***Trigger warning for a panic attack.***

Start the song. It's Comfort by Julia Jacklin.

Seeing Josh had become the only thing Tyler really ever thought about. It was a reason to get up in the morning, a way to turn the pain of what Jenna had done into a genuine exchange of kindness and support between two people who didn't really have anyone else to lean on. Josh felt like family. He felt like home.

Maybe Tyler's eagerness to get out of the front door and to go see Josh was the reason he was too distracted to realize there was someone on his porch. He didn't notice until he was practically crashing into her, apologising profusely as he caught her before she could fall off of the porch and into the snow that covered the lawn.

"Shit! I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. That's my bad. I'm so sorry. I...." Tyler's words trailed off when his sudden panic collapsed onto the frozen cement in front of him, rapidly being replaced by a heavy numbness that squeezed his chest tightly. "Jenna, what are you doing here?" He asked quietly, feeling sick as the words left his lips.

Jenna's freckled cheeks were pink from more than just the cold. She seemed to be just as taken off guard as he was, sputtering for a second before she could even speak.

When she recovered, she held her hand out and told him a bit shakily, "I forgot I had a spare key in my car. I thought you'd be at work, so I was just going to leave it under the mat and text Tatum to let you know it was there. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be home. Why are you home?"

Tyler blinked, his mouth hanging open stupidly as he struggled to recollect his thoughts despite the anxiety, anger, and outright grief that were all fighting for control over his body. Jenna shifted nervously, glancing at her car as if she wasn't sure if she should wait for him to take they key or if she should get the hell out of dodge.

Finally, Tyler managed to say, "I'm leaving now."

Jenna nodded slightly, looking both hesitant and concerned. "I'm sorry for just showing up. I swear I didn't think you'd be home. You're never home at this time. I figured-"

"I really have to leave," Tyler stated, having to force his voice to refrain from trembling as he spoke. A panic attack was building inside of him, and he didn't want her to see it, didn't trust her to be there while he was vulnerable.

Jenna cleared her throat, immediately stepping out of his way. "Right. Sorry. I should go too. Um, sorry again. Have a good day."

Tyler was struggling to keep himself calm. All of his energy was being directed toward stabilising his breathing as Jenna took his hand and set the key inside before turning to leave. He didn't realize he hadn't moved until Jenna stopped halfway to her car and looked him up and down worriedly.

"Ty?" She asked softly, and he knew she could see right through his attempts to stay calm. Of course she could. She'd seen him break down at least a thousand times. She knew the signs. "Ty, you aren't breathing. Do you need to sit down or something?"

Tyler's face felt hot as he shook his head stiffly. He stumbled backward toward the front door, turning around and opening it when he felt the cold wood beneath his fingertips. He was going to explode. He was going to break down completely any second now, and he definitely wasn't going to do that on his front porch.

"Ty?" Jenna repeated, sounding even more concerned than before.

Tyler was inside though, so he closed the door tightly behind himself, kicked his shoes off mechanically, dropped the key thoughtlessly onto the floor, and stumbled inside until he could collapse onto his couch. He covered his face with his hands as the breakdown hit, tearing a strangled sob out of his chest. Once the first tears began to spill over, there was no stopping the inevitable flood that followed. He didn't know how long he sat on his couch, holding his head in his hands as he sobbed his throat raw. It felt like he'd just caught her with that other guy for the first time. It felt like coming home to find Kennedy with someone else day after day without knowing how to make her stop. It felt like there was something so wrong with him that no one could ever really love him-not for long at least.

By the time Tyler managed to stop crying, his head was throbbing. His vision was blurry no matter how hard he tried to blink away the fog, and he felt like he was going to throw up. The migraine hit him all at once, and then he was furious. Jenna had already taken so much from him, but triggering a migraine that would prevent him from going to see Josh was the last straw.

Angry tears filled Tyler's already burning eyes as he stood up slowly, wincing when even the slightest movement made the pain in his head increase tenfold and made him even more nauseated. His hands were shaking by the time he finally stumbled back to his room, making it hard for him to undress and climb back into bed. He pulled the covers up over his head, shielding himself from any and all light that the blackout curtains on the window might have allowed to slip through before crying himself to sleep like the pathetic, unlovable, spineless child he was.

---

Tyler woke up multiple times, only gathering the strength to go to the bathroom and take his medication around the fourth time he woke up. He swallowed it down with a glass of water before climbing back to bed and drifting off into a restless sleep. It took two hours for the pills to kick in and kill enough of the pain for him to be semi-functional. It was still a loss though. He couldn't drive for the rest of the day now, not even if the pain was eventually swallowed up completely. His medication left him too spacey go drive. He just had to accept that he wouldn't see Josh today, which was truly the cherry on top of the giant pile of shit this day had been.

It wasn't until about seven o'clock in the evening that his phone rang, and he ignored the residual pain and fogginess in his head as he shot off the bed to find his phone in his jeans. The number wasn't familiar, but the numbers Josh called him from generally changed from day to day, only repeating every once in a while. Tyler answered without hesitation.

He was greeted with a familiar automated female voice that said, "Hello, this is a prepaid call from Joshua Dun, an inmate at the Franklin County Correctional Facility. Call forwarding is unauthorized, and may result in disciplinary action to the inmate. To accept this call, press 5. To refu-"

Tyler pressed the button without hesitation.

The voice continued. "Thank you. Your call may be monitored or recorded. You may begin speaking now."

It wasn't until Tyler started speaking that he realized how wrecked his voice was from crying and how lethargic his brain was from his migraine. "Josh! Hey. I'm so sorry. I was g'na c'm'in, but-" He started to slur out, sounding like an inebriated frog.

Relief unlike anything he'd ever felt washed over him when he heard Josh chuckle. "Dude, no offence, but you sound terrible."

Tyler let out a quiet puff of air. "Long day," he reasoned.

"Migraine stuff?" Josh asked knowingly.

"Partially," Tyler replied, lying back down in an attempt to make the world stop spinning around him. "Jenna showed up to my house out of the blue. Freaked me out. Hence the migraine."

Josh hummed his understanding. "Permission to call her a bitch?"

"Granted," Tyler replied without missing a beat.

"What a fucking bitch," Josh replied easily, making Tyler smile slightly. "What the hell was she thinking showing up at your house like that? She can't just pop in to say hello after being a bitch all the time. That's insane."

"She was dropping off her spare key and figured I'd be at work," Tyler explained tiredly. "I'm sorry I didn't come in, Josh. I really promise I would've been there if I could've been."

Josh sounded completely calm as he reassured Tyler, "Dude, no worries. You had a shitty day and didn't feel good. That's not your fault. You can come in another time on a day when you haven't just been ambushed by some dumb bitch. It's not a big deal. Just take care of your health and stuff. I promise I'll still be here after your migraine passes. It's not exactly like I'm planning on leaving town or anything."

Tyler chuckled. "Yeah, I guess not. Fuck. I wish I could come talk to you in person though. Or that you could just come here. That would be cool too. Less cinderblock walls and security cameras."

"I wish I had that option. That would be pretty cool. Maybe when I'm eighty," Josh replied, making Tyler roll his eyes, which sent a shooting pain down the back of his skull. He tried to focus on Josh's voice instead of the pain.

"Or in June," Tyler pointed out.

"Maybe," Josh replied halfheartedly. "I'd be down for that."

"Me too," Tyler agreed. He sighed after a moment before asking, "How did you sleep last night?"

"Poorly," Josh replied honestly. "The nightmares should mellow out at some point, right?"

"Maybe. Trauma is tricky. Sometimes it sticks around for a while. It would probably be easier to overcome if you were in therapy, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Tyler told him.

Josh sighed into the receiver. "Trauma sucks."

"So badly," Tyler agreed. "We'll get you through it though. You've got lots of people who are willing to help you out, and we're not going anywhere either, so take as much time as you need."

"Thanks," Josh replied quietly, not doing a very good job at hiding how much that meant to him. "If there's anything I can do to help you with the Jenna thing, let me know. I don't know how helpful I can be from in here, but I'll do what I can."

A smile tugged at the corners of Tyler's cheeks. "Thank you. I really appreciate that."

Josh hummed out a response, likely trying not to sound as emotionally vulnerable in doing so. Tyler understood though, and he truly did appreciate the sentiment.

"Can I complain for a second about literally making it out the door and onto my porch before getting a migraine?" Tyler requested.

"Shoot," Josh replied easily.

"It's really fucking annoying to be looking forward to something and then to have someone show up and shut down my health. If Jenna didn't show up, I would've definitely been well enough to go visit you, and that's literally the only thing I wanted to do today. It seems like she's never going to stop making my life more difficult," Tyler fumed, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the light again as he spoke.

Josh remained quiet in case Tyler had anything else to say, but when it became clear he was done talking, Josh told him in a surprisingly gentle voice, "You know you've got people you can lean on too, right? It's not just you all alone. She may have thrown away her chance to be a part of your life, which I honestly think she's starting to realize was a giant fucking mistake, but there are still people who who have your back. You can be as angry as you need to be. I'm not denying that. You just have to remember that at the end of the day, you're worth more than wasting your time with someone like her."

Tyler took in a deep breath, not really even trying to hide the way it trembled. "Thank you, Josh. That...that really means a lot. God. I'm so glad you exist. Please keep doing that."

He smiled when Josh laughed. "Yeah, I'm working on that. You should probably do that too."

"I will. I promise," Tyler agreed, unable to fight back a smile despite the weak throbbing behind his eyes. "I mean it though. You're my favourite person to talk to, and if there's ever anything you need me to do to make your life better, let me know. I'll help however I can. You're family to me."

Josh was quiet for a second before he supplied Tyler with a timid, "You're family too."

Tyler hesitated before admitting, "When I told you that I love you yesterday, I wasn't consciously thinking that. It just sort of slipped out, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I really would drop everything if you needed help. I really value your thoughts, and I feel like you teach me new things every day. You help me want to be a better person because you are such a good person. You're probably the nicest person I've ever met, and I think everyone could benefit from knowing you. I know you're probably cringing over there because this is super mushy and weird, and I swear I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything, but I just thought you should know that I'm not taking that back. I really do love you. I don't really know in what way, but I do know that I want you in my life for a long time."

There was another pause on Josh's end of the line, and Tyler knew he'd probably said too much. Josh was probably overwhelmed, embarrassed, and uncomfortable from the sudden emotional outpour being dumped into his lap. Tyler swallowed nervously, not willing to lie and say that he hadn't meant that, but also not sure if he should take it all back for Josh's sake.

It seemed like eons passed before Josh said, "I'm not cringing. Just...processing. People don't usually say stuff like that to me. It's, um-" He cleared his throat. "It's a good kind of overwhelming, I guess. I don't know. I, um, I'm not good at like...talking about stuff like this, but I wouldn't have said it back if I didn't mean it, and I wouldn't have called you today if I was freaked out."

Relief washed over Tyler instantly. "So we're still okay?" He asked hopefully.

"We're okay," Josh confirmed.

"Thank God," Tyler replied gratefully, smiling when he heard Josh laugh.

"You really thought I was going to pussy out just because you were nice to me!" Josh teased through a laugh.

Tyler scoffed. "Right because our friendship is totally founded on the fact that both of us are incredibly well-adjusted and emotionally stable people. My bad."

He grinned when Josh snorted. "Well-adjusted and emotionally stable people are a hoax, dude. You should know that. It's your job to know that."

Tyler laughed. "You might be right about that," he replied amusedly.

The automated female voice cut through the conversation then, stating, "You have one minute remaining." Her crackly voice was punctuated by a sigh on either side of the call.

"I'm gonna come see you tomorrow. I promise," Tyler swore.

"Only if you feel better," Josh insisted. "Rest up if you need to. Your health is important."

Tyler smiled. "Okay."

"Promise?" Josh asked seriously.

"Promise what?" Tyler inquired.

"Promise that you'll stay home and relax if you don't feel good tomorrow. I'll just call again if you can't come here, and you can come in another day," Josh bargained.

Tyler chuckled. "I promise," he agreed. "Promise you'll call?"

"I promise," Josh replied, and Tyler could hear the smile in his voice.

"Okay. Good. Hey, I love you. Have a good night. Try to get some sleep," Tyler told Josh warmly.

"Yeah, love you too. I will. See you later," Josh replied, rushing the words to avoid letting too much of his emotions slip through.

Tyler couldn't help but laugh. "Bye, Josh."

He sighed when the call was cut off. He hated the time limits that made it so difficult to communicate with Josh when he wanted to, but he was relieved that he'd at least been able to talk to him today. He set his phone aside before pulling the blankets up over his head again and closing his eyes. He only had to wait a few more months before Josh would be able to talk to Tyler whenever he wanted to. He just had to be patient, and this was something worth waiting for.