Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

Disclaimer: these reviews are not meant to insult you in any way. We are not trying to discourage your writing, rather trying to help you grow as a writer. We do not want to create any issues between reviewer and author. If you're unhappy with your review or rating, do not take it to HQ or the reviewer, rather try and take to note the suggestions we make and do some editing of your own. You are welcome to request for the review to be taken down if you so desire. If a conflict does arise, the mute button may be used without a warning.

° ° °

To Each, Their Own Dreams

By @anothercornyusername

° ° °

Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • The cover looks pretty good. I wish the words were larger, and the white isn't the boldest in the background. I feel like the words are too close to the edges, too.

Blurb • The blurb has some grammar mistakes. I feel like it could hook a little bit better. It doesn't feel very professional, as the parenthesis used and word choice like "potato" aren't something you'd really see in a typical book.

Title • the title is interesting. I don't think it needs to change at all.

Descriptions

The actions are described nicely, and I can feel like I can picture them vividly. However, that's about it. I get bits of scenery, but they are more told them shown. I can't see them, and they don't involve many adjectives. Not enough is mentioned in scenery, either. I could visualize any of the characters, so I was struggling there. Also, I feel like the blood was hyperbolized a bit. You made it seem like tons of blood was everywhere, yet the character could seemingly move around fine the next morning. With so much blood as the writing let on, I doubt the character would be able to move around so easily. The beating seemed brutal.

Characters

I couldn't really get into the characters. I could get a good idea about any of them, and no really strong personality was present. I got the sadness of the mother, but I don't get why she went as far as beating a supposed amnesiac son so harshly, especially since his memory wouldn't be reliable. But she acted pretty bipolar, and I'm not sure if that's what you went for. And the son didn't even seem scared of her, and he took the beating far too easily, on my opinion.

Plot/General Writing

The pace was a little slow. Not much happened in the first few chapters. But, at the same time, you should've expanded the words to explain everything well so it could be pictured. The writing through me off a few times since dialogue tags weren't present often, so I didn't know who spoke. The vocabulary is good usually, yet you occasionally don't word things how a book should work things. (Ex. Calling the mc a potato like I mentioned earlier). It's strange for a third person to have such a human/opinionated way of saying things. Sometimes it can be worded in favor of a character, but not quite with childish words like that.

The plot seemed creative based on the blurb. But we didn't get any of that in the first few chapters. The singing that constantly happened seemed more like a filler, and lots of repetition occurred with parts. I know that was on purpose, but it filled way too much space. I didn't really get much of motives for the characters, nor did I understand why exactly everything was happening. Maybe add more foreshadowing.

Grammar

The grammar isn't great. Many comma mistakes were present, along with a few simple mistakes like possessive words lacking an apostrophe. For simple mistakes like these, I recommend downloaded grammarly on a computer. It seriously helps.

Reader Engagement

I wasn't too engaged when reading. I started off engaged, as I wished to know what exactly was happening with the character and why he was questioned, but it just overloaded me with questions till I wished to drop the story from all of the craziness. The lack of detail also made me wish to set it down. I simply didn't understand a lot of what was happening.

Overall

The story seems to have potential. Just go over what I pointed out, and definitely add more foreshadow. Maybe hurry and get to the main bits of the story, as well. I feel like you should show more character feelings, and maybe think deeply about how these characters would realistically feel in these situations. With all of the blood, I can't accept that the mc didn't react way harder. Even if used to it, pain is still pain. I recommend this to anyone interested in a puzzling fantasy.

2.5 of stars out of 5

Good luck, lollipop!