Namjoon wanted to be deaf. Either that or dead. He didn't really care at the moment. Hell, he'd even prefer to be outside and shoot that KFC advertisement, which of the guys from the marketing department suggested a few weeks back. All because the video of him saying "Cause chicken is the best" went viral. He didn't want to be known as The Chicken Guy, but apparently that wasn't important.

But still, doing that ridiculous marketing video would be a thousand times better than being here right now. If he had known what was to come, he would have left the dorm like he intended to. No matter how bad his cold had gotten over night. But he didn't know and now he had to listen to whatever Jimin and Yoongi were doing.

The two of them had been acting rather strange over the last week, sharing glances and giggling. Although Jimin did most of the giggling while Yoongi just showed a mischievous smirk, both of them writing lists when they thought the others weren't looking and hiding them from the rest of the members. Finally, two days ago Jimin "suggested" that instead of having a lazy day everyone should go out and get some overdue work done. Well, everyone but him and Yoongi. They had been working late, past midnight even, for a while now and claimed they needed some time at the flat without someone being noisy.

The other five members didn't mind, they all had solo assignments to do or, in Hobi's case, work on their own project. Namjoon wanted to go to the studio and work on a few new song ideas that he came up with, but when he woke up with a fever and a runny nose he had decided against it. He didn't even think about telling two in the other room. Why should he? He didn't need help or anything, resting for a while would suffice. And since he didn't intend to leave his bedroom he wouldn't interrupt their well-deserved rest.

At least that's what he thought. Just, they weren't resting.

"No hyung, you need to pound it harder!"

He could hear Jimin's rather worked up voice through the door. He wished he couldn't. Just like he wished he couldn't hear the slapping noises echoing through the hallway.

"Well, easier said than done! This is really exhausting you know?"

Yoongi's answer sounded rather breathless, just like when they were practicing a new dance and he had to put in more effort.

Shortly after, an even louder smacking sound and a loud yelp from Jimin could be heard.

"Not that hard! And be a little more careful where you're hitting that really hurt," he whined But he didn't seem to mind too much.

"Maybe if you put in a little effort, this would go a little more smoothly"

"Excuse me? My part comes later and you know it."

Namjoon wanted to throw himself out of the window. He did not sign up for this.

Another loud smack and then Yoongi groaned.

"Okay, I am done. What's next?"

"Hmmm, you did well." Jimin's light, joyous chuckles rang through the air. "And next, didn't you want to show me..."

"Aaah right. How about you sit down already and I clean up a bit? This is a real mess"

A tap got turned on, the water running for a short while.

"Okay, ready. You sure this is what you want?" Yoongi sounded a little concerned.

"Of course I am sure, I am the one who suggested all of this," Jimin's eye rolling was apparent from his voice.

"Well, I would have been fine with having your sweet buns. But I guess I can't complain now."

"Glad you like them so much." The smirk was just as apparent as the eye roll. "So, how does this work?"

"It's not that hard. Just take it in your mouth, but be careful not to take too much in the beginning. Ah, and the white stuff is a bit weird when you're not used to it but I promise it's not that bad."

Now Jimin was outright laughing.

"Just call it by its name, it isn't that hard."

Yoongi answered with offense in his voice.

"You know why I refuse to say it! It just sounds so bad!"

"Fiiine if you are still in denial about what we are doing I won't force you to say it. Though it is still happening"

The older muttered something under his breath.

Namjoon couldn't quite understand, and he wasn't sad about it. He considered to just put on some music, but his headphones were in the living room and if he played it on speaker the two boys outside would hear him. He was stuck and bound to listen to the whole thing.

For a moment it was quiet. Then the silence was interrupted by a gagging sound.

"Gosh, I told you not to take too much at first! I meant just the tip, not stuff the whole thing in your mouth! This is supposed to last a little longer!" Yoongi cursed, but underneath his anger was a thin layer of worry.

"Sorry," Jimin coughed "I didn't expect this texture"

"It's fine. Want to try again?"

Another moment of silence followed, then Yoongi hummed in appreciation.

"See, this is a lot better. Now you need to suck a little."

Jimin hummed as well, but it sounded like his mouth was a little full at that moment.

Namjoon tried not to listen too closely and attempted to reach a state of inner balance so he could ignore what was happening, but he failed miserably as some slurping noises filled the room.

A few minutes later, the room quieted down once again.

"So? How was it for you?" Yoongi sounded a little insecure yet exited at the same time.

"Well... at first it was kinda gross but then I tried to really give this a chance and I have to say it isn't so bad. The taste is weird, but I wouldn't mind trying it again."

"That's really nice to hear." A relieved sigh from Yoongi is heard. "And don't worry, the more often you try it the more you enjoy it. Now show me yours?"

"Ah, sure. Just give me a moment to process all this new stuff."

Namjoon prayed to every God he knew that Jimin would take a while to process. He was really close to just busting through the door and run out of the apartment.

His prayers apparently weren't heard, since after a few minutes rustling noises started.

"Wow..." Laced in Yoongi's voice was genuine surprise.

"What?" It was Jimin's turn to be nervous.

"Nothing. It's just...thicker than I thought."

"Shouldn't you know more about all this?" His mocking didn't distract from the fact Jimin still seemed unsure what to make out of Yoongi's reaction. "After all it was you who asked Jin and that other dude what they could recommend and what they have tried. You shouldn't be fast to judge."

Back in his room Namjoon froze. Jin? What did Jin know about all of this? Surely he wasn't aware of what his two younger had planned for today or he would have locked them in different rooms.

"So, what do we do?" The general curiosity Yoongi displayed was not something Namjoon enjoyed right now. He wished the two of them could just finish and leave his poor ears and mind alone.

"I don't know. Sandwich? But it's just the two of us..." Jimin sounded a little disappointed. The third person in the flat was suddenly very relieved he hadn't made his presence known. He made a mental note to have a serious talk with the two members later. If they wanted to try weird stuff they should do it somewhere else, not in their dorms where the others might walk in. Him being scarred once for life was more than enough.

"That's true... It is a lot for one day and I'm honestly not sure if the whole thing will fit in my mouth. I don't want to cramp my jaw." Jimin just snorted at Yoongi's concern.

"I know what you can do with that mouth. Don't pretend this would be a problem."

"Just because I put it in a song ONCE doesn't mean I can do anything. I still have limits like every other human."

"I wasn't talking about the song. Although you have a good point. I meant what I saw last month when I caught you and Jin in the kitchen..."

Jimin's retort got interrupted before Namjoon could get any ideas of what exactly went down in the kitchen. He needed to have a talk with Jin as well it seemed.

"We don't talk about that! It was a one-time thing and I really humiliated myself. It will never happen again."

"And yet you are here with me? You sure you don't enjoy this more than you'd like to admit?" Jimin sounded a lot more comfortable with teasing Yoongi and the older apparently had no way to defend himself. That was new, usually he'd find a witty and potentially hurtful response for any situation without even trying.

The things their leader found out about his fellow members when they didn't know he was there...

"Shut up," the rapper finally growled. "Or I'll just stuff your mouth with cream again."

"As long as it's your cream, go on. But the others will come back soon, we only have time for one more round."

"This late already? Alright...how about that French thing? You seemed really interested and it'd be a nice finish," Yoongi suggested, not really caring.

"Yeah but isn't that a bit much now? I'm a little drowsy already."

"Don't you dare give up on me now. We prepared this the whole week, you kicked the others out on their free day and we went shopping for hours to find everything we needed. I didn't spend my poor money just to stop halfway through."

Jimin whined in response to the scolding. After that he said something, but apparently he was changing his position since Namjoon couldn't properly hear the first half of the sentence.

"... all stretched out because of you! I won't be able to move for a day! Take responsibility!"

Yoongi just cackled and then scoffed.

"Don't blame me for your bad ideas. I just mentioned wanting to do something like this once day, then you were the one who wanted to cram everything into a single day."

"As if you are not done by now. You started complaining when we made the first course!"

Jimin sassed back. Neither one of them seemed to actually complain about their activities though. It seemed more like friendly banter.

"Because I had to do all the work and you just stood there and complained. Still, you are kinda right. We should continue another time or I might pass out in the kitchen," Yoongi admitted, taking back his previous statement.

"Of course I'm right. And we have to continue soon or the stuff we bought will go bad."

In his room Namjoon sighed in relief. The torture was over. He'd never wrap his head around the fact that those two apparently didn't just do the dirty with each other but also had the audacity to do it in the kitchen. At least they cleaned up their mess, judging from the sound of running water and rustling that could be heard again. The tired leader let his head fall into his pillow, finally able to relax. Until the worst case scenario happened: his nose started itching.

He tried to hold back the sneeze but it was too late. A very loud achoo echoed through the whole flat and all sounds coming from the kitchen came to a halt. Seconds later he heard footsteps nearing his room and a knock.

"Is one of you still here? Can I come in?" Jimin's voice sounded surprised, only slightly muffled by the door.

Sighing, he surrendered to his fate of having to face the two after listening to their activities the whole time.

"Come in," he called nasally, due to his nose still being stuffed.

The door opened and soon the couple stood in front of his bed.

"I didn't know you were still here," Jimin chirped. He didn't seem bothered at all. "You should have told us, we could have used some help. Or help you out, you look bad. Are you sick?"

"Uhm...just a little. It's fine, don't worry. I didn't wanna disturb you." Namjoon was confused as to why they could talk to him so casually. Didn't they have any sense of shame? He felt very awkward.

"But you wouldn't have disturbed us! You could have gotten some as well!"

"It's really fine! I can get ...some...elsewhere! And with someone else! No worries I can take care of this stuff myself" Namjoon rambled.

Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't you want to eat with us? The stuff wasn't that bad and I dare say even the yeast dough for the pizza later turned out well."

"Wait what? Eat? You prepared food?" Namjoon's jaw dropped.

"And tried some baked goods like Banitsa. Jimin didn't know it and I really like it. What did you think we were doing?"

Two confused stares were boring into him.

"I...don't even know anymore. I'm a little out of it I guess," Namjoon chuckled,

"You mentioned something about pizza?" he then asked weakly.

"It isn't finished yet but we want to get it done before the others arrive. And maybe this time Yoongi won't start an eating competition with Jin so the rest of us can have a piece of it as well." Jimin responded with a proud smile that turned a little devilish on the quickly after.

"I told you, that only happened once! I've learned my lesson, don't give Namjoon the wrong idea," Yoongi whined before turning to the sick boy again,

"I'll bring you some medicine, you look really pale and just stare holes into the wall. Maybe take a nap after, we will wake you when dinner is ready."

Namjoon gave a small smile and nodded.

"Thanks. That's probably a good idea my head is all fuzzy"

An embarrassed chuckle escaped his mouth. He couldn't believe what he had assumed his fellow band members were doing. He really should get some sleep. Snuggling into his blanket he could already feel himself drifting off.

Jimin and Yoongi noticed and left the room quietly. As soon as the door closed the slightly taller let out a relieved sigh.

"Damn, that was close. Luckily we changed our plans for today and actually made food. Namjoon would have been traumatized."

"Wouldn't have been our fault. Still, it really is better for us to keep meeting at my studio. At least that way we can be sure we are alone," Yoongi tried to suppress his laughter but failed miserably.

Jimin huffed.

"Do you think they'll believe you're working in your studio and I'm practicing our choreographies past midnight much longer? We need a new excuse."

"Isn't that why we decided on cooking today? To distract them? The only reason they needed to be out of the house was so we could surprise them and have our samples without Jin and Tae trying to steal them."

"Don't forget Jungkook," Jimin mused as he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. "Last time I had mochis he stole nearly all of them, claiming it was cannibalism and he couldn't allow something like that."

Yoongi just laughed.

"Well, he isn't wrong."

He raised his hands in surrender after receiving a death glare.

"Buuut he should not have stolen your food. Can you get started on the toppings for the pizza? I have to get the medicine for Namjoon."

"Damn right he shouldn't have! Sure, leave it to me. Better prepare some tea as well, he really looked like he was dying." Jimin got up and walked over to the fridge to get some ingredients.

Yoongi gave him a grateful nod and left.

He was really looking forward to spending a little time with the others again, he had been quite busy for a while now. A grin spread across his face. Not the bad kind of busy though, he thought. Jimin's faint humming followed him from the kitchen and he couldn't be happier.

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AN: Thanks to xmintylovex who "insisted" I should publish this. If you haven't already you should really check out her books, I promise they make more sense than this.

The original title was Bread Porn, but Wattpad isn't a fan of that and I couldn't fit all the bread jokes since they would have been too obvious, sorry (although this was meant as a JOKE in the first place, not a oneshot idea, you know).