October 26th. That was the last time that I updated this. I was talking about a job interview that I did. In the end, I was passed over for someone else.

Since then I have applied to about three more jobs. All have rejected my application.

My dad keeps asking about my job search. I tell him that I'm getting passed over. He said to me (to me, like he doesn't know this about me already. To be fair, he probably doesn't realize this about me.), "You need to sell yourself."

Yes, Dad. I know I need to show that I'm capable and I'm skilled to work these jobs, but I don't know how to show others that I'm worth hiring. Which makes sense with my low self-esteem and anxiety. I can't talk about myself in such a positive way because it makes me seen arrogant to myself.

I can remember so many times when someone compliments me and I brush it off as no big deal. I can't take compliments cause it makes me feel like I'm self-absorbed or something.

Although, there's the issue that I'm not experienced enough or have a formal education for a lot of these jobs.

It sucks. Especially, since I applied to an entry-level retail job yesterday and I was rejected today.

It's whatever right now as I have other things I need and want to write about.

On December 8th, I received a message on Facebook Messenger from someone who wasn't my friend on Facebook.

A little backstory before I continue. My first boyfriend was a friend that I had in middle school. We dated for a few months and then we broke up for some reason I don't remember. We dated again in high school. The reason I broke it off after less than a year was because I caught him cheating and he was doing some inappropriate things behind my back.

Rumor had it that he was also getting inappropriate things with minors. I don't know the whole story behind all of that because I wasn't involved or needed to know at that point because we weren't dating then.

I mainly broke it off because I didn't see myself marrying him and I lost trust in him after he talked about me behind my back to other people.

Anyway, a year or two after we graduated high school (we were in the same grade), I heard from one of my siblings that he was in jail.

I don't know why or for how long or anything that has to do about it. The only thing that I do know is that shortly after I broke up with him his sister (who I was close with even when we weren't dating) came to me and asked if he forced me to anything sexually. I said no because that was the truth.

So, yeah, that's all I know from that time.

Anyway, I got this message and apparently it's from his birth mother telling me that he's trying to get a hold of me.

I've been thinking about this since then.

One, my number hasn't changed. Ever. My current phone number is the one that I always had.

Two, I don't have anyone blocked on Facebook. We aren't friends on Facebook, but you can send messages to those who aren't your friends.

Third, he knows my family and has ways of contacting them.

So, why is his birth mom messaging me when he can very well find a way to get in contact with me on his own.

If he's "trying to get a hold of me" then why haven't I heard from him.

Besides the last time I saw him he was asking me for a kiss after he took me out to eat to catch up with each other. He paid for my food without a word. And it was also the first and only time he drove us anywhere.

I haven't messaged her back and I don't think I will because I deserve better than how he's treated me.

A bright side of things is that I went Christmas caroling yesterday (which is an annual thing for my family) and it was nice to see my cousins and catch up.

I also found out that my sister has been dating since February 22nd. I mean it's fine that she wanted to keep her love life private, but we all knew they liked each other. It was only a matter of time.

She told me after the fact that she kept to herself because the rest of us have kept our love lives private. Which is fair.

I do keep my love life private but that's because I date for the long haul. After my first boyfriend, I learned how to spot some red flag behavior. So I get to know someone and date them. I don't tell my family until I know I want to spend my time with someone. It makes it more special to me to present someone when I know that this person is my person that I love.

I haven't really done it yet and my love life is non-existent right now because I want to get a job first.

Which may not happen this year. I might have to wait until after the holidays. Because nothing is working right now.

Plus, the fact that I'm helping my parents get ready to move. It's going slowly as we won't be moving for awhile, but it's going pretty good considering.

Also, I am writing a little bit. Nothing that I will be publishing anytime soon. I am able to write more than I have been so far this year. So that's good.

Anyway, I wanted to post an update and get some things out of my head. Here it is.

Until next time,

Later!

~MsPenguingirl1234.

Published: December 19th, 2021.