Reviewer: killer_in_heels

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Dirty Paws

By usercorgis

"Wolves don't let the helpless move."

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At five years of age, Reese, was traded by her birth pack's alpha for a matured and high ranked wolf. The trade seems unfair at first glance but Reese was wolf born, giving her an advantage size and strength wise which her new Alpha, Octavius, found quite useful. Reese and three other pups were raised up from a young age to be apart of a ruthless reign of terror that their Alpha conducted, except Reese had other responsibilities as well, she was a fighter. She was conditioned to endure torturous amounts pain, and she was trained to deal twice of what she was dealt in return, Octavius had created the perfectly designed killing machine. Except for the fact that Reese had never truly trusted her Alpha which was a bug Octavius never thought he would have to deal with, from Reese at least.Despite her doubts she knew no other way of living, so she followed Octavius, abiding by every order, following them blindly, pushing every doubt to the back of her mind.Until she witnesses him commit a ruthless act which confirms her doubts and suspicions, and results in her learning more of the dark secrets that her Alpha kept from her all those years.Once she saw a chance to flee, she did, saying it was a successful escape was a reach despite her being free and exiled from her pack, as three years later she's realizing that it doesn't matter how far you run. Your past never lets you stay hidden.

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • It's alright. The blending of the model and the background isn't great, and the 'grunge' effect over the whole thing makes it sort of blurry. Also, the author's name is nowhere to be seen. The subtitle looks weird in quotation marks and with punctuation.

Blurb • The first line isn't that hooking as a FIRST line. It sounds like it should be the final line or something. The overall blurb is alright. There are a few too many commas, and there are some flow issues. Some editing would definitely help. Besides that, it sounds interesting and unique which is relieving.

Title • It's been used before. There's a nice cynical edge to it for sure, but it's nothing new.

Descriptions

Your descriptions of certain things are very good. You have scent and movement all down. Although, I have absolutely no idea what your characters look like (besides the cast information you give us). There are so many names flashing by, but almost no descriptions of the actual person. I noticed you use similar descriptions every time too (such as the smell of cologne). You're almost always describing how things smell and sound, you need to try and describe how things look and taste as well.

Characters

Your characters are all reasonably unique. Although, the dialogue between them is messy. It's hard to follow along when each person is talking, as they all sound the same. It's a little hard to distinguish between your characters too, which can be a problem. I notice you don't go to a new line with every new line of dialogue either, which makes the entire formatting very difficult to follow along with. We also don't know many character names. Calling them all Alpha or Beta isn't very unique at all. They all are given labels more than names. I did like the inner battle that seems to be going on with the main character, though. You can tell that they don't want to kill, yet they're forced to do it. Nice job with that.

Plot/General Writing

Your writing style is alright. The flow is a bit choppy and everything seems really rushed. Slow down a bit. take the time to put in more descriptions. You start off with a fighting scene which is not a bad thing at all. Although, the way you wrote it did need some work. The pace was all off, I could barely follow along with who was getting hurt. The main character is obviously the one we want to root for, yet they're getting beat up pretty bad. You sculpted them to be this amazingly awesome fighter when really, in my opinion, they aren't. 

Grammar

This needs some work. There were spaces where there shouldn't be, as well as plenty of typos and incorrect punctuation. I recommend peer-editing. It works WONDERS. Have a friend or family member read it and give you feedback, it's what I do ALL THE TIME. If you don't want to try that, simply read each chapter aloud to yourself before posting. Sure, you catch mistakes when you read over it, but you catch so much more when you read it out loud to yourself.

Reader Engagement

The first chapter and the prologue are what I always look at in this category. If I'm not drawn in by the first paragraph, I won't continue reading. There is a level of interest you have going, but the pacing and flow are so awkward at certain parts that it's really difficult to follow along with the story. The plot seemed interesting, but nothing jumped out at me right away.

Overall

2.5 stars out of 5

Overall, I do believe there's potential. I really enjoyed the music video for each chapter, that was GENIUS. You have promise as a writer for sure, but there are a good amount of things that need fixing. I recommend this story to those who enjoy anything werewolf with a touch of action and mystery.

Good luck, lollipop!