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Was my love not enough?
Did I ask too much?
As my heart turns to dust
Over you
-Midnight by Kodaline

——

Silence fell between the two of them that made Louis feel uneasy and uncomfortable, and he didn't fail to show it to Harry who was just staring at him. The huge jacket that was resting on his shoulders made him warm and cozy, although he despises the man beside him, he was still thankful for the source of warmth.
As much as he wanted to speak up, he knew he would quiver under Harry's gaze.

"Why didn't you call me?" Harry broke the silence, and reached for Louis' hand, who flinched at the contact before pulling his hand on his lap. "I waited like a fucking moron for you." His green eyes showed nothing but a cold and dull spark.

The younger boy wanted to fucking laugh at the audacity of Harry. Is he even serious? Waiting for him? What a joke. He rolled his eyes, snapping his head towards Harry.

"Why would I call you when you're busy with your boy toys." Louis chuckles bitterly. He remembers all the hurt and pain the man in front of him had cost, and his adrenaline was full on pumping, wanting to get everything out of his system. "And I didn't ask you to wait for me, did I, Harry?"

Tears were streaming down his face as he hit his lip to restrain a sob from escaping. He didn't want pity, and he was still in public, he couldn't afford getting pitied. He wanted to hit Harry with all his might, and to let him feel all the pain and sadness— but, he wouldn't do that, no, he doesn't wish ill for the man, no matter how much he had hurt him. His parents raised him well enough  for him not to curse someone out.

"Oh, them?" Harry lets out a humorless laugh, and his mind went back to his 'boy toys' who couldn't even compare to Louis. "They don't matter to me."

"Just like how I don't matter to you, yeah?"

Harry wanted to cry. "You matter more than you really should. But you shouldn't expect love from me, Louis, I don't do that." He spoke hoarsely, feeling his own words stuck in his throat. He stares at Louis who was furiously wiping away his tears, and notices how rosy his cheeks were, and how his eyes were glistening with tears.

"Silly me for actually thinking you'd rather have my love reflecting on your eyes, when in reality, you'd rather get drunk and sleep with endless boy toys, than to love me back." Louis mutters, his throat tightening up as his emotions were all over him. The pain in his chest grew ten times larger as the seconds went by. "You took everything from me, you bastard! My fucking heart and my worth, you took it. You bloody tore me into pieces I could never imagined."

"Why did you let me, then?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"I didn't have the chance to keep you out and break down the walls I built for so long, only for you to break them. You were like a poem that I could never finish because you were also the pen restricting me from doing so. I desperately wanted to be with you, and to understand all of your edges, but you only pushed me away. So tell me, Harry, did you have fun breaking me?" By the time Louis was done, he was trying to catch his breath. His chest was heaving for air, and his hands were balled up. Tear tracks was embedded on his rosy cheeks, and his eyes were still glistening under the moon.

Harry was speechless; his lips were parted, and his eyes were widened as Louis' words sunk in him. He didn't realized how badly he had hurt the boy, and he wanted nothing but to hold him. He has never been this guilty all his life, and another type of feeling was creeping in him.

"I'm sorry, Lou."

"Your sorry is useless when you don't even mean it." Louis swallowed harshly, his throat was dry and he needed a drink to relieve it.
"I loved you, Harry."

A surprise look was on Harry's face at Louis' confession. "You loved me?"

"With every fiber of my being, Harry." Louis smiled sadly at him. "I'm a fool for loving you, and a mad man for not stopping."

"You don't understand, Louis. You can't understand me." Harry said, looking up at the moon who was a witness of what was happening now. He wonders if the moon knew all the secrets the people have, and he wonders if the sun too, can keep secrets like the moon.

"Everyone has a chapter they don't read aloud."

Silence fell between the both of them once again, and the tension was clear as the day. Harry continued staring at the moon and the stars, not noticing Louis staring at him as if he hung the planets himself.

"What the fuck is love?" Harry questions angrily, glancing at Louis shortly before returning his gaze back to the moon.

Louis didn't even hesitate before answering.
"Love? It's supposed to make you feel alive."

Harry turned his head to him. "Did you feel alive when you were with me?"

"No matter how hard it was to stay alive." Louis answered back, shivering slightly before snuggling back to the jacket.

"Tell me more about love." Harry said, and stood up. He offered his hand out for Louis to take but the younger lad ignored the offer and stood up, wearing the jacket properly. He didn't care if it was Harry's at the moment, he was bloody cold!

Once again, no one uttered a word as they walk through the busy streets of New York, occasionally bumping into some passerby. It was now a calming silence, and neither wanted it to end. As always, New York was loud, vehicles were noisy as fuck, and the people were talking animatedly. Louis, though, had his gaze fixed on the way Harry's jaw clenches, and the way his eyes were under the moonlight and city lights that seems to be so blinding. He knew he shouldn't, but this may be the last time he gets to admire Harry before leaving everything and going back to Doncaster.

"Love is never easy, nor is it supposed to not hurt you." Louis suddenly spoke up, short legs striding quickly to keep up with Harry.

Harry shifted his head to him, a confused expression on his face. "But If you love someone, you wouldn't hurt them, right?"

Louis wanted to laugh, but he contained himself and shook his head. "Everyone is gonna hurt you, there are no exceptions. But, you just have to find someone worth all the pain." Harry was definitely confused, and had a different perspective about love.

Nodding, Harry stuffs his hands in his jean pockets, as he led Louis inside a café called IV Of Spades. The café gave him a comfortable vibe; the lights were not too bright, nor was the music too loud, it was just alright. The customers weren't also many, a few people here and there lounging while drinking their beverages. The interior design was vintage, and both of them can agree that it was a lovely café.

After they ordered their drinks, they settled down on the table by the window, where lesser people stayed. As Louis inspected the café, he couldn't help but wonder how they got from arguing, to sitting inside a café, and about to discuss what Love is. He thought that after he gave Harry a piece of his mind, he would be back at the hotel to rest and to forget about Harry.

"How do you know if you're in love?" The green eyed man asked, staring intently at Louis.

"You just know." He replied, sighing deeply. "You'd do anything for them, heck, even be anyone for them. And when you look at them, you feel like your chest is about to burst with love. You'll know you're in love when every second without them feels like years, when every atom of your body feels incomplete when you're apart. There's more to love, but words can't describe properly what Love feels like."

"Why do you love me?" The question threw Louis off guard, choking on his own spit. His eyes widened. What kind of question is that?

"Because I just knew the moment you walked into my life, that it would never be the same again. You set my bones on fire, Harry. When I look in your eyes, I see the whole galaxy staring back at me. My love for you is immeasurable."

Harry blinks at him. "I really don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything."

By the time their drinks were served, Louis immediately took a huge sip of his Espresso Frappe, feeling a sense of relief in him. Harry only stared at him with amusement present on his face. His drink was on the table, untouched, whip cream on top. He could only stare at the boy in front of him with a slight glee.

"You know, Harry." Louis began, placing his frappe on the table. He looked at Harry straight ahead before continuing. "I will always remember the times you made me feel loved, even if you don't actually love me. Does that make sense?"

Harry can only nod, resting his chin on his palm. Words weren't enough for now, and the only thing he can do was just listen to Louis.

"Why did you leave me?"

The question made Harry uneasy, feeling sweat beginning to form. The answer was hard, and he thought that he had knew why, but thinking deeply, he couldn't find the rightful answer. The answer he knew, and repeated in his head like mantra, was more like an answer he tried to convince himself to believe.

"I don't really know, Lou." He answers truthfully. "I just felt the need to."

Louis was confused, but nonetheless, only nodded, before finishing off his drink. He sets his lips into a thin line, heart dropping to his stomach. The answer wasn't enough, nor did it do justice to what Louis felt inside.

"I'll never forget how it felt to be in your arms, nor will I ever regret that I allowed myself to be with you. I don't regret being with you, because at one point, you made me happy." Louis explains, smiling sadly at Harry. "And now, when I go outside and face reality, I will be more braver and bolder. I am art, and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise. But remember this, Harry, you will always be in my heart."

It was goodbye, Harry knew, and his chest tightens at the thought of Louis finally leaving him. The thought of Louis being with someone else, makes him growl in anger. He doesn't want to let him go, no, he won't let that happen. "You're not leaving me, Louis Tomlinson."

Louis almost cried out. "What the fuck do you want me to do, Harry? Pine over you, and get stuck in love with you? I don't want to hurt anymore, H. Please make it stop." His sobs were quiet as he broke down into a fit of tears. He was hunched over with his arms wrapped around his body tightly. "You can't just pin me down, and think that I'll be okay with an unrequited love. I need to leave, Harry. I'm so tired of this." He was so confused at Harry, and what he wants. He was sick of playing his sick, and twisted games.

"I'm not a doll that you can just toss aside when you're bored. I'm meant to be cherished, for fuck's sake!"

"Then give me a second chance, Louis, to prove to you that I can change. If you'll have me, I'll change for you. Teach me how to love." Never in his wildest dream, would Harry beg someone. He was used to people begging for him, and this was so foreign for him.

"The sun will rise, and we will try again, Lou."

—☕️—

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Author's note: double update because I feel like it!! Anyways, don't forget to smile, and be happy. You deserve to be happy, my love. ❤️

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-your darling author