***Trigger warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts and attempts, mentions of bullying, and mentions of self harm.***

Start the song. It's Needles by The Pack A.D.

It shouldn't have surprised Tyler that his first client of the day was Abbie. According to the news, it was the anniversary of the Birchwood Fire-Joshua's fire. It was officially the eighth anniversary, but it seemed to still feel like the first to Abbie. She'd brought her own sketchbook in today, opting for working on her current drawing instead of talking. Tyler didn't push her. He just watched her recreate the mugshot he'd seen on the news the night before. She'd captured her big brother perfectly, not a single freckle left unaccounted for.

"He's still on suicide watch," Abbie said quietly after a few beats of silence.

She wasn't wearing makeup today. Tyler had never seen her without the space around her eyes having been blacked out. She looked younger without it, more vulnerable.

"My mom says they probably won't let him off until after today. This is usually the day when he starts suicide watch. He's always suicidal around the anniversary. Last year, they had to restrain him for six hours on the anniversary because he kept finding ways to hurt himself. Mom had to go talk to him. She cried when she came home," Abbie continued, shading in the bags beneath her brother's eyes.

"How does the anniversary make you feel?" Tyler asked carefully, handing Abbie a tissue from the coffee table sitting between them when she sniffled quietly.

Abbie took the tissue without looking at Tyler, wiping at her eyes before setting the crumpled tissue on top of the coffee table and returning to her work. "I usually get sick on the anniversary. I worry so much about him that I always wind up throwing up or something."

She switched her pencil out with another from the case she'd brought with her. It had thinner lead than the other.

"People always give me shit at school. If Josh gets even half as much shit as me and Jordan do on the anniversary, I'm not surprised he winds up on suicide watch. Last year, someone lit Jordan's backpack on fire in the school hallway. He got it off and put the fire out before he could get hurt, but he didn't come out of his room for two days after," she confided tentatively. "I think that's why he hates Josh. People torture him since they can't do that stuff to Josh. They look a lot alike too, so people tend to think he's Josh in public."

A knot was forming in Tyler's stomach as he remembered just how much malice Jordan had shown for his brother the day before. Of course he didn't miss Josh or feel empathy for him. He had become the target for people's anger against Josh. He was enduring some of the same misery his brother was despite never having been the one to light a match.

"Have you told your principal or a teacher or anyone at school about the bullying?" Tyler asked hopefully.

Abbie shrugged. "No one cares, and even if they did, they can't stop anything. I just have to survive today. It's like that every year. I have to survive the anniversary and the shit I'll get at school, and then I can go home. Jordan's staying home today. Mom couldn't get him out of bed. I think he's too afraid. I have to go to school though. As soon as this session is over, my mom is dropping me off at school."

"Do you want to come up with a safety plan to help you cope with negative attention once you get to school today?" Tyler suggested. "Maybe just some buzzwords you can use to get out of a situation?"

Abbie was quiet for a moment, her pencil hovering over the pad in front of her for a moment before she looked up at Tyler. "The day Josh burned that building down, he got into a fight at school. He never told us about it, but the school told my mom during the trial and stuff. He didn't get in trouble because apparently the kid he fought had been saying shitty things to him, so the teacher considered it self defence when Josh just turned around and starting punching the hell out of him."

"Are you suggesting that your plan is to fight anyone who's mean to you?" Tyler asked with a bit of concern.

Abbie shook her head, setting her pencil and sketchbook down onto the table before looking seriously at Tyler. "Did you know that Josh stuttered when he was my age? He was too anxious to talk right, so sometimes it took him a few minutes to get a full sentence out. That's why he didn't get in trouble for punching that kid. The teacher knew that he wouldn't be able to defend himself without using his fists. She knew that the only way he could protect himself was by doing it physically. Do you think that's why he burned the building down? Because he didn't know how to ask for help?"

It took Tyler a second to process that. Josh had a speech impediment. He truly did have anxiety. He had a history of acting out. That all made perfect sense to Tyler. Josh seemed like a textbook case for childhood pyromania. He hadn't set the fire to hurt anyone, seek revenge, or damage anyone's property. He was lighting fires to feel some sort of catharsis that he couldn't find in any other way. He didn't know how to find healing in anything but destruction.

"That's possible," Tyler replied finally. "I can't diagnose him or say anything for certain though because I've never met him."

Abbie nodded, picking up the tissue again before wiping away the tear that ran down her cheek. "Josh told my mom to tell me that I'm gonna be okay. He said I should be nicer to Jordan too, but I don't know. It was just nice to know that he'd really listened when he read the letter I sent him. You know what I mean? He read it, and he got it. He understood what I was feeling and thinking, and he said I'm gonna be okay. Do you think he's right?"

Tyler smiled slightly, unable to stop himself from wishing someone had been there to tell Josh the same thing before he'd burned that building down. "I do," he replied easily. "I think you're going to be better than okay, but okay is a good place to start."

A smile tugged at Abbie's lips, but then she just looked miserable again. "I wish I could hear him say that in person or that I could see it written in his handwriting or something. I don't think it'll feel real until I actually hear him say it."

"I'm sure he wishes he could tell you himself too," Tyler assured her. "He probably misses you just as much as you miss him."

Abbie was quiet for a moment before admitting, "I don't think my mom is going to go visit him today. I think he's going to spend the anniversary alone again."

Once again, Tyler felt nauseous. The thought of that little boy from the news spending the anniversary of his world ending alone made Tyler feel absolutely disgusted. How could his family not want to be there for him?

"Does he spend the anniversary alone pretty often?" He asked morosely.

"She never visits him on the anniversary unless he's in physical danger." Resentment was evident in Abbie's tone. "Two years ago, Mom didn't go visit him even though he was on suicide watch. Ashley almost drove to the prison because she kept having nightmares that he was going to kill himself or something. She kept telling our mom about it, and I think it really scared Mom. She went to the prison three times the next day because she kept getting a bad feeling. The third time she got there, she couldn't see him because he'd been moved to the prison hospital. He got nine stitches in one of his arms, and the guard on duty lost his job because he was too busy playing games on his phone to make sure Josh was safe."

It was getting hard for Tyler not to overlook Abbie's role in this situation in an attempt to solve things for Josh. He was getting too emotionally immersed in this. He wanted to yell at Abbie's mom for abandoning her oldest son over and over again when he was relying on her for support. He wanted to tell her that the best thing she could do for Josh right now would be to show him positive attention whenever he made any sort of progress in his recovery and to be there for him like a mom was supposed to be when he was struggling.

"That must have been really difficult you and your family to cope with," Tyler recognized for Abbie, speaking softly.

Abbie shrugged, picking up her sketchbook and starting to work on her brother's portrait again. "I don't know. I feel like we shouldn't be as shocked as we are when he hurts himself. Since he was thirteen, he's tried to kill himself sixteen times. He's not exactly stable. We should probably be expecting him to hurt himself at this point."

Sixteen times. He'd tried to kill himself sixteen times. That was two suicide attempts a year for eight years. The little boy with the swollen brown eyes and stumbling voice had tried to kill himself sixteen times, yet no one had considered the notion that he might need psychiatric help instead of needing to be locked away all alone for the rest of his life. How had no one caught that in all this time?

"Even if it's a common occurrence, it's still a traumatic thing for anyone to deal with. You're afraid of losing your brother, and I don't blame you. It must be really overwhelming to constantly have to be worrying about whether or not he's safe," Tyler validated honestly.

Abbie sniffled quietly, not looking up from her drawing. "Dr. Joseph, is it okay if I just draw for a while and don't talk? I don't want to leave yet because my mom will make me go to school, but I don't want to talk anymore either."

Tyler nodded, having to draw in a deep breath to calm himself as well. "Yeah. Absolutely. If you change your mind, let me know."

She nodded too, returning to her portrait of Josh from the day his life had been deemed inessential. Tyler thought about the letter he'd dropped in the mailbox earlier this morning. He hoped Josh read it. He hoped Josh knew that every word of it was true. More than anything, he hoped that the little boy in that mugshot could have the opportunity to heal from everything that put him in front of that house with a gallon of gasoline and a box of matches.

Someone needed to be on Josh's side, and it couldn't just be a thirteen year old girl anymore. It had to be someone who could find a way to help Josh get out in June so he could have a fresh start. Tyler was determined to find a way to be that person for him. He had no idea how he was going to do it. He just knew that he was.

Abbie didn't speak for the rest of her session until there were just five minutes left. Then she lifted her head and looked to Tyler, saying quietly, "Dr. Joseph, how do you sit through people telling you about all of the shit they go through every day and then go home and act like the world is a good place?"

The question took Tyler aback for a moment. He didn't answer right away, taking the time to formulate a coherent response before admitting, "It helps to remind myself that I'm not the person on the couch right now. I've been on both sides of this, so I know how much it can help to talk about the things that make the world seem like a terrible place. No one walks through life feeling happy all the time though. It'd be great if we could, but all I can really do is try to help people cope with things. That's the only way I can make the world seem better than it was when I was on the couch."

Abbie nodded, looking down at her sketchbook. "It still seems terrible to me," she confessed.

Tyler smiled solemnly. "Unfortunately, things can't all be fixed in one day. We can't make everything better right now. We just have to take little steps to get there. My mom always used to say, 'Even elephants are eaten one bite at a time.'"

Abbie smiled slightly. "That's stupid," she told him.

He laughed. "Yeah, maybe. It's true though."

"Yeah, it is," Abbie agreed regrettably as she closed her sketchbook and glanced at the clock on the wall. "I'll see you next week, Dr. Joseph."

"Yes! And I want to hear all about how you got through today without punching anyone," he replied with a grin.

She laughed. "Yeah, we'll see."

Tyler smiled, standing from his chair when she left the couch. "I'll walk you out."

He couldn't help but notice that Abbie didn't even look at her mother when they reached the waiting room. Mrs. Dun looked exhausted, like she'd already spent all of her energy just getting Abbie to therapy this morning. Tyler didn't blame her, but it still took more energy than it should have not to resent her like Abbie did as he told her to have a nice day when he knew that Josh was all alone on suicide watch, probably not really even expecting his mother to visit him with her track record in the past few years.

He didn't call the next patient back immediately, telling the man in the waiting room that he'd just be a minute before going back into his office and sitting down in his chair. He pulled his phone out of his bag and texted Jenna, "Calm me down please."

It took about a minute and a half before Jenna responded with, "I'm bringing you lunch today. I'll come by in a couple hours with yummy food and lots of hugs and kisses. Are you okay?" When he didn't respond right away, she followed up with, "I love you so much."

He took a deep breath to steady himself before replying, "I love you too. I'll see you in a little while. Thank you."

"Are you okay to go back to work?" Jenna asked immediately.

"I have to be," Tyler replied before stuffing his phone back into his bag and leaving the room to get his next client.

He was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. He just had to trust that.