My head was pounding as I woke up and looked beside me in the bed. Two other people laid there naked and still passed out. I got up and pulled on some boxers, wincing slightly at the lights coming in through the curtains. I looked down at the two people, two pretty, young boys who I had paid to come over and fuck last night. Of course in the midst of the fucking there was a lot of heavy drugs and alcohol.

I can remember some of what happened yesterday but not all. I remember them coming over and us drinking and taking ecstasy before we all made it to my bedroom and I fucked both of them. However, the whole period of the fucking was a little blurry but I can remember their desperate moans and pleads that reminded me of Frank.

I went downstairs, desperately in need of medicine and coffee. I saw Mikey sitting at the island and a hot cup of coffee already brewed for me. I sat on the couch for a little bit until I felt slightly better and headed back to the kitchen.

"Frank has been gone for a week and you've been a mess," he said. "Every night you're just bringing home some new little twink to fuck."

"So what? I might as well live before I get arrested," I said.

"How do you think Frank would feel about you cheating on him?" Mikey asked.

"I'm not cheating, I'm not even dating frank," I stated.

"Does he know that?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah, of course he does," I said.

Mikey shook his head, looking down.

"Any news on the shipment?" I asked.

"It was last seen in the port in Maine," he said. "They must've done a random spot check and chose us and found the drugs inside it."

"Well, when the police come are we going peacefully or fighting?" I asked.

"I'm going to fight," Mikey said. "No way I'm gonna go to prison without a fight. I'd rather die fighting then surrender peacefully."

"I'm doing the same," I declared. "I'm going down with a fight."

"No, you're probably going to go down while you're going down on some boy who looks a little bit like Frank," he said.

I scowled, shaking my head as I poured myself a bowl of cereal.

"Have you talked to Frank at all since he's been gone?" Mikey asked.

"No, of course not, I don't want them looking into my phone and tracking them down to the Bahamas. I don't want them getting into trouble for any of this," I said.

"You miss him?" Mikey asked.

"No, why would I miss him?" I asked. "The only thing I miss is not having to pay to fuck someone, and fuck someone at any time I want."

"Why are you doing this to him?" Mikey asked.

"Doing what?" I asked. "I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are, you're hurting him everytime you don't tell him you love him," Mikey said.

"Well, that's because I don't love him," I stated.

Mikey sighed quietly. "You're hurting him and he's a sweet kid."

"I don't see how any of this is your business," I said.

"One day Frank is going to say something about how you don't love him," Mikey said. "And that could quite possibly end in him leaving you."

"He wouldn't leave me," I denied.

"He would if you hurt him enough," Mikey said. "You can't just do that to him, he's so sweet and he doesn't deserve any of this. You're just keeping him as a side toy to fuck as you want but you're always just fucking other people too."

"Well, he can go and fuck other people if he wants to," I said.

"Something tells me if he actually tried to fuck someone else you would murder the man who fucked him," he said.

I bit my lip as I thought about it. I imagined Frank bringing home some man home and moaning and begging while the man pinned him down against the mattress and fucked him slowly. I could imagine my princess' gasping moans as he orgasmed and the way his eyes closed tight and toes curled. I could feel anger boiling up inside me as I shook my head.

"Frank wouldn't go to anyone else, I give him everything that he could possibly want," I said.

"Except for your love and affection," Mikey stated.

I rolled my eyes. "I give him amazing orgasms, isn't that enough?"

"You've always had problems like this ever since we were younger," he said. "You've always just been sort of disconnected from real, deep emotions. I don't know why you've always been like that. I was hoping that maybe Frank could actually help you which is why I didn't say anything when you brought him home to live with you. But clearly Frank hasn't changed anything."

I scowled quietly as I ate.

"I used to think that maybe one day you would fall in love with someone and you would actually show some sort of emotion," Mikey said. "But you never dated people, you usually just had one night stands or hired prostitutes. You've never even had anyone around for longer than two weeks."

"You say that like you're any better," I said. "It's not like you're here living a fairy tale with a girl."

"Well you're right, not a girl," Mikey said and I looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Pete and I have kind of been seeing each other for a little while now."

"Seriously?" I asked. "And to think, I always thought you were the straight one between us."

Mikey smiled softly as his phone buzzed with a text and I assumed it was Pete.

"Speak of the devil," i muttered, eating another spoonful.

He sent a reply before setting his phone back down.

"You seem pretty calm compared to everything that's happening and how we can get arrested or killed at any moment now," Mikey said. "I think I'm usually the calm one between us."

"I guess the drugs really take the edge off," I said.

"Frank isn't going to be happy when he finds out you've been shooting up," Mikey said. "You know how he feels about that, the one person who actually loved and cared for him died of a heroin overdose. And now he has you and he loves you, the reason for that is beyond me because you don't care about him at all."

"Well, he doesn't have to know," I said. "And why would you think that I just don't care about him at all?"

"Gerard, how many people have you slept with during the week that Frank has been gone so far?" Mikey asked and I grumbled a small reply that was in the double digits. "If you actually cared about him you wouldn't just start doing drugs and sleeping with literally anyone who is willing to get into bed with you. You basically only just keep him around so that way you can have someone to fuck whenever you're feeling horny."

Anger was starting to boil up inside me as he just kept talking.

"Why are you even here?" I asked.

"To check on you and make sure you didn't die from a drug overdose or anything," Mikey said.

I shook my head. "I'm not stupid."

"Well, when you die from mixing weird pills and booze then I think we'll know who's right," Mikey said.

"You're just mad because I'm older so I'm the one who got the business when dad died," I said. "You've always lived in my shadow and you know it."

"What shadow? You've wasted your life away on drugs and sex," Mikey said. "I don't think you really understand how much you've really lost the life that you could have had. You could've been married right about now and maybe even had a child on the way. You're in your mid-thirties and you've done nothing but gang activity. This fucking mafia doesn't have to be your entire life, Gerard, you can focus on other things other than this group of fuck ups. You can have an actual life, you can be happy."

"Who says I'm not happy?" I asked.

"If you were happy I don't think you would be wasted every day and trying to stifle up your emotions under pills and sex," he stated. "If you were happy you would be doing things that you actually enjoyed. I remember when we were younger you used to love to draw. I bet that if you were actually happy you would be drawing or doing something else that's creative. Maybe one day when you realize that this business isn't everything you can be happy. Maybe even happy with Frank with you two living in a little house in Hawaii or something and you two just spent the days cuddling and drawing him."

"Well, that is never going to happen," I said.

"Figured enough," Mikey mumbled.

There were footsteps and the two boys from my bed walked downstairs. They were both very disheveled and hungover but thankfully at least dressed. I gave them money before I got them out of the house as quickly as I could.

"So, where are you going to pick boys up from tonight?" Mikey asked.

"I'm not going to pick any boys up," I denied.

But oh later that night I was wasted, pressing some small boy up against the wall of my bedroom. I kissed along his neck as I ground against him.

"Fuck, Gerard," he breathed.

"Call me Daddy," I said.

The boy nodded and I pushed him down against the mattress. I think he was about seventeen or eighteen and had short brown hair and a petite little body.

"Daddy," he breathed out.

I pushed him over onto his stomach and pulled his hips up. I fucked him quickly before I laid down against the headboard with a cigarette between my lips. The boy tried to cuddle up against me and I scowled but didn't say anything as I blew smoke up towards the ceiling.

"Daddy--"

"Don't call me that," I interrupted.

"But you just told me to--"

"You don't get to call me Daddy, only my princess can and you don't even compare to him," I said. "Nothing can ever replace him."