***Trigger warnings for a panic attack, PTSD, self harm, mentions of pedophilia, and mentions of past sexual assault.***

Start the song. It's No, It Isn't by +44.

Anxiety resurfaced for Josh after breakfast, and Frangipane couldn't soothe it. Josh kept glancing at the cell door, paranoid that the man with blue eyes would come through it and beat the shit out of him-or worse. Once again, Josh was curled up into a ball on his bed, flinching away from anyone who tried to touch him and fighting to keep his breathing steady. Only Frangipane's hands felt safe to him until Hoppus was called to the suicide block.

Frangipane's fingers were soothing through Josh's hair as she whispered to him again and again that he was safe and that no one could hurt him here. Debby tried to talk him through the waves of panic wracking through his already exhausted mind. Nothing was helping though. Frangipane's hair was too close to the blue of that man's eyes, and Debby's voice was too hard to focus on when he couldn't breathe.

Just when Josh thought he was going to pass out again, Frangipane's hands left him, and his dad's face swam into view. Hoppus hushed him like he was a frightened child instead of a grown man having a panic attack, and his hand rubbed Josh's back softly as he whispered out, "Shhhhh, I'm here. I'm here. I'm right here, buddy. Don't cry. It's okay. Shhhhhh. I'll never let anything hurt you. Shhhhhh. Deep breaths."

Josh sobbed, finally breaking free from the cocoon he'd made for himself by wrapping his arms tightly around his torso and refusing to move them. He held a shaky hand out to Hoppus, who held it steady in the hand that wasn't rubbing Josh's back.

"Thank you for being brave enough to trust me even though you're scared," his dad whispered to him gently, still rubbing soothing circles on the center of Josh's back. "I'm so proud of you."

It was then that Josh became hyper-aware of Hoppus's blue eyes. His panic was instantly amplified, making his thoughts begin to spiral. This was a trap. Hoppus was the person that man knew on the inside. He was trying to trick Josh into feeling comfortable so he could make him vulnerable. Josh yanked his hand out of Hoppus's, flinching away from the hand on his back as he started to hyperventilate again. Hoppus looked to Debby in surprise when Josh shot off of the bed, cowering in the corner of the cell behind Debby and wrapping his arms protectively around his head.

"What happened to him?" Hoppus asked worriedly.

"I don't know," Frangipane replied shakily. "He was totally fine all morning, and then he just started getting paranoid about the door, and then he was panicking and couldn't talk."

Debby seemed especially concerned now that Josh was coming to her for protection instead of Hoppus or Frangipane. She seemed to be trying to read the situation for clues as to what set him off, but coming up empty. She carefully sat down on the floor beside him, allowing herself to create a slight barrier between Josh and the people he suddenly wasn't so sure he could trust.

"This all seems really overwhelming for you," she acknowledged gently. "Is there one thing in particular that's making you feel like this?"

Josh sobbed helplessly, remaining hidden beneath his arms as he stammered out, "b-b-bl-b-buh-blue."

"What about the colour blue makes you feel so overwhelmed, Josh?" Debby asked him gently, not forcing him to leave the safety of his arms or corner as she spoke.

The only response Josh could manage was a coughed out sob. He heard Hoppus clear his throat though, and he knew his dad-if he really even was that-was piecing things together.

"Fuck," Hoppus whispered. He looked at Frangipane, who protested when he started to shepherd her out of the cell. "It's blue. It's the colour blue. He's still on edge from McCarthy, and the colour blue is triggering him. McCarthy has blue eyes. So do I, and Frangipane's hair is blue. It's too much for him right now. We need to get a different guard in here. I'll get Blackett. He's the only one who's not going to freak out if he sees Josh having a panic attack. He'll understand."

"Wait, you're both leaving?" Debby asked a bit nervously.

"He won't hurt you. I promise. Just don't touch him, and talk softly. Noise helps him orient himself as long as it isn't sudden or harsh," Hoppus told her quickly but calmly as Frangipane disappeared through the doorway of the cell. He didn't look at Josh, hiding his blue eyes behind his hand as he told his son, "I'll come back in a little while, and I'll make sure no one comes into this block who isn't supposed to. I love you, and I'm so proud of you for working so hard to be brave right now. I'm going to keep you safe, even if it means not being in here for a little bit. Would it help if your mom came in to talk to you?"

Josh sobbed, his face still buried against his forearms as he asked in a broken voice, "S-Skuh-Skye?"

"Yeah. I said your mom, didn't I?" Hoppus pointed out softly. "I can call her if that will help. Do you want her to come in?"

"Y-yuh-yeh-yes puh-please," Josh whimpered out.

It shouldn't have surprised him that Hoppus immediately replied, "Okay. I'll go call her right now while Frangipane finds Blackett. You're safe here with Debby though, okay? There's no reason to be afraid. You're completely safe."

Josh nodded weakly, leaning into the wall and away from everyone else. His nails dug into his arm, raking along the skin as he tried to calm himself. Debby's words of comfort were a distant hum in his ears. She didn't pry his hands off of his arms no matter no many layers of skin he scratched away as he searched for any sanity that could possibly be trapped beneath his skin.

No one tried until Blackett came into the room, his voice a low hum as he gently eased Josh's hands off of his arms despite the way Josh's entire body flinched away at the touch. Josh was hyperventilating as his eyes met the dark green ones of Officer Blackett, which relaxed him slightly. Not blue. This wasn't the man with blue eyes. This was Officer Blackett.

"Hey, kid. I'm gonna stay here 'til your mom gets here, okay? I'm not gonna cuff you, but I am gonna hold your hands so you don't scratch yourself up anymore. You gonna get spooked if we bring someone in to bandage your arms?" Blackett asked in a calm, even tone.

Josh tried to respond, but he just stammered out a mess of nonsensical syllables that his tongue couldn't weave into words. He sobbed in frustration, feeling trapped inside of his body on top of everything else. Blackett remained patient, waiting like Abbie always did for him to untie his tongue.

"It's okay. Deep breath. I'm listening," Blackett told him reassuringly, squeezing his hands just slightly. When Josh groaned in frustration and sank his teeth harshly into his bottom lip, Blackett released one hand to tug Josh's lip free from his jaws. "Hey, no. Don't you hurt yourself. I'm being patient with you, but I need you to be patient with yourself too. The words are in there. They're just hard to find when you're feeling scattered. Take a breath, collect yourself a little, and then talk. If that doesn't work, try it again. Try it as many times as you need to, but don't hurt yourself in the process."

Every muscle in Josh's body hurt as he tried to relax them. He was shaking almost violently, and he couldn't stop crying no matter how hard he tried. He watched as Blackett took a protective hold of his hand again, never breaking eye contact with Josh.

"You can do this," Blackett whispered to him, his dark green eyes searching Josh's earnestly. "You're stronger than he is. We both know that. Monsters like him? They prey on the most vulnerable people in society, and they don't care that it's wrong. But you? You aren't the same kid who burned down that building. You never meant to hurt nobody. I know that. Hoppus knows that. Frangipane knows that. Debby knows that. You know that. Monsters like him? They don't get to win. They don't get to beat the good guy, and you're one of the best ones we got. Plus, there are people in here who will do anything to protect you. He doesn't have that. If he tells you he does, he's lying. He gets beaten to shit weekly. Most prisoners don't even know what he's in for because they'd kill him if they did. You are better than him, and that's why we are going to keep you safe. You got that?"

Josh nodded weakly, not really even noticing how much more even his breathing was.

"Tell me then. Say, 'I am good.' Go on. You can," Blackett encouraged.

"I-I-I a-am-m g-guh-g-g-" Josh squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw since it wasn't letting the word out anyway.

"Breathe, collect yourself, try again," Blackett reminded him patiently.

Josh shook his head, keeping his eyes tightly shut. His nails were digging into Blackett's skin, but the officer didn't complain.

"Take a breath," he coached instead, taking the breath with Josh this time. "There you go. Now remind yourself in your head what you're going to say." He waited for a moment. "Say it."

"I-I a-am g-g-guh-good-d," Josh stammered out, flinching when Blackett cheered. He smiled slightly when he realized Blackett was telling him he did good and squeezing his hands excitedly.

"Again," Blackett said then.

Josh took a deep breath that trembled just a bit toward the end, thought through the phrase again, and whispered, "I am-m guh-g-good."

They repeated this process six more times before Josh could say the words properly. There would've been a seventh had Blackett's radio not sounded with Hoppus's voice saying, "Skye's here. I talked to the guards in the D Block. Whatever state he's in right now, he can come through. He'll only have to go back to his cell if he seems like he's a danger to himself or Skye, but I don't think he will be. He's a good kid."

Blackett smiled, pushing the button in the radio attached to his shoulder and telling Hoppus, "He is good. He's taking nice calm breaths now. He's doing a great job. You're gonna be real proud of him."

The radio crackled before Hoppus's voice said, "I'm always proud of him."

Josh smiled slightly again, letting out a breath of relief when Blackett helped him stand before cuffing him carefully. He felt much better as he was led through the prison to the visiting room. The guards they passed all eyed him a bit warily, but that was okay. Hoppus was proud of him, Blackett thought he was good, and Skye was here to see him. He would be okay. He could be okay. He could be good.

Once again, Skye's arms were around him before his cuffs could even be removed. Blackett chuckled as he worked around her to free Josh's wrists, but Josh just buried his face against her shoulder and let her hands soothe through his hair, across his back, along his raw arms. Her lips brushed against his cheek, and she rocked him slightly as she spoke to him softly.

"You're safe. You're safe. You're safe," she whispered again and again. He believed her. He believed everything she said because every single atom of her being was wrapped in warmth and unconditional love. He wrapped his arms around her and let her hold him tight. "God, I've missed you. You're safe. I love you so much. You're safe. You can always call and ask me to come see you, and I will. I love you so much. I will always do everything I can to keep you safe. I promise. I promise. You're safe. I promise."

Josh pressed his face against the soft green cotton of her teeshirt and tried not to be embarrassed that he was starting to break down again. She didn't give him time to get embarrassed though before she was pressing a quick kiss to his ear and rocking him gently where they stood.

"You can cry. You can cry as much as you need to. It's safe to cry with me. I promise you. I won't be mad or judge you or be afraid of you. I'll just keep loving you through it. I always will," she reassured him, one of her hands rubbing his back while the other cradled the back of his head like a baby's. "You can feel whatever you need to, and I will still love you with my whole heart. Always."

Josh still felt a pang of shame when he sobbed against her shoulder, whimpering out, "I'm s-scare-d."

Her touch and tone remained gentle and firm. "You're allowed to feel scared. That's okay. You can feel that if you need to, and I'll keep you safe until it passes. Okay? That's what mommies are for. Do you want to talk about what's making you feel scared, or do you just need me to hold you? I will happily help you with either of those things."

Josh squeezed his eyes shut tight and sobbed again. "I was scared of Hoppus and Frangipane. I didn't know if I could trust them because blue is dangerous, and they have so much blue, and and and and-" then he was hyperventilating.

"Skye?" Blackett asked carefully, making sure she still felt safe.

Skye led Josh to the table, helping him sit down before crouching down in front of him so he was forced to focus only on her hazel eyes. She took his hands gently in hers, rubbing the backs of them patiently with smooth thumbs as she spoke to him in a gentle voice.

"Blue can't hurt you. Someone who had a little blue might have hurt you, but that doesn't mean everyone with some sort of blue is going to hurt you. Your dad and your little brother have blue eyes, but they love you just as much as I do. Frangipane loves you too, even if her hair is blue right now. They're all good blue," she reassured him.

Josh sobbed. "Buh-blue used to be my f-f-favourite col-lour, but now...." He trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

He didn't flinch when she wiped the tears off of his cheeks. "But now you get to decide if you have a new favourite colour, or if you just need some time to relearn how to feel safe around blue again," his mom provided understandingly. "You don't have to decide right now, sweetheart. For right now, you should just focus on reminding yourself that you are more loved than you can even imagine. You're loved by me, by your dad, by Jack, by Frangipane. I've heard you have a baby sister Jack's age who absolutely adores you. I just need you to remind yourself that you're allowed to feel whatever you need to feel because you have us to lean on for support. You have some stability to keep you upright while you process, and we aren't going anywhere. We will love you for every single second of every single day for the rest of your life. I promise."

Josh sniffled, forcing his eyelids open so he could make eye contact as he nodded timidly. He swallowed hard before admitting, "I scared Dad, I think."

Skye nodded slightly, more to show she was listening than to confirm his fear. "If you did, I promise he'll forgive you."

"He thinks I'm good," Josh told her quietly, realizing as soon as he said it how dumb he sounded.

Apparently, his mom didn't think he was dumb though. She smiled widely at him. "You are good, Josh. He doesn't just think that. He knows it, just like I do. You are good, and we are so proud of you."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Josh asked timorously, holding Skye's hand a little tighter in his.

"Absolutely," Skye insisted warmly.

Josh hesitated before admitting quietly, "I think I forgot for a long time what it was like to have a mom, and I didn't realize how badly I needed one until I met you. I felt a lot less scared when I found out you were coming. I knew you would take care of me, and maybe that's dumb since I'm an adult-"

"It's not dumb," Skye interjected quickly, smiling despite the tears filling her hazel eyes. "Josh, sweetheart, it doesn't matter how old you are. Everyone needs a person they feel safe and comfortable around. Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes. Everyone needs a hug from time to time. I am...so...fucking honoured that I'm that person for you, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you always know you're safe with me here. I may not be the one who gave you life, but you are my baby. You are my son, and I am so grateful that I get to be your mom. The only thing I regret is that I wasn't there to love and protect you from day one, but I promise I'll be here from here on out to take care of you. I will always be your mom, and that is the greatest achievement of my life."

Skye let Josh pull her up into a hug even though it left her at an odd angle, practically bent over to wrap him up in her arms. She shifted to sit beside him on the bench after a moment, never releasing him for even a second.

"I wish I could just go home with you and never have to go back in there," Josh whimpered out against her shoulder.

"Soon, okay? So soon. And you know what? Jack and I are going to come see you when he gets out of school tomorrow. He made me promise I'd let him come see you this week. He loves you so much. He can't wait for you to come home," his mom told him, making a smile tug at the corners of his lips.

"Promise?" He asked quietly.

She chuckled. "I promise. Oh! Hey, I just remembered," she said excitedly, pulling away from the hug and digging in her pocket for a second.

Blackett said nothing when she produced a king sized Snickers bar out of her jacket pocket. Josh almost laughed when she handed it to him with a wide grin on her face.

"I saw this at the store last night and couldn't help myself. Your dad teases me so much. There's a whole drawer full of Snickers bars in your dresser at home, and it is not a small drawer. I keep buying them though because they're your favourite, and I love you so much," she explained, beaming when Josh smiled slightly. "Jack eats them all the time, but that's kind of what brothers do."

"No, he can have as many as he wants. That's-Wow. Thank you. This is-Fuck. He can totally have as many as he wants. That's okay," Josh replied quietly, his smile widening more and more as that sunk in for him. "My other little brother doesn't really want anything to do with me. I fucked that up, I think."

His mother hummed. "It's hard to communicate effectively when you're in here, he's out there, and neither of you know what to talk to each other about. You're sort of left to sit and mull over the little boys you remember each other being instead of the people you are now. Things could change when you get out in the summer. There's a pretty large margin for hope around here."

Josh was quiet for a moment before telling her, "Don't let me fuck things up with Jack, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed easily. "You won't need a lot of help loving him. Trust me."

"No, but he might need some help loving me. I'm not an easy person to love," Josh replied.

His mom chuckled, brushing his hair back softly and meeting his gaze seriously as she told him, "Joshua, loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done, and your dad and brother would say the same thing. You belong in our family, and we're so grateful you're in it with us."

Josh let out a quiet breath of relief before telling her, "It feels really easy to love you too. I feel like you've always been my mom."

Skye smiled. "That's because I have. We just didn't always know that was the case."

"I'm glad you're my mom," Josh told her honestly.

She beamed, pressing a kiss to his forehead before replying, "I'm glad I am too. You're the best son I could ever ask for."

It was easier for Josh to calm down when his mom was there to comfort him. She kept reassuring him that he was loved, that he'd be okay, that he was safe. By the time he went back to his cell, he could breathe again.

When Hoppus came in to check on him, he wasn't afraid of him anymore. Hoppus peeked his head in tentatively, seeming unsure of whether or not Josh would want him there. Josh instantly reached one hand out to his dad, who crossed the cell quickly to sit in the folding chair beside Josh's bed as he took his hand gently.

"Sorry if I scared you," Josh told his dad quietly.

Hoppus shook his head, brushing Josh's hair back off of his forehead. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm just glad you're safe."

Josh studied his dad's blue eyes for a moment before telling him, "I don't want him to ruin blue for me."

Hoppus nodded, shifting to rub Josh's back gently. "How can I help with that?"

Josh shrugged tiredly. "I don't know. Just keep being my dad, I guess. Keep being patient with me when I freak out."

"I will. I promise," his dad replied easily. He drew in a deep breath and blew it out before telling Josh, "I love you so much, Josh. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm going to hurt you or that I'd change my mind about being your dad. I love you so much more than I could even tell you."

"I love you too," Josh replied quietly. He squeezed Hoppus's hand lightly. "Is Frangipane okay?"

Hoppus studied Josh's face for a moment before asking, "You two still aren't...?"

Josh groaned. "We're friends, Dad. We're just friends."

Although Hoppus didn't seem to fully believe that, he nodded. "Okay. She's fine. She was a little shaken up, but she's okay. Her shift ended while you were talking to your mom, but she comes back in tomorrow morning, so I'm sure she'll wake you up when she does."

Josh nodded gratefully. "Dad?" He asked timidly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm meeting Jack tomorrow," Josh informed him nervously.

A wide smile spread across Hoppus's face. "Are you? That's awesome, Josh. That's great news."

Josh smiled slightly. "Yeah, it is," he agreed quietly. He yawned, releasing Hoppus's hand to wipe at his eyes. "Dad, if I fall asleep, can you-"

"I won't let anyone in here. You'll be safe. Just rest. You've had a really exhausting day," his dad responded knowingly. He continued to rub Josh's back soothingly. "Goodnight, buddy. I love you. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks. I love you too. Thanks for being my dad," Josh mumbled back, already half asleep.

Hoppus's hand continued to soothe along his back as he whispered, "Thanks for being my son."

"Can you keep talking until I fall asleep?" Josh requested in a whisper. "I get nervous again when it's too quiet."

His father didn't hesitate to start telling him stories about when Jack was little, about the day he married Skye, about the time their dog ran away for a few days and came back wearing a fluffy pink sweater. He told Josh story after story until Josh's muscles relaxed and his breathing evened out. Josh slept soundly with Hoppus's blue eyes watching over him.