Reviewer: laurynjanelle

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TITLE

Life of Jade

By

@maevricK_  

SUMMARY

High School sucks. That's my motto for the mean time. Yeah, I have this thing where for a short period of time I have a motto for my life. You might think that I'm weird but hey, I've been told worse.

My name is Jade Mensa. I'm in St. James High School where for two years now, I've been adjusting quite poorly. I live with my dad because my mom died in childbirth with my twin and my dad named me after her; hence,Jade. I used to have friends long ago. Then I had an accident and began having some speech problems and lost all my friends. Well, except Bullet. She's my best friend and a feline and I love her.

I have to warn you that my life is extremely boring so you can stop reading now if you want to. No hard feelings but i will appear in your dreams dressed like Barack Obama in a drag queen attire and a pickaxe to kill you. Seriously. Did I also mention that I stammer? Join me on my not so exciting adventure through high school with a girl that keeps me hot and cold, twins who want to kill me and a best friend with a secret that will change everything.

Oh and I'm a guy...

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover •I like the cover, it's simplistic, but big and clear. I haven't read the whole entire story, so I'm on the fence about whether the cover is fully relevant or if there could be a cover or image that's a better fit. For now, I think the cover is great.

Blurb • So for the blurb, the part where it mentions him having a girly name seems to be irrelevant to me. I feel like it conflicts the average teenager part. The second sentence is a bit confusing as well. It says the guy everyone forgot, but from what? Why does he need new friends? Is he new to the school? I think overall, the blurb would be a lot more intriguing and entertaining if it was more precise with better diction or word choice.

Title • The title isn't bad, but it isn't great. It's simplistic, similar to the plot. It seems to be just about the life of a teenager named Jade, and so the title fits. But I keep wanting an extra umph from the title. Perhaps something a bit more eye-catching. But if it were to stay the same, it would be fine because it still fits the story.

Descriptions

I don't have much to say here. The descriptions are there, and they're adequate. They could use more advanced adjectives, but for the most part, they're good. I think there could be a lot more sprinkled along the story so that things aren't randomly popping up. One of my pet peeves is the random adding of information with parentheses. As a writer, it's important to be able to incorporate information creatively and at appropriate times. For example, the part where it says Jade's little brother died at childbirth, it's literally thrown in there at an appropriate time but it should have a lot more detail, as that would be a sensitive topic for most families.

Characters

I like Jade, he's funny and witty. I read the first five chapters, and the pace is very fast. I think the characters need a lot more realistic features. For example, at the childbirth mention again, Jade acts as if it's nothing. There needs to be more detail to that and to Jade. How does that make him feel? Does it bring him any memories? How did that affect his family? Also, with relationships in a story, they don't form overnight. Whether it be friendship or a relationship, they need experiences. If Jade and David are going to be friends, they need depth in their relationship. I liked how David showed up at the end of Jade's detention, but the part where Jade mentions his dad should've put some tension between them. The characters really just need to be more realistic and I think more descriptions will help that.

Plot/General Writing

So the plot just seems to be the normal issues of a regular teen boy, which is chill. I like that. The general writing though, needs a lot of work. Capitalize the first letter of a sentence. Capitalize your I's. When writing dialogue, where characters are speaking, they need quotation marks not apostrophes. You seemed to get that during chapter 5. Please go back and edit the rest. Also, please put a period at the end of a sentence. For example, "Are you kidding me?" Sheila said. There just needs to be a lot of development of the plot and the general writing. Although, I like the plot, there needs to be an umph factor. What makes your story different than anyone else's?

Grammar
The grammar seemed to be correct for the most part, but going back and rereading certain parts to make sure it all makes sense woul do the story some good. :)

Reader Engagement

The story is cute and makes the reader want to continue, but the simple errors that are scattered throughout the book simply turns readers off!

Overall

2 out of 5

Good luck, lollipop!