***Trigger warnings for panic attacks, a gay slur, and mentions of sedation.***

Wait to start the song.

Josh didn't call Tyler to ask him to come back later that day. He would've, but he slept through the whole day and the night that followed, totalling twenty hours of sleep. When he woke up at four in the morning of the following day, his body was still curled up into a ball, but it was also curled up around Frangipane, who was reading a book from his bookshelf calmly as she allowed him to remain wrapped around her like a python.

She didn't realize he was awake until he mumbled groggily, "Whatcha readin'?" His eyelids were too heavy to keep open, so he let them slip closed again.

His muscles relaxed once again when her hand gently smoothed across his back. "To Kill a Mockingbird. How are you feeling, sleepyhead?"

"Did they sedate me?" He mumbled against her side.

"Not at first. You slept about four hours before you had a nightmare that was gonna wake you up. The warden made Blackett bring a doctor in to sedate you so you'd keep sleeping without bad dreams. I guess you had a little breakdown in front of a visitor yesterday, so they wanted to make sure you got enough sleep. That's what I heard, at least," Frangipane reported, her hand leaving Josh's back just long enough for her to turn the page in her book before she was rubbing his back again.

A little huff left Josh's lips. "He's probably never coming back now, huh?"

"Who?" Frangipane asked calmly. When Josh hesitated, she gasped. "Your guy? Oh my god! He came to see you again?"

"Probably for the last time. I cried and stuff in front of him, and I stuttered really bad. He was nice about it, but I probably scared the shit out of him," Josh told her regretfully.

"If he doesn't come back after that, he doesn't deserve you," was all she had to say about that. "Want me to go take a little walk while you go pee? You haven't peed in twenty hours. Blackett kept saying you were gonna pee your pants if they didn't let you wake up when you needed to, but thankfully it didn't come to that."

"I need you to stop talking about my pee, you fucking pervert," Josh told her tiredly, smiling when she laughed at that.

"If I was a pervert, I wouldn't have given you the option of peeing in privacy," she pointed out.

Josh yawned before burying his face against her side, just below her armpit. She laughed again.

"Hey, puppy. What's got you so snuggly all the sudden?" She asked amusedly.

Josh let out another lazy huff of air. "You smell like my house," he told her.

Frangipane chuckled. "Yeah, well, I live with your sister. We use the same laundry detergent, so it could be that."

"You don't smell like smoke," Josh added, keeping his face tucked away against the fabric of her shirt, which smelled so much like home that he felt like he was there right now.

"I'm trying to quit smoking. I've tried a few times, but no luck so far," she replied. "Your sister's really sweet about it. She tries to help and stuff. There's only so much she can do, but the support is helpful."

Josh nodded, feeling a little bit of resentment spark inside of him at that. Ashley hadn't even been in contact with him when he'd been trying to quit smoking. He had to do that without any help from his family whatsoever. It was hard to not feel jealous of the support Frangipane was getting from his family when they hadn't given any to him. Of course, Josh didn't say any of that to Frangipane.

What he did say was, "It gets easier with time."

He heard Frangipane set the book down on the bed before he felt her shift him so his head rested on her chest. It was easy to give in to that, especially when she started to massage his back gently. His muscles relaxed beneath her touch, allowing his body to melt against hers.

"This shouldn't be possible, but I could definitely fall asleep again right now," Josh mumbled.

"There's only fifteen minutes left of my shift, so you might wake up to Hoppus if you do," she informed him. "You can sleep if you need to though. I promise I won't be offended. I understand."

Josh hummed his appreciation, inhaling the scent of his childhood home and feeling any and all stiffness be rubbed out of his muscles as his consciousness started to drift again. He tried to say something to Frangipane, but it came out as an unintelligible grumble.

"What's that, sleepyhead?" She asked amusedly.

"Love you," he repeated, this time more clearly.

He smiled when he felt her press a kiss to the top of his head. Her fingertips focused on soothing a knot in his shoulder as she replied softly, "I love you too, sweetheart. Goodnight."

"G'night, pervert," Josh mumbled back, smiling at the sound of her laughter as he drifted off to sleep.

---

Frangipane had been right. Josh woke up to find himself alone in his bed with his dad sitting in his desk chair about a foot away. Hoppus was looking at the door, but he was holding Josh's hand gently. Josh wondered if he'd offered his hand to his dad or if his dad had taken hold of it without prompting. Either way, Josh was glad he was there.

"You look tired," Josh told his dad through a yawn, making Hoppus's blue eyes immediately flick over to meet his.

"You finally got some sleep," Hoppus replied, sounding relieved. "I'm so glad. I was worried about you."

"No need to worry. I'm good," Josh mumbled, squeezing his dad's hand before releasing it so he could sit up. "I'm about to pee my freaking pants, but I'm good."

Hoppus chuckled, not complaining when Josh crossed the cell without any further discussion. Josh was too accustomed to a lack of privacy to be insecure about urinating with Hoppus in his cell. Hoppus was too accustomed to being present in Josh's life at all times to be fazed by the action either. He just kept talking to Josh while he peed, not feeling uncomfortable at all.

"Frangipane said you slept all throughout her shift," Hoppus told him.

"Yeah, I was drugged," Josh replied simply.

Hoppus sighed. "I'm sorry that happened."

Josh shrugged as he tucked himself back into his underwear, pulled his pants back up, and flushed the grimy metal toilet with his foot. "It beats sleep deprivation. I was losing my mind." He washed his hands as he spoke.

His dad nodded solemnly. "I still feel bad, especially since I wasn't here to protect you. I'm sorry about that, Josh."

"It's cool. You would've been here if you could've been. I know that. You're always here for me when I need you," Josh replied easily. He yawned as he walked back over to his bed, sitting back down atop it. He'd just opened his mouth to speak again when his cell door opened to reveal a beefy guard with a dark complexion and tired eyes.

"You've got visitors," the guard told Josh. He glanced at Hoppus. "You wanna take him?"

"Yeah, I've got him. Thanks, Dhawan," Hoppus replied easily.

The man nodded, looking Josh over warily before leaving the cell. Josh stood up, allowing Hoppus to cuff him and lead him out of his cell. He clenched his jaw as he walked, trying not to freak out even though he had an inkling about who was here to visit him. Tyler would likely never return, but Frangipane had told him already that his mother had banned his little sister from visiting him unless Andrew was present, so this was likely going to be the moment he met his new brother-in-law. He was still just sedated enough to not be internally losing it over this, and he barely had the energy to be afraid or angry too.

He didn't care so much about having to meet someone he'd already come to dislike when he was led into the visiting room and uncuffed. Abbie ran to him immediately, letting him pick her up and hug her tightly. Relief washed over him as his baby sister held him tightly, soothing her fingers through his hair as she cried quietly.

"I'm so glad you're safe. I love you so much. Are you okay? You're covered in bruises. Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Josh. I wanted to come in sooner, but I wasn't allowed to. I'm so sorry," Abbie told him breathlessly as she clung to him tightly.

Josh kissed her temple before hugging her even tighter. "It's okay. I'm safe," he promised, rocking his little sister lightly. "Are you okay?"

"I've been worried sick about you," she told him, her voice breaking.

"Hey, don't worry. I'm safe," Josh promised.

It took him a second to reorient himself and remember that Abbie hadn't come alone. He lifted his eyes to meet Andrew's, but he froze when he saw his father instead. His birth father was standing completely still, tears forming in his eyes as he took in all of Josh's injuries. Confusion crossed the man's face when Josh stumbled backwards toward Hoppus instead of greeting him. When Josh looked worriedly over his shoulder at Hoppus, he found that his new dad was staring at the intruder like he'd just crash-landed in a spaceship right in front of them.

"Hey, kiddo. How are you?" Bill Dun asked carefully, swallowing nervously when Josh just stared at him with wide eyes. He hesitated before beginning to say, "Son, I-"

"I'm not your son," Josh blurted out, too shocked to even be angry at the sudden reemergence of the father who'd abandoned him. "I don't even fucking know you. Why are you even here?"

Abbie looked at her brother in surprise, her arms still wrapped around his neck and her legs still dangling several inches above the floor. "Josh?" She asked worriedly.

"You know me, Joshua. I'm your dad," the man in front of him said softly, sounding a bit distant and uncomfortable.

Josh shook his head, taking another step back as the anger finally set in. "I haven't seen you in years, and I haven't heard from you either. You don't get to pick and choose when you're my parent. That's not fucking fair. You aren't my damn dad. If you're here to protect Abbie, that's fine, but don't you dare try to pretend you're my father. If you want to be someone's dad, go back to your fucking kid in Cleveland."

Tears were filling the man's eyes as he shook his head insistently. "Josh, I never meant to-"

"Go fuck yourself. I want to talk to my baby sister, not you. If you're gonna come in here, you're only doing it as her chaperone. Don't talk to me, don't look at me, and don't try to be my fucking dad. You aren't my dad, and you haven't been for years," Josh snapped, only realizing he was still holding Abbie when she soothed her fingers through his hair again.

"Don't be dramatic," his father told him irritably. "If you want to talk to your sister, talk to your sister. There's no need to throw a damn tantrum."

Josh glared at his dad as he carried Abbie over to the visiting table and set her down on one of the benches. He sat down on the one across from her, setting his hands on top of the table. She glanced at their father before looking back to Josh and offering an apologetic smile.

"It was either Dad or Andrew. Mom said I had to bring one of them if I wanted to see you," she explained.

Josh sighed, pushing his hair back off of his forehead in frustration before meeting his sister's gaze. "Okay. It's-You're here. That's all I care about. How are you holding up?"

Start the song. It's Somebody to Anybody by Margaret Glaspy.

Abbie shrugged, glancing uncomfortably at their dad again before telling Josh, "Things are weird. Everyone keeps talking about how worried they are about you since no one ever called Mom about the riot. Obviously it was on the news, but the prison usually calls when big things go down in here. I told her it's probably because the prison is trying to get things back in order again, but she's convinced you took her off your emergency contact list or something."

"I didn't do that," Josh replied easily. "Who would I even have changed it to? I only know, like, ten people, and most of them see Mom on a daily basis. That would be such a weird thing to do."

"That's what I said!" Abbie exclaimed, and Josh couldn't help but smile slightly at how enthusiastic she was about this. "She's been weird since the last time she visited you though. She did yell at Ashley for throwing you under the bus about your fight. I told her you probably wouldn't want her to do that, but she did it anyway."

Josh huffed. "Yeah. That's not gonna solve anything," he agreed.

Abbie nodded her agreement too before continuing. "Ashley's being annoying now too. She keeps doing this stupid thing where she cries and says she can't believe you could've died in the riot with that fight being your last conversation, but she's also still not talking to you. I don't know. I'm sorry everything is so ridiculous with our family right now when you probably need us to be supportive more than ever."

Josh shrugged. "Believe me. I don't take it personally anymore," he assured her, not wanting her to feel guilty about just how much it really did bother him. "I figured you'd find a way to come in here, but I wasn't really counting on anyone else showing up. That's more than enough for me. You still haven't told me how you're doing though. You're just telling me about everyone else."

His little sister sighed. "I've been really anxious since the riot. No one would tell me anything, and maybe they just didn't know anything, but I kept having nightmares about you getting hurt. I feel a lot better now that I can see you. You're really bruised and stuff, but you're safe. I can see that you're safe."

"I'm safe," he confirmed, watching Abbie's tiny shoulders relax at the words. "I didn't get beat up too bad. I'm sore and stuff, but I'm alive, nothing's broken, and I'm gonna be okay. There's no need for you to worry about me."

Abbie nodded before leaning across the table to tap his forehead lightly. "What about in there?" She asked carefully before sitting back down.

"Tiny concussion, but I'm handling it," Josh replied, dodging the actual concern for only a second before Abbie was raising an eyebrow and giving him an expectant look. He sighed. "I'm handling it," he repeated.

Abbie searched his eyes carefully. A frown tugged at her lips. "You aren't telling me something," she noted. "Is it because I'm thirteen or because Dad's here?"

Josh sighed, leaning forward in his seat and looking at her seriously. "Remember when I told you that I don't want to make the world seem like a darker place than it needs to be when I talk to you?" She nodded slightly. "This is one of those things that I can't tell you without making things darker. What I can tell you is that I'm safe. No one is going to hurt me, and I'm not going to hurt myself either. Things aren't perfect, but I'm working through it. There's no reason for you to be scared or nervous about how I'm doing. I'm safe, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

She nodded, letting out a breath of relief. "Okay."

Josh smiled at her. "In fact, I got good news this week."

Abbie's lips tugged up into an excited smile. "What was it?"

"Well, thanks to the best guard in the world, I get to start going outside again every few days." Abbie's grin widened as she listened to him speak. "I went a couple days ago, and I got to make a snowman and shit. Dumb stuff, but it was the most fun I've had in years."

"That's awesome!" Abbie exclaimed, her smile one hundred percent genuine. "I made a snowman with one of my friends a couple weeks ago. We used candy to decorate the face, but the water in the snow made the colours in the candy bleed, so it looked horrifying. It was funny though."

Josh smiled. It was unbelievably comforting to have Abbie share such a small moment in her life with him without him having to pry it from her grasp. She was just talking to him, no ulterior motives hidden behind the words.

"So Mom ungrounded you?" He asked, recalling his mother's insistence that Abbie was grounded after she'd gotten in that fight at school.

"Yeah, for like a day. She always finds reasons to ground me." Abbie rolled her eyes. She hesitated for a moment before admitting timidly, "Josh, I broke a promise I made you."

Josh's eyebrows raised, but he reached across the table to hold one of her tiny freckled hands, letting her know wordlessly that she was already forgiven. "Which one?" He asked calmly, making sure his tone didn't sound condescending or judgmental.

His little sister looked nervous anyway. She avoided eye contact as she told him ashamedly, "I got in another fight."

That did make Josh feel pretty disappointed, but he knew Abbie. It would take a lot to drive her to break a promise she'd made to him. He squeezed her hand lightly.

"Hmmm. What's up with that?" He asked her calmly.

Abbie still wasn't looking at him. "It was that same girl. She called me a mean name, and I kind of just snapped."

Josh rubbed her thumb with his. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Abbie glanced at their dad, who was still standing a few feet away, before looking down at the tabletop and shaking her head. Josh understood that. It wasn't something she was ready for their dad to know, or maybe he already did know and hadn't been supportive. Josh understood that better than anyone.

"I'm sorry she tried to hurt your feelings, Abbie. That's a sucky thing to do," Josh empathized easily. "Hitting her won't help though. It just makes things worse."

Abbie shrugged, tanging her fingers with her big brother's. "She called me a dyke," she whispered to Josh, cutting their dad off from the conversation. Tears were filling Abbie's eyes at the memory, and Josh's heart broke.

"That's an ugly word," he replied quietly, earning a nod from his little sister. "No matter what, you don't deserve to have that word thrown at you. No one should ever say that word, especially to you."

"What word?" Their father asked, trying to pry his way back into the conversation.

"Oh, I have plenty of words I'd like to say to you, but I can't say any of them while Abbie's here," Josh snapped back at him without hesitation. He saw Hoppus smile slightly, but his birth father scowled and took a step backward.

Abbie hesitated before leaning forward and whispering fearfully to Josh, "What if it's true though? What if I am that?"

Josh squeezed her hand again reassuringly. "No matter who you are, no one gets to talk to you like that. And you know what else? Even if that is true, you're still my baby sister, and I still love you more than anyone else on the planet. I'm still proud of you. You still deserve to be talked to with dignity and respect. You got that?"

Abbie smiled with relief as she nodded quickly. "Yeah, I understand. Thank you." She released one of his hands to wipe at the tears on her cheeks.

Josh nodded, smiling softly at his baby sister. He hesitated before telling her, "You and me have a lot in common. You know that?"

Abbie's eyes widened slightly, and then she was smiling just as widely. She squeezed his hand tightly. "Yeah, we do. I'm really proud of that."

"I am too," Josh replied with a smile. "I'm really proud of you too. That's never gonna change."

His little sister looked much less tense now, and she laughed quietly when Josh released her other hand to wipe the tears off of her cheeks with his fingertips. Josh smiled as he set his hands back down on the tabletop, only for Abbie to take hold of them once again.

"I'm always proud of you too," she told him insistently. "I'm glad you're my big brother."

"I'm glad I am too. It's a pretty good gig," Josh replied, making his sister beam. "No more fights though. I mean it. You won't be able to visit me if you're locked up in juvie, and I'd miss the shit out of you."

"Language," his father reminded him.

"Go fuck yourself, Bill," Josh replied, and his father glared at Hoppus when the guard snorted at the response.

"You always let him talk to people like that?" Josh's father demanded of Hoppus.

Hoppus shrugged. "He's never talked to anyone like this before. He's a good kid. I've got a feeling he's talking to you like this because he really feels like you deserve it, and he knows you better than I do, so I'll let it slide."

Josh and Abbie were silent as they watched their father's face turn purple. Abbie's hand squeezed Josh's tightly when their father coldly told Hoppus, "You don't have any idea how hard it is to be the father of a kid like that, so don't you dare judge me. He made his choice. He knew what he was getting himself into. You don't know shit about how hard it is to look at your kid and know he's a killer. You don't know how hard it is to love someone like that."

He wasn't saying anything that Josh's mind hadn't whispered to him before, but the words still made Josh's heart drop. His breath caught in his chest, and he suddenly felt completely hollow inside.

Hoppus wasn't having any of that though. "I know a lot more than you think, you fucking asshole. There's nothing in the whole goddamn world that could ever make me stop loving my kids. The way you treat Josh? That's not on him. No part of that is his fault. He's the kid. You're the parent. He doesn't owe you any-fucking-thing. You weren't there for him when he needed you, and you never came back for him. That's on you. You have no idea what an amazing man he's grown to be, and you don't deserve to be his dad. The way I see it, you can either shut your mouth, or wait outside until he's done talking to his sister."

Bill seemed to be at a loss for words, repeatedly looking from Josh to Hoppus. Josh's eyes were wide as he stared at his dad-the real one, the one who'd defended him every single day from the moment they'd first met. The hollowness in his chest was rapidly swallowed up by warmth. Bill wasn't his dad. His opinion of Josh didn't matter anymore. Josh's real dad loved him unconditionally, and he was going to keep doing that for a very long time.

Finally, Bill glared at Josh before saying sternly, "Come on, Abbie. We're leaving."

Panic set in then. Josh looked fearfully to his little sister. She looked just as terrified. Was this going to be the last time he saw her? Was Bill going to take her away from him permanently? Abbie was trembling, and suddenly, her breathing was erratic. She was holding Josh's hand so tightly that her fingernails pierced his skin. Josh knew exactly what was happening. He'd experienced this a million times. She was having a panic attack.

Bill protested when Josh stood, immediately going to Abbie and turning her around on the bench. He crouched down so he was in her line of vision before taking both of her hands in his. She was hyperventilating through sobs, trembling uncontrollably.

"Abbie, listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. We're going to be okay. I promise. You need to breathe though, okay? I need you to breathe. Can you try to breathe with me?" Josh asked gently, letting everything that wasn't Abbie be muted around him. When Abbie nodded slightly, he smiled encouragingly. "Okay. I've got you. We're gonna do this together. Just try to copy me."

Abbie struggled to match the slow pace of his breaths, her sobs and hiccups fighting against her. Josh was patient though as he continued to guide her, telling her she was doing a good job even when her breathing started to elevate again. It took a few minutes, but her breathing gradually slowed. She wrapped her arms around Josh's neck as she sniffled against his shoulder.

He hugged her back tightly as he reminded her, "You're always gonna be my baby sister, and I'm always gonna be proud of you no matter what. You got that?"

Abbie nodded silently against his shoulder.

"And I will always love you no matter what, okay?" Josh added.

She nodded again.

"We're gonna be okay," Josh repeated gently. "I promise."

"I love you," Abbie whimpered out weakly. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I always will. I promise. I really promise, Josh. It's so easy to love you. I promise. You're good, Josh. You're good. You have to believe me. I love you so much."

Josh nodded, rubbing her back softly. "You're good too. Trust me. I'd give anything to be more like you. You make me so proud, and I love you so much."

Abbie sniffled as she released him, studying him with her dark eyes. "I'm not going to get in fights anymore. I'm gonna be nicer to Mom. I'm gonna do better, okay? I'll keep making you proud. I swear."

Once again, Josh nodded, but his body felt heavy and strained. "Give Ashley a hug for me, okay? Tell her I'm not mad anymore and that I'm sorry for what I said. You tell her that she and I are straight as long as she takes care of my baby sister, okay?" He told Abbie weakly.

Her bottom lip trembled as she nodded. "Okay."

"And tell Jordan that I'm sorry too," Josh added. "Tell him he doesn't have to send me shit if he doesn't want to. I get it, and I'm not mad. He deserves a good life, and if he's happier without me in it, I want that for him. I miss him, but I want him to have the best life he can."

Abbie whimpered. "Why are you telling me this?"

Josh shook his head. "Because you're the only one who listens, and I need you to know that we're going to be okay. It fucking sucks that I don't have any control over any of this, but I'm going to survive it. Okay? I promise. You don't have to worry about me. I'll be okay. We both are because we have a lot in common, and we know how to keep going when shit feels impossible. I don't have any fucking control over when I get to see you, but I do have control over whether or not I'm still here the next time you come in, and I promise I will be. I promise."

His little sister nodded, absolute relief crossing her features. "Okay. I will too," she replied quietly.

Josh hugged her again before standing, glaring at Bill as he went to his real dad and allowed himself to be cuffed again. Bill glared back at him as he led Abbie toward the door, but there were tears in his eyes. Josh didn't allow himself to cry. Abbie couldn't see him fall apart. She needed him to be strong right now. She was already sobbing as the door buzzed to let them out of the visiting room.

"I love you," she told Josh once again through a sob.

"I love you too," he replied earnestly as Hoppus unlocked the door that led back to Josh's cell.

They didn't say goodbye, but the word hung in the air like poisonous fumes before the doors closed behind them, separating them for God could only know how long. Josh didn't cry, walking numbly back to his cell.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I didn't mean to explode like that. I just couldn't handle him saying that kind of stuff about you. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry," Hoppus insisted as Josh sat down on his bed stiffly.

Josh shook his head, staring numbly at the floor while his cuffs were removed. "I appreciated it," he replied quietly. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment before looking at his dad and admitting, "I think I'm about to have a complete breakdown."

"I can go find a therapist," Hoppus insisted quickly.

Josh shook his head again. "No. I don't want to talk to a stranger or anything. I just.... I think you should probably make sure there's nothing sharp in here. I think you should...." His words trailed off as tears began to sting at his eyes and his breathing began to stumble. The words he needed to say felt like glass against his throat, but he forced himself to say them anyway. "Dad, I need you to hug me and tell me I can actually survive this because I don't know if I can."

Instantly, he was being pulled up off of his bed and into Hoppus's arms. He sobbed against Hoppus's chest as his dad repeatedly told him, "You're going to survive this. I'm going to help you. You aren't alone. You have me, and I will never ever make you deal with pain like this on your own. I will always be here to take care of you. I promise. I'm going to get you through this because you are my son, and I know how lucky I am to be the one who gets to love you unconditionally and watch you grow up to be the best man you can be. You make me so proud, and nothing in the world is easier than loving you. You got that?"

Josh nodded as another sob ripped through his chest. He cried for what felt like hours, but his dad didn't release him for even a second. He just kept holding Josh and telling him how loved he was. Josh cried until he was sick, and then he let his dad tuck him back into his bed. Hoppus held his hand gently as he drifted off to sleep, too drained to stay awake any longer. Even as he fell asleep, Josh could hear his dad repeating just how easy he was to love again and again. He wanted to believe it. He really did.