***Trigger warnings for PTSD, mentions of assault, survivor's guilt, and a description of gore.***

Start the song. It's A Shitty Love Song by Jye.

Tyler wasn't that surprised when he wound up being asked to keep Mia overnight. He didn't complain, and honestly, he loved spending extra time with one of his absolute favourite people in the world, but he spent the entire night lying awake, worrying about Josh.

His sister was unsurprisingly a bit shocked when he left his house at the same time she did after she'd picked Mia up. She stood frozen with her daughter half buckled into a car seat while she watched Tyler lock his front door.

"Where are you going? And why are you smiling?" She asked, not seeming to realize that the question indirectly implied that he should still be lying in his bedroom floor crying at this stage of his breakup.

Tyler shrugged as he walked over to his own car. "Should I not be smiling?" He challenged amusedly, mostly to buy himself time to think of somewhere he could say he was going that wasn't "to the prison to visit my friend who committed arson and manslaughter but I personally think is ready to be released."

Maddy smiled slightly. "Absolutely not. You're never allowed to smile again. That's banned."

"Noted," Tyler replied with a wide smile as he unlocked his car and climbed inside. "Thanks for letting me have a sleepover with Mia!"

"Thanks for letting her sleep over!" Maddy replied, already having forgotten her previous question for her brother.

"Anytime!" Tyler replied, feeling a great deal of relief when he closed his car door and started the vehicle.

He'd only narrowly avoided having to give an explanation, but he was very glad he'd done it. He really needed to either decide on an alibi for the days he did this or decide if he wanted to be honest about it. Somehow, he couldn't see his family of lawyers being very supportive of him befriending an inmate. Thankfully, he didn't have to decide in this moment. Maybe Josh could help him decide what he should do. Tyler didn't really know.

All Tyler knew was that it was very difficult to not speed on his way to the prison. His concern about Josh's mental state remained uncomfortably high all throughout passing through security, but Tyler felt a million times better when he was brought into the visiting room and heard the opposite door buzz.

The guard that brought Josh in was an old man who definitely didn't look capable of handling any level of aggression an inmate might direct at him, which made Tyler wonder if that was why he had been assigned to spend time with Josh today. Josh wasn't really a threat. He wasn't a violent guy.

Josh was quiet as he was uncuffed, not seeming as comfortable with this guard as he had with the other ones Tyler had seen with him. It wasn't that he acted like he was afraid of the guard, it was just that he watched the guard more closely, like he didn't quite trust him. He smiled at Tyler though, and Tyler beamed back easily.

"Dude, you look tired," Josh told him as his cuffs were removed. "How many episodes of that pig show did you have to sit through last night?"

Tyler laughed. "First of all, her name is Peppa," he insisted.

Josh grinned as he sat down. "Any relation to Salt?" He asked amusedly.

"Wow, was that an eighties hip hop reference from Mr. I Don't Know Anything About Music?" Tyler asked with a smirk.

"I know about music. I just don't know lyrics," Josh corrected.

"Ah. That's right," Tyler replied, making Josh grin. Although Tyler didn't mention it aloud, this was the first day he'd seen Josh genuinely smile without forcing himself to shove his emotions down before they were visible. He was getting more comfortable with Tyler. "And for the record, I let Mia watch three episodes yesterday. Then my sister asked if she could leave Mia with me for the night, and she was too excited about sleeping at my house to actually sleep, so I got maybe three hours of sleep last night."

"Great, so it's your turn to have a meltdown in here," Josh decided.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "You didn't have a meltdown last time. I do fully intend to have a real meltdown while I'm here though. I'll start off by discussing some of my lesser traumas, but I'll build my way up until I just have to throw myself on the ground to scream and cry when you least expect it."

"The element of surprise? I love it," Josh replied, catching his smile this time and avoiding eye contact as he forced it away.

Tyler narrowed his eyes slightly, leaning forward. "Fair warning, I'm psychoanalyzing you right now," he reported.

"Why? What did I do?" Josh asked curiously.

"You were gonna smile, but then you didn't let yourself," Tyler explained calmly. "I'm not taking it personally because I've seen you do it before and know its a habit or a protective action or whatever, but I'm tired so I'm thinking out loud. You should probably smile more if you can. You have a nice smile, and smiling is good for you."

"Interesting," Josh replied, stifling another smile as he spoke. "Good observation. I guess that means you have to guess which one of my front teeth got rebuilt by a prison dentist."

Tyler grinned. "What do I get if I'm right?" He asked jokingly.

Josh met the challenge though. "I'll mail you a box of prayer candles that my mom sent me because she forgot I'm in prison for arson and have no way to light them."

"Fuck. Candles from an arsonist? That's one hell of a prize. Let's see your teeth then," Tyler agreed, smiling when his response made Josh forget to hide his smile.

Josh bared his teeth though, waiting patiently as Tyler looked them over. His eyes followed Tyler when he leaned in closer to look at them more closely, and he smiled slightly when Tyler hummed quietly. He closed his mouth and looked expectantly at Tyler when he finally sat back in his chair.

"Trick question. It's both of your front teeth," Tyler decided.

"You sure you don't wanna phone a friend?" Josh asked in a serious tone, making Tyler laugh.

"Nope. I'm pretty sure. My brother chipped a tooth once, and the dentist told him the fake part they put on his tooth stained more easily. Your front teeth are the same colour, so it's gotta be both. Or neither? I'm gonna say both. Locking that in as my final answer," Tyler concluded.

Josh laughed. "Guess I owe you some candles then thanks to my tooth stains."

Tyler grinned. "Believe me. I'm not judging anyone's teeth. Mine are a fucking mess. Two lawyers for parents, and they never once thought to buy me braces. Blows my mind."

Josh grinned. "Braces are overrated," he insisted. "And I say that as someone whose braces were probably purchased with your parents' tax dollars."

"So you're telling me that all I have to do to get straight teeth for free is be incarcerated?" Tyler asked, pretending to actually consider it.

"My teeth aren't completely straight, and all the orthodontists I ever had were college students who used me as a guinea pig, but if that's your thing...." Josh added with a smirk.

"I'll just stay janky, I guess," Tyler replied, surprising a completely genuine laugh out of Josh. The sound made Tyler smile widely.

"I don't really think janky is a real word, but even if it is, you're not janky," Josh insisted. His eyes lit up suddenly. "Oh, hey! I was gonna tell you, I found my copy of Catcher in the Rye yesterday."

"Did she survive?" Tyler asked hopefully.

"Completely unscathed," Josh confirmed, and Tyler couldn't help but notice how relieved he looked when he said it.

"Yay!" Tyler cheered, making Josh smile again. "I was fully prepared to mail you another one if necessary. If any of your other books are trashed though, I can totally help you replace those. I'm the kind of person who can't even dog-ear pages in my books, so I feel pretty passionate about replenishing damaged libraries for my friends."

"Nah, don't worry about that. That's nice of you, but you totally don't have to do that," Josh replied reflexively. "People keep offering to do that, but I'd feel weird about letting anyone buy me stuff. It's bad enough that Hoppus and Frangipane buy me candy all the time, and candy bars are only a dollar or whatever."

Tyler nodded his understanding. "I get that," he commented. "It's weird enough for me when my parents try to buy me things, but it's worse when it's people who didn't raise me. Plus, my parents do it because they think I'm super poor or something since I'm not a lawyer. My mom always tries to give me money when I see her because she thinks I'm destitute or whatever. It's definitely a privileged problem to have, but it does get kind of frustrating when I want to be independent and not have to owe my parents anything."

"I always figured psychologists were all super rich and stuff since they're doctors," Josh admitted.

Tyler shook his head. "It depends on the psychologist. I do okay, but I'm not a millionaire or anything."

"Great. There goes my plan of leeching onto you and draining your bank account for my own personal gain," Josh mused, making Tyler laugh.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Tyler retorted. "I'll definitely hit you up after I sell Jenna's ring though."

It kind of surprised Tyler that he'd felt comfortable enough to joke about that, but it surprised him more that the feelings of depression or dread that he was accustomed to experiencing when he thought about Jenna never came. He felt stable. He felt safe enough to joke.

"She didn't do that weird thing chicks do in movies where they throw their ring into the wilderness or off a bridge or some shit like that?" Josh asked, further distancing Tyler from the negative emotions he should probably be feeling right now.

"Nope. I took it back right after I caught her with that other guy," Tyler replied, only feeling a tinge of pain before Josh stomped it out again.

"You should've stolen those shitty orange shoes too, dude. Made that fucker walk home barefoot in the snow. Fuck, dude. I think the only living thing that can pull off orange feet is ducks," Josh insisted, making Tyler laugh again.

"Do ducks even have orange feet in real life, or is that a cartoon thing? Y'know, like how carrots aren't actually very good for rabbits, but every cartoon rabbit eats nothing but carrots," Tyler proposed.

Josh grinned. "Are you trying to impress me with your knowledge of rabbits?"

"Is it working?" Tyler whispered back jokingly.

"Little bit," Josh replied through a smirk.

They both laughed, and Tyler couldn't help being relieved by how carefree Josh seemed today despite having suffered through a few bad days leading up to this one. Josh seemed safe right now, or stable at the very least.

"Is it snowing today?" Josh asked curiously.

"A little," Tyler reported. "Do you get to go outside today?"

"Yeah, but I have to wait until Hoppus is on duty. This old guy is kinda scared of me for some reason, so they're making me wait until the next shift starts," Josh informed him. When Tyler glanced at the old man, worried to see if he'd been offended by Josh's words, Josh added, "He's pretty much completely deaf, so he has no fucking clue what I'm saying. He's finally retiring this year. I'm fucking glad too. He's one of the creepy guards who stares at you weird in the shower. There's a couple of those."

"Well that's highly disconcerting," Tyler replied, glancing warily at the old man again.

Josh shrugged. "You get used to it, I guess. Besides, he'll be out of here soon, and I can put off showering until Hoppus gets here too. I've been here long enough to know which guards to avoid. It kinda comes with the territory. Probably best for you to keep your crooked teeth."

Tyler smiled slightly at Josh's final comment despite how much the rest of what he'd said broke his heart. "Sorry you've had to grow up around that. It's gonna be nice to be able to shower alone in a few months."

"Yeah, that'll be kinda weird," Josh replied, picking at his thumb nail and avoiding Tyler's gaze. "I also think it'll be weird to wear jeans again since I'm used to wearing this shit all the time. Jeans are way tougher than this stuff. It might take some getting used to."

"You'll get to sleep in an actual comfy bed, go outside whenever you want, eat whatever you want, see your family whenever you want-" Tyler listed, trying to shift back to positive things since Josh looked a little overwhelmed. Josh physically shrunk in on himself at the sound of the last suggestion though, so Tyler stopped talking. "Sorry. I'm not trying to overwhelm you or anything."

"No, I know. It's okay," Josh replied quietly, not looking up at Tyler. He sounded more like he had the night before, and Tyler was scrambling through his memory to figure out what he'd said to make Josh feel unsafe.

They were quiet for a second as Josh silently processed whatever it was he needed to. Tyler held his breath, not sure what to say or what not to say right now. Finally, he settled on, "If you need to be not okay for a second, I could give you that first hug I owe you."

Josh didn't looked up from his hands for a moment. When he did, he looked exhausted. He cleared his throat, avoiding eye contact as he nodded slightly and whispered, "Okay."

Tyler nodded too, standing up without hesitation. The guard in the corner looked confused when Josh stood up and let Tyler hug him. He made himself seem a bit smaller as he allowed Tyler's arms to wrap around him, making it possible for Tyler to set his chin on top of Josh's head. Tyler made sure not to pull away before Josh did. He'd hug Josh for as long as Josh needed him to, and it quickly became apparent that he might need a while.

"Do you wanna talk about what's bothering you, or do you feel more comfortable with just a hug?" Tyler asked carefully.

"Just a hug," Josh replied quietly. "Sorry."

"No worries. You don't have anything to apologize for. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, and I'm good with hugs. Like I said the other day, I'm touchy. That sounds gross, but I just mean that I show love through hugs and holding people's hands and stuff like that. That might sound weird too. I don't know. I'm kind of sleep-deprived," Tyler tried to explain.

"No, I get it. I'm like that too sometimes. It kind of depends on the person though. I have to really trust someone to be okay with letting them touch me. Like, when my mom or one of my sisters comes in, I hug them a lot and hold their hands and stuff, but if someone touches me when I'm not expecting it or I don't know them really well, I panic," Josh confided.

Tyler nodded as he processed that. "So you're trusting me a lot right now?" He voiced.

"Yeah," Josh replied quietly. "I'm not really sure why I trust you so much, but I don't really stutter that much around you, and I kind of tend to tell you things I don't tell other people without thinking about the fact that I'm telling you."

"I'm glad you feel like you can trust me. I trust you too. I tell you a lot of things I don't tell other people too, and I'm not sure why. I just feel like you listen without judging, and you give really solid advice. Plus, you're hilarious, so talking to you is really fun. I feel like I can talk to you about really serious things without getting too bummed out," Tyler confided as well.

Tyler was kind of glad that Josh was facing away from the guard because he was staring at them. Josh still hadn't broken the hug, and Tyler knew it was probably because he just really needed to feel safe and comforted right now while he processed what was going on in his head, but the guard definitely wasn't on board.

"It's easy for me to talk to you about stuff too. That's kinda new for me," Josh replied. "I don't really talk to people about the things that bother me, but it's easy to talk to you for some reason. I think that's why I called you yesterday instead of my mom or someone. Everyone else I know would've gotten mad at me for even thinking about...that...and I think that would've made things worse. I knew you'd just listen though. I don't know. That's probably a lot to ask of you."

"You never really asked anything from me. I offered. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to. You're important to me though, and your happiness is too," Tyler insisted.

"Orange usually is tied to bad things in your life though, and I'm like, consistently orange," Josh pointed out.

Tyler laughed. "Yeah, well, the cycle has to break at some point, right?"

"Yeah," Josh replied quietly. He sighed before pulling away from Tyler, not really saying anything as he sat back down and watched Tyler do the same. After a second, he asked, "Can I tell you something kind of personal?"

"Yeah, of course," Tyler replied easily.

"You can't, like, tell people outside of here. I think my parents would be mad at me if it wound up on the internet and stuff," Josh told him seriously, still acting incredibly timid.

Tyler nodded, sitting forward and holding his pinkie out to Josh, making him smile slightly. "I won't tell anyone anything, and if I did, I'd have to go back to law school," he bargained.

Josh breathed out a chuckle as he linked his pinkie with Tyler's. He didn't let go of it immediately like he usually did, studying Tyler's face carefully before giving up the secret. "So, um, I haven't seen my dad in years. He doesn't come in here, and I kind of found out he's got this whole new life in Cleveland with another lady and a kid and stuff."

This wasn't news to Tyler. He knew about Mr. Dun's other family from Abbie, but he nodded and remained supportive anyway. When Tyler didn't say anything judgmental or ask for additional information, Josh continued, looking a bit relieved to have control over the way this information was delivered.

"He came in with my little sister yesterday though, and he said some shit. I guess I did too, so maybe I just proved his point, but I've felt sick about since then," Josh stated, which was definitely news to Tyler. The surprise must have shown on his face because Josh continued explaining. "He tried to talk to me like nothing had changed, like he hadn't fucked off for almost two years without even trying to talk to me. I just...I got mad. I told him he isn't my dad and that I don't want him to be. I tried to just focus on Abbie and to make sure she was okay because it was the first time I've seen her since the riot, but my dad just kept butting in. Hoppus tried to shut it down, but then my dad said some shit about how Hoppus doesn't know what it's like to have a son who's a killer and stuff, and I don't know. I know that probably sucks for my dad, but it really sucked to hear him say it out loud."

It took only a fraction of a second for Tyler's mind to switch from understanding to protective. "Josh, you never meant to hurt anyone. You took the most severe punishment against the counsel of your lawyer because you wanted that family to have justice. You aren't a killer. Maybe it is hard for your dad to cope with having a son who's in prison, and I'm sure that's a difficult thing to do, but that's not an excuse for abandoning you, lying to you, and forcing you to go years without a dad just because of a mistake you made when you were thirteen. You were a kid, Josh. You were a kid who was trying to cope with massive mental health issues alone, and it's not your fault that you couldn't shoulder that. You needed help. You needed someone to listen to you and to tell you that you were going to be okay, but you didn't have that. You haven't had that for a really long time. I don't blame you for not wanting to have your dad around after that. I wouldn't either."

Surprise was evident on Josh's face as he listened to Tyler. His pinkie was still linked with Tyler's as he sat quietly for a second to absorb that. Then he was taking a deep, somewhat shaky breath.

"You don't have to make excuses for me," he told Tyler hesitantly.

"I know. That's not what I'm trying to do. What I'm trying to do is help you understand that you're still a good person, and you still deserve to be loved and supported. You're still capable of positive change, and you've proven that. Look how far you've come since you set the fire. You know what you did was wrong. You know that there had to be consequences, and you've taken them without question. That's not something a bad person would do, Josh. You are a lot of things, but you aren't a bad person, and you aren't a killer," Tyler told him firmly, keeping his voice just soft enough to hopefully help Josh from feeling like he was being lectured. He added sincerely, "Josh, I'm so proud of you for how far you've come, and you should be proud of that too."

Josh avoided Tyler's eyes when tears started to form in his. He nodded slightly, still not releasing Tyler's pinkie. He sniffled quietly when Tyler unhooked their pinkies before taking Josh's hand carefully in his.

"Josh, you've earned a second chance. You really have," he said softly.

His heart broke when Josh shook his head, removing his hand from Tyler's grasp. He left it on the table where the guard could see it, but he wasn't touching Tyler anymore.

"No, Tyler. There are things you don't know. Bad things still happen because of me. People set fires because of me. They write me about it, and I don't write back because I don't want to encourage them, but sometimes they send me more letters talking about how they set even bigger fires after. Even the riot, Tyler," he insisted, his voice breaking slightly. "Stuff happened during it that...that no one outside of this prison knows about. Bad stuff, Tyler. Really bad stuff."

Tyler hesitated. "What kind of stuff?" He asked, not wanting to believe that the Josh he knew had done something to harm anyone else since the fire.

Josh looked small. He looked smaller than Tyler had ever seen him as he whispered weakly, "Someone died because of me. Brutally. So bad that I only remember pieces of what happened."

"The guy who hurt you?" Tyler asked quietly, remembering what Josh had told him during this last visit.

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, like he couldn't even look at Tyler with this memory floating around in his mind. He nodded stiffly. "I didn't-I didn't hurt him, but it was because of me. H-he did-didn't even look like a person anymore, Tyler. His head.... Tyler, it was just...f-fuck-fucking sludge. B-blood was ev-everywhere. His b-b-buh-br-brains were all over me. I didn't do it, but it was because of me. It was my fault."

Tyler's stomach lurched, and he wanted to be sick, but not as much as he wanted to protect Josh from this. He wanted to take the memory out of Josh's head and destroy it so he'd stop revisiting it and finding more reasons to blame himself.

Since that wasn't an option, he asked, "Josh, why do you think that was your fault if you didn't hurt him?"

Josh's hands were shaking, and his eyes avoided Tyler's at all costs when they opened. He shook his head, chewing his bottom lip harshly. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, looking somehow immersed in the fear and guilt he was feeling and completely detached at the same time. Tyler didn't blame Josh for how much this trauma had affected him, but he also needed to know that Josh wasn't really part of the reason a man had been killed so barbarically.

Finally, Josh whispered weakly, "Because he w-wuh-w-was t-trying to hurt m-muh-me when it happened. And then a-an-noth-another guy s-started to b-beat him up with-with a p-p-pipe-"

Tyler shook his head instantly, leaning forward and gently tilting Josh's head up so he'd look at him. Never in Tyler's life had he seen that much pain and guilt in another person's eyes. "Josh, that is not your fault," he told him firmly, keeping his expression gentle enough to let Josh know that he was still safe. "What happened to him is not your fault. That is not on your hands. He was in the wrong, and whether he deserved to die for it is debatable, but I can tell you for a fact that his death was not your fault. You didn't kill him. You were in danger, and someone else stepped in. That's it. That's the truth. None of that is your fault."

"That's not what my m-mom would say," Josh replied weakly.

"She's wrong," Tyler told him simply.

"But-"

"She's wrong," Tyler stated again. "You're a good person, Josh. You aren't a killer. You aren't evil. You aren't wrong. You aren't a burden. You aren't a cross to bear. You aren't damned. You aren't beyond forgiveness. You are good."

When Josh immediately leaned across the table and hugged him, Tyler hugged him back tightly. He hugged Josh even tighter when he felt how severely the other man was shaking. He didn't think about it much as he pressed a kiss to the top of Josh's head before resting his cheek there.

"You're going to be okay," he promised gently. "I'll help you however I can, but I need you to know that you deserve a second chance. You deserve to be happy someday. You really do."

His chest ached when he heard Josh ask in a tiny, fearful voice, "You're gonna come back, right?"

"Absolutely," he replied without hesitation. "And you can call me whenever you need me, okay? Always. I'm here for you. You aren't going to scare me off. I promise. You don't scare me at all because I know that you're a good person. I really do."

"Thank you," Josh told him quietly, sincerely.

"Two more minutes," the guard said disinterestedly.

Tyler hugged Josh tighter. "I'll come back tomorrow. I promise," he swore.

"I know," Josh replied timidly.

"And I'll keep my phone with me all day today in case you need to talk. I'll be around if you need me. I swear," Tyler added.

"I know," Josh repeated.

Tyler nodded, rubbing Josh's back softly. "You're going to be okay, Josh. You're going to make it out of here, and when you get out, you can bet your ass Mia is going to make you watch Peppa Pig with her."

He smiled when his words surprised a laugh out of Josh. Josh was smiling too when he released Tyler again and sat back down. "Right. I'm sure her parents would love for me to hang around their baby."

"Actually, I think my sister would think you're hilarious, and her husband is the human form of granola. He doesn't have opinions about anything," Tyler pointed out, making Josh laugh again. "I think you'll be just fine."

"Thanks, Tyler," Josh told him. "Seriously. For everything."

"You don't have to thank me. This is what you do when you care about someone," Tyler replied easily.

"Time's up, Dun. Let's go," the guard stated simply, taking the handcuffs off his belt again.

Josh sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow," he told Tyler hopefully.

Tyler smiled. "Yes, you will. Take care of yourself, okay? And have fun outside with Hoppus!"

Josh smiled, but it faded when the old man tapped his foot impatiently. "I will," he replied quietly as he stood and allowed himself to be cuffed with his hands behind his back. He winced slightly as he was cuffed, but he didn't complain. "Go home and sleep."

"Okay," Tyler replied, wanting Josh to be out of those cuffs and away from that asshole as soon as possible. "Call me and tell me about it."

Josh seemed to understand that what Tyler really wanted to know was if he was safe after being around this guard. He nodded. "Will do," he agreed.

Another guard ushered Tyler out as Josh was shepherded through a metal door and further into the prison. Tyler sat in his car for a little while when he reached the parking lot, taking deep breaths and trying to keep himself from crumbling with the need to protect Josh before anything else hurt him again inside of those impenetrable cinderblock walls. He just had to help Josh survive until June, and then Josh could come home where Tyler could keep him safe.