***Trigger warnings for mentions of attempted sexual assault, PTSD, and coping with a trauma.***

Start the song. It's when the party's over by Billie Eilish.

It took an excessive amount of begging and coaxing from Hoppus to get Josh into a shower. Josh cried the whole time, watching the ice cold water turn pink as bits of blood and brain that Jude's toilet water sponge bath had left behind were washed down the drain. The water heater must have been busted during the riot because there wasn't a single drop of warmth coming out of the shower head Josh was standing under. The shower room was empty apart from Hoppus and Josh, and Josh was grateful for that. He didn't want anyone to see him sobbing like this while he was completely naked. Everything about this moment felt pathetic.

Without his clothing to hide behind, the reality of the trauma Josh's body had been through was inescapable. His torso was bruised purple on one side where his rib was tender, he was covered with blue and black blotches and harsh crimson scrapes, there were little cuts on his hips that looked like the indents of fingernails, and the skin around his previously dislocated shoulder was an absolute disaster. There was no denying the fact that he'd fallen victim to round two of the man with the blue eyes and his sick obsession with Josh.

No matter how much Josh tried to scrub away the marks on his skin, he didn't feel any cleaner. It felt like there was mold and dirt buried under his skin, and he couldn't reach it to scoop it out. He just had to accept that it lived there now.

Hoppus didn't say a single word, allowing Josh to get out the last of his tears before giving up on trying to cleanse himself. Then Josh was drying off, getting dressed in fresh clothes, and being led back to his cell.

It was disorienting to see the prison so empty and so filthy. It felt like Josh was in a parallel universe. He didn't really know how to cope with it, so he just pretended it didn't exist until he was back in the safety of his cell, which no longer even looked like his cell.

Skye had asked Hoppus to get her a list of everything that had been destroyed in Josh's cell so they could replace it, but Josh hadn't been very cooperative with that either. He didn't want them to give him things. He didn't want to become a burden to them like he was to everyone else. Besides, he already owed them too much. He didn't want to owe them money on top of everything else.

"How's the physical pain?" Hoppus asked in a fatherly tone as he watched Josh immediately climb back into bed, pulling the covers up over his head to hide away from the destruction all around him.

"Okay," Josh lied, closing his eyes tightly.

"Are you feeling mentally safe?" Hoppus pressed.

"I'm okay," Josh lied again, hating himself for shutting out the one person who cared most about him in the whole world.

Hoppus was quiet for a moment before Josh heard him sit down in the desk chair by his bed. "Buddy, I've got to say something, and I'm not saying it to be mean or to scare you or anything like that, but I need to say it. Okay?"

"Okay," Josh whispered back numbly.

His dad took in a deep breath. "You're scaring me a little. This feels a little bit like when I first met you. You're closed off again. I don't want to make assumptions about what happened to you during the riot, but I can't help but think that-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Josh interrupted quickly, every muscle in his body tensing away from the offending words.

"Josh, buddy, you said you provoked someone, so they hurt you during the riot. Was it McCarthy? Did he hurt you like he did last time?" Hoppus persisted hesitantly.

Josh wanted to throw up. He felt dizzy. He wanted to make this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach go away so badly, but he didn't know how. He squeezed his eyes shut even tighter and said nothing. He'd survived this feeling before. He just had to let it consume him a while longer. It was easier to do that in silence.

He could feel how tense his dad was, until suddenly, Hoppus let out a deep breath. "Josh? Listen. You don't have have to tell me right now, and I'm not gonna push you too hard, but just know that I'm here if you need me. Nothing that happened during that riot is your fault, and I still love you unconditionally. I always will. You're still my kid, and I'm still so fucking proud of you."

Every muscle in Josh's body was wound so tightly that it hurt, and it felt like all of his thoughts were tangled up too. Before he could really process what he was doing or saying, he blurted out a weak, "I'm not gay."

He didn't look to see Hoppus's reaction, but he heard the short silence that followed the words. He flinched when he felt a strong hand rest on top of his back. Hoppus's voice was soft as he said, "Okay. That's okay, but even if you were, I'd still love you just as much as I always have. Your sexuality will never change anything. You'll still be my son, and I'll still be proud of that. You can love whoever you want as long as you never forget that your mom and I love you more."

Josh's bottom lip trembled beneath his blankets, and he opened his burning eyes to stare at the darkness with tears clouding his already limited vision. "What about Jack?" He asked in a small voice.

"What do you mean? Are you asking if I'd be mad if Jack was gay or if he'd mind if you were?" Hoppus asked carefully.

Josh tried and failed to swallow the lump in his throat. "Both, maybe," he replied timidly.

Hoppus hummed his understanding. "There is nothing that could ever make me love Jack less than I have since the day he was born. He's one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and I love him more than words can say, just like I love you. He can love whoever makes him feel safest and happiest, also just like you. And about whether he'd judge you or not? He'll only have reservations if the person you fall in love with doesn't like video games or talks too much during movies. Gender isn't an issue though. He's a good kid like you. Besides, he loves you just as unconditionally as I do."

It hurt Josh's throat a little to try to swallow that information down without accepting any of the relief that came with it. He took a deep breath, rolling over and pushing the blankets down so he could look at Hoppus, whose expression was soft and comforting. Although he flinched at first, Josh still allowed his dad to brush his hair back off of his forehead gently.

"There is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop loving you," Hoppus told him seriously. "Absolutely nothing. You're my kid now and forever, so no matter how hard you try to push me away, it won't work. You're stuck with me because I'm never giving up on you."

Tears gathered in Hoppus's eyes at the same time as a quiet laugh left his lips when Josh stuck his pinky out and held it out to him. Without hesitation, Hoppus linked their pinkies together. Josh almost smiled back, but the gesture never quite reached his exterior.

"I'm glad you're my dad. I love you more than I love anyone else," Josh admitted hesitantly.

A wide smile spread across Hoppus's lips as he leaned in and kissed Josh's forehead for a fraction of a second before he sat back and replied, "I'm glad I'm your dad too. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me or to our family."

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me too. I'd be dead without you," Josh replied honestly, knowing full well just how true that statement was.

"Well, I guess you better get ready to live a long, full life because I'm not going anywhere," Hoppus decided, making Josh almost smile again.

Josh sighed, pushing his own hair back a bit less carefully than Hoppus had. "Did Frangipane go home last night?" He asked curiously.

"All the guards who were on duty during the riot were supposed to go home. Frangipane fought the warden on that a little bit, but I told her I'd stay here and take care of you while she gets some rest. She's gonna come back in at the end of my shift tonight," Hoppus explained calmly.

Anxiety made Josh's stomach ache instantly as it sunk in for him that his dad was going to leave him. "What time are you leaving?" Josh asked quietly, trying not to give away just how much that terrified him. He clearly didn't do a great job though because his dad looked sympathetic.

"I leave at eight, so we've still got about three hours together. I'm just gonna go home and get some rest, and then I'll come right back tomorrow afternoon. I'm not leaving you alone in here. The warden knows that too. That's why I was allowed to stay here and take care of you instead of going straight home. I told him I wasn't going to go home and leave my kid here after something like that happened, and he understood. He promised me he'd make sure you either had me, Frangipane, or Blackett with you as much as possible for the next couple months. There are less inmates in this facility right now, so it's easier for him to send certain guards to certain places without issue," Hoppus explained calmly.

"I don't want you to leave," Josh whimpered out pathetically, sitting up to bury his face against his dad's chest. "I wanna go with you. I don't wanna stay here without you."

Instantly, strong arms were wrapped around Josh, and they were probably the only pair on earth that didn't scare him right now. "Believe me, Josh. If I could take you home with me right now, I would. If I could even just roll out a fucking sleeping bag on your floor and stay here with you, I would. I want to be where I can protect you at all times."

"You'll come back though, right? You're still gonna work here and come see me after today?" Josh asked hopefully, his voice sounding pitiful.

"Oh, god, yes," Hoppus insisted easily. "I'm not saying goodbye forever. I promise. I'm going to be here with you every single second I possibly can until you come home with me in June."

Josh nodded against his dad's chest but didn't make any move to pull away. "Promise you won't change your mind?" Josh whispered tentatively.

"Nothing could ever make me change my mind about loving you, Josh. I'm your dad. I'm always going to love you, and I'll tell you that as many times as you need me to until it sinks in that you will always be lovable to me, no matter what," Hoppus told him firmly, his hand gentle as it rubbed a soft circle on Josh's sore back. "And even when you believe me, I'll keep saying it because it'll still be true."

Josh hesitated before mumbling timorously into Hoppus's shirt, "I'm not gay. I'm like...half gay. I like girls, but I'm also like...gay, I guess."

He squeezed his eyes shut when Hoppus just hugged him tighter. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you felt like you could trust me with this, and I'm really proud of you for being brave enough to be honest with me. I love you so much."

An involuntary breath of relief left Josh's lungs. "I love you too," he replied quietly. He hesitated before adding, "I was like this before he... before the first time he.... I've always been like this. He didn't make me like this, and I didn't want him to do that."

The comfort wrapped around Josh didn't waver for even a second. "I know. Your sexual orientation doesn't constitute consent. It's not your fault that he did that to you, and it doesn't change the fact that you have every right to love whoever you want. Okay?"

Josh nodded again, finally opening his eyes to sit back enough to look his dad in the eye. "Dad, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Hoppus asked softly.

"For lying earlier about not being.... I'm sorry," Josh clarified.

Hoppus shook his head. "Coming out is hard for almost everyone, but I'm sure it's a lot harder when you've grown up in a place like this. It was hard enough for me, and I knew my parents weren't going to be crazy about it. You've got Catholic parents and spent your teenage years behind bars. Of course coming out is scary. I don't blame you for feeling unsure of whether you could tell me or not."

Josh's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "You had to come out?"

His dad chuckled. "Oh, bud. I dated a lot of people before I met your mom. They weren't all girls, and that's okay, just like it's okay if you decide to be with someone who isn't a girl when you get out of here. Your mom and I will support you. I promise."

For Josh, that was the most comforting thing his dad could've told him in this moment. He hugged his dad again, resting his chin on his dad's shoulder when he felt his dad hug him back. It was a little easier for him to breathe right now.

"I love you," Josh told him for the millionth time.

"I love you too," Hoppus replied easily.

Regardless of how safe he felt with his dad close by, Josh flinched away when he heard someone come walking down the empty block. Hoppus understood, releasing Josh and giving him some space as they waited for the intruder to walk into their line of vision.

An unfamiliar guard poked his head in, saying, "Dun, you've got a visitor."

Josh looked uncertainly at his dad, who seemed just as surprised as Josh felt. It wasn't Skye then. She would've talked to her husband if she was coming in. Did that mean his mother had actually done the impossible and come to see him directly after an incident instead of waiting a few days? Josh couldn't believe it. He let Hoppus help him out of bed before cuffing him and telling the other guard that he'd take Josh to the visiting room and didn't need help.

Absolute terror was leaking onto Josh's bloodstream as he followed his dad through the barren prison. His mom was going to kill him when she found out he hadn't fought back again. She'd be so disappointed in him. She'd start sending him Bibles again. She'd never forgive him.

The cell the man with the blue eyes used to stay in his completely empty. It was also completely trashed. Still, Josh stared at that familiar cell while Hoppus buzzed them through the door. Josh was a little distracted as he allowed himself to be guided through the doorway, but it seemed like the world slowed down a little when he finally looked at who was visiting him.

The face was vaguely familiar, less so with the anxiety written across the soft features as dark eyes watched Josh carefully. The visitor's leg bounced anxiously as he watched Josh be uncuffed. Neither of them said anything at first. It wasn't until Josh sat down tentatively that the man starting rambling uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry. This might be so weird, and I don't mean to intrude or to overstep your boundaries or anything, and you can totally tell me to fuck off, but I saw on the news that there was a riot, and I had to know that you were okay. This might be really inappropriate, and you can totally tell me to go fuck myself but-"

Josh's eyes widened as it hit him. "You're TJ," he realized aloud.

The man suddenly looked much less tense, he smiled slightly as he nodded. "It's Tyler actually. Sorry for just like...showing up. I can totally leave if you want, but- God. You're all bruised up. Do you need anything? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Josh lied, studying Tyler's face carefully. "For the record, this is probably way dumber than writing to an inmate you don't know."

The breath caught in Josh's chest when he heard Tyler laugh, and he found himself fighting down a smile too. It wasn't an easy task, especially when Tyler responded with, "Yeah, well, I never said I was smart."

"No, you didn't," Josh concurred. "That's okay though. I'm not either. You probably gathered that already though."

Tyler smiled and shook his head. "I think you're probably smarter than you give yourself credit for. You do kind of look like you have a concussion though. Your right pupil's a little bigger than your left."

Josh shrugged. "Maybe a little bit," he agreed. "Are you a doctor or something? Is that why your work's top secret or whatever?"

"Kind of," was Tyler's only reply. He pulled something out of his pocket and slid it to Josh, whose hands were already on the table but still managed not to catch it. Tyler didn't seem to judge him when he had to grab it off the floor. "Sorry. I was gonna mail you this, but I figured I might as well bring it in while I'm here. They had to open it and stuff. Do they always do that?"

"Yeah, it's a safety thing," Josh replied, turning the envelope over in his hands. "Thanks though."

"Yeah, no problem. I figured it was only fair that you got my Tragic Backstory too since I already know yours. It's a good thing I waited to write it out too because there have been new developments this week," Tyler told him.

"That sucks, dude," Josh sympathized as he pulled the pages out of the envelope. "Mine got updated this week too. Funny how that always happens."

"My tragedy definitely isn't on par with a prison riot, so feel free to mock me and stuff," Tyler told him, looking a little nervous as Josh started to unfold the pages. He stopped, deciding to tuck them back into the envelope for later.

"Dude, I'm not gonna mock you. That's would be dumb. You've got your shit to deal with too. I get that," Josh replied honestly. It was kind of weird how comfortable he already felt with Tyler here. He was just...talking, and he wasn't even stuttering. "I might mock you for watching Batman cartoons though."

Tyler laughed again. "Dude, Batman is awesome."

"He doesn't even have real powers. He's literally just a rich guy who bought his powers," Josh argued, smiling slightly when Tyler scoffed.

"His superpower is being smart enough to invent all of the shit he uses to fight crime!" Tyler insisted.

"Fuck that," Josh replied without missing a beat. "That's not a superpower. Inventing shit doesn't make you a superhero. It makes you a step above an Australopithecus afarensis."

Tyler grinned. "Holy shit. Your dumb card has been revoked. You just pulled those words out of nowhere. You legitimately just know the names of early hominids off the top of your head?"

Josh really hoped he wasn't blushing. "Hey, man. I graduated high school, just like everyone else," he replied simply.

The other man laughed. "I believe you." He beamed at Josh. "You should probably be nicer to yourself about your intelligence level though because I barely even know what that means, and I have a PhD."

"It's the early version of humans that first learned how to make tools. Duh," Josh replied with a slight smirk, making Tyler grin. "What's your PhD in? That's fucking crazy. Why the hell would anyone want to go to school for that long?"

Tyler shifted slightly. "Okay, it makes me sound like I have ulterior motives in talking to you, but I swear I don't. I'm a psychologist, but I swear I'm not trying to analyze you or anything. I genuinely just think you're a better person than the media makes you out to be."

"Hmmm, so you diagnosing me in a letter was probably more accurate than I would like for it to be," Josh assessed, making Tyler's cheeks turn pink. "You're sneaky, dude."

"Was I wrong?" Tyler asked curiously. "Like, with the diagnosis."

Josh shook his head, picking at his fingernails nervously. "Nope. I'm definitely fucked in the head."

"Hey, I never said that," Tyler defended himself, sort of defending Josh in the process too. "I don't think you're fucked. I think you have anxiety, which is totally normal and really common, but I think it went untreated for too long. That can make you develop other disorders. It's all really common. You're not crazy. You just needed a little help that you weren't getting. That's not your fault."

Josh considered that for a moment, glancing at Hoppus, who was standing just far enough away to be able to intervene if there was a problem while still giving them privacy. He smiled slightly at Josh, letting him know that he agreed with Tyler on this. Josh looked back at Tyler interestedly.

"Do you have anxiety and stuff too?" Josh asked curiously.

"Definitely," Tyler replied easily, no shame on his face or in his tone.

"But your family got you help and stuff?" Josh added.

Tyler smiled. "Are you asking me to tell you my Tragic Backstory in person, or...?"

Josh almost smiled back. "No, I'll read it later. Hey, I responded to your last letter, but it was supposed to be sent out right before the riot started, so you might never receive that letter," he informed Tyler.

Tyler hummed. "That's disappointing. Now I'll never know your favourite song, smell, and book. That's the real tragedy."

Once again, Josh had to fight down a smile. "I haven't really listened to music since juvie, so I don't have a favourite song." Tyler frowned, but Josh kept talking. "It sounds cliché and worrying, but my favourite smell is cigarette smoke. My favourite book is Catcher in the Rye, which I honestly am too nervous to look for in my cell because it might have been completely destroyed in the riot." He didn't know why he'd added that extra detail since he wouldn't have even said that to Hoppus, but he persisted anyway. "What about you?"

"I honestly don't have a ton of time to listen to music lately, but I listen to a lot of stupid old punk stuff that I liked in college," Tyler started off, making Josh smile slightly because Tyler did not look like someone who listened to punk. "I like the smell of vanilla a lot. Not sure why. My favourite book is also Catcher in the Rye, so that's cool. I hope your copy survived. No bookshelf is complete without that book."

Josh smiled at that. "Agreed."

Tyler smiled. "You don't smile very often, do you?" He asked, no bite behind the question.

Josh shrugged. "Not really."

"I don't blame you," Tyler replied understandingly, somehow making Josh even more comfortable talking to him. "You have a nice smile though. Maybe it'll be easier to find reasons to smile once you're out of here. You only have a few months left, right?"

"If I get out early, it'll be around four months. If not, I'll be, like, eighty," Josh informed him.

Tyler's eyebrows raised as he considered that. "Shit. I can see why that would make it hard for you to be optimistic about getting out. That's a pretty big difference. Is that overwhelming?"

Josh avoided eye contact, watching his hands tear tiny pieces away from the envelope. "It's okay," he lied.

The other man was quiet for a moment before telling him, "I think it's normal to be overwhelmed by something like that, and you could probably benefit from giving yourself permission to feel whatever you need to about this situation. I'm saying that as a psychologist though, and I'm trying to just talk to you like a friend, so you can disregard that if you want."

Josh lifted his eyes to study Tyler timidly for a moment before he allowed himself to ask, "If you were the one who started the fire and killed all those people, would you think you deserved to have a chance to have a normal life? Or would you think that was unfair since six people died because of you and don't get to live their lives?"

Tyler seemed to consider that for a second. He sighed. "I don't know what I would do if it was me, but what I do know is that it'd be kind of a shame if seven lives ended with that fire when only six of them were unavoidable. You've got a second chance, which might be the only good thing to come out of that situation. I think all you can really do is give it your best shot and prove you survived that for a reason."

Silence settled between them for a moment as Josh digested that. No one had every really said something like that to him before, especially a stranger. It didn't really feel like Tyler was a stranger though.

When it became fairly clear that Josh wasn't going to respond to that, Tyler produced another item from his pocket and slid it to Josh, this time letting it stop right in front of Josh. It was a business card, but Tyler had written on the back of it.

"This is my card, but i wrote my personal number on the back. I'm not asking to be your therapist or for you to let me study you or anything weird. Just...if you ever need a friend to talk to, you can call me. If I miss your call, I'll just call you back, okay? I promise." Tyler told him calmly, but he was looking at Josh like it was very important that Josh believed those words. He didn't.

"Thanks," Josh replied, trying not to show just how little believed in that promise as he tucked the card into the pocket on his shirt.

Tyler nodded, but Josh could tell he knew Josh didn't believe him. "Would it be okay if I visited you every now and then too? We could just talk like this. Just like, as friends. Nothing weird or professional or anything like that."

Knowing full well that Tyler would likely never come in again, Josh nodded. "Sure," he replied quietly.

"I have to get going, but I promise I'll be back within a couple days, okay? It's okay if you don't believe me about that yet, by the way. I'll do everything I can to make sure you know you can trust me, but I know trust takes time," Tyler told him warmly, offering another smile.

Josh nodded a bit stiffly, not really sure how to process any part of this encounter. He looked down at his hand when Tyler squeezed it reassuringly before standing up from the table. Josh blinked. He hadn't flinched. He hadn't flinched when Tyler touched him. If anything, the touch just made his hand feel warm and tingly. He didn't really know what that meant.

"I'll see you soon, okay? Let me know if you need anything, and you can call me whenever. I'll do my best to answer. I promise. See you later, Josh," Tyler told him through a comforting smile.

Josh tried to smile back, but he felt a little bit like the world was spinning too fast. "Bye, Tyler."

The other man smiled before letting another guard lead him out of the visiting room. Hoppus had to remind Josh to stand up so he could cuff him and lead him back into his cell. Josh didn't speak the whole time, walking as if he was in a daze. It wasn't until they were halfway there that Josh realized he was smiling, and not just a half smile or a twitch of his lips. He was properly smiling, and for once, he didn't feel completely alone.