repeat it please. I am not able to enjoy us, I feel guilty. Don't forgive me so quickly.)

"Naan ungala innum mannikala, Ashwin." Shivangi adjusted her legs so that she was stitting with her legs folded on knees. "Ivlo naala en manasula irunda baram ellam eraki vechuten. Ippo naan free ah iruken. Apdiye pala varsham pinnadi pona maari iruku. Naan romba naal kalichu nana iruken. Adha naan enjoy panren."

(I didn't forgive you yet. I confessed what was weighing in my heart. Now I feel liberated. I feel as if I have travelled back in time. I feel alive. I want to enjoy it)

Ashwin chuckled humourlessly. "Yaar nee maro kranamo, andha muttal kooda va unaku enjoy pannanum."

(Do you want to enjoy with the man who is the reason for your change?)

"Ivlo nadandum enaku avara dana pudichiruku. Naan enna panradhu?"

(In spite of all this, I still like that man. I can't help it)

Ashwin didn't know what to say. Her forgiving him not gonna be easy. But, him forgiving himself is going to be the most difficult task.

"Oru vela, naan nambalapathi naane mudivu edukama, un kitta vandhu solli irunda, nee enna solli irupa?"

(If I hadn't taken any decision for us, if I had asked you, what would have been your reply?)

"Neenga enna solli irundalum naan appo ketu irupen. I was..." Shivangi shook her head. "Adhu crush mattum illa, Ashwin. Love kooda enaku teriyala. I revered you a lot, more than it was healthy, I guess. Appo neenga enna ketu irundalum naan okay solli irupen."

(I would have accepted whatever you told me. I was....It was not just a crush. Maybe not even love. I revered you a lot, more than it was healthy, I guess. I would have agreed to whatever you had said)

Ashwin looked at her taken aback. This was the first time she was talking about how she felt about him then.

"Enaku ippo irukara maturity la puriyudhu namakulla en distance teva pattudhu nu. We were not equals then. Namba kulla enna nadandhu irundalum adhu tappa dan mudinjirukum. Naan ungala oru hero va dan paathu irupen. Neenga enna oru chinna ponnu-ah dan paathu irupeenga. Namba equal ah feel panradhu kulla, enna vena nadandhu irukalam. Kandipa idhu enaku appo purinjirukadhu. But, unga intention behind decision correct ah irukalam, unga way ennala taanga mudiyala."

(I now understand why we needed the distance. We were not equals then. Whatever could have happened between us would have ended a disaster. I would have always seen you as a hero and you would have always seen me as young girl. By the time we manage to be equals, things might have not stayed the same. I wouldn't have understood all this then. Your intentions were right, not your way)

Ashwin bent down his head. He knew what he did was purely for them, but yes she was right, the way he did it reflected in such a way that she got the shorter end of the stick. It was partly because of this patriarchal society and partly because his lack of insight. In a way, he was confident that everyone who surrounded her, loved her will always make sure she will be safe. It didn't occur to him that there were some things only he was capable of giving her.

"Ashwin, neenga guilty ah feel panreenga nu enaku teriyum. Enaku innum trust issues iruku. Naan maruka maaten. Aana, ivlo varshama neenga enna nenachutu dan irundeenga, ennalayum ungala maraka mudiyala. Idhuku ore end dan iruku and we both know that. I want it. " she tugged his shirt cuff and made him look at her. "Enaku unga kooda irukanum. We have unresolved issues. Indha relationship easy ah irukadhu. Analum enaku idhu dan venum. Ennala America maapila ellam kalyanam pannika mudiyadhu. Enaku neenga dan venum."

(I know you are guilty, Ashwin. I still have issues with trusting you. I won't deny. But, all these years I was always in your mind and I was not able to forget you. There is only one end to this and we both know it. I want it. I want to be with you. We have unresolved issues. This relationship won't be easy. But, I can't marry anyone else. I want you)

"Unnala enna maraka mudiyadhu teriyudhu, manika mudiyala na?"

(Now I know you cannot forget me, but can you forgive?)

Shivangi didn't think about it. She realized the effect they had on each other. She knew they need each other. She didn't think will love be enough if neither of them is able to move on from the past.

Was she willing to give up because things could go wrong eventually?

"6 masam." She said. "Namba meet panna pa, adutha 6 masam namba life marum nu nenaikala. Namba each other life la important avom nu nenaikala. Adutha 5 varshatha andha 6 masam dan decide pannum nu nenaikala. Ippo tirumbi innoru 6 masam namakaga kudupom. Past oda shadow illama, adha marandhu, manichu, vazha mudiyuma nu papom."

(6 months. When we met, we didn't know next 6 months will change our lives. We didn't know we will become important part of each other's lives. We didn't know those 6 months will dictate next 5 years. Let us give another 6 months to ourselves. Without shadow of our past, forgetting it, forgiving ourselves, let us try to make this relationship work)

"Nee nenaikara maari idhu easy...."

(It is not going to be easy...)

"'Please, Ashwin. Negetive ah solladeenga. We owe it to each other. 6 months. Namba vazhka santhoshama irukadhunu terinja. Namba past kashtapaduthuchu na, namba continue panna vendam."

(Please, Ashwin, don't be cynical. We owe it to each other. If we realize we can't be happy, if we can't forget our past, then let us separate.)

Ashwin could have agreed to whatever she had said. She has underwent so much because of him, because of his stupid decision. If she is willing to take a decision for their sake and want him to oblige, then he will not argue.

"Okay." Ashwin agreed

"Yaarukum solla vendam." She insisted. "Aana idhu oru complete relationship ah irukanum. Namba lifelong epdi irupomo, apdi dan irukanum. No guilt, no sacrifice. One sided ah iruka koodadhu."

(We won't reveal it to anyone. But, it should be a complete relationship. We should be ourselves. No guilt. No sacrifice. It should not be one sides.)

Ashwin nodded.

"Promise?"

Ashwin placed his hand on hers and squeezed her palm.

"Promise."

***

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