***Trigger warning for a panic attack, a mention of scars from a past suicide attempt, and mentions of child neglect.***

Wait to start the song.

As a general rule, Tyler always kept his phone off when he had clients in the room. Having just his ringer off wasn't enough to ensure that his clients would be guaranteed his full attention. He knew that the human brain instinctually caused people to look at a phone when it lit up, so on the off chance that his was somewhere, like on his desk or in his shirt pocket where he or his client could see it lighting up, it was best just to have it completely turned off.

That was why it came as such a surprise to him when he came back from walking a client out-a woman in her mid-seventies who had lost her husband a couple years ago and really just needed someone to talk to about her kids and her cat and how her husband never really appreciated her anyway-and turned on his phone to find eleven missed calls. Four were from his dad. Seven were from Jay. There were also five voicemails, and Tyler knew from past experience that only one of them was from his dad.

Instead of checking any of the messages, he called Jay back. He had an hour off for lunch right now anyway, so he might as well fill it with what was undoubtably going to be an extra heap of responsibility that his father had set aside specifically for him. Jay answered almost instantly.

"Ty, don't be mad," the fifteen-year-old pleaded immediately into the phone, making Tyler sigh.

"Explain," he replied simply, already grabbing his keys, coat, and wallet and stepping out of his office.

"I just got suspended, and Dad said to call you to come get me because he's busy," Jay informed him, not surprising Tyler in the slightest. "I told him you were probably at work, but he said I could either have you come get me and drop me off with Tatum until Zack gets off work and can sort everything out, or I can leave with the cops. Ty, please help me. I fucked up. I'm really sorry. I'm really fucking sorry, Ty."

Tyler's chest felt heavy, and a familiar resentment began to eat away at him. Once again, his dad was expecting him to be the one to parent Jay. Once again, his dad had decided that being a lawyer had to come before everything else, yet Tyler was expecting to drop everything and be Jay's dad when he got into trouble. Somehow, most of that resentment was aimed at himself though because he locked his office door, forced himself to smile at Hayley as he passed through the waiting room, and left the building.

"I'll be there in a minute. Just keep your mouth shut, and don't worry, okay? You're in huge trouble, but I've got your back. Just hang tight," Tyler told Jay tiredly as he walked to his car.

"Thank you, Ty. I'm so sorry," Jay replied, sounding sincere enough.

Tyler didn't reply, hanging up and turning his car on before laying his head back against the headrest and taking in a shaky breath. He felt a bit sick, but he always did when he was forced to parent his siblings. Even if Tyler didn't have his PhD in psychology, he would still be able to figure out pretty easily that he had a lot of unresolved trauma from raising children while he was still a child. He didn't have Jenna to lean on anymore when things like this were happening either. He really didn't have anyone until he got off work today and could finally go see Josh. God, he wished he could talk to Josh right now. He would give anything to talk to the one other person he knew who was used to taking on his family's problems and having nowhere to dispose of the emotions that were left behind when his family left.

With tears forming in his eyes and a knot tightening itself in his stomach, Tyler tossed his phone into the passenger seat before starting on his way toward Jay's school. The private school was about twenty minutes away, which didn't give Tyler a lot of time to grab Jay, drop him off at Zack's, and get back to work. He could make it happen though. He'd definitely sacrificed more than one hour and a meal for Jay in the past, and he was fairly certain that he'd be sacrificing a hell of a lot more in the future.

When Tyler's phone rang, this time having connected to the Bluetooth in his car, he pushed the button to answer the call without looking at who was calling. "Hello," he said distractedly as he got onto the freeway and started on his way to Jay's school.

"Mr. Joseph? This is Headmaster Hensley. I'm calling to confirm that you're coming to pick up Jay. He's informed us that one of his brothers is coming to collect him, but because of his tendency to make things up to avoid consequences...?" An all too familiar male voice asked him.

Tyler felt nauseous, but he just kept driving as he confirmed, "I'm on my way now. I should be there in about twenty minutes."

The headmaster sounded relieved as he replied, "Excellent. I'll see you then."

"See you then," Tyler agreed tiredly, wanting nothing more than to have someone in the car with him whom he could vent to about how fucking much he wanted to turn around and go back to work so the scars on his wrists would stop itching and his stomach would stop tightening the knot it had wound itself into.

His breathing was starting to get shaky, and his vision was starting to blur with tears despite how hard he was trying to focus on just safely getting to Jay so he could do the job his father had given him over a decade ago and then get back to work. His hand was shaking when he reached over and turned up the radio, trying to ground himself so his impending breakdown wouldn't be able to take hold, but he was struggling. He was really struggling, and just like he had been for years, he was all on his own with this unbearable weight crushing down on him.

Start the song. It's Older Than I Am by Lennon Stella.

He wanted to yell at Jay or the school or his dad or whoever it was who caused his phone to ring again, but instead, he swallowed down his frustration and pushed the Bluetooth button, barely opening his mouth to say hello before he heard the glorious words, "Hello, this is a prepaid call from Joshua Dun, an inmate at the Franklin County Correctional Facility. Call forwarding is unauthorized, and may result in disciplinary action to the inmate. To accept this call, press 5. To refuse, pres-"

Josh never called Tyler during work hours, so it hardly took Tyler any time to fumble for his phone in the passenger's seat and press the correct number before the animatronic woman's voice reminded him, "Thank you. Your call may be monitored or recorded. You may begin speaking now."

Tyler didn't even have the presence of mind to be embarrassed about how unlike himself he sounded when he quickly asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Josh confirmed easily. "This sounds super dumb, but I actually just got kind of a weird feeling that I should check on you, so I thought I'd call. It kinda sounds like that was a good choice. No offence, but you sound like me."

Tyler drew in a deep breath, trying to focus on the road despite how badly he wanted to curl up into the comfort of Josh's voice. "There's a small chance that you aren't the only one in this relationship who has unresolved trauma to deal with," he informed Josh weakly.

There was something innately calming about the way Josh hummed at that information. "Hmmm. Well, as another person in this relationship who has unresolved trauma, I'm here for you if you need to talk about it right now. I can also try to distract you from it if that sounds better at the moment, or I can hang up and give you some space. You can just let me know what you need me to do, and I'll do it."

The tears burning at Tyler's eyes were threatening to spill over despite the absolute relief that washed over him. "You have no idea how grateful I am that you exist and want to be in my life," Tyler told Josh a bit shakily.

Josh laughed. "Oh yeah. I'm really benefitting you a lot from in here. I'm sure."

"Oh my god, Josh. Sometimes I want to yell at everyone in your family for not telling you how good you are at loving people and making the world a better place, even from a distance. I genuinely can't even imagine how many people's lives are going to improve when you get out in June. Everything about my life is better with you in it. I was literally just about to start crying in my car because I have to pretend to be a parent again for the millionth time, and out of nowhere you just called me and made me feel like everything is okay again. You deserve a better life because you make the lives of everyone around you better, and I'm never going to fucking let you forget that," Tyler told Josh sternly despite how pathetic and teary his voice sounded as he spoke.

Unsurprisingly, Josh was quiet for a moment as he digested that. A tear did finally break free and roll down Tyler's cheek when Josh told him sincerely, "Ty, I'm sorry you're having to be a parent again. That's not fair to you. If you need to break down about it, you can. I don't blame you. I'll stay here and sit with you if you need me to. I know it's not really the same over the phone, but you shouldn't have to deal with shit like that alone. You shouldn't have to deal with shit like that, period. You don't have kids. Your siblings aren't your responsibility."

"My little brother got suspended. I don't know what for, but apparently either I can come get him or the cops can," Tyler admitted, somehow feeling both heavier and lighter as the words passed his lips. "I'm supposed to take him to stay with Tatum until Zack gets home and can start sorting through all the legal stuff, but I don't even know what he did yet. Fuck, he's only fifteen. I don't even know what he could've done. He's gotten busted for possession a few times, and Zack, Maddy, and my dad always find a way to get him off for it, but I always have to be the one who picks him up and deals with the school and talks to him about what he did wrong and.... I wish you could come with me. I don't want to do this by myself."

He felt guilty when he heard Josh sigh into the phone. "Yeah, well, I'm not sure how helpful I'd be in that situation. Your brother's only been caught with...what? Weed? Alcohol? That's gotta be a misdemeanour for a rich white kid, and he's never been charged, which is lucky for him. I'm a felon, so I'm not a great person to show up and vouch for his character. I'm better used as a bad example to scare kids straight."

For a moment, Tyler had to seriously think back to remember if he'd ever really considered the fact that Josh was a felon, but it didn't really feel like it mattered that much to him. He knew Josh, and he loved the hell out of him regardless. "I don't only want you around when you're useful to me. Sometimes I miss you just because you're my favourite person and I only get to see you for fifteen minutes a day. You're, like, my person. I tell you everything and feel safer with you around. That's why I'd want you to come. Not because I think you'd give me some sort of leverage or something. I just would feel less alone and less overwhelmed with you there."

There was a brief pause again before Josh offhandedly informed him, "I met Hoppus's son and dog yesterday."

Tyler's eyebrows knitted together despite the smile that slowly crept up on him. "Yeah? How did that go?"

"Good. Their dog is disgusting, but I love him, and Jack is a good kid," Josh reported, making Tyler laugh. He hesitated before telling Tyler, "He asked me about you."

"About me?" Tyler asked as he finally exited the freeway. "What about me?"

Not for the first time, Tyler noticed that Josh seemed to revert back to silence instead of communicating whatever was on his mind. Tyler had noticed a couple different causes for this over the time he'd known him: a trauma response, or a simple delay in his social development that left him with a slight middle school mentality when it came to a few topics or situations. He quickly realized that it was likely a tender balance between the two when Josh finally managed to get out the words.

"H-h-he a-ask-asked if you were-were my...b-buh-bo-boyfriend." Josh's words ended abruptly, likely an attempt to shut himself down for stuttering and giving himself up so quickly.

A slight smile tugged at the corners of Tyler's lips as he pictured Josh blushing from the effort of getting such intimidating words out. Tyler knew he should feel more apprehensive about the idea of having a boyfriend who was a convicted felon that was currently serving time, but Josh just wasn't someone who threw up red flags for Tyler. If anything, he made Tyler feel safer and more genuinely valued than anyone else in his life really ever had. No one Tyler had ever dated was as attentive to Tyler's comfort, needs, thoughts, and values as Josh was. It was a strange thought, but Tyler would be unbelievably lucky to wind up with someone like Josh.

"What did you tell him?" Tyler asked curiously.

"Hoppus changed the subject right away so I wouldn't have to answer," Josh told him quietly. He hesitated before asking, "What w-would-d you ha-have-have s-s-s-said?"

For a moment, Tyler's mind was completely clear of anything but his relationship with Josh. He wasn't on the verge of tears anymore, and his hands were no longer shaking. All of his trauma responses had slowly been replaced by a warm comfort that only seemed to multiply with every additional second of Josh talking to him. Josh was a safe and welcoming place to rest when everything else felt too overwhelming, and when Josh was too overwhelmed by everything he was going through, Tyler genuinely loved being a safe place for Josh to land as well. In a lot of ways, they were already functioning within a partnership. Some part of Tyler knew that they had both been aware of that for a while.

"I think this is an in-person conversation, which might sound kind of scary to you or like I'm dodging the question, but I genuinely just think it'll be easier for both of us to know for sure how we feel about this if we're in the same room. Is it okay if we talk about this tonight after I deal with Jay, finish up at work, and finally get to come see you?" Tyler asked hopefully, trying to sound as reasonable as possible in case Josh was already walling himself up to prepare for rejection. Just to be safe, he added, "For the record, I'm not saying no right now. I just want to be able to see your face when we talk about this. Well, and in general. I really just kind of miss your face."

He smiled gratefully when Josh laughed at that, even if he could hear how flustered and uncertain Josh was. "Okay," he replied quietly, and Tyler knew he was afraid he'd stutter again if he said more.

"Hey, can I let you in on a little secret?" Tyler asked as he pulled into the school parking lot, surprisingly feeling too comforted by Josh's warmth to become overly anxious about the situation at hand.

"Uh-huh," Josh agreed quietly.

Tyler was still smiling as he opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by the electronic female voice reporting, "You have one minute remaining."

Sighs emanated from both ends of the phone, but Tyler still said the words he'd wanted Josh to hear before. "No matter what we decide tonight, I'm still going to keep coming to see you and calling you and checking in with you and loving you. We don't have to be in a relationship for any of that. You don't owe me anything for that either, so you don't have to feel obligated to do or say anything you don't want to. I'll be here for you as long as you still want me to be, and I'm not going to disappear on you anytime soon. Okay?"

Josh was quiet for a moment before Tyler heard, probably for the first time, what had to be one of Josh's biggest insecurities being said aloud: "Um, Ty? This is dumb, but...would it make a big difference on how you...um, felt about me...depending on whether I got released or had to stay in here?"

That hadn't really crossed Tyler's mind much. The likelihood of Josh not getting out just seemed so small when he knew him so well. Tyler hummed quietly, thinking about it for a moment as he parked his car. It didn't take long for him to decide, "I think everything will be okay as long as I get to see you or talk to you every day. Obviously I'd rather you were out where I could see you, talk to you, and be with you whenever I want, but I'll take whatever I can get. I just wanna be with you. The where and how don't feel very important."

"God, it's so fucking pathetic how important you are to me. Let me know how things go with your brother, okay? I bet he's really relieved you're there, even if he doesn't act like it. You've been there for him more consistently than your parents have been, so he's probably feeling less anxious about everything now that he knows you're gonna be there, even if he knows he's still going to be in trouble. Believe me. Even when you're the problem child in your family, you have certain people that you feel less ashamed to be a problem around. I'm willing to bet you're one of the few people he actually cares about not letting down," was Josh's incredibly vulnerable and comforting response, making Tyler smile widely.

"I love you so much," Tyler replied honestly. "I'm at the school now, so I'm going to go in and be a parent for a minute. Thank you for keeping me sane and being here for me. I'm hoping I'll be able to come see you right after work, but if Jay needs me-"

"Be there for Jay," Josh interrupted immediately. "I really doubt he's doing dumb shit just because he's a dumb kid. Frangipane is on shift for the night, so I won't be alone in here or anything if your brother needs you. Don't worry about me. Just take take care of yourself first and your brother second. Everything else is going to be fine." When Tyler was too flustered to respond for a second, Josh remembered to add, "I love you too."

Tyler couldn't remember a single moment in his life when someone had been so completely understanding and accepting of him and what he was going through. Just twenty minutes ago, he'd been hanging from a rapidly unraveling thread with no one there to catch him. Of course, Josh had once again offered him a safe place to land when he needed it most. Tyler had never felt so much love for one person in his entire life.

"If I don't see you tonight, call me tomorrow at this time, okay? I'll be at lunch, and I'll tell you everything that happened. Then I'll come in tomorrow night too. I really miss you though, so I'm pretty sure you'll see me tonight," Tyler insisted as he picked up his phone, hating that he knew the call was going to end in just a few seconds and that he'd have to go in without Josh as soon as it did.

"Okay," Josh agreed quietly, his smile audible.

Knowing Josh was still on suicide watch and probably wouldn't have a great time waiting for Tyler to come in, Tyler proposed, "I'll trade you a cool rock or something if you draw me a picture by the time I get there."

Josh laughed. "A picture of what?" He asked amusedly.

"Surprise me," Tyler provided.

"No! You have to tell me what. That's so annoy-" Josh laughed out, but the call ended mid-sentence, taking all of the warmth filling Tyler's chest with it.

His chest felt tight as he turned his car off and stuffed his phone and keys into his pockets before climbing out of his car, locking it before walking through the parking lot toward the school. He watched the ground as he walked, only able to satiate the pain of missing Josh by trying to find the rock he'd promised. By the time he'd made it to the headmaster's office, he had the perfect stone in his hand. It was flat, about one inch thick and three inches wide, perfectly round, and almost looked pink. It felt a bit comforting to hold it in his palm as he sat next to his brother in one of the wooden chairs in the hallway.

Instead of immediately lecturing Jay like he was used to doing, Tyler just sat down beside his little brother, who he realized was incapable of sitting still or making eye contact. He leaned into Tyler though, resting his head on his shoulder as he picked at his nails with shaky fingers.

"I'm sorry," Jay told him for the thousandth time.

Tyler thought about what Josh had said about Jay feeling more comfortable relying on him because he was more consistently present in his life than their parents had been. He studied his (not so) little brother for a moment as it sunk in for him that he wasn't the only one his parents had abandoned. Jay couldn't even get them to pay attention to him by getting in trouble with the law. What was it going to take for them to finally show up for him? Was he going to have to wind up in the same facility as Josh before their parents paid attention?

Tyler wrapped his arm around Jay's shoulders, being reminded of how little physical touch was administered in his family when Jay initially flinched beneath the weight. Tyler didn't remove his arm though, allowing Jay the chance to relax after a moment. He smiled when Jay leaned into him a little more.

"I love you, but I don't love that we only hang out when I'm helping you get out of trouble at school. You do realize you could just come over to my house and watch a game sometime or something, right?" Tyler told Jay, smiling when he saw his little brother's face light up a bit at the words.

"You're always at work," Jay pointed out quietly.

"Name one time I haven't left work to come help you out at school when you're in trouble," Tyler challenged, making Jay's cheeks flush. "I would much rather take some time off work to do something fun with you than to come help you not get busted for smoking pot in the bathroom."

Jay was quiet for a moment before telling Tyler, "I haven't seen Mom and Dad for two weeks. They're pretty much always in their offices, so I'm always just home alone, and I hate it. I miss when you guys still lived at home. It sucks being the only one there. Plus I can't even drive yet, so I'm just stranded there all alone. I hate it."

That hadn't crossed Tyler's mind at all. He'd never once considered what it would be like to be the last kid stuck at home with his parents. It had to be hell. He couldn't imagine it being anything else.

"We'll pick up some of your stuff on our way to Zack's, and you can stay at my place for a week or so, okay? I'll talk to Dad about that and see what I can do too. Until then, you can stay with me. I don't really get home until after six most nights, but I'll at least be able to take you to school every morning and eat dinner with you and stuff. Maybe you can spend some time with Tatum too. We'll figure something out. You shouldn't be neglected like that though, and I'm not going to let Mom and Dad do that anymore. That's not cool," Tyler told Jay, who seemed to cling to every word that was spoken.

For a brief moment, Tyler saw a boy with freckled cheeks, stretched ears, and a mess of unruly curls sitting in front of him, so he hugged his little brother tightly. Of course Josh had been so sympathetic about Jay. He'd been Jay. He'd been neglected like this. The only difference was that he'd never been able to ask for help, and no one else had ever offered it.

When the headmaster opened his door to call the two of them in, Tyler squeezed Jay's hand before leading him inside. His little brother wasn't going to be alone in this. Tyler was going to make damn sure of that, and he was going to make damn sure that Josh knew he wasn't alone anymore either. Tyler wasn't a parent, and it wasn't his responsibility to raise Jay anymore, but that didn't mean he couldn't be his big brother still. Josh had been right about him being the most consistent person in Jay's life, but Josh was also the most consistent person in Tyler's right now. The more Tyler thought about it, the more he realized what a partnership they had really formed.

Josh had just coached him through helping Jay without taking on a parenting role, and he'd been completely mindful and supportive of Tyler's emotions and boundaries while doing so. He'd also done all of that over the phone without even meeting Jay. He knew Tyler well enough to do that. That was how strong and stable their relationship was at the moment, and it seemed kind of like a waste to pretend that this was only a friendship just because they didn't know for sure if Josh was getting out yet. If Josh could be that loving and supportive as a partner over the phone, Tyler couldn't see any real reason in worrying about whether or not they'd be able to sustain a relationship if Josh didn't get out in June, and if Josh did get out in June, Tyler couldn't wait to finally be able to have unlimited access to his favourite person on the planet.