I have tried to write update several times over the last few months. I never could get past a couple of paragraphs though. Looking back on the last thing that I had written and posted, there is a high chance that some of you were probably wondering if I was okay.

This is understandable since I fell off the face of the earth after my grandpa died, then announced I might have had COVID, and haven't written anything since then.

Thinking about it hurts as I hit 1k followers on March 24 with plans to do something to celebrate only for me to fall away from writing.

Instead, I spent my days going back and forth about what to do with my life now.

This year I've lost Rio (my rabbit), my grandpa, I dropped out of the Vet Tech program, and I haven't worked in over a year.

I was able to get Grey neutered and his umbilical hernia was surgically fixed.

I've watched some more anime, fell in love with Attack on Titan's story (I was not expecting that to happen), read a lot, and tried to get back to a healthy place mentally and physically.

And then, the reason why I'm writing this, this week has hit me.

I don't know exactly why, but my sleep schedule has completely changed since Monday. I'm writing this at 3 in the morning on Friday. I have barely slept in the last few days and when I do sleep is not very restful.

I have slept a total of five hours in the last 32 hours or so. And when I'm awake it's not good. I'm restless. I have some productive moments, so that's good. Although, I'm productive in surviving.

Then again, since my sleep schedule is reversed (and even then I'm barely sleeping when I do sleep during the day) I haven't been eating. I haven't really eaten a full meal since dinner on Tuesday. I've mostly snacked when I eventually remember that eating is a thing when I am awake during the day.

Trixie has tried to get me to sleep by cuddling and purring on me. I've spent hours with her like that while trying to convince myself to sleep, but I end up getting too restless after 2-3 hours.

This is why I haven't been writing. I don't know what else to write at this point. This is already all over the place and I don't know how I feel about it because I haven't really felt much as I am in this state of being too tired to function but too awake to sleep.

It's frustrating.

I mean I did create this journal-type book to write down my thoughts and such, so maybe this is exactly how this should be. I honestly never go back and edit after I finish writing in this.

I know that there are mistakes everywhere, that's my life though. Mistake-filled and messy. And that's okay.

I'm alive and functioning well enough.

I am starting to get tired, so maybe this is what I needed.

I still do feel bad about not doing anything special for 1k followers. I just don't have the energy to write. I'm now up to 1, 019 followers.

Well, I'm going to end this now and post it before it's another two months before I write again.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for the support. I may not have really been around on here in a while, but I do appreciate everything.

Thank you for reading.

~MsPenguingirl1234.

Published: May 7, 2021.