We didn't leave Wanda's room that day at all. Pepper brought up lunch, dinner and any snacks in between that we needed. This saved us from having to deal with Tony, who Pepper said would be suffering through the hangover for the rest of the day, and in my case, Loki.

We alternated between watching movies and playing card and board games that Yelena snuck out to get. They had to teach them all to me, but thankfully they were patient when it took me a little while to understand . Once everyone seemed way too eager to kick each other out after a heated game of Quick Monopoly, we gave the board games as rest and just lazed around eating snacks.

The only time we left Wanda's room was to go to sleep in our own rooms just after 7 o'clock. We double checked that the hallway was clear, because knowing Tony he probably would have tried to have given us a lecture, before we each darted into our own rooms.

I took a quick warm show, changing into warm pajamas before I slowly slid under the blankets. My head was still buzzing with too much energy and I kept tossing and turning, unable to relax properly and I thought over everything that had happened yesterday. It was well past 10 o'clock before I managed to surrender to sleep.

I was standing in the HYDRA training room, dressed in my familiar mission gear with a Glock hanging loosely in my right hand. My eyes were focused on the practice dummy hung to the wall about twenty metres away from me, watching as it was rearranged. The moment the agents fixing it up moved away, I shifted my position, raising my hand up and lining the gun up to the target on the dummy's head before pulling the trigger. The bang echoed loudly in my ears and I winced, only slightly, before I slowly lowered my hand.

"Horrible." A voice spoke in Russian, and I immediately knew it was Strucker. "You missed it, again."

I looked back over at the dummy and saw that I had completely missed the target on its head, for a third time. I clenched my jaw and cracked my neck, cursing myself for not concentrating more. I could hear Strucker's footsteps coming towards me, but I knew better than to move away as he hit me hard on the back of my head, causing pain to immediately blossom from where I was struck. I felt tears prick my eyes but I fought them back, knowing it would only get me punished worse. Instead, I kept my eyes firmly trained on the dummy, not letting my eyes stray from the bullet hole in the wall.

"Do better." Growled Strucker in my ear, his breath grating over my neck.

I slowly raised my gin again, taking a second longer this time to aim before pulling the trigger. The force of the gun caught me off guard this time, but I still managed to keep my ground. Unfortunately, when I lowered the gun, I saw that I had hit the dummy's head, but not the part that Strucker wanted.

"Horrible." He repeated in a low tone before yelling directly into my ear. "Are you fucking blind? There is a red dot on the head, why can't you fucking hit it? I thought you were better than this. You're a waste, a fucking waste."

He raised his hand to strike me again, but I was disorientated from the yelling that my instincts kicked in and just as his hand was about to touch me, I dodged and grabbed it, twisting it behind his back. However, he was stronger than I anticipated and punched me square in the jaw, immediately breaking it before he elbowed me into the stomach. I let go of his arm and stumbled away, winded, and he took the opportunity to kick me in the ribs, sending me flying into a nearby wall.

"Fucking weak." He sneered, stalking over to me, flexing his arm that I had pinned. I tried to get up off the floor, but he just stamped a foot down onto my left arm that had been laying to the side. I heard the bones cracking and I swallowed a scream of pain, curling myself up into the fetal position as I tried to brace for more pain. I heard the distinctive sound of a gun loading and a second later, I felt the familiar sting of a bullet loading itself into my side. A small whimper escaped my lips and Strucker kicked my broken ribs.

"Be grateful it wasn't your head." He muttered before stalking away.

I bolted upright in bed, gasping for air as sweat trickled down my head. I shakily wiped it away, half expecting to see blood coating my fingers instead. I blinked rapidly, taking a couple of seconds to try and get my bearings again, and when I did, I looked over at the clock on the wall to see it was 2:57. I sighed and flopped back down into my bed, rubbing my eyes as took a deep breath. I held it in for a couple of seconds, the aching in my lungs somehow relaxing before I exhaled loudly. I threw the sheets off myself to cool down and closed my eyes in an attempt to get back to sleep.

But sleeping after a nightmare was a complete joke and I ended up just drifting in an out of sleep, which was honestly more exhausting than not sleeping at all. When the clock read 6:32am, I clambered out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, running myself a cool shower, which managed to wake me up a little. My head was throbbing with a faint headache that I knew would only build up through the day and my whole body just felt heavy.

I stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen, following the smell of crepes through my half-lidded eyes. I misjudged the steps in my exhausted state and ended up tumbling the rest of the way down, which was only about seven steps thankfully, before I landing on my stomach, groaning faintly.

"Are you okay?" Clint's voice snorted from somewhere nearby.

"Jesus Emily." There was chairs scraping and moments later, Steve was rolling me onto my back, his face covered in concern..

"All good." I groaned, slowly sitting up with the help of Steve, my head aching even more now.

I managed to heave myself up from the floor, Steve hovering nearby nervously. It was only when I was a couple of steps away from the table did I realise that pretty much the only spare seats left were Thor's and my normal one, which were both next to Loki. Swallowing thickly, ignoring Loki's sharp green eyes watching me, I slowly walked over and pulled out my hair, sitting down silently.

"You look exhausted Emily." Nat looked at me in concern, Yelena no longer sitting beside her. She must have noticed me looking because she quickly added. "She left this morning, apparently she had to get back to work or something. But seriously, why do you look so tired?"

"Rough sleep." I murmured, looking down at my plate, not exactly thrilled at the idea of everyone listening in.

"I always have some sleeping pills." Bruce offered. "You can't keep getting no sleep."

"Its fine." I shook my head, figuring JARVIS must be keeping him updated on the nightmares I had. "I don't want to be drugged." My eyes darted up to his only to see him looking at me with a worried look. "I'll think about it." I amended, knowing that my answer wouldn't change, by the seemed to accept it.

"Hey kiddo." Tony interrupted and I slowly looked over at him, my eyes scanning his face to determine what kind of mood he was in today. "Sorry about how I acted yesterday, it was really shitty of me. had a bad headache from the party and I wasn't exactly thinking straight."

"It's okay Tony." I murmured, offering him a weak smile before Steve could interrupt to correct him on his language.

"It won't happen again." He looked slightly guilty. "I promise."

I nodded softly and looked away as Pepper and Wanda came over with steaming plates of crepes, Wanda bringing over several syrups and sauces with her power. I breathed in the smell softly, reaching out to take one when they set them down,, lathering them in Nutella once Tony was finished with it.

"Hey Emily." Bucky spoke up, his voice easily cutting through the conversations. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" I looked up, a piece of my crepe halfway to my mouth, but I slowly put it down for a moment, watching as his eyes flicked to Loki for the briefest moment before they focused on me. "Alone?"

I nodded, slowly standing up, the conversations around the table not pausing as we stood up, Bucky taking us up the stairs a little away from the others.

"What happened on Christmas?" He didn't hesitate and got straight into the point, causing me to swallow thickly. He must have noticed me pause because he quickly added. "I saw you running through the crowd, something happened. Stark hasn't said anything, but Wanda said that I should probably have a talk to you."

"Its nothing." I murmured, sighing heavily, looking down at my hands as I fiddled with my finger nails. "I'm fine."

"No its not." Bucky told me firmly, his hand reaching out like my face like he wanted to tilt my chin up, but clearly thought better of it a second later because he quickly dropped it. "Don't push me away Emily, I can see something is wrong."

"It's... it's just memories." I sighed. "HYDRA stuff." I hesitantly looked up at him and saw him looking at me with a firm expression, and I knew I couldn't get away without saying anything.

"It is something that HYDRA tried to do to me while we were there." I murmured, switching to Russian to avoid anyone overhearing, even though we were far away. "They tried to... replicate my genetics, combined with genetics of the other enhanced. They... they..." My voice began to waver. "The other agents raped me Bucky." It eventually escaped my lips, the words slightly strangled as I put my head down, wrapping my arms around myself.

I heard him sharply draw in a breath and I swallowed thickly, squeezing my eyes shut as the memories threatened to overwhelm me again. He was slightly hesitant at first, but slowly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in close to him. I buried my head into his chest, a sob escaping my lips as I breathed in his comforting cologne. My knees wobbled as he gripped my tighter, my sobs muffled by his shirt, and he slowly lowered us to the ground. He sat me in his lap and I curled up against his chest, his hand softly running through my hair, but slightly jerky, like he wasn't use to comforting someone.

"I'm sorry." He murmured. "I didn't even realize."

I shook my head as though to tell him not to apologize, but I couldn't force the words out. I raised my head from his chest, his heartbeat speeding up a little, his jaw clenched. I knew he just had another reasons do go back and destroy all of HYDRA now.

"Did..." He hesitated for a moment, his flesh hand gently brushing away the tears on my cheeks as his eyes churned with carefully controlled anger and disgust. "Did they ever mention... me... you know... being part of that?"

I could feel his arm tense across my shoulders and half of me wanted to not give him an answer, but there was no point holding back anymore of the truth. I looked away, resting my head back on his chest and nodded softly. He swore softly under his breath, his hand pausing in my hair and I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing out the thoughts that suddenly tried to fill my mind.

"I take it the girls knew about this then?" He asked softly, his voice still holding a tone of tightly leashed anger.

"Steve was the first to know." I murmured softly. "But then I had to tell them when they saw me during Christmas."

"What about the memories made you so upset during Christmas?" He asked and I squeezed my eyes shut, taking in a shuddering breath. "Come on Emily, you know you can tell me."

"Loki kissed me." I murmured softly, my cheeks heating in embarrassment.

"That son of a bitch better not have forced himself on you." A rough growl escaped his lips, something I hadn't heard in a very long time.

I immediately sat up in his lap, turning to look at him with a worried expression, knowing that with that tone, he was definitely planning murder. His arms tightened around me, digging into my skin to the point where it was slightly painful, his jaw so tightly clenched I was surprised he hadn't chipped a tooth.

"Ow Bucky calm down, you're hurting me." I squirmed in his grip slightly.

"Sorry." He muttered, guilt filling his eyes for a moment before the anger quickly replaced it again. "But he didn't... touch you like that, did he?"

"No, God no." I shook my head rapidly, his jaw relaxing a little bit. "It just... it triggered the memories."

"By him just kissing you." His words were full of doubt as I wrapped my arms around myself, his hands still resting on my back.

"It caught me by surprise a little." I shrugged, my cheeks flushing a little.

"Were you okay with it?" He pressed and I shot him a gentle look.

"Yes, of course." I replied. "Its just... I think he thinks that I didn't want it. I ran away so quickly, I was having a panic attack because of everything and now... I feel like things are completely stuffed now between us."

"Relationships aren't my forte." He muttered, his eyes still churning with anger.

I smiled weakly and sighed softly, leaning back down on his chest. "That's okay. It just feels a little better to talk to someone about it."

"I'm always here if you want to talk about anything." He murmured, looking back down at me. "Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded, beginning to climb out of his lap as I wiped away a couple of stray tears. "Also, can you maybe not talk about this to the others, please? I'm not really ready for everyone to know."

"Of course." He nodded.