***Trigger warning for PTSD.***

Start the song. It's The Yawning Grave by Lord Huron.

After a long, unavoidable phone call from his mom the night before, Tyler decided to take a month off of work to get his mental health in check before he tried to help anyone else with theirs. He didn't particularly like the idea, especially when he knew his parents just wanted an excuse to fund his life so he'd owe them something later, but he also knew he couldn't keep treating Abbie if he was going to keep being friends with Josh. Besides, he really did need to work on his mental health right now.

Talking to Josh about Kennedy and Jenna had been much more helpful than talking to his siblings had been. Josh listened. Josh didn't get uncomfortable whenever Tyler got a little overwhelmed. He just tried to help. Tyler wanted to be that for Josh too. He wanted Josh to feel safe talking to him, like he had support in what he was dealing with. Besides, Josh was fun to be around. Tyler felt like he could be himself around him.

Maybe that was why Tyler already felt comfortable visiting the prison after only two visits. He knew that putting up with security and going into a potentially dangerous place also meant seeing Josh, and that felt worth it to him.

That was also why Tyler delighted in the split second of a smile that tugged at Josh's cheeks that morning when he was led into the visiting room and saw that Tyler had kept his promise. The smile disappeared as quickly as it had been created, but Tyler loved it anyway. Josh was happy, even if he was hesitant to show that right now.

"Don't look so surprised!" Tyler laughed out as a large man uncuffed Josh before letting him sit at the table across from Tyler. "I told you yesterday that I'd be here, so I am."

"Yeah, you did," Josh replied, looking tired but still offering Tyler a half smile. He looked relieved as well, and Tyler was glad. "We'll see how long that lasts."

It was pretty easy for Tyler to decide that Josh probably had some attachment issues. He'd figured that out the first time he'd met him, and it wasn't surprising. Thankfully, Tyler had dealt with that before, so he wasn't as easily scared off as most people. He knew that on some level, conscious or not, Josh was testing Tyler's boundaries to see how hard he could push before Tyler would leave him behind. He was trying to protect himself from getting too attached to Tyler as well, that way it wouldn't hurt if Tyler disappeared.

"I'm pretty stubborn, so you're probably just going to have to get used to me being around," Tyler told Josh confidently, smiling when Josh rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sure," Josh replied.

Tyler noticed that the guard watched Josh more closely when he lifted his hand off of the table to rub his eye tiredly as he yawned. The guard relaxed when Josh set his hand back down on the table. Josh either didn't notice or didn't care about the guard's reaction.

"What time is it?" Josh asked curiously.

"A little after eight. Did I wake you up?" Tyler asked curiously.

Josh breathed out a chuckle and shook his head. "You have to be asleep to be woken up," he replied simply.

Tyler studied Josh quickly, taking in the bags under his eyes, his slouched shoulders, and his heavy eyelids. "How long has it been since you've slept?" He asked curiously.

"Are you asking me as a psychologist or as my friend?" Josh asked, shifting in his seat slightly.

"As your friend who is also a psychologist," Tyler replied, making Josh almost smile again. "Also as someone who's had insomnia for most of their life. I know sleep deprivation when I see it. You're drained, dude. How long has it been?"

Josh shrugged. "Since then riot, I guess. I've slept, but like, only little bits. Maybe an hour or two a night."

Tyler frowned. "Shit. I'm sorry. That's no fun. It's pretty common to have trouble sleeping after something traumatic has happened though, especially if you're sleeping in the same place where bad things went down. I'd be willing to bet that most of the guys in here are having trouble sleeping."

"They are," Josh replied. He picked at his thumbnail anxiously as he admitted, "The warden made a new rule that anyone who hasn't slept for three nights has to be sedated. I think they're afraid that sleep deprivation will make the guys in here crazy enough to riot again. I don't know. That's just what Hoppus said yesterday. No one's sedated me today though, so maybe that's not true."

"Hoppus?" Tyler asked curiously.

Josh's eyebrows raised in surprise as if he'd just realized he hadn't mentioned this person to Tyler before. "Yeah, he's the guard who was in here yesterday and the day before. He's like my dad, so he kinda looks out for me and stuff. He's the reason I get to go outside now. They might be waiting until he comes back tonight to sedate me."

Tyler nodded slightly as he processed that. "Why would they wait?" He continued.

Josh's face flushed a little. "Um, there are only three guards in here that I, um, fully trust, I guess. If someone else tried to touch me, I might, um...."

He trailed off, looking nervously at the guard who'd come in with him. The guard gave him a brief supportive smile before nodding his head just barely. Josh looked nervously back at Tyler.

"I'm, um, I'm weird about touch. Like, if I know it's coming and I trust the person doing it, I'm okay. If not, I get really overwhelmed. I accidentally punched him a while ago because he touched me when I wasn't expecting him to," Josh informed Tyler timidly, jerking his head toward the guard slightly as he spoke. "I've never hit anyone else since I was arrested but, um, yeah. They might want Hoppus to sedate me since they know I'm most comfortable around him. I don't think they'd ask Frangipane because she probably couldn't hold me down, and Blackett said he won't do it because he's already been hit by me once."

It was clear in both Josh's slight grimace and hunched shoulders that he was incredibly ashamed of what we was saying. He was trying to physically make himself smaller to prove he wasn't a threat to Tyler without outright saying those words. Tyler wasn't really worried about that, but he could see that Josh was afraid he would be.

"That's also normal when you've dealt with traumatic stuff before. Plus, you've been in solitary for a really long time. I doubt touch is something you're used to dealing with every day. That's a really overwhelming thing to get used to if you've gone a long time without it," Tyler empathized easily. The relief on Josh's face was instantaneous. "I'm really touchy, so just let me know if you need me to back off, okay? I won't be offended. I promise."

Josh nodded stiffly, chewing nervously at his bottom lip. It took a second for him to admit, "You don't really make me feel nervous about that. Like, you make me nervous, but I don't think you'd try to hurt me, I guess."

"I wouldn't," Tyler confirmed easily, "but sometimes fear isn't logical. It's how your mind and body protect themselves. Everyone's fear is triggered by different things, and a lot of the time, that fear started out as a safety mechanism against real and logical things, but then the body and mind start misidentifying triggers until you're afraid of anything that even remotely resembles what scared you to begin with...if that makes sense."

"It does," Josh replied quietly. He hesitated before asking, "How do you make it stop then?"

Tyler smiled sadly. "That depends on what the fear is and where it started. Do you have a therapist in here or anything like that?"

"She hasn't been back since the riot," Josh replied, not looking at Tyler. "They don't really stay very long in here. Especially women. They don't stay long at all. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't come back. I wouldn't if I had a choice."

"Just a few more months," Tyler reminded him. "Then you can go home and never come back here."

"Maybe," Josh whispered. He stared at his hands for a moment before asking, "Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure," Tyler agreed, shifting in his seat so he could lean a little closer to the anxious man in front of him.

Josh seemed incredibly hesitant to divulge this question though. His hands were shaking a little, and he couldn't meet Tyler's gaze. For just a second, Tyler could see the little boy from the mugshot on the news again. Carefully, Tyler reached across the table, making sure that Josh could see his hand before it reached him, and took Josh's hand gently in his.

"If it's too much right now, you can wait to ask," Tyler reminded him softly. "You can even write me a letter to ask if saying it out loud is too hard. You can do whatever makes you feel safest, okay?"

Josh nodded stiffly, glancing at Tyler for a fraction of a second before looking back down at his hands. It was just enough time for Tyler to see the tears forming in the other man's eyes though. He kept his head down, hiding away from Tyler as best as he could.

Finally, the words left Josh's lips, stumbling as they found their way out. "I-i-is it oh-kay to b-be hap-h-happy when a b-buh-bad per-p-p-pers-son d-die-dies?" He whispered shakily.

Tyler's eyebrows raised. "What kind of bad person?" He asked carefully. Part of him already knew to some degree, but he didn't know from Josh. He knew from fragments of Abbie's sessions and news articles. He had to let Josh tell him on his own.

Josh swallowed nervously, not looking at Tyler. "I-it w-wuh-wasn't m-my f-f-fau-fault. I wasn't a-awake. M-m-my b-br-buh-brain sh-ut off. I c-couldn't s-say any-th-thing."

Tyler squeezed Josh's hand tighter, shaking his head. "Josh, it's not your fault. No part of that is your fault. Okay? Do you understand that?" Josh nodded shakily. "He died in the riot?" Tyler asked knowingly.

Josh squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. His whole body was shaking now. "I s-saw, b-but I d-duh-don't re-m-m-mem-buh-ber. I jus-just saw b-buh-blood. I k-keep seeing-ing it."

Tyler nodded, wanting nothing more than to take Josh as far away from this place as possible. "It's not your fault," Tyler repeated, earning another tentative nod from Josh. "You're safe now, and it's okay to be happy about that. Okay?"

Josh nodded again, drawing in a shaky breath. "S-suh -s-s-sorry," he whispered.

"You don't need to be sorry," Tyler insisted. "I'm your friend. I'm here for you. You're safe with me. You can always feel safe telling me things. I won't judge you or tell anyone else. I promise."

"S-sorry," Josh whispered again, releasing his grip on Tyler to bury his face in his hands.

"It's not your fault," Tyler said again, giving Josh space by setting his own hands into his lap.

He watched as the guard came over to crouch down beside Josh, touching his shoulder lightly as he carefully asked, "Do you need to be done for today? It's okay if you do. It's been a long week. No one is going to judge you for needing some time to recover. We all need it. It's okay."

Josh shook his head as he tried to steady his breathing. Tyler waited, letting the guard take the reins for right now since he was someone Josh clearly trusted. He knew better than Tyler did what Josh's boundaries were. He would know before Tyler would if this was too much for him.

The guard nodded when Josh's breath started to stabilize. "There you go, kid. Just keep breathing. You and your buddy here can keep talking if you feel up to it, but I'm sure he won't mind if you need him to come back another day either."

"I really won't," Tyler confirmed. "I can always come back in a day or two if you want to go try to get some sleep or something. You can even call me later today if you feel up to it. Your health and safety are most important now though, so if you need to rest, I want you to rest."

Josh looked so small and vulnerable when he dropped his hands to look fearfully at Tyler that it made Tyler's heart crumble inside his chest. Exhaustion was evident in Josh's expression, but so was anxiety. He was terrified of Tyler leaving after today because he didn't think Tyler would come back. He would though. Of course he would. He cared too much about Josh to be deterred by one rough day.

"How about this?" Tyler proposed carefully. "You go try to nap a while, and if you do get some sleep, you can call me when you wake up, and I'll come over right then if you want me to. If you can't sleep, at least just go lie in bed and rest for a while, and then you can call me and let me know if you want me to come back. No matter what though, I promise I'll come back tomorrow to hear all about what you get to do outside."

"You don't have to come back if you don't want to," Josh whispered, not meeting Tyler's eyes.

Tyler smiled slightly. "Josh, come on. You don't scare me. Besides, I promised, and I fully intend to keep that promise."

Josh was quiet for a moment as he processed that. After a moment though, he timidly asked, "Can I hug you before you leave?"

Without hesitation, Tyler stood up. "Yes. Always."

Josh looked relieved as he stood up too, allowing Tyler to wrap him up in a tight hug. He buried his face against Tyler's chest, drawing in a shaky breath as he whispered apologies against into Tyler's shirt. Tyler rubbed Josh's back softly.

"You don't have to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong," Tyler reminded him. "All I want you to do is focus on getting some rest, maybe eat something, and keep yourself safe. You deserve to be happy, Josh. You really do."

"Thanks. You do too," Josh replied quietly.

"Thank you," Tyler said warmly. "I'll see you really soon, okay? I promise. And you can always call me at any time."

"Okay," Josh whispered. He separated himself from Tyler carefully before asking,"Hey, Tyler?"

"Yeah?"

Josh swallowed nervously before confessing, "I like when you're here."

Tyler smiled. "I like when I am too, so expect to see me here pretty often. You're gonna be sick of me pretty soon."

The guard came over as they spoke, letting them finish up their conversation while he cuffed Josh, who looked like he was going to fall asleep standing up. Josh smiled tiredly.

"Not possible," he replied quietly, making Tyler smile.

"Sweet dreams, Josh," Tyler replied simply, his tone soft.

Josh let out a deep breath before saying, "Have a good day."

"Call me when you wake up," Tyler reminded him.

Josh nodded. "Okay. I will."

Tyler left the visiting room somehow feeling both happy and sad at the same time. He was happy Josh was in good hands, but it broke his heart a little that Josh was struggling with so many things all on his own. One thing was for sure though: Tyler wasn't going to let Josh deal with all of this alone anymore.

---

Josh only fought his exhaustion long enough to get back to his cell, but as soon as he reached his bed, he crashed down onto it and fell fast asleep. He was too drained to have enough energy left for dreams, but he felt a little more comfortable with the idea of falling asleep in this place when he knew he could call Tyler when he woke up.

He didn't even stir when Blackett shifted him slightly so he could pull the blankets up over him. He didn't hear his cell door open and close as Blackett went to check on the other inmates in the solitary block. He just kept sleeping, curled up into a ball beneath his covers without a single thought in his head.