I wanted to write this on Wednesday as the funeral was on Tuesday and I wanted to take the night to relax and reflect.

Unfortunately, I woke up Wednesday morning with a migraine. I had a list of things I wanted to do as I took a week off to help my family with the funeral and such.

It seems like the last few weeks have caught up with me. While mentally and emotionally I'm good and I've gone through my grieving process, my body is not okay. All the stress that I have unknowingly shouldered for over a week has made itself known once the whole funeral process was over.

I'm fine as I'm not sick. My body just feels worn out which is understandable. My sleep schedule has been off since before Christmas and because of that my eating schedule isn't the best.

Monday, January 11th was the visitation, and Tuesday, January 12th was the funeral service and graveside burial.

Sunday night, I ended writing a four-page letter to my grandpa explaining the ending of The Secret series and placed it in his casket on Monday.

It took me an hour to write it and after that (and once Tuesday's funeral service and burial were finished) my grieving process was complete. Yeah, I miss him like crazy and wish he was still with us, but he isn't hurting anymore and he can't hurt anymore. Yeah, I'm sad. I will always be as I think of the only grandpa that I've known.

That's okay. It's okay to be sad.

I'm happy that in a way I was able to have him be the first person to know the ending of my first published book series. He always loved reading what I write.

And I know that I have friends and family who will always be there for me. I'm not alone. The immediate family spent time at my grandma's house to eat after the burial and we all had a great time.

Oh! I almost forgot! I chopped my hair off on Sunday. Well, one side of my head is chopped off. It's not shaved, but it's really short on the left side and the back. The hair on my right side is down to my ear lobe and it's parted off-centered toward the right side. If that makes sense.

I would include a picture, but it needs another round of cutting as it isn't as short on the left and backside as it should be.

So now, I'm writing this after midnight. It's currently Friday officially. I woke up with a migraine on Wednesday morning, it got bad that evening, and I still have it.

I blame it on the crying.

My brother broke down at the cemetery and it broke me. My siblings ended up hugging and crying as my brother's sobs got louder. Of course, he broke down in our older sister's arms and chest. Just like when he was little.

Yeah, the mere thought of what I just described in the paragraph above made me cry.

That didn't end my migraine or my irritated eyes.

Well, that's about all I wanted to say.

Mentally and emotionally I'm doing great (although crying at some things but that's normal and will never go away as I will always miss my grandpa), but physically my body is making up for all of the stress that I shoved away/didn't know was there until I stopped and relaxed.

I'm hoping tomorrow I can get back on track with the things I need to do. And maybe do some writing.

Everyone has been so nice and understanding that I can't write right now, but I need to write.

Anyway, I need to brush my teeth and do my face before bed (AKA lay in bed while reading on my phone).

Until next time,

Later!

~MsPenguingirl1234.

Published: January 15, 2021.