Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

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The Dream

By @KingDanner

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • The cover is bland. It doesn't have an image or anything appealing, just the author and title. I recommend going to a cover shop. One is on the @LollipopHQ profile, so maybe check that out.

Blurb • The blurb sounds good, but it's a little too vague. It doesn't describe characters or much of the plot. I recommend you make it more about this story's events without giving away anything.

Title • The title is bland. I highly don't recommend "the (word)" format titles. They just aren't very good. Maybe make "the" into an adjective. Or an adjective after "the."

Descriptions
The descriptions are very nice. It's the first thing I noted when starting it. I honestly don't have any complaints here, as I liked the descriptions.

Characters
Not much is seen in the way of characters so far as it's only one chapter in. Due to this, I'll skip this section. Since it's only one chapter, it makes sense not much would be in the way of characters, as it's not necessarily needed so early.

Plot/General Writing
The plot doesn't have much yet, as it's just started. But I didn't feel like the pace was too fast or slow, so good job. And the writing is nice. I enjoyed reading, but I have one complaint. I felt like too many sentences started with an adverb. A few can, but it's odd when so many start like that.

Grammar
The grammar is very nice. I don't have many complaints about this. All I noticed was a lack of commas, but that's not a hard fix. That, and the quotes used ' instead of ". Other than that, the grammar was excellent.

Reader Engagement
I was highly engaged when reading. It starts off with stormy weather, so you're automatically on edge. And starting with a fight scene was a great idea, as it gets you hooked right away.

Overall
For only one chapter, this story is doing well so far. It should progress nicely based on what I've read. Please heed my warning on the cover though, as I found people truly care if they look nice. I recommend this to fantasy readers who like action.

4 stars out of 5

Good luck, lollipop!