I was bedridden for a couple more days, and over that time, I learned that I had been stabbed by something. Loki had to heal it in gradual steps, but when he did that, he had to knock me out by doing something inside my head so I wouldn't suspect anything because I was apparently 'mentally unstable'. However, by about the fourth lot of healing, I knew he was going to knock me out, so I threw up my mental walls and blocked him from getting in. He was annoyed, but I told him that if I could do that, I could handle the truth of what had happened.

However, while he hadn't told me specifically what had happened, he let me see the wound on my stomach. It wasn't the prettiest thing I had ever seen, it was a big gaping hole in my stomach surrounded by torn flesh, some of it shriveled and grey. But the best part was that I couldn't feel any pain because of a numbing spell Loki had put over it. The only times I could feel it was when he was distracted or had fallen into a deep sleep and accidentally lost control of the spell, but he was soon put it back upon waking up from hearing my pained cry.

I had asked so many question about what had happened to me, not only to Loki, but everyone, and none of them gave me the slightest hint. Right now, I was convinced I had gotten into a fight of some sort, with who I didn't yet know, but I had hit my head during it and couldn't remember anything that had happened.

After about the third day of me waking up, Tony informed that he was bring in a therapist for me and Bucky. I didn't see what I needed a therapist for, I was quite fine keeping all of my problems to myself.

She arrived the next day and all of the Avengers cleared out of the Lab, leaving me and Bucky alone with her. We both sat on my bed and I stayed curled up against Bucky's chest the whole time, refusing to answer any of the complete strangers questions. Neither did Bucky. I knew that by the end of the hour session, the therapist was at her wits end, but there was no way I was going to expose any of my weaknesses to someone who's background I didn't know.

Steve came and spoke to us after the therapist had given her report to them and basically gave us a lecture about how we needed to listen to the therapist and answer her questions because 'it would help us feel better'. I made it seem like I was paying attention to Steve's lecture, because I didn't want to be rude to him, but in the daily sessions that continued after that, both Bucky and I kept up our silence. The therapist ended up resigning at the end of the week.

Another good thing that happened at the end of the week was that I was finally allowed to get out of the bed, no longer hooked up to any machines. I was still a little unsteady on my feet, but Tony just said it was because I hadn't used them in forever. I was only allowed to stay in the Lab, under the watchful eyes of whoever was 'baby-sitting' me that day, normally Loki or Steve and Bucky.

I was still yet to figure out what had actually happened to me, I was constantly asking Loki questions about it, but he still refused to say anything, which was highly irritating. Just to annoy him back, I tried to not talk to him until he told me something about what happened, but I barely lasted half a day.

By the time the second week had rolled in, Steve had assigned himself as me and Bucky's therapist, since he knew that we weren't going to talk to anyone. Bucky spoke a little bit about what happened to him, but I stayed silent the whole time, trying to keep myself from sinking too far into the memories that I was trying so hard to forget.

When Wednesday came around, Tony finally let me leave the Lab and the avengers threw me a big dinner, which I told them multiple times that they didn't need to do. Thankfully, it was just them, but there was enough food to feed about 50 people, even though Thor probably ate enough for five. I tried to get Loki drunk to see if I could get him to slip up about what had happened to me, but, to my humiliation after I had gotten him to take twenty shots of the strongest alcohol Tony had, he told me that he couldn't get drunk.

"Hey Emily." Tony interrupted my reminiscing and I was dragged back into the present where I was currently sitting at the table having breakfast with all of the Avengers. "Are you listening?"

"Hmmm?" I looked away from the wall I didn't even realise I had been staring at. "No not really. Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Barnes proposed that you should both get back into training." Tony rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "It would only be very simple stuff so you don't injure yourself again, but he thinks it might be good for you to get back to something you previously enjoyed."

"I wouldn't say I enjoyed it." I corrected, raising an eyebrow. "But it would be good to move around a bit more."

"How does starting tomorrow sound?" Steve offered and I nodded before pulling a dramatic face, which made them all laugh. I went back to staring at the wall, trying for what felt like the billionth time to remember what had caused me to get into this situation, but without much luck.

-{+}-

The rest of the day was pretty relaxing, I just either sat around and read with Loki, watched movies with Clint and Nat or did some fun baking with Pepper. I could sense that all of them wanted to only do things that I wanted, and it made me feel way too spoilt, but every time I tried to protest about it, they refused to do anything else.

That night, it was so good to have a shower in my own room rather than the sterile white ones of the Lab. My pajamas seemed extra comfortable, even though I had been wearing them for the past two weeks, and I even treated myself to one or three of the macarons in the fridge that Pepper and I had made earlier. That cooking process was a whole other story, but basically, it took us several attempts.

All of us stayed up playing a board game until around 11pm that night, it was some weird one I had never heard of before, but there was lots of arguing and accusing of cheating, which in the end became so ridiculous that I was laughing.

The game only ended when Thor flipped over the table, sending the game pieces everywhere, which we spent the next twenty minutes looking for. Eventually, I dragged my exhausted body up the stairs to my room and collapsed onto my bed, which had never felt so good. I made sure to double check that my door was locked, something that made me feel so much safer, even though I knew all of the Avengers and I knew they would never hurt me. I tried at first to not do it, but it went against all of my instincts and I couldn't resist locking it. I opened up my cupboard and pulled my gun out of my HYDRA utility belt, again something that made me feel comfortable. I double checked that it was fully loaded before I reached for my biggest dagger, only to find it wasn't there.

Looking around my room in confusion, I stuffed my gun under my pillow and opened up all of the drawers, trying to find it. I could have sworn that the last time I had it, it was in my utility belt. Sighing heavily, I unlocked my door and crept out quietly, not wanting to wake up any of the other Avengers. I looked around quickly in the kitchen and lounge room, maybe Nat and Bucky had used it when they were having their dagger throwing competition earlier, but it wasn't there either. I walked outside and into the training room, even though I hadn't been in there for a little while, but it was nowhere to be seen either.

Seriously confused, I walked back into the main compound and noticed that there was a light on in the Lab. I slowly walked up there, peering in curiously to see Bruce and Tony looking down at something on one of the work benches. I didn't know how they weren't exhausted.

"Mr. Stark. Dr. Banner." Came JARVIS' voice from the ceiling and I smiled at the familiarity of his voice. "Ms Emily is here." Tony and Bruce immediately turned around and spotted me in the doorway, both of them giving me a small smile.

"Sorry Emily, I didn't hear you come in." Tony said, straightening and leaning on the desk. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if any of you had seen my dagger?" I asked. "I can't find it and I have checked everywhere." Tony's eyes immediately flickered over to Bruce, whose posture seemed to tense a little, confusing me.

"What do you want with it?" Tony asked in a wary voice and I chuckled softly.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to murder anyone." I replied, smiling. "I just normally sleep with it under my pillow, helps be feel a little safer when I sleep."

"I... uh." Tony hesitated, looking back over at Bruce and my smile faltered a little, confusion replacing it as I watched them look at each other with worried eyes.

"Do you know where it is?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows at their weird attitude.

"We do." Bruce spoke up for the first time, taking off his glasses and I immediately knew that something serious was about to happen. "But... we don't think it is the best for you to have it back."

"Why not?" I asked. Neither of them answered me, and I straightened. "Look guys, can I have my dagger back because I am really tired and I just want to sleep."

"We can't give it back to you Emily." Sighed Tony, shaking his head.

"If this had anything to do with me being 'mentally unstable'," I sighed, beginning become annoyed at their evasive answers. "I promise you, I am completely fine."

"It's not just that." Tony said and I looked over at him with a hard look.

"Well then what is it?" I demanded. "Why won't you guys tell me?"

Bruce shifted slight, seeming to become uncomfortable, and my eyes immediately noticed a glimmer of silver on the table behind him. I focused on it and immediately recognised my dagger. Tony must have seen the change in my expression and he slowly followed my gaze, sighing heavily as I glared at him accusingly.

"You have it." I said, folding my arms. "What are you doing with it?"

"We aren't doing anything with it." Tony replied, stepping to the side so I could see the dagger fully. "See?"

"Well then let me have it back." I took a step towards it but both of them immediately reacted, Bruce moving back in front of the dagger and Tony stepping in front of me, holding his hands out. But that was not before I noticed a lot more blood over it than I remembered.

"There is more blood on it." My brows furrowed. "Why?" Tony and Bruce looked at each other and Bruce looked down, fiddling with his glasses.

"You... uh." Tony hesitated, but I had already jumped ahead. .

"Did I hurt someone?" I asked, my voice weakening a little. I didn't remember loosing control at any point recently, but then again, I never normally did.

"Not exactly..." Bruce replied, fiddling with his glasses.

"Did I kill them?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper.

"No." Bruce shook his head.

"Well then why is there blood on it then?" I demanded, trying to stand on my tip-toes to look over Tony, but he just moved in front of my eye. "What did I do with it?" Tony didn't say anything, not even able to meet my gaze.

"You are going to have to tell her Tony." Bruce said, looking over at him after the stretch of silence. I looked between them both before my eyes darted back to Tony, my arms crossed.

"Tell me what?" I demanded, glaring at me again. Tony sighed and stepped away from me, rubbing his eyes as he sat down at his desk. "Tell me what Tony?" I was almost begging him at this point, and is seemed to have worked on him.

"You might want to sit down for this." He told me eventually, gesturing to the seat on the other side of the desk. I looked cautiously over at Bruce before taking a seat in the chair.

"You..." he began, before running a hand down his face with a muffled groan. "The reason you were in the Lab for the last week was because you had suffered from numerous internal injuries and extensive blood loss from that stab wound." He paused for a moment, sighing heavily, and I swore I had never seen him look so distressed.

"You tried to kill yourself Emily." Bruce spoke up for him and I suddenly froze, slowly turning my gaze to him, feeling the shock flowing through my body.

"What?" I whispered seconds before my brain finally unlocked the memories it had hidden from me and I suddenly remembered everything. I shuddered and my hand drifted to my stomach, almost able to feel the blood seeping through my hands.

"How am I still alive through?" I asked after staring down in shock for what must have been at least a minute. "That dagger was poisoned, with –"

"A very deadly poison." Interrupted Bruce, nodding. "We know, we tried to heal you. Loki couldn't even heal you. He had to bring in this woman who was apparently his mother." I looked up in surprise as he mentioned that Frigga came here and guilt flooded through me as I looked down again.

"Why Emily?" Tony spoke up, his voice breaking slightly. "Why did you do it?"

"I... I thought it would be better." I murmured softly as that whole night flashed in my head. "For you guys. I was a danger for you all, and myself. I had hurt so many of you and it wasn't worth it for everything you had done and were doing with me. I thought that maybe if I... wiped myself out of the picture, things could do back to normal for you all.

"Things won't ever be normal for us." Tony smiled, clearly struggling to keep his voice steady as he hopped off his chair to kneel in front of me, taking my scarred hands in his rough ones. "Having you in our lives makes it more of an adventure. We wouldn't ever want you to leave, you are one of us okay? You're like a daughter to me – hey, why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry." I sniffled, roughly wiping the tears off my cheeks before I let him wrap me up into a hug. "I- I just never felt l-like belonged anywhere b-before a-a-and t-to hear you say t-t-that, it j-just means a l-lot to me."

"Well, its true Emily." Bruce said, finally speaking up, putting his hand on my shoulder as I kept my head buried into Tony's chest, saturating his shirt with my tears. "So don't ever think otherwise, okay?" I nodded before eventually pulling away from him and wiping my nose.

"You should get some sleep kiddo." Tony told me, smiling softly as he swept my hair out of my face. It's really late."

"Thank you guys again." I smiled softly before they both wished me goodnight and I slowly walked back to my room.

"Its true Ms Emily." JARVIS spoke as I locked the door behind me. "Everything he said." I smiled softly at the AI's words and put one of Bucky's daggers that I had stolen from him under my pillow instead.