***Trigger warnings for suicidal/self-destructive thoughts, mentions of abuse, and mentions of abortion.***

Wait to start the song.

By the time Josh was being handed a phone, he was too comforted by Hoppus's words to be anxious as he dialled Ashley's number, which he knew by heart but never used. He could do this. Everything would be okay, and he didn't need the help of any saint to speak without stuttering when his sister picked up with an excited, "Oh my god! Josh! Hi, dude. How are you?"

He just took a deep breath and said, "Hey! I'm good, but I kind of need to ask you a big favour."

He heard his sister laugh quietly. "How big?"

"Really big. Like potentially saving someone's life big," Josh informed her.

Silence trickled through the phone for a second before his sister replied, "Shit. Are you safe? What's going on?"

"I'm totally fine. There's just a guard in here who's a friend of mine, and her husband is really fucking evil. He beats the shit out of her all the time, and he treats her like shit. She had to get an abortion three days ago without telling him she was pregnant because she was too afraid to have a baby with him. She's back at work right now because she doesn't have anywhere safe to go while she recovers. I was wondering if-"

"Oh my god. Can she come stay with me? Would she be comfortable with that? She could stay in your room for a while until we can find a way for her to get away from him permanently. Andrew wouldn't mind. I know he wouldn't. She needs to be resting though, and she can't do that in a high security prison. That's insane," his little sister blurted out immediately, making him smile.

Josh laughed. "That's literally why I'm calling you, Ashley. I was going to ask if she could stay with you."

"Yes! Yes! Absolutely! Give her my address and my number, and tell her that she should come here right away after work. I've got toothbrushes and stuff here, so she doesn't need to go back to her house for any reason. Do you think my clothes would fit her? If not, I can get her some stuff. I don't want her going back there."

"I have no fucking idea, dude. I'll let her know though. Thank you. I knew you'd be a good person to call. You were the first person I thought of when she told me," Josh told his sister.

His sister squealed suddenly, making him have to pull the phone away from his ear and startling Hoppus slightly. "Josh! I get to meet one of your friends! This is so exciting!"

Josh laughed, wiping his hand down his face and shaking his head. "Yeah, so on that note, I have two rules."

"Which are?" His sister asked amusedly.

"No embarrassing stories about me," he told her.

"I will break that rule within thirty seconds of meeting her, but please feel free to proceed to the second rule," Ashley replied without hesitation.

"Bitch," he countered amusedly, making her snicker. "Fine. Rule number two is that you can't show her any of my baby pictures because I know you, and I know that's exactly what you're planning right now."

"Well, luckily for me, mom gave me all your baby pictures because I was doing an art project that required me to have baby pictures from everyone in our family, so I will break that rule too," Ashley informed him.

"Again, bitch," he replied, smiling when she laughed.

"That's not a nice way to talk to someone who owns several pictures of baby you in the bathtub and remembers you most clearly during your middle school years," Ashley teased, making him laugh again.

"Fine. You're beautiful and I love you and you're so talented that I keep every single poem you send me and read them all the time," Josh insisted.

Ashley was quiet for a second before asking in a small voice, "Wait, do you really?"

"Yeah, I love those. They're probably tied for my favourite thing you send me. The cat pictures are equally good," Josh informed her.

"Dude, my cats are going to love you," Ashley insisted. "Hey, I actually have a question to ask you too."

"Okay, shoot," Josh replied.

"So Andrew doesn't have work on Friday, and I was wondering if I could bring him over to meet you. He asks all the time if you'd be down to meet him, but I don't want to overwhelm you."

No part of Josh meant to give his actual thoughts on the matter, yet he heard his voice say, "Does it really matter if I meet him? You're already married. It doesn't really matter if I like him or not."

Start the song. It's The Seer's Tower by Sufjan Stevens.

Ashley fell silent, and Josh immediately looked at Hoppus, his eyes wide with fear and guilt as he realized what he'd just said. Hoppus looked surprised too, immediately coming to crouch down in front of the chair Josh was sitting on, grabbing his hand and whispering, "It's okay. I got you."

"I don't...." Ashley trailed off before asking a bit more harshly, "What's that supposed supposed to mean?"

"No. No, no, no, no, no," Josh whispered fearfully, his eyes still locked with Hoppus's as he tried to steady his breathing. "I didn't mean that. I didn't mean to say that. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said that. I'm so sorry, Ashley. I didn't mean that."

Hoppus squeezed his hand, reminding Josh to breathe by taking a deep breath of his own. Tears of absolute terror were filling Josh's eyes though.

"Yeah, you did. Why would you say that?" Ashley demanded.

"Be honest. It's okay. She loves you. She won't know unless you tell her," Hoppus whispered to Josh, who was trembling all over.

Josh drew in a shaky breath before blurting out, "You only ever talk to me when bad things happen or when you need something. You all do. I don't get to know about the good things until they're already over, and I don't get to be a part of any of that. Maybe that's my fault for being in here, but I didn't even know you were seeing this guy until you were already married to him. Do you have any idea how isolating that is? Mom only comes to see me when things are bad, and she only brought Abbie to see me the other day to scare her into behaving. I know I fucked up getting put in here, but at this point, I almost don't even want to leave because I know that no matter what, I'm going to have to go live with strangers. I want to be your big brother, but not just when you need something from me. I hate that the only time I can meet your husband is after you've already been married to him for months. What's the point of me even meeting him? He's fine. He's obviously a good person if he's part of the family because I already know what our family does to the people they don't want to be related to. I live it every fucking day."

Hoppus squeezed his hand again, and he looked like he was going to cry too. Ashley was completely silent, which only scared Josh more. Josh bit his bottom lip hard when it trembled. He felt like he was going to throw up. He collapsed forward as he tried to keep himself from panicking, burying his face against Hoppus's chest. Without a second of hesitation, Hoppus wrapped his arms around Josh and held him steady.

"Josh, is that really how you feel?" Ashley asked in a tiny strangled voice.

"No. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry," he said quickly, shrinking against Hoppus when the guard rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Hey, no. I'm not mad. Tell me the truth. You've never told me how you feel about...anything. I didn't even think about...." She trailed off. "Do you really feel like we don't want you?"

Josh had to hold his breath for a moment to force down a sob. "Why wouldn't I feel like that, Ashley? I can't talk to you guys about anything without feeling terrified that you're never going to visit me again because I only see you guys like twice a year, if that. I don't know anything about you guys that matters, unless it's some kind of crisis that you don't want other people in the family to know about. Has it ever occurred to you that the reason your secrets are always safe with me is because no one fucking talks to me? I love you guys, and I miss you all so much that it kills me, but there are guards in here that treat me more like family than you guys do."

Hoppus hugged Josh a little bit tighter, and Josh squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Breathe," Hoppus whispered. "You're doing so good. I'm so proud of you."

Josh flinched when he heard his little sister let out a sob. "Josh, I love you so much. You have no idea. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I always want you to be my big brother, and I want you here for the happy stuff too, but I'm always afraid that it's going to make things harder for you if you hear about the stuff you miss while you're in there."

"But hearing about the bad stuff is supposed to make me feel better? How the fuck does that work?" Josh demanded, trying not to sound as angry as he felt. "The only person in this family who tells me the good and the bad is Abbie, and she's the only person I think actually cares about me. I know Mom doesn't want me to come home in June. I don't think Jordan even cares if I live until June. As far as Dad's concerned, I could already be dead, and he wouldn't even notice. You say that you care, but I don't know if I can even trust you on that or not. Abbie's the only person in our entire family who talks to me like I'm her brother, and she was pretty much a baby when I got arrested. Plus, you and Jordan give her shit about it because she didn't know me for very long before, but you have no fucking right to do that when you don't make any effort to be my family when I need you most."

"That's not fair," Ashley whimpered out.

"What's not fair is that I made one stupid mistake when I was thirteen, and my entire family abandoned me for it. What's not fair is that Mom sends me statues of saints and tells me to pray when she's given me no reason at all to believe that she loves me, so why the fuck would God give a shit about me? What's not fair is that I can't tell any of you anything about what I'm going through without being afraid that you'll abandon me permanently. What's not fair is that there are three people on the entire planet who I know actually care about me, and Abbie is the only one of them that I'm related to," Josh insisted, knowing full well that it was obvious he was crying while he spoke.

"Josh-" Ashley sobbed out.

"I only have like two minutes left to talk to you, so just...thanks for taking care of one of the people who gives a shit about me. Don't worry about bringing your husband by for me to meet. Maybe I'll just ask her about him because I know she'll be honest with me, and she won't make me feel guilty if I don't want to ask. She gets it because her family thinks she's a monster too," Josh told his sister simply.

Hoppus released him enough to look him in the eye. Forgiveness and understanding swam in his irises, making Josh feel less alone. He held Josh's hand again, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

"You aren't a monster, Josh. Please don't do this. I love you. I love you so much. You have to know that," Ashley sobbed out desperately.

"Oh, I have to?" Josh asked, finally allowing himself to be angry. He heard Ashley sob again. "I have to know that someone I've seen and talked to twice over the past two years loves me? Fuck you. You're my little sister, and I would die for you, but I'm not going to pretend to know you love me just because you're too fucking selfish to actually let me into your life for more than two seconds. I get it. You've got a great new life without me in it, and I'm happy for you, but don't try to stick me into it as an afterthought after completely abandoning me for two years."

"You're the one who put yourself in prison. Not me," Ashley argued. "You're the reason there are walls around you that keep us out. It's not our fault you're in there."

"You know what? You're right. It's completely my fault that I don't have a family anymore." Josh saw Hoppus's face fall, when he heard Josh speak those words. "It's completely my fault that you guys don't come visit me. It's completely my fault that I don't know anything about any of you. It's completely my fault that I'm gonna die completely alone in a cell meant for guys who stab and rape other inmates when I've never once in my life hurt anyone on purpose. It's my fault that I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to live to twenty-one when my only options are to go home to strangers or stay in that cell until I die. You don't have to take responsibility for anything. You don't have to try at all to be my sister. You just get to keep living happily ever after with your husband and your cats and the knowledge that you never have to see me again if you don't want to, and I'll take complete responsibility for your decision no matter what because I'm your big brother, and it's my job to protect you and your happiness even if that means never fucking seeing you again."

"Josh, I didn't mean to-" Ashley sobbed out.

"Yeah, you did, and that's fine because I'll love you anyway and stop trying to be in your life when you clearly don't want me there. As a matter of fact, tell Mom she can stop pretending too. Take a fucking page out of Jordan's book and be up front about it if you don't want me in your life. Better yet, be like Dad, and make zero effort to have anything to do with me at all. I'm not your responsibility, and I'd hate to get in the way of your happiness. Thanks for taking care of my friend, but don't worry. That's the only favour I'll ever ask from you, and I won't call you again. Hearing you pretend to care only makes this harder for me anyway," Josh told her harshly. "I love you, and I'm sorry I let you down. Have a great life, Ashley. You deserve it."

"Jo-"

Josh hung up, handing the phone to Hoppus. He forced himself to stop crying, to stop feeling this, to stop caring that he was even more alone than before. Almost instantly, he was wrapped up in Hoppus's arms. He stared numbly at the floor over Hoppus's shoulder.

"Dad," Josh whispered shakily, "I think I'm gonna hurt myself if I go back to my cell."

Hoppus held him closer. "Okay. It's okay. I'm gonna put you on watch again, okay? I won't let anything hurt you. I promise. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you. I'm so proud of you, and I love you so much."

Josh let out a sob without meaning to. "Please don't give up on me. I'm trying. I promise I'm trying to be a good person. Please keep being my dad. Please don't leave me. I need you so badly."

"I will always love you as much as I do right now until the day I die. I promise you that. I will always be your dad, and I will always be proud to be your dad. When you get out of here in June, you can always come stay with me and your mom and your brother, and we'll love you through everything. I swear on my life," Hoppus told him seriously without releasing him. "I will always keep you safe, and I will do everything I can to make sure you have the best life you possibly can."

Josh sobbed again, burying his face against his dad's shoulder. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, buddy. I'm your dad. Loving you is just as natural to me as breathing. No part of loving you is difficult for me," Hoppus reassured him, making him sob again. "Let's get you in to see Debby, okay? Then I'll take you to your watch cell, and maybe I can get Skye to come in today so you can have a mom to talk to."

Josh nodded against Hoppus's shoulder. "Okay," he sobbed out.

"Okay. Let's get you somewhere safe. Everything's going to be okay. You can count on me. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you," Hoppus told Josh softly as he helped him to stand up despite how intensely his entire body was trembling.

He had to hold Josh up as he walked him to Debby's office, speaking softly to him to remind him that he was safe and loved the whole way. It took about thirty seconds for Debby to confirm that he needed to be placed back on watch, and about five minutes for Josh to be curled up on a familiar bed with no blankets while Hoppus rubbed his back to help him fall asleep. When Hoppus's shift ended, he left for only a few minutes to call his wife and explain the situation to her before he was back, telling Josh he picked up another shift so he could be there through the night to protect him.

Hoppus gave Frangipane the information she needed to get in touch with Ashley, but she stayed past her shift for a while too, climbing into Josh's bed with him and holding him for a while as she whispered apologies and promised him everything was going to be okay. She cried when she left, too exhausted and in too much pain to stay any longer, but not wanting to leave him there when he wasn't safe. Hoppus assured her he'd keep Josh safe, and he only had to repeat that thirteen more times before she finally agreed to leave. Still, she promised Josh she'd come back the next day. He didn't know if he should believe her. He didn't know if he should believe anyone who wasn't Hoppus because Hoppus was the only person in the entire world who had never let him down.

When Josh fell asleep, it was because he was so exhausted from crying that he completely lost consciousness. When a guard came to let them know his mom and sister were there to see him, Josh told the guard he didn't want to see them, and fell back to sleep with Hoppus's hand rubbing his back. In the morning, when he was told that Skye was there to see him, he allowed himself to be handcuffed and led through the prison by his dad, who promised him over and over again that she was going to love him.

Before Josh's cuffs had even been removed in the visiting room, a flurry of blonde hair shot at him, and he was being hugged so tightly and so warmly that every muscle in his body instantly relaxed. Then she was pulling back to smile at him, so much love and acceptance in her hazel eyes that Josh couldn't help but feel completely safe in her presence.

"Hi, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Skye asked gently, holding his face in soft hands while her husband uncuffed Josh.

She didn't introduce herself. She didn't have to. They'd known each other for a long time before this first meeting. Josh hadn't expected to instantly feel like his mom was in the room with him, but not his mom now. He felt like he was a little kid again, his mom standing in front of him and holding his face as she assessed him for injuries, loving him so much that it wasn't even a question how she felt about him.

"I don't know," he replied quietly, not sure how to describe this aching in his chest or his relief at her presence.

She smiled sadly, stroking his cheeks softly with her thumbs. "Well, that's okay. Sometimes we feel things there aren't words for, and that's totally natural. Do you wanna sit down and we'll see if we can find some words that make you feel a little better?"

This was easily the most comfortable Josh had ever felt upon meeting someone for the first time. He nodded, earning himself another affectionate smile.

"Okay, sweetheart. Let's do that. Come on," she said calmly, taking his hand and leading him over to the table without showing any signs of being afraid of him or intimidated by him. She even sat down directly next to him, still holding his hand in hers as she told him, "You can talk to me about anything you feel comfortable telling me. I won't judge you or try to make you feel small for anything you feel brave enough to tell me, and I will love you no matter what you say. I promise you that."

Josh glanced nervously at Hoppus, who smiled at him warmly. "You can trust her, bud. She's your mom. She loves you just as much as I do, and I promise you you can trust her just as much as you trust me."

Josh looked back to Skye, who was still exuding warm and soothing energy as she rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. He nodded timidly, earning another warm hug from his new mom, who told him softly, "And if you aren't ready to talk, that's okay too. I'll still be here to love you and support you no matter what, okay? That's what moms are for."

Josh squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to memorize this feeling of having someone love him this deeply without question. He didn't allow himself to hug back, not wanting to scare her or get in trouble. He was shaking still, and he thought he'd crumble if she let go of him.

"Honey, I don't think he's ready to talk yet. He's usually a little bit nonverbal at the start of watch. I think he just needs you to keep holding him and talking to him. That's calming him down," Hoppus told his wife, making Josh realize that he talked to her with just as much love and affection as he used when he spoke to Josh.

A soft hand stroked the short hair growing him his scalp as Skye continued to hold him close, beginning to rock him just slightly. "Okay. I can do that," she told her husband before pressing a soft kiss to Josh's temple.

"Sorry," Josh told her in a tiny voice, humiliation threatening to overpower the comfort she was giving him.

"Oh, sweetheart, don't be," Skye cooed easily. "I do this with your brother when he's having a rough time too. I've been wanting to be able to come in here and make sure you know how much we love you for two years. Believe me. Mamas thrive off of being able to love on their babies, and you're just as much my son as Jack is. Loving you is never an inconvenience, and anyone who tells you it is doesn't deserve to love you."

Josh smiled slightly. "My mama doesn't thrive off of that," he told her quietly.

"Of course I do, silly," she replied, making his smile widen. "Oh, you mean your biological mom," she added as if she was just now realizing, chuckling when Josh breathed out a laugh. "Well, as your adoptive mom, I promise you that I will always be happiest when you feel safe and cared for because I love you more than you'll ever know."

"I love you too," he replied honestly.

Skye's arms squeezed him just a little tighter. "Jack also loves you. I would've brought him with me if he wasn't at school. He'll be disappointed I came and saw you without him. If you're feeling up to it, I'll bring him by this weekend, okay?"

"Okay," Josh agreed easily.

"I'm so excited for you to come home in June too. We all are. Mark said not to get too overzealous and start turning the guest room into your bedroom or anything in case you didn't want to stay with us, but I did it anyway so you can feel completely at home even if you just swing by to visit every now and then. I want you to be able to have your own space in case you need a break from us, and I want you to have your very own bed so I can tuck you into it and rub your back to help you sleep like we do for Jack," Skye informed him, making him feel even more comfortable and even more welcome in her presence.

"Hoppus does that for me sometimes," Josh told her. "I sleep a lot better when he does."

"You wanna know a secret?" Skye whispered conspiratorially to Josh. When he smiled slightly and nodded, she whispered, "Your dad sleeps better when I rub his back before bed too. He's a baby when he's tired, but he's my baby, and I love him."

Josh smiled at that, especially when Hoppus rolled his eyes and said, "Skye, don't embarrass me in front of our son."

Skye giggled, pressing a kiss to Josh's forehead before leaning back to smile at him. "He's just embarrassed because he knows I'm right. You can ask Jack this weekend. He knows what a softy your dad is too."

Josh smiles at her before asking a bit anxiously, "Are you sure you want Jack to meet me? I don't want to be a bad influence on him or anything."

Confusion crossed Skye's hazel eyes. "A bad influence? Sweetheart, how could you possibly be a bad influence when you've grown so much from the mistake you made, taken responsibility for it, and become such a kind and respectful young man despite having so many reasons not to? I can't think of a better influence for your little brother."

Tears nipped at Josh's eyes. "Really?"

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Josh," his mom told him softly, gently brushing away the tear that ran down his cheek without any judgment on her face. "You have so much to be proud of yourself for, and I am so proud of you. Your dad is proud of you. Your brother is proud of you. We are all so proud to have someone like you in our family, and that will never change."

This time, Josh did hug her properly, and she hugged back instantly. "I wish you'd been my mom when I was thirteen," he told her in a tight voice.

"I wish I had been too, sweetheart," Skye replied with such sincerity that Josh didn't even think to question whether she meant it or not. "I wish I'd always been your mom, but I'm so grateful that I at least get to be your mom now. I am the luckiest lady in the whole world to be your mama."

By the time Skye left, Josh felt a million times better. He felt safer, less alone. He still had to remain on suicide watch until his seventy-two hours were up, but he didn't feel like hurting himself as he climbed back onto his bed and allowed Hoppus to rub his back softly. It was an indescribable feeling to have a family who genuinely wanted him.