Can't I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
I know that I messed it up
Time and time again
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again

I was switchin' up the lanes
Steppin' out the frame I'm in
I was pulling on the reins
Sick of all the same happenin'
I swear I was looking for disaster
Mixed with a bottle of gin
And just because I come home after
Doesn't mean you'll take me in

You see my world is spinning like there's nothing below
You see my world is feeling like it just might explode
And yes I know it's hard to take it backwards from my mind
I need to get a ride, need to see some light come in

Can't I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
I know that I messed it up
Time and time again
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again

Feelin' like maybe I'm unappreciated
Like my presence in your life has been alleviated
I feel like everything I've done before is different now
But I can see clearer than ever from a distance now
Every day I do it, I been goin' through it
But you never knew it 'cause I never showed you
You gave me the world, so I feel I owed you
I been lookin' through the mirror and that's the old you
I'ma get it right now, don't know how
But I promise that we're gonna make it somehow
I'm all in, it's from the heart again
Open up your mind and maybe we could start again

Can't I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
I know that I messed it up
Time and time again
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again

And yes I know it's hard to take it backwards from my mind
I need to get a ride, need to see some light come in
Can't I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again

- Start Again, OneRepublic ft. Logic

-

Life is a mess right now. It never felt heavier on my shoulders before, at least that's what it feels like. Keeping to look foward feels impossible when all I wanna do is sleep to forget the pain for a split second. I am so sick of everything happening around me, I can't stand people abusing me and at the same time I can't even stand myself. School drowns me and all words cut deeper than a knife. I don't know who I am anymore, I lost track. I feel lonely and in a crowded room at the same time and it haunts me. It haunts me from the second I open my eyes everyday.

And I miss you. I miss you so much. All the deep talks, all our laughter. I recall you putting your arms around me for the first time every night and it brings tears to my eyes because it feels like the 'we' is gone. All our work on here, our feeling of finally showing the world who we are...of not being ashamed anymore! That's what you taught me in my darkest times and I am so not willing to give this up! You saved my life. And for sure that is something I can't let go of. Something I'll never forget and that makes me feel deep gratitude everyday. I will not give up. Not today.
Lost_in_moonlight dqrkblue Kellolades

Gedankenkollision.

I posted this chapter on here because here is where everything started. Where my life began and I finally didn't feel worthless. It is something special I reminisce about so often. Lliqhtblue, I love you. You are my rock.

- lliqhtred