Reviewer: laurynjanelle

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TITLE

The Jewel of Florence

By

@TheGreatSphinx

SUMMARY

❝Hey, don't worry." Charlie smiled as he tightened his seat belt. "Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes do."

"That's very comforting Charlie." Molly rolled her eyes, fingers digging into her seat.❞

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Packed and loaded, Molly has been looking forward to spending her summer backpacking to her uncle's home in Italy, far away from her parents' tight reign and dull life.

The Treasury Showcase is a widely recognised event annually hosted by a different prestige family known for their involvement in the world of art. This year, Molly's uncle is honoured with the role of hosting the exhibition, bringing pride to the family name.

However, when the prize possession of the exhibition, The Jewel of Florence, goes missing a week before the showcase the family is sent into a frantic state with the risk of the family reputation and business being jeopardised.

Now it's Molly's job along side Charlie, a fellow wayfaring companion, to travel across the country in order to return the jewel in time or else an old partnership will fall apart and a reputation burn into ruins.

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • Alright! So for starters, the cover is wonderful in my opinion. The text is bright, noticeable, and big. It doesn't blend in with the background, so it is visible, and I like the color and interesting vibe I get from it. It is definitely well-made and will surely get the readers engaged. If anything were to change, I'd probably suggest putting something about the jewel in the cover for relevance. If nothing changed, it's still a great cover!

Blurb • So for the blurb, it was short and sweet, something I find engaging. What I noticed is a common error which I will wait to discuss for a different section.  The adjectives make the sentence just interesting enough for someone to want to continue reading. Good job. It could be longer to be more convincing, but for the most part, it was good. After all, it got me interested!

Title • I like the title. It's something different than what you see everywhere else. I swear, sometimes I'm like if I see another story that has the words bad boy in the title, I will explode! Anyways, I like the title, it's relevant, interesting and has a good ring to it. Nice.

Descriptions

I liked the descriptions when reading, they seemed realistic and engaging. For example, in the first chapter, you could feel a sense of urgency as the MC tries to get somewhere. Simply put, you had good descriptions, not much else I can say except keep it up! For most writers though, I do recommend rereading your chapters and replacing the most common words with more advanced vocabulary!

Characters

What do I even say? The characters were great, they were relatable-I have motion sickness- and entertaining. Their descriptions really brought them to life and I enjoyed the story -up to chapter 5- a lot. I think you've done a fabulous job with your characters. Personally, I like Charlie way more than Molly because she's much like me and there were things about her personality that I saw in myself that I didn't like. This is good! It means Molly was really realistic and relatable. And it goes the same way for Charlie I saw things that I didn't see in myself, but liked a whole lot! Great job. The side characters like Lorenzo and his girlfriend were hilarious too!

Plot/General Writing

I love the plot; It's something different than what most of us see on Wattpad with the teenage drama and romance. I like how the pace is going, and I enjoyed slowly learning more and more about the characters' personalities. Some of the writing was a little off though. I could tell you were writing in British English, so some things were different. The way you spelled honor and maneuver. It was interesting, but sort of annoying because it would distract me as a reader. It wasn't bad though, I think it was more annoying to me because I'm writing a review and was looking for any and all mistakes. As for the general quality of your writing though, I'd say it was pretty good.

Grammar

Hm, so for grammar, part of me was trying to be strict and another was wondering if it was you writing in a different language that was confusing me. So there were some technical errors that can be fixed by proofreading and editing. I also saw, for example, in the first chapter, you had said the phone was plundering to the ground, but plunder means to steal or ravage something.

Reader Engagement

Once again, not much I can say because you did a splendid job in this area. I was engaged the whole time that I was able to read. I enjoyed it. The grammar and general writing were good enough so that it didn't distract me the whole time. Great job here!

Overall

The story is definitely in need of some proofreading, but other than that, the story seemed to be off to an amazing start. I might just have to add that to my library when I have time to read! I hated to have to dock you .5 stars for those grammatical errors, but I couldn't just overlook them as I want you to grow because you're a great writer with definite potential! Merry Christler!

4.5 out of 5 stars

Good luck, lollipop!