I needed to write more about what happened today. Plus, I've had time to process with time and having some space to be alone. 

I have lost several pets over the years. We even had some brutal deaths happen with some of our small caged animals. 

I had a feeling that something like this would happen, but it hurts. I tried to prepare myself just in case because with my anxiety I imagine the worst of the worst happening and how I would respond to it. In the end, I feel numb. 

I learned about the stages of grief this past semester for one of my vet tech classes and knowing something and going through it are two different things. 

Now some background to the events that occurred today. 

When I first got Grey in 2019, I forgot to properly introduce him to Rio. For the most part, at the time, I was worried about other problems that needed to be sorted out with Grey. Not too long after he came home, there was an incident where I accidently left him in my room with Rio and he scared her so much that she pulled out a few of her nails out to the point that they bled. 

That's when I moved her into the small bedroom that wasn't being used. Since then they had been times where Grey has gotten in her cage or scared her. Before Grey did it, Clawdia (the oldest cat in my household) would torment my poor rabbit. And at times, they both would gang up on Rio and scare her. 

Fast forward to today, I was walking up the stairs to go to my room to get some writing down. On my way up, I noticed Luci (my sister's cat) was right outside of the cracked open small bedroom door. In an instant, I realized that I heard the unmistakable sound of Rio running around her cage in a frightened frenzy.

I burst through the door and into the room. Grey had jumped into Rio's cage and was trying to play with her. He had done it before, and she wasn't hurt only scared and covered in lick marks. Today, however, was a different story. Well, it ended differently as she ended up passing away in my arms. 

It was accident. Grey didn't mean it. He wanted to play with her. He didn't hurt her, he ended up scaring her to death. It can happen. 

She had lick marks on her, but no bite marks and nothing was broken. 

Even so, in the beginning when it first happened, I was angry at Grey. 

Which is unfair because he really didn't mean it. He's been acting so upset since. I think he realized what he did was wrong. Or, at least, he did something that made me upset. 

I held Rio in my arms for so long as I talked with my parents. Rio was going to be 5 in May. May 27, 2016 - January 1, 2021. 

It was a blur of emotions as it was completely unexpected. 

It could have been seen as my dad was at fault due to him using the bedroom as a office and left the door cracked open, but I don't blame him. I had a feeling one day one of the animals were going to give her a heart attack. Besides, rabbits don't live a long life. 

She was loved through. And now she doesn't have to worry about a cat or dog tormenting her (the former more than the latter). 

Like I said, I feel numb. I've been numb all day. 

I haven't really talked with Grey as I usually talk to him all the time. Right now, there is this silence between us. It's hard to explain, but we have this bond where I know what he is thinking as much as a human can understand a canine. 

Since then, he's been sleeping and has barely played. 

We did have a memorial service  and burial for Rio around 4 in the backyard. Grey was with us because I knew it would be best that he go with us. He soon realized what was happening and seemed to understand that Rio isn't coming back. 

We listened to the poem "The Rainbow Bridge" as my dad can't read off anymore without crying uncontrollable so we listened to a video that read it for us. 

There is a distance between Grey and I right now as I don't him to hurt the cats. He shouldn't as he grew up close to them, but I have a small amount of distrust and fear at the moment. 

I wanted to write other stories, but knew I have to write this and get it off my chest now or my health (mental at first, then emotional, and then physical) will get bad. So I forced myself to write this as I cry and feel drained. 

I'll be fine. I'll try to write other stories. I might disappear for a while. I might pack up and leave to start a new life elsewhere. 

I'm not sure at this point. 

Thank you for reading. 

~MsPenguingirl1234. 

Published: January 2, 2021.