***Trigger warnings for mentions of self harm scars, mentions of domestic violence, and sexual themes.***

Start the song. It's listen before i go by Billie Eilish.

An unfamiliar guard sat outside of Josh's cell while he slept that night. Occasionally, Josh was awakened by the ruffling of magazine pages as the guard read from a large stack of tabloids sitting beside his chair. Mostly, he just drifted in and out of fuzzy dreams about having someone in the cell with him, lying beside him and keeping him company. Nevertheless, every time he opened his eyes, the space beside him in his bed was empty. He was still alone.

Josh's eyes burned with lack of sleep as he stared at the ceiling, feeling pathetic for repeatedly creating some sort of dream person who brought him comfort. He sighed, pushing his hair back off of his forehead. It was growing too fast, making it hard to maintain. He would have to ask Hoppus to take him for a haircut soon. Maybe he'd just let it keep growing out though. It didn't really matter that much.

Josh wished he was back in his own cell. He wished he wasn't being watched at all times by a guard who was always within ten feet of him. He also wished he could have access to the books and letters in his solitary cell that he could potentially read until he fell asleep. Despite knowing his mother would kill him for even thinking this, he also wished the guard outside of his cell would leave for a little while so he could jerk off and trick his brain into thinking his hand belonged to the person from his dream-someone who loved him. He wished he could do anything that would help him fall asleep. None of that was an option though, so he remained restless.

After a while, Josh heard a quiet conversation outside of his cell, but he kept looking at the ceiling. His eyelids were getting heavier again, but he knew he wouldn't be able to find rest behind them. They remained locked on the ceiling until he heard his cell door buzz and open.

Relief washed over Josh for two reasons. One, Frangipane was here, smiling and climbing into his bed beside him once the other officer disappeared down the hall. Two, her hair was no longer blue. It had been dyed black and fashioned into dozens of thin braids that were pulled back into a ponytail. She looked beautiful, as always, but she was far less blue.

"Hey, sleepyhead. What are you doing up?" She asked quietly, already shifting him so his head rested on her chest.

His heavy eyelids immediately slipped shut when her gentle hands started to carefully massage his back. A tiny sigh of relief left his lips as he took in the feeling of actually having someone here to hold him while he slept.

"Couldn't sleep," Josh mumbled tiredly. "Weird dreams."

"Good weird or bad weird?" She asked gently, one of her hands coming up to soothe her fingers through his hair.

It was like every single iota of tension in his body was disintegrating as he sunk into Frangipane. "Lonely weird," he replied.

A lingering kiss was pressed to his forehead before Frangipane told him, "No need to be lonely now. I'm here. I'll take care of you."

Josh nodded against her chest, tilting his head up to press a gentle kiss to her neck before telling her, "Your hair looks pretty."

She blushed. "You think so? I finally went and talked to my mom. I didn't tell her about the abortion, but I told her Gerald had been abusive and that I was staying with a friend's family. She said I should change my hair so it'd be harder for him to find me, so she dyed it and braided it. I don't think I've had a natural hair colour since high school. It feels weird."

"It's not my fault you dyed it?" Josh asked hopefully.

"No!" Ashley insisted easily. "No, honey. I mean, I did want to change my hair after Hoppus explained the colour thing to us, but my mom was definitely the driving force behind this."

Josh nodded again, wrapping an arm around her waist and holding her close. "That was really brave of you to go talk to your mom. How are you feeling about it?"

Frangipane sighed. "I don't really know yet. It sucks that I can't tell her everything, and I don't know if I'd have the guts to ask her if I could stay with her for a while, but it's nice to know she and my dad are willing to protect me from Gerald. Did I ever tell you my dad's a cop? Not just a guard. He's like...a proper cop. He wanted to go arrest Gerald when he found out, but I said no."

"Why'd you say no?" Josh asked curiously.

Frangipane sighed. "Honestly?" She asked, her eyes tired when they looked down at Josh. "I don't want to be stuck finding a new job and relocating if they decide to stick him in here."

That hadn't even occurred to Josh. He thought about that for a moment. "He wouldn't come here though, would he? As stupid as it is, I don't think they put assholes like him into high security prisons. He'd probably go to the other facility."

Frangipane shrugged, her long fingernails scratching lightly at his scalp in the most soothing way possible. "Yeah, probably. I don't know. Maybe part of me doesn't want to ruin his life too, and I definitely hear how stupid that sounds when I say it out loud."

"What if I promise you I'll ruin his life for you if I get out of here?" Josh proposed, making her smile.

"I can't encourage you to commit violent acts or crimes," she reminded him amusedly.

He grinned. "Fine, then I won't tell you about it."

"I love you," she told him offhandedly, looking at him a bit more seriously. "I love you a lot."

"I love you too," he replied easily.

"You're the best friend I've ever had," she added. "I told my mom about you a little bit. I didn't tell her I've kissed you-just that you're the one who helped me get out of that situation. I told her you found me a place to stay without me even asking you to, and she said she's really grateful for you too. Obviously she said she's gonna pray for you and all of that Catholic shit too, but she mostly said that if you ever need her to stand up in front of a jury and vouch for your character or whatever, she'll do it."

"She doesn't even know me," Josh pointed out.

"She knows you were willing to stick your neck out for me when you barely knew me. That's pretty telling," Frangipane countered.

Josh smiled slightly as he lifted his head to rest it on the pillow beside hers. She turned hers to look at him, the tip of her nose touching his just barely. Their eyes studied each other for a moment before Josh admitted, "It might say more about how good of a person you are since I immediately trusted you enough to let you sleep at my sister's house."

Frangipane smirked suddenly. "Dude, speaking of your sister, she one hundred percent thinks we're dating. She asked me yesterday if I would have to quit my job if I wanted to marry you, and later she got real brave and asked me if we're sleeping together."

"I'm sleeping. You're not," Josh pointed out, smiling when Frangipane laughed.

"That's literally exactly what I told her. I said, 'I can't sleep on the job, so I just hang out with him while he sleeps. We can't sleep at the same time.' She was too embarrassed to try to clarify or anything. It was hilarious," she giggled out.

He grinned. "Well played. She definitely thinks we're having sex now though."

"Yeah, probably. Sorry about that," Frangipane chuckled out. She trailed her fingertips along his cheekbone softly before tracing his brow bone and the slope of his nose in the same way. When the action made his eyelids heavier, she whispered, "You should try to get some more sleep. Your little puppy dog eyes are so sleepy. I promise I'll protect you and keep holding you while you close your eyes for a bit. I might even play with your hair some more or kiss your cute nose."

Josh yawned as if on cue, smiling through it when Frangipane cooed softly at him. He tucked his face in against her throat then, breathing in the scent of cigarette smoke, fruity perfume, and hair dye.

"Can I tell you such a stupid and cliché arsonist thing?" Josh mumbled against her skin.

Her throat vibrated just slightly against his touch when she giggled. "Sure," she agreed.

"For some reason, the fact that you smell like smoke at the start of your shifts and after your breaks makes me feel a million times calmer," he admitted. "It bums me out that you smoke because I know it's bad for you, but the smell is comforting."

"You used to smoke, didn't you?" Frangipane asked curiously.

"Yeah, but it's been a while," Josh replied. "I miss it sometimes, but I feel better without it now. Plus it's probably good for my recovery or whatever for me to not be using a lighter multiple times a day."

Frangipane hesitated before asking, "So fire calms you down?"

This was probably dangerous territory for conversation, but Josh felt like he owed it to her to be honest. "Most people with pyromania use setting fires as a coping mechanism because they don't know how else to communicate their problems. Statistically, we're pretty likely to have speech impediments and anxiety issues, so we kind of have to rely on physical forms of communication if other people can't pick up on that. My parents ignored my problems until I was manic. That's what I've been told at least."

Thankfully, Frangipane's fingers kept soothing through his hair after he'd spoken, letting him know that she wasn't afraid of him now. "I'm sorry no one helped you until you'd already tipped over the edge. I can't even imagine how scary it must've been to realize the one thing you could cope with was actually going to make things worse."

Josh shrugged. "I should've known better."

She didn't argue that or try to make excuses for him. She just continued to soothe her fingers through his hair as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You've made a lot of progress since then," she told him softly. "I'm proud of you."

A breath of relief left Josh's lungs as he let his eyelids slip shut. "I'm so tired, but I don't think I can go to sleep," Josh mumbled.

He let out a little huff when Frangipane shifted beside him, but he smiled when her arms wrapped more firmly around him, her legs tangling with his as well. Her fingers were still in his hair, and her other hand was rubbing his back gently.

"Why not?" She asked softly.

Every muscle in Josh's body was relaxed now, yet his mind hadn't quieted itself. The physical contact was reassuring, but he still had a sick feeling in his stomach that told him Frangipane would be gone in the morning.

"My brain won't shut off," Josh told her.

She hummed her understanding. "Would it help to talk about some of the stuff going on in your head right now?" She offered kindly.

Josh sighed, shaking his head. "I don't really even know what's in my head right now, so I don't think I could talk about it even if I wanted to."

Frangipane didn't try to force him to talk. She just pressed a kiss to his forehead and informed him, "I think everything feels more impossible when it's late at night and you can't sleep. Your mind feels exhausted, so it doesn't know how to help you cope with the things it needs to cope with. I think that's pretty common."

"Yeah," Josh agreed faintly, opening his heavy eyelids and looking blankly at the wall on the other side of the cell. His cheek rested against Frangipane's chest as it rose and fell with every breath that filled and exited her lungs. "Can I tell you something really stupid?"

"Shoot," Frangipane replied encouragingly, twirling his hair around her fingers calmly as she spoke.

"It really kind of pisses me off that I can't protect you from your stupid husband when you aren't here. It pisses me off that I don't know if anyone else is protecting you either. I don't want anything to hurt you, but I also know there's nothing I can do to keep you safe," Josh confessed quietly.

Frangipane was quiet for a moment before telling him, "I know you don't really like to talk about him, but your brother-in-law is doing a pretty good job of making me feel less afraid outside of here." Josh's eyes immediately shot up to look at Frangipane, who was looking at the ceiling instead of him. "He put extra locks on the front door, installed a security system so we'd know if Gerald came to the house even if we weren't there, and doesn't try to push any religious or political bullshit on me whenever I talk to your sister about the abortion. He goes out of his way to make sure I know he isn't going to hurt me too. Ashley said he even talks quieter when I'm in the house so his voice doesn't scare me. I still respect it if you aren't interested in being his friend or whatever, but you should at least know he's helping me stay safe just as much as Ashley is."

"That's cool of him," Josh replied quietly, not really knowing for sure how to process this new information. He didn't want to like Andrew. More than anything, he wanted to stay annoyed at his sudden appearance in Josh's family, but this made it a little harder to resent him. "So you feel safe around him?"

"Absolutely," Frangipane insisted. She hesitated before telling him, "Andrew's dropping my wedding ring off at Gerald's house today. He's bringing some of his buddies from work with him in case it gets violent. I told him he didn't have to, but he said he's just going to put it in the mailbox so it's out of my life. Your sister said I should sell it, but I think that would piss Gerald off even more. That could get dangerous."

Josh shifted to lift her left hand. There was a little strip of skin around her fourth finger that was lighter than the rest of her hand, but no ring. He smiled slightly, gently sliding the pad of his thumb across the less pigmented skin.

"Are you gonna divorce him?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah," she breathed out shakily. "My dad said I should get a restraining order too."

"That's probably not a bad idea," Josh agreed.

It surprised Josh when Frangipane giggled suddenly. "You mom is definitely going to think I'm getting divorced so I can marry you."

Josh laughed. "Oh god. Yeah, she is. Imagine how bummed she's gonna be when she finds out I'm actually going to die alone in here instead."

Frangipane rolled her eyes. "As if I'd ever let that happen. You know what? If, for some insane reason, you don't get out in June, I'll actually marry you. That way, no one can ever tell me I can't come see you, and you'll never ever have to die alone."

"Oh, a pity marriage. Every guy's dream," Josh laughed out.

Frangipane snorted, smacking his arm as she insisted, "No! That's not what I mean. I'm saying I'll marry you because I love you. You're my best friend. Everyone always says you're supposed to marry your best friend, right? So we'll do great. Plus, then you'll never ever have to wonder if someone loves you because I'll have already promised to love you forever and ever."

"Dude, it would be such a waste for you to marry me. I have a life sentence. You would literally only ever see me in this building, people would think you were insane, you'd probably have to find a new job, and you'd have to get a second divorce when you found someone better who doesn't live like a freaking hamster," Josh pointed out.

"I already only ever see you in this building. People already think I'm insane. I would be willing to get a new job if it meant knowing you'd be happy and safe. You're the best person on the planet. All of your reasoning is insufficient, wifey. You can't scare me off," Frangipane insisted, grinning when he rolled his eyes. "Plus, the odds of you not getting out are so slim that you probably don't even have to worry about being stuck getting married to me. You'll find someone better on the outside."

"Bullshit," Josh replied simply. "There's no such thing."

She grinned, blushing slightly. "So, not to be pushy, but did you maybe want to kiss me then?"

Josh grinned, immediately shifting so he could lie down beside her, hold her cheek in his hand, and kiss her. The kiss was still slow and careful, Frangipane guiding and teaching him without making him feel like he wasn't allowed to break the kiss whenever he wanted to. He felt her smile and grab onto the front of his shirt when he got brave enough to deepen the kiss a little. Her eyes remained closed for a moment when the kiss broke, and she was still smiling.

When she opened her eyes again, she quietly told him, "You're getting really fucking good at that. I have butterflies or whatever"

He beamed, making her giggle when he immediately pulled her into another kiss. She let him explore a little more this time, allowing him to taste her tongue, to be a little less hesitant. She told him to slow down every now and then or to take it easy with his tongue, and he was more than happy to learn how to be better at this from her. Not once did he feel pressured or overwhelmed, and he found that his body and mind both felt as if they'd been doused in peace and comfort by the time he and Frangipane finally separated, snuggling up on Josh's bed without their lips touching.

"Full disclosure, I thought I was going to die without ever kissing anyone before I met you," Josh told her as he twirled one of her braids around his fingertips, her head resting against his chest as she traced the tips of her fingertips along the plethora of scars decorating one of his arms.

She gently lifted his arm up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to it before setting it down and tangling their fingers together. "Full disclosure, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life only kissing a man who beat the shit out of me before I met you."

Josh hesitated before whispering, "Full disclosure, if I don't get out in June, and you don't find someone better, I'd definitely be down to marry you."

His heart stuttered in his chest when he saw the smile that instantly spread across her lips at the words. "Full disclosure, I'm down to marry you any day, but I don't think you'll wind up with me if you get out of here. You're a hidden treasure. As soon as you leave this place, someone amazing is going to snatch you up and love you more than you even thought was possible. I'd love for it to be me, but I'm well aware that you deserve better than me."

Josh rolled his eyes. "No one in the history of human existence has ever deserved more than you do," he informed her.

"Well, just know that I'm always going to love and protect you, whether you're my wife or not. Even if you woke up one day and decided you didn't want to be snuggly with me anymore, I'd still love you just as much as I do right now. You're my family forever, no matter what," she promised.

Josh gently set her braid back down before rubbing her back softly, smiling when she burrowed closer to him. "You're my family too," he replied quietly.

Frangipane sighed quietly before telling him, "You know what's weird?"

"Hm?" Josh hummed, his eyelids growing heavier by the second.

"When you were thirteen, I was sixteen. I could've been your babysitter," Frangipane pointed out.

"What thirteen year old has a babysitter?" Josh asked amusedly.

Frangipane snorted. "The ones who set buildings on fire, doofus," she teased.

Josh grinned. "Oh, right. So just me."

"Just you," she agreed. "I definitely would not have kissed you back then."

"You wouldn't have been talking to me like this either. You'd have given up waiting for me to finish a sentence," Josh replied.

Frangipane hummed. "I'm not so sure about that. I love talking to you, so I think waiting for you to get through a sentence would be completely worth it for me."

A smile tugged at Josh's lips. "Maybe it's good I'm in here since it means I got to meet you."

Frangipane lifted her head to look up at him, smiling softly before pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. "I can't imagine not knowing you. I have no idea how I lived this long without you. You're the best friend I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for you."

"Guess I'll have to marry you then or whatever," Josh replied, making her laugh.

"Damn right," she agreed happily as she rested her head on his chest again.

Josh's hand moved for him to touch her hair again before it seemed to sink in for him that her hair was no longer flowing and free like it used to be. It was in carefully weaved braids now. He hesitated before asking, "Ashley?"

"Yeah?" She replied easily.

"Am I...like...allowed to touch your hair when it's like this?" He asked nervously.

The pressure in his chest lessened when she chuckled. "Yeah, just don't try anything crazy. Keep being soft. You're doing fine," she assured him. "I'll tell you if I want you to stop."

Josh nodded, picking up one of her braids gently and twirling it like he had been doing before. "You're beautiful," he told her without thinking too much about it.

Still, she smiled. "Thanks. You are too."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Is this something I have to get used to now that you're gonna be my husband?"

"Absolutely," she insisted. "I expect your self esteem to increase tenfold within our first year of marriage."

"Zero times ten is still zero," Josh reminded her cheekily, making her pout.

"You can be as stubborn as you want, but there's nothing you can do to stop me from sneakily teaching you to love yourself as much as I love you," she told him sternly.

"Well, I guess if you could teach me to kiss, you can teach me anything," Josh decided, making her grin.

After a moment, she looked up at him with a smirk, resting her chin on his chest as she calmly said, "Yeah, and imagine how much I can teach you during conjugal visits when we're married."

Josh's eyes widened, and he opened and closed his mouth a couple times without being able to speak as a blush crawled up his cheeks. Frangipane laughed, making his blush darken as she sat up before pulling him up into a hug. She snorted as she continued to laugh.

"Oh my god, I'm kidding! It's okay. I'm kidding. Oh my god. Your face! I'm so sorry," she laughed out.

He was still blushing and very shocked, but he was grinning too. "You're the worst," he told her.

"I'm sorry! I thought you'd just laugh. I didn't mean to freak you out," she snickered out. "Oh god. I'm sorry, Josh."

"Let's just keep in mind how little contact I've had with attractive people my own age over the years please," Josh reminded her jokingly, still blushing fiercely. "I'm not.... I literally got the sex talk from an eighty year old nurse in juvie who basically told us we're all going to wind up with diseases and then asked everyone in the room if they were circumcised before talking about dick hygiene for an hour. That's it. That's all I got."

"That's atrocious," Frangipane commented immediately. "I will give you a better sex talk another day. I promise. Jesus. Your mom didn't give you a sex talk of any kind?"

Josh snorted as he lied back down. "You mean when she said masturbation kills you and sends you straight to Hell, or are you talking about when she said sex before marriage kills you and sends you straight to Hell?"

"Her parenting style is really something else," Frangipane replied amusedly. "How are you not afraid of your own dick?"

"Who says I'm not?" Josh replied, raising a challenging eyebrow.

Frangipane giggled. "God, I have a million jokes to make, but I think I've embarrassed you enough. How about we just let you get a little more sleep instead?"

"Okay, but I think you should probably kiss me first," Josh replied.

She grinned, already climbing into his lap. "Yes. Great idea. Absolutely."

Josh couldn't help but smile into the kiss, letting her have complete control over it. She kissed him until he was breathless before tucking him back into bed and snuggling up beside him. She reminded him several times as he got comfortable that she loved him and was proud of him. Josh dreamt about Frangipane. It wasn't the kind of dream he'd ever tell anyone about. It was the kind of dream that made him wake up with a little more than morning wood, but he did what he could to suppress the memory so he wouldn't fuck everything up. Frangipane was his best friend, and he wanted her to be his best friend for a very long time.