It is so easy for people to mentally misconceptions of something that they think and believe to be true.

I'm not angry with anyone.

Yeah, at times, it can be seen as anger, but just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean I'm angry.

It means I'm done. I can't or won't talk to you for reasons that you don't understand.

I've closed that door. It's over. I'm happy. It's not my fault that you can't move on.

I've lived, I've learned. I don't need someone coming back into my life like they were the one at fault.

People grow apart. That's life.

I've got a good thing going here. Yeah, I wish some things were different in it, who doesn't?

I'm human. We constantly want something.

I moved on. How about you do the same?

The end goal in your life hasn't changed, so how have you? The answer is, you really haven't.

Me moving seats was because I was being a good friend to someone I haven't really talked one-on-one to in a long time.

It was nice.

Your perception hasn't changed. You are constantly aware of where I am. The only reason I am constantly aware of you is because of that.

You stare and I pretend to not notice.

Talking to you now is messing things up.

I've tried not talking to you. I always hit a point where I'm held back to some degree due to the awareness.

You say you've changed and here we are! Going around and around chasing our tails.

I'm not angry. I'm really not. I'm upset at things that don't concern nor pertain to you.

I'm a different kind of emotional. I understand that. I change constantly.

I've gotten better. Realize I am not good at a lot of things. Knowing now that I'm fooling myself when it comes to a few things.

And above all else, I'm lazy. I'm working on it.

Part of that laziness comes from my anxiety and anxious thoughts.

But when you keep thinking that I'm mad makes me want to talk things out with you, but I know that won't turn out good for either of us.

I tried talking. I tried pushing. I tried ignoring. Just know there are some things I will not ignore.

Me being "angry" is one of them. I'm not angry. I'm not even angry writing this.

I just feel bad for you that you think that.

I don't get angry at people. Not to the degree that you're thinking of.

Now, I've said my piece. I've written down.

I'm contributing to the drama I know will come back. I tried staying out of it, but drama is my life. Apparently.

Just...work on you and remember I'm not angry at you. Keep writing though, it helps and I understand that. I never take what you write to heart unless I need to use to better myself, although I do it quietly and give you the space to be yourself.

Writing is that space to be yourself. That living with autism book is looking bare. You have shown the people who read your letters that you can write; now fill those virtual pages with everything that you feel in your daily life.

You have heart. You need to show the world it.

~MsPenguingirl1234.

Published: May 7, 2019.