The rest of the day was pretty quite, everyone was doing their own thing, occasionally helping Tony plan the New Year's party that was only four days away. Steve tried to get me to come train, but I made up the excuse that I was too tired, which was partly true.

I ended up retreating to the library, hoping to curl up in a comfy chair in front of the fire with some random book for a couple of hours. I walked through the isles of books, picking one that looked moderately interesting before I moved towards the fireplace. However, I forgot that the library was also Loki's favourite place to go too and I froze mid-step, book pressed against my chest as I spotted his figure draped in the exact chair I had been planning to sit in. I immediately tried to back away before he could notice me, but somehow, he did.

His eyes widened and he immediately sat up, quickly putting down his book and standing, but then seemed to hesitate. I took a wary step back, really not in the mood for having to walk about what happened at Christmas.

"Emily." He began, but then seemed to run out of stuff to say, his mouth immediately shutting again as his eyes darted over me.

"I'll leave you to read." I murmured softly, beginning to turn back around.

"Wait." He tried to call out and I paused, my back half turned to him. "Please, just... I just want to talk."

I bit my lip nervously and took in a soft breath, slowly turning back around to him.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice gentle, like he was trying to coax an answer out of me. "At Christmas? You acted like... like I had poisoned you or something."

"I..." I swallowed thickly, trying to get my voice to stay steady. "I just wasn't expecting it."

"Your eyes changed." He murmured softly, taking a step forward while it took all my willpower not to step back. "It was only for a moment but... I still noticed it."

My eyes dropped down, unable to look at him straight anymore. I gripped the book against my chest tightly.

"I triggered something." His voice held a hint of pleading. "I've seen the look on your face before. I... I felt horrible, seeing you pull away like that. I don't ever want to be the one who triggers something in you. I hate that I did, I feel so... guilty." He ran a hand through his hair that was more messy than usual. "Please. I just want to know what happened so... so it won't happen again. I want to help you."

"I-I don't want to talk about it." I shook my head softly, backing away a step, hating the pain that flared up in his eyes. "Not right now."

"Then when?" He asked desperately, stepping forward as I stepped back. "Because I hate this... this divide that has come between us because of some stupid thing I did."

"It wasn't stupid." The words slipped past my lips before I could stop them, I just hated seeing the look in his eyes. "I-I... I just can't talk about this right now." I pleaded.

"Let me help." He begged. "Please Em, you know that I have only ever wanted to help you, with whatever you're struggling with."

I shook my head, swallowing thickly as my throat. "I know." I pleaded for him to understand. "B-but... its just too much."

"Em-" He suddenly seemed to realise I was spiralling, his eyes widening as her reached out.

I stumbled back a couple more steps, my back hitting a shelf of books behind me. I freed one hand from my book and braced myself against it, trying to focus on taking as many breaths as I could before my throat tightened up. Loki nervously hovered a couple of steps away, his eyes darting over me like he wanted to help but was afraid I didn't want it.

I felt my lungs beginning to tighten painfully and I slowly sat down on the floor, leaning heavily against the bookshelf as I squeezed my eyes shut. I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my forehead on my knee caps. The wooden floor groaned next to me and I felt it dip a little as Loki knelt down next to me.

"Em, can you focus on my voice?" He murmured softly, guilt coating his words as I trembled. "Please?"

I swallowed thickly, breathing in shakily as I nodded softly, causing him to breath out a sigh of relief.

"Look, I'm sorry." He murmured, his hand hesitantly brushing over my shoulder. "I'm sorry for making you feel like this. I'm sorry for forcing myself on you. I'm sorry -".

"You don't have to be sorry." I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut as my head remained on my knees. "Stop saying your sorry."

"What can I do?" He murmured. "Do you want me to get someone else?"

"No." I whispered, surprising myself with how quickly I answered. "I... just stay, please."

"Are you sure?" He asked, settling down next to me, his hand still hesitantly rubbing my shoulder.

I nodded, forcing back the lump in my throat as I focused on trying to bring my breath back to normal, the smell of whatever he was wearing surrounding me in a comforting cocoon. My heartrate began to lower again as I focused on the feel of his hand on my shoulder. Eventually, I managed to raise my head from my knees, hastily wiping away the tears and snot from my face before I slowly looked up at Loki, who was scanning my face nervously.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, his voice still full of guilt. "I... can't believe I did that to you. I'm sorry."

"I told you not to say sorry." I hated the guilt in his eyes and I didn't even think before I wrapped him in a hug.