*If you're sensitive to this topic, please be prepared before reading.

*If you're here to criticise, goodbye.

At the age of 9 years old, I have always thought I was different. I was attracted to girls and to be very honest, it scared the hell out of me. I knew nothing about the world, I wasn't exposed to anything. I lived in a cage where my parents were strict— still are. I've only come across terms like "gay" and "lesbian" when I was 11? I was disgusted by it and the thought that I was confused about which sexuality I'm in made me hate those terms more. I thought I was weird, so much that I freaked out one night and had a panic attack. I didn't know what was wrong with me and I decided to continue showing my disgust towards the LGBG community. I thought it would stop me from being weird, but I was wrong. It made me sad, I felt guilty, and I was confused.

When I entered highschool, I came to realise there are people who are attracted to both genders and I guessed I was one of those people. But the society I live in is very..traditional(?). Those terms were used as insults and anybody who showed any signs of affection towards the same gender are bullied. I was not the school's favourite person, so any rumour about me would definitely make things worse. I never admitted to myself that I'm a bisexual and I refused to acknowledge my feelings around girls I was fond of.

When the LGBT community came to light in the US, I came to accept the community, I supported everyone and I was very happy for them. However, I was still hiding in the shadows. I still refused to accept my sexuality even though deep inside, I know that I'm not completely straight. I was afraid of how the people around me would react. My country isn't very open to such things, so there was no one I could talk to. The thought of people judging me because of my sexuality terrifies me. I was shunned enough in high school, I don't want the few people who were close to me to leave.

I totally sound like a coward lol. But things were really hard for me back then.

Until I entered college where people don't give a shit, so many people openly walk hand in hand with the same genders. I listened to their stories and I learned to accept myself for who I am. Just last year, I finally accepted myself as a bisexual. Truth be told, I'm still afraid to show myself as one. But at least, I'm not lying to myself anymore. Those days were miserable. Ugh.

The lesson is, you're not the only one who's struggling to realise who you are. But lying to yourself is not an option, it takes a toll on your mentality. You don't have to announce it to the world, just love yourself for who you are.

There are more people who are in the same shoes as you than you'd think.

This is a topic that I had in mind for some time. I've decided to talk about it today because I've seen many videos about people's journey in coming out so I decided to tell my side of the story as well.