third short story thingy of the Devil stories. This will make more sense if you read 'The Devil And I'. But you don't HAVE to read the first two short stories for this to make sense. :D Just so you know the stories go: The Day I Met The Devil, The Devil And I and then this one :).

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Unfortunately, living with the Devil means you have to put up with ALL his childish antics. I know right? the Devil? Childish? Who knew?

Just so you know, I just rolled my eyes.

The Devil is probably one of the MOST childish people I know. And I was on the 'childish' group at school. So I know a whole lot of childish people.

So, you know, when Dee (that's my nickname for The Devil for your information) said that he was on his way to find humans to bring back to hell so we'd have more friends... I did NOT expect him to come back with a blonde girl.

"Umm, Dee?" I ask, staring at the blonde girl.

She didn't look scared and normally I'd respect that. But the way this girl was looking at my best friend was not normal at all!

"Yeah?" Dee smiled widely, looking at him as his eyebrow flew up and lit up in bright red.

Wow guy, he's so excited to see me smile because we have a new friend. Well, I am the female devil. It's expected I crush a few dreams.

"I don't want this girl here!"

"Hey!" The blonde shouts, looking at me for the first time.

Ew. Her voice is reeeeeeeeeally squeaky. And annoying. And I hate her. Hey, I never said I was friendly?

"Ew. Ew. Ew. Get it out!" I pretend to bat her away with my hand before I turn around and walk to my room.

I ignore all of Dee's shouts and slam my door. I swipe my hand upwards, making fire blaze all around the door. It won't keep Dee out but it will show him I want to be alone.

Flopping on my bed I let my hand dangle to the floor like in those cliche movies. Marsie (my beautiful pet hell hound) walked over and licked my hand. I look at her, uncovering my face from its stop on my pillow.

"Hey, girl" I smile, scratching her behind her ear.

Her nose glows, showing see likes it. I smile wider. This is why I got a hell hound. They're lovely. And will attack if I say the word.

Dee suddenly walks through my wall of fire.

"Ugh! Did you not see the sign?!" I groan, pointing towards the wall of fire.

Ha, I hope that blonde tried to follow and got burnt. Hehehe.

Dee looked behind him. "Nope, all I see is a wall of fire" He grins, bouncing down beside me.

"I hate you" I mumble, looking down at Marsie. She looked up, then glared at Dee, clearly understanding I'm not all that happy with him or his presence.

I smile at her and let her head.

"Can I talk to you?"

"If you say you want me to be friends with that girl who was checking you out then I will get Marsie to eat you" I look at him now and instantly regret it.

He's doing this thing he does when he's sad. He makes his eye huge and turns himself blue while sticking out bottom lip. It's like the puppy dog face but more effective.

"No! Not the face. Please, don't. I hate her"

I look away, attempting to hit him and failing. Miserably.

"Wait...." Dee sounded so puzzled that I look back to him "Are you jealous?"

What? "What?"

"Jealous? As in, you don't want her around because you want me to yourself?" Dee rose an eyebrow, making it glow.

"Erm, Dee, are you suggesting that I'm ermmm.. Attracted to you?" I frown, looking straight at him.

Oh my gosh. This is like so embarrassing. Seriously. The idea of like liking Dee is.... Well, I've never thought about it. But he's my best friend. That's weird. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Ew!

"What?! No! No, no. Erm, definitely not. No" Dee stood up, really quickly and practically flew out the door shaking his head and muttering no, no, no.

As he floated out my eyes drifted over his body. He's alright I guess. Cool hair style. Unique skin. Firm butt.

I shook my head "No. Ew."

I say Ew a lot. I need to stop.

I lay back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Marsie jumps up next to me and wiggles under my arm. I pat her head before stroking her as I continue to stare up at the ceiling.

Okay, first things first. I need to do have thoughts about Dee having a nice butt, ever again. Ever. Never ever again. NEVER.  

Second, I have to get some better conditioner for Marsie, her fur is way to rough. I want it to be silky and shiny.  

Thirdly, and most importantly, I need to of rid of the blonde somehow. If Dee keeps her around and I have a feeling he will.

***

Okay, so, if I was a blonde hoe which one of these college guy would I go for?

Hmmm. There's the artist, he's sitting on the bench and sketching birds. He's adorable but I bet the hoe wants handsome not cute. So no to the cute artist.  

What about the captain of the football team?

I lean on the fence, looking the captain over. I ignore the snickers behind me as the stupid teens mutter about it 'not being Halloween yet'.

Heh, if they knew what I could do to them. Idiots.

Anyway, back to the captain of football team. He's hot. Toned arms. Tight black top. Dark hair. Tan. HOT. I smile and hop over the fence.

I walk across the field, ignoring all the people playing football. The guy turns to me before I get there, thanks to all the douches shouting.

"Hello!" I waved, grinning because yes, the hoe is as good as gone.

"Hey" He replies frowning "Umm, nice dress?" He said it like a question because clearly he thought I was in fancy dress.

Yes, because I totally painted myself red and have an awesome dress to pick up guys. No, I look this way. Simple minded shit heads. Okay, that was rude. I'm sorry anyone who can hear my thoughts. I'm in a bad mood. My home smells like hoe.

Hoe. It's the blondes name. I don't actually know her name. But I call her hoe. So she's hoe. Hoe. Hoe. Hoe.

"Thanks, Dee got me it!" I nod, pretending he wasn't totally confused.

"Okay then. Um, not to be rude but why are dressed like that?"  

I nod before waving my hand. Instantly everything freezes apart from me and the guy. I wave my hand again and we dropped down to hell, I also make all the guys friends think he said he needed the loo.

Once we're in my room he looked to me, shock showing on his face clearly.

I chuckle. "I'm the devil" I explain

"No shit" he laughs nervously before stepping forward. "Um, why am I here?"

"Oh, crap!" I literally face palm. "I can't believe it! I chose the nice guy!"

"Err...."

Ughhh. This is so hard. Being the devil is meant to be easy.

I should be able to sit and play violent games. Or animal crossing. I like animal crossing. And GTA. Yum, yum, strippeeeeers. Tits. Hehehe. Honest, I'm normal. Ish.

Back to the guy. He's easy to forget. I have twice now. Oops.

Oh right... he's a nice guy.  

I can't sentence a nice guy to deal with her. It has to be a jerk. A BIG jerk. But he needs to be hot and handsome. Ugh, this is why when I was human I was single.

At least, the times I remember from my human life I was single. Have I ever explained how I don't remember much? Yeah, and also if I get told my human name I'd go insane because I'd crave my human life too much. Neat, huh?

Guy.

I look back to him, smiling sadly.

"Sorry dude, back to the surface for you" I wave my hand and send him back to the surface.

You're probably wondering: Hey, why doesn't she just do that to get rid of the hoe? 

Well, dearies, Dee power overrules mine. So, my plan is to bring a guy down to distract the hoe from Dee so Dee will forget about her and send her back from where ever she came from.

Shame that... Erm, oops didn't get his name. Anyway shame he was a nice guy. He was perfect. Look wise, at least.

Right. Back to the pitch. Click of my fingers and I'm back at the feild and scanning the playing field. Not the pitch... The metaphorical playing pitch. Ugh. I should think before I... think?

Erm.

Okay. Hottie for the hoe.

Looking around I spot a few hot guys but unfortunately they all had girls having off their arms. One even had a guy on his arm. That was cute.

Shame that I've been in hell for 10 years. Any cute boys I stalked will be in their mid-twenties. And yes, I was that girl that stalked the cuties. Yes, that was me. At least, I remember me being that girl.

Sighing I glance around again. There were some cute guys, ugly guys, geeky guys, fat guys, skinny guys and even goth guys. Seriously, where are all the drop dead sexy guys?

And then, as if I'm in some cliche movie the perfect guy walked out the college doors. If this was a movie he'd be labeled 'The Bad Boy'.

Nodding to myself, I start to make my way towards him.

Even if he's a nice guy I'm going to get him to do it. He's going to have to do. The hoe needs to go.

I need a new word. I've over used hoe. Just like I over used Ew. Ew. Hoe. Ew. Hoe. Ew. Hoe. Ew. Hoe.

Waaaay over used. Agree? Agreed.

Oh look, 'The Bad Boy' is right in front of me.

"Heeeey!" I wave, despite being right in front of him.

"Hi. New dress" He smirks, toning leaking of sarcasm as he looks over my dress.

Ugh. Pig. Yep, he's perfect for the job.

"Come with me" I grab his hand and drag him along.

He came willingly. Came as in walked with me, just for the record. Not came as in.. came.

I lead him to the woods before spinning around and make a ring off fire around both me and...

"What's your name?" I ask, remembering I didn't ask the captain.

His eyes are wide, staring at the fire. He looks back up at me, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"What are you?!"

"A Devil" I wink before twirling again and sinking down through the ground.

Thankfully he still had hold of my hand (I should have checked) and because of that he dropped through the ground with me.

"What the fuck?" He started shouting as we sunk down through the ground.

I remember being slightly freaked the first time too. I mean, seeing all the buried things can be creepy. The first and most modern layer is the disgusting stuff, condoms, crisp packets, pills, drugs, rubbish and that sorta stuff. The second layer is mostly concrete. And then comes all the creepy stuff. Bones, skulls, stone paintings. Yeah, creepy.

Once we where in my room I let go of him.

"Well... This is my room" I chuckle.

"What the hell are you?! Where am I?! What the fuck? Why me?" Towards the start of his screaming he simply back up to the wall and by the end of his screaming he had broken down and started crying.

Wow. Whimp.

"I brought you here to move the attention of a young lady off my friend"

He perked up, tears stopping. Ugh, what a fake. "You brought me to get laid?"

"Yeah... To get you laid" I roll my eyes before dragging him out my room.

Ewwwwww. There was a player in my room.

Not anymore. Yay.

"Okay, see her?" I point to the blonde.

The blonde who's on my fucking Xbox with Dee. Oh hell no!

Ignoring the player I march over to the blonde, pushing her off the sofa and taking the control from her grubby hands.

I ignore Dee, much like I did the player, before unplugging my Xbox and taking it in my room. The player follows me as I do this.

Marsie appears then, growling at the player.

"What's her issue?" The guy asked, clearly not giving a shit she's glowing from her nose and tail.

"She can smell slut" I reply, it was a lie clearly. She can just tell I'm pissed off and he's the closest person to me. So, ya'know, she thinks he passed me off.

I throw the Xbox on my bed, apologise to it before I pat Marsie. She curls closer to me and I hug her. She's my best friend. I don't need Dee.

Dee walks in then. Of speak of the devil. Heh, see what I did there? Hehehe I'm so funny.

"What do you want?" I snap at him and Marsie growls.

Dee holds his hands up in surrender before some weird look takes over his features as he stares at the player.

"Who is this?" Dee points at him.

I shrug because I still don't know his name. "My friend"

"My names Sam" Player replies. I mean, Sam replies.

"Oh. Well, I'm the Devil" Dee puts his hands on his hip.

I whisper to Marsie "Diva alert"

She looks up at me, eyes twinkling before she nods. I'd like to think that if she could laugh, she'd be laughing.

"I gathered. Look, dude, I have nothing against you"

"Well, I would like to know why you're in my home? Hmm?" Dee tilted his head to the side.

Marsie nudge me and I nodded, confirming that yes, this is diva Dee.

"Hey, like she said" Play- umm, Sam held his hands up in surrender just like Dee has. "I'm her friend"

"I want you gone!"

"Hey!!" I stand up, stepping between Dee and P- Sam. "If you get a friend, I get a friend!"

"But he's a boy!"

"And she's a fucking girl!" I point to where the hoe was standing in my door way.

Dee paused. "I hate this" He frowned, looking at both of the humans.

"Me too, Dee" I sigh

"Wait!" Sam said, suddenly bursting with laughter. "You call him D?"

"Yes...?"

"As in, D? Like D? Like Big D? Hahahaahahaha"

Dee frowns, not understanding but I know enough of slang to know what he means. (I go on the Internet a lot)

"Oh god... Go away" I wave my hand and he disappears.

I look to Dee. He nods before waving hand.

AND THE HOE IS SENT HOME!!!

I grin, bringing Dee into a hug. I go to kiss his cheek but seems like he got the same idea and our lips end up brushing.

"Oops. Sorry" I laugh, stepping back.

"S'okay" He steps to the Xbox. "GTA?"

"Sure" I nod.

I watch him leave the room before bring my hand to my lips.

Hmm.. Well, at least he's got a nice butt.