"Fuck," Tony groans, face-planting into his bed.

That's all that's going through his mind right now.

Fuck.

Fuck Steve and fuck Bucky and fuck the Avengers and fuck the compound and fuck his life and fuck everything and everyone that's ever been a part of it.

Pepper sits down on the mattress next to him, gently combing her fingers through his hair.

Maybe not fuck her, though. (He will eventually, he's sure, but, at least for right now and in this context, it is not a fuck Pepper kind of day.)

"He knew, didn't he?" Pepper asks quietly.

Tony just groans. Yes, he knew, but he also didn't know, but he also kind of knew, and honestly, fuck him for not even asking Bucky if it was true before he decided to welcome the guy to the compound.

Pepper sighs. "I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I know, this isn't quite how you wanted the last couple weeks to go."

"I feel like it's been months since Ross gave us his stupid ultimatum," Tony groans. That's when everything fell apart, really. It was Ross, and it was the conference he went to just before where that mother approached him and really put everything into perspective. He hurts people. He hurts them far more than he helps them. And his life hasn't been the same since he realized that.

"I know," Pepper murmurs, her fingers gently massaging his scalp.

"Why does everything have to happen at once?" Tony groans. "It was, like, a year after Ultron where everything just stopped and it was calm and quiet and nice, and now everything's going to shit again all at once."

"I know," Pepper murmurs again. "It's not fair."

"Is this my karma for being a shitty person my whole life?" Tony mumbles into his pillow.

Pepper sighs. "You're not a shitty person, Tony," she says quietly. "And you've done a lot of good things. You've helped a lot of people. You've–"

"I've killed a lot of people, too," Tony reminds her. "That doesn't go away just because I sometimes help some of the people I would've killed."

"That's not what's happening, Tones," Pepper says gently.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure that's what's happening," Tony says. He readjusts his position on the bed so that he can use Pepper's lap as a pillow, but he makes a point to face away from her, as though that will stop her from seeing the tears trickling down his face. "I don't want to do this anymore, Pep."

"I know," Pepper murmurs, rubbing her thumb along his cheekbone.

"Any of it," Tony adds. "I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to live with these guys. I don't want to work with them. Hell..." He huffs. "I don't even want to go to my own goddamn retirement party anymore."

Pepper sighs softly. "Come back to Malibu with me, then."

"I can't just–"

"You're Tony Stark," Pepper reminds him. "'Can't' isn't in your vocabulary."

Tony doesn't respond.

"Come back for the week," she says. "And you can come back on Saturday and we can set the party up together and it'll be fun and I'll keep you as far away from Steve and Bucky as physically possible."

Tony lets out a long breath. That sounds... not awful. He can see himself doing that.

"And if you want to go back to Malibu on Sunday, we can do that, too," Pepper adds. "You just gotta get through the party."

Tony hums quietly. "Just gotta put on a show like my life isn't falling apart at the seams," he mutters. "Sounds like a normal Saturday to me."

Pepper ruffles his hair. "We'll go to that fro-yo place you like," she says. "What's it called? The...?"

"The one that's, like, two streets away from work?" Tony asks, a slight smile on his lips in spite of himself.

"Yeah, that one – with the pink and yellow sign."

"Ugh, I love that one," Tony mutters, more to himself than his partner. But what the fuck is it called? He can see it in his head. He can even see the sign in his head. He just can't remember the goddamn name.

"We can go tomorrow," Pepper says. "It can be a 'welcome home' present."

"My 'welcome home' present is going to be spending the day with you," Tony says. What more does he need? He can get away from the shitshow that is Avengers Compound, get away from the Iron Man role that's haunted the last eight years of his life, and just spend some quality time with the love of his life.

"Aw," Pepper coos, leaning down to press a kiss to his nose. "You're so sappy."

"Only for you, Pep." He sits up, wipes his tears from his face with the back of his hand, and rests his head on Pepper's shoulder. "I'd be lost without you. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do," Pepper replies. "It's been this way twenty years now."

Tony huffs a quiet laugh. "Yeah, I guess it has," he admits. Half his life, he's had Pepper by his side, always here for him, always ready to do whatever he needed her to do, whenever he needed her to do it. He doesn't know how it took him so long to realize he was in love with her. Really, it should have been obvious from the beginning.

"I love you, Pep," he murmurs. "In case I haven't said that recently."

"I know," Pepper says. "And I love you, too."

Tony hums quietly. "But I really, really love you."

That gets a huff of laughter from her. "And I really, really love you, too."

"But I really, really, really love you," Tony emphasizes. "More than you know. Like, I love you more than all the love you've ever had to give combined. I love you that much."

Pepper laughs and kisses his cheek. "Now you're just saying things," she says teasingly.

Tony closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, reveling in the scent of her (or, he supposes, in the scent of her perfume and her conditioner). "Yeah, but I'm saying things 'cause I love you, so it's okay."

"Oh, it's more than okay," Pepper assures him. "And I can't wait to take you home with me and to get some fro-yo."

Tony hums in agreement. "After these last couple weeks, I need that."