I didn't know what I got into
Somehow I can't go back, even if I really wanted to
So what more can I do?

Here at the end, it's just me and you

I never wanted to play by the rules
A knife in hand, I'm playing out the part of the fool
So here we go, you can judge me thoroughly
It's too late for apologies

Go ahead and just hit me since you're able
We know my determination is unstable
I'm not even mad because I keep dying
But I don't even know why I'm trying

This isn't what I want, yet it's what I asked for
Curiosity over all my morals
I took away our perfect, happy ending
Resetting the world despite the warnings

Right now I'm made o-o-of lo-o-o-ove
Lo-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-ove

I know who you are, you remember who I am
We knew that once in a timeline
We had grown to be good friends

And yet I killed your brother without even giving him a chance
Every time you throw me down, I hope you will kill me once again

So go ahead and hit me since you're able
All the sin that I can feel is unbearable
If I could only hit you once it could be over
But the consequences last forever

The flowers are in bloom as the birds will tell
It's a beautiful day to be burning in hell
You gave me advice,
I chose genocide,
But I know how to make it right

I am made o-o-of lo-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-ove

But I'll give up for you
[chorus]
But I'll give up for you
[chorus]
But I'll give up for you

Lo-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-ove

But I'll give up for you

•~•~•

The funny thing is that I'm just made up of atoms. Full of millions and millions of them. What is forever? I'm confused.

I'm stuck in reality, yet when you're dead inside and crying, you turn in the thing that you doubt most. Faith. I doubt faith. And right now I really wish it was real. I wish God could answer my questions, give reasons to my sorrow and pain when I cry out for mercy. But, I still lay here. Alone. In a puddle of tears that no one can seem to sweep up.

It's not that hard, I say as I keep crying, just get a bucket and take it away

But I keep crying.

And the reality of the conscience is that it's strapped down and watching our actions. It's not able to touch, our body is. And inside its crying because it's not free. So I cry as I realize I can't do anything. Not even with a body to help me. All I'm able to do is watch is terror and cry, traumatized. Is that all that'll keep happening to me? Become traumatized and try to learn when really it'll just haunt me forever. Because when you think you have something that you'll always have, it'll just be taken away from you. With one swift swipe of the hand. And it's gone. All of it. All the happiness, all the reason to keep on living. And it just disappears. All of it. Gone.

It's sad, really. Sometimes I still wonder if anyone can relate to me. But I still stumble and find myself alone, now matter how many details of similarities I find with another. Because it still turns out I'm just alone. No one's like me. Because I just threw away my life for somebody that I couldn't even ever trust to stay with me. For that one miracle to last. But no. Everything that's supposed to keep me happy gets taken away. Thrown away.

But then I realize something. I asked for this. I asked for all of it. I got what I wanted. And here I am blaming it on chance. If it is some kind of lesson to make me not wish for things that aren't selfish, then great job, I learned my lesson. I ask to be selfish again. To keep me richness in happiness instead of drowning in tears, that's all I ask. And yet here I still stand. And, god, I hate standing.

Can't anybody teach me to be happy for what I asked for for ages? All I'm getting is regret and I don't know how to get rid of it. How do you really? I bet there's no way. Just try to forget. So I guess that's what I'll try to do... Forget. Move on. Become emotionless. That's what I'm going to have to do.

Because of this, I won't be on Wattpad for quite some time. I'll ignore everything and anyone. And all I'll do is think. Realize the truth and good in my actions instead of the negative and the lies. That's all I can do now. Be happy with what I got, not what I don't, even though it still hurts. I'll learn to numb it. The most of it, at least.

See y'all later. Thanks for reading. I hope you all understand.