**WARNING** 

Mention of mental health conditions that may upset some readers 

I heard faint voices speaking, faintly muffled, not far from me but I couldn't be bothered to open my eyes. I saw a brief memory of how HYDRA agents were always making lots of noise outside of my room, and I remembered how I never bothered to get up because it never involved me. And if the HYDRA agents were coming in to repeat the horrific process that was every night, they would already be in here.

Until my door squeaked open.

I immediately jumped up and grabbed my Glock out from underneath my pillow, clicking down the hammer in the space of a couple of seconds and send a fresh round of bullets at whoever was standing at my door. It was only as I blinked through the darkness of the room and the adrenaline clouding my vision cleared that I saw Steve holding his shield in front of his face.

"Sorry." I slowly lowered the gun, trying to steady my rapidly beating heart as I clicked the safety back on the gun.

"It's okay" He smiled softly, slowly lowering the shield as I lowered my gun, letting it hang at his side. "Loki said I should take this, in case you did freak out. I guess he was right." I nodded, staying silent, a little embarrassed that I could have killed him.

"Bruce wants to see you." Steve continued, stepping into the room and revealing Bruce standing a behind him just outside my door, looking a little shaken. "He wanted me to bring you down to the Lab for a checkup, even though Loki has healed most of your injuries."

I immediately stiffened at the mention of a Lab, breathing deeply to try and force all of my memories of HYDRA Labs out of my head. I couldn't afford to show any weakness yet, not when I was still so vulnerable.

I slowly pulled the rest of the blankets off me, grateful for neither of them asking why I was sleeping on the floor. I pulled my hair back into a tight pony tail and faced them both, only to find Steve back outside in the hallway.

"You can quickly change into something else." Steve offered. "We'll be waiting out here."

I nodded and opened up my cupboard, slightly confused at first as to why my HYDRA uniform wasn't there before I had to quickly remind myself I wasn't at HYDRA anymore. I bypassed all of the colourful clothes and picked out a long-sleeve loose grey top to hide my bruise and scarred arms and a pair of tightish black pants. I pulled up my grey top a little and put one of my guns around my waist and a dagger in the black solid boots I had from HYDRA. I didn't like the idea of wearing anything from HYDRA, but I wasn't going to wear the ridiculously coloured sneakers that filled the bottom of the cupboard.

I quickly brushed my hair and teeth, trying to not look in the mirror as much as I could before I stepped back out of the bathroom, walking back towards Steve and Bruce, making sure my gun was completely hidden under my shirt. They both gave me a smile, Bruce seeming a little hesitant, and I realized why when he nodded down at my arms. I looked down to see sparks darting across my hands, the only exposed skin. I curled up my fists and breathed in, the sparks immediately disappearing.

We walked in silence down to the Lab, but when I got down there, it was bustling with activity, as in Tony, Loki and Bucky were all down as well. I stiffened slightly at the large company and instantly became wary, my fingers itching to rest at my hip where my gun was hidden, but I knew that would make it really obvious. 

"Sorry for waking you, kiddo." Apologized Tony. "We just wanted to quickly check you over for any serious injuries before we left them for too long, despite Reindeer Games here healing you."

He gestured to Loki who was sitting in a chair towards the edge of the room, the black rings under his eyes slightly less, but he still looked exhausted. I gave him a small nod and he immediately tensed up at something behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw that it was Bucky slowly moving towards me, still in his Winter Soldier clothes, which I suppose could look a little intimidating.

"Couldn't you find anything?" I turned around to face before wincing as I immediately realized that I had spoken in Russian.

"I don't have any clothes." He replied, also in Russian, though he seemed to exhausted and flat to care. Clearly the transition to a normal life had been hard on both of us.

"Okay." Interrupted Bruce from where he had been tapping away on a computer. "It's all ready."

Everyone stepped to the side and I immediately spotted two long chairs side by side, machines on both side of them I immediately tensed up from the familiarity and I felt Bucky do the same, his metal arm clicking as he fisted his hands. I stumbled back a step as Bruce pressed something, causing a machine to start up. Bucky quickly put an arm around me as I began to tremble as my brain was flooded with memories of HYDRA's mind wiping machine.

"It won't hurt either of you." Tony tried to comfort us as we both stared at the chairs. "Trust us."

Bucky's arm loosened a little bit around me, but I still remained against him, soaking up the warmth of his body. I could feel Loki watching us with a narrowed gaze, but I didn't turn my gaze to him.

"Em please." Tony sighed. "It won't hurt you. I promise."

I took a deep breath and slowly walked towards the chairs, fisting my hands to keep back the sparks and to hide my slight trembling. I slowly slid onto the chair and my eyes met Bucky's as he slowly, much more cautiously than me. Bruce stepped around to my side and clicked a bunch of buttons on the control panel next to the chair. There was a whirring sound and I stiffened before seconds later as something pressed against my head.

I was suddenly hit with painful memories from HYDRA messing with my mind and I jumped up ou8t of the chair. I crashed into Bucky and he immediately crouched down, holding me tightly against him as he turn his back to the chair, as if he was shielding me from it. He pulled the gun out of my pants with lightening-fast reaction and immediately aimed it at Bruce, who held his hands up in shock. I felt the flames break free from my skin, but thankfully, they were on a low enough heat that they didn't burn through Bucky's mostly flame-proof clothes.

"Whoa, Buck, calm down." Said Steve steadily, holding a hand out warily as he stepped towards us warily, his shield in his hand. Bucky swung his gaze over to Steve and I saw him slowly fisting his metal hand.

"Barnes, she needs to be checked over" Tony said. "So do you."

"It won't hurt." Steve stepped closer and we both stiffened. "Please Buck, let her go, it will take a couple of seconds and then we can go over you once she's finished.

We watched the machine carefully, and very slowly, Bucky's arm began to loosen from around me. I slowly moved away from him a little bit and I felt him watching me carefully as I stuffed down my flames and stood up, wrapping my arms around my bony stomach.

Bruce seemed a little more hesitant putting the things on the side of my head, but I just closed by eyes and focused on keeping all memories of HYDRA out of my mind. It was difficult and I struggled to hold back my fire, which was just itching to burn down the machine.

There was soft beeping from the machine and I felt the thing on the side of my head slowly begin to be lifted off. I immediately stumbled off the bed and collapsed into someone's arms, shaking while I tried to calm my rapidly beating heart, struggling to keep my fire under control. The person holding me held me tightly against their chest and I knew immediately that it wasn't Bucky.

"Shhh." The person soothed me and I recognised Loki's voice. "It's okay Emily. It's over, you're okay."

He gently put one of his fingers on my forehead and I felt him send a wave of calm through me head. As I unwillingly relaxed, I slowly looked around at everyone else who was watching me with sympathetic expressions before Tony threw a bunch of projections into the air and drew everyone's attention to them, including myself.

"You have numerous injuries." He began, flicking through the projections. "Including at least 8 gunshot wounds that have never healed properly, numerous tissue damage from bullets and stab wounds."

He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath as he swiped through projects, each word making me shrink further and further inwards against Loki as he continued to expose and list off all of my weaknesses.

"You had five broken ribs and seven fractured ribs that have since healed" He continued. "You also have too many bones to count that have been broken and never healed properly. Loki has healed most of it, but not completely, since he... well ran out of energy."

I felt Loki's arm around me tighten and I took a steady deep breath as I felt myself begin to fall into a downwards spiral again.

"There... there also seems to be something in your stomach... I'm not sure." He separated one projection from the rest and I saw that it was a black and white figure with a bunch of words underneath I couldn't read. I immediately knew that is was the failed reproduction at HYDRA and I stiffened more, if that was even possible. Thankfully, Tony and Bruce just both looked confused and swiped the projection aside.

"She must have moved." Tony shrugged, murmuring mainly to himself. "What about the rest? Did you do a brain scan?"

"Yes," Bruce continued, a little more hesitantly. "JARVIS has... created a list."

I immediately turned away from the projections when I heard that there was a list of things basically wrong with my brain. Tony walked closer and Bruce swiped one of the projections towards him, causing Tony's eyes to widen before he looked down at me.

"Kid." He said, his voice so soft and sympathetic that my stomach immediately churned.

"What is it?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"Well," Bruce began, looking hesitantly at Tony, "With Stark technology, the brain scan can pick up a lot more than normal scans. We are able to pick up physical changes in the brain that can be markers for several... mental illnesses."

"How bad?" I asked, barely able to hear my own voice. Loki rubbed my shoulder comfortingly and I felt him send another wave of calm through my mind.

"The scan has picked up clinical depression and anxiety." Tony began, causing Loki to hold onto me a little tighter. "There is signs of schizophrenia, PTSD, insomnia, and second hand trauma." He must have seen my face because he he quickly added. "This isn't definite, we would need an actual psychologist to analyse you."

I flinched away at his words and Loki held me tighter. Suddenly, the room felt like it was suffocating me and I pushed away from Loki, standing up on shakily legs as everything spun around me. I saw some of the Avengers stepping towards me and I stumbled away from them, lurching towards the door.

I needed air.

I needed space.

I needed to get away.