Reviewer: flyme2them00n

Disclaimer: these reviews are not meant to insult you in any way. We are not trying to discourage your writing, rather trying to help you grow as a writer. We do not want to create any issues between reviewer and author. If you're unhappy with your review or rating, do not take it to HQ or the reviewer, rather try and take to note the suggestions we make and do some editing of your own. You are welcome to request for the review to be taken down if you so desire. If a conflict does arise, the mute button may be used without a warning.

° ° °

Heroes of Olympus Poetry

By  

I've never been good at poetry but I recently fell in love with Haikus. I know Haikus are normally about nature but I thought this might be cool. Btw I have this as poetry but is also slightly Fanfiction.

° ° °

Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • It's not bad. I don't see anything wrong with it, honestly. If anything I'd say make it more interesting by changing the title font and making it match the picture.

Blurb • It doesn't tell anything about your poems. I'd say rewrite it to include what the book is about and that it's from the Percy Jackson series which you (probably) don't own.

Title • I noticed that your titles on the cover and on Wattpad are different. Is it "Heroes" or "Hero's"? Besides that it's fine. Nothing that seriously stands out but nothing too boring, either. I recommend asking other people in the community to help as I really have nothing to say. Sorry.

Descriptions

Your descriptions aren't very strong. I couldn't imagine much while I was reading. You don't use many adjectives and just state your objects as they are (i.e. "and found a blue one" and you just end it there). I would like to see more imagery as it would improve your poetry more!

Characters

I want to see more character development. Right now you're shying away from originality and sticking to how Rick Riordan wrote them. I want to see how Leo asked that mystery girl out. Was he frazzled? Is Annabeth really as tough as she seems? I want to know these things, and I'm sure you do too. I understand if you're trying to stick to the script, but it's okay to stray away sometimes, especially since you're putting these characters into situations normal human beings are put into and not demigods that have to save the world. Do keep in mind that different people react to different things differently, if you understand what I'm trying to say. You're doing a great job!

Plot/General Writing

This is a bit hard to critique since you're writing poetry that doesn't necessarily need a plot. However, I will point out that some of your haikus have too many syllables. A brief but thorough lookover should help you catch those mistakes. I like how you gave each main character a poem and didn't leave anyone too important out. Your sentences tend to be a little choppy, and I understand you're trying to attack this with a poetic tactic in mind. I recommend writing entire sentences and looking at them in just one line. That helps me break up my poems into lines easier. 

Grammar

As I mentioned above, your sentences tend to be a bit choppy and awkward to read. Have a friend or a family member read through your poetry and let them point out anything they see. Who knows, they might finds things that I completely skipped over! Overall your grammar is pretty good. You might want to read everything out loud slowly to catch any small mistakes you might have made. You also made a few spelling mistakes. Letting a friend review your writing will help fix most of those mistakes. I also recommend checking out other services throughout the community that specialize in editing people's spelling and grammar.

Reader Engagement

Your poems have definitely pulled me in a little. I want to see more from you! 

Overall

2 stars out of 5

Overall I would give this a two stars out of five. Don't be discouraged though! You are no doubt a brilliant writer, and you will definitely improve with time and practice. As you might've noticed from my previous reviews, I am a harsh reviewer. I apologize for that and I hope I haven't made any of my clients feel bad about themselves, including you. I understand the struggle; poetry is super hard to write, especially haikus. You get seventeen syllables to describe an entire story. Freeform is even harder since there's no structure at all and you have to somehow mould your poem to something you think you would like and others would like with no help at all. I will say out loud that mine isn't the best either. There are some days that I don't like my poems at all. I'm glad that you take pride in what you write. If you keep up that good attitude and work on what I've suggested, you will absolutely improve your writing skills. Keep at it and I want to see updates!

Good luck, lollipop!