Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

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KILLER'S GAME

By @beatrix

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • The cover looks nice. I don't have any complaints other than the fact the author name could be bigger.

Blurb • The blurb is honestly boring. The use of the quote is good, but the blurb doesn't do much for what the story is about. Give more, and mention the characters and such.

Title • The title is nothing new. It's a commonly used title, and a multitude of stories use it.

Descriptions

The descriptions were nice. I feel like the scenery could have a bit more. The characters were described well, but you overuse the descriptions of the eyes. You say eye color so frequently it he's annoying. But other than that, it's good.

Characters

The characters were well described as I mentioned. The personalities of them stuck up pretty well. The dialogue flowed well in most places, but I was a little annoyed by the child. I wasn't sure exactly how old he was, which may affect this comment, but the way he spoke didn't feel like a child's. Yeah, it wasn't proper sentence structure like children usually use, but it was a little too dumb sounding. It became slightly grating on my nerves.

Plot/General Writing

The pacing felt fast. The events happened a little quickly, and I felt lost multiple times. The writing itself is usually nice, but it gets awkward a lot, especially in the first chapter. Have someone read over it and point out what doesn't flow, or say it aloud a few times. The plot itself didn't go far in the first few chapters, though fast paced. And I can't tell where it will go due to the limited blurb. On another note, I disliked the quotes in the beginning since they aren't yours. Don't use other people's words in your own. Just have your story, and no one else's work to make it seem better.

Grammar

The grammar was usually good. But I pointed a good amount of mistakes each chapter. Usually, the commas wee misused or neglected to be used. Sometimes a sentence would be missing a word like "a" or "the" which made it sound off. In the first chapter, I noticed commas were used all the time instead of periods after dialogue and before a dialogue tag. Also, the wrong form of "lie" was used all over. "Laying" was used instead of "lying" so many times.

Reader Engagement

I felt engaged in the first chapter. It started with an intense scene, so I was hooked with it. But the engagement became lacking swiftly, and I grew bored after the next chapter.

Overall

The story needs work, as I've written here. Fix what I mentioned, and it'll be better. Seriously get rid of those quotes, though. They aren't yours, so don't have them in your work. I recommend this to anyone who wants a slow to action yet fast paced story.

2.5 stars out of 5

Good luck, lollipop!