Chapter 29: Faded History

Hindi ko maiwasan na magtaka. Ito ang unang beses na pinatawag ako ni Zander. Kadalasan siya ang pumupunta sa aking kwarto kapag gusto niya akong makausap.

Naglakad ako papunta sa study room. I wonder what he wants to tell me. Nitong mga nakaraang araw napansin kong malalim ang kanyang iniisip. Lagi siyang napapabuntong hininga. Minsan nakatayo siya sa balkonahe ng mag isa. Tila isang importanteng desisyon ang kanyang pinag iisipan.

Kumatok ako sa pintuan. Nanatiling tahimik ang paligid. Nagdalawang isip ako bago binuksan ang pinto. Bumungad sa akin ang maliwanag na kwarto. Nakahawi ang kurtina ng malaking bintana na makikita sa dulo ng kwarto.

"Zander?"

Maingat kong sinara ang pintuan bago naglakad papasok. Tahimik ang paligid. Nandito ba siya? Isang bagay ang nakakuha ng aking attention. Isang makapal na libro ang nakapatong sa kahoy na mesa. Nilapitan ko ito. There were several pictures pasted on the pages. It was a photo album.

"Hey,"

Napaatras ako sa gulat. Nabangga ng aking likod ang dibdib ni Zander. I breathe deep. These past few days I've been anxious. Kahit maliit na galaw o ingay nagugulat ako.

Akmang lilingon ako kay Zander nang maramdaman ko ang kanyang brasong bumalot sa aking balikat. Zander is tall and he can easily envelop me against his broad chest. His body heat radiates from him.

Bumaba ang kanyang braso sa aking bewang at mas naging mahigpit ang kanyang yakap. One thing people didn't know about their alpha, Zander is clingy.

"Zander, you scared me."

His warm breath tickled my bare neck where his head slowly bury itself between my bare neck and shoulder blade.

"Did I?" Humigpit ang kanyang pagkakayakap. "Do you want me to apologize?" He asked playfully.

I know Zander. I know him too well to be aware how these gestures is his way of pulling himself together from whatever is bothering him. Kinalas ko ang kanyang braso upang humarap sa kanya. But aren't we under the same circumstances? May mga bagay din akong hindi masabi sa kanya.

"Tell me what's bothering you," I said.

Tinitigan niya ako. He gave me a gentle smile. Like he just proved something.

"Some people wants to meet you."

Meet me? Nakaramdam ako ng pangamba. My history of meeting people in relations to Zander were not exactly nice experiences.

"If you're not comfortable with it, you don't have to go."

Napansin ni Zander ang pangamba sa mukha ko.

"Who are they?" I asked.

"They are my late grandmother's immediate family," said Zander. "It's my grandparents death anniversary tomorrow."

"I'm sorry to hear about that," nasabi ko. "I'll go."

Naramdaman ko ang paghinga ng malalim ni Zander. Tila pinipigilan niya ang sarili na magsalita pa. Kumalas si Zander mula sa pagkakayakap.

"Are you sure?"

I can see it in his eyes. It was as if what I've said could alter a profound decision. A decision he didn't wanted to make.

"Yes." But I have to.

--

Halos isang oras na kaming nasa byahe. The inside of the car was silent. Kasama ko si Zander sa sasakyan habang nasa kasunod naming sasakyan si Aunt Helga at Miss Loraine. Naiwan sa pamamahala ni Sebastian ang bayan.

Today was the death anniversary of the great Van Zanth's third generation. Maging ang buong bayan nagluluksa. The town was solemn and bare. Noong dumaan kami sa downtown makikita ang lungkot at pag gunita sa mukha ng mga tao.

Hindi ako mapalagay. Mula noong magising ako kaninang umaga hangang sa mga oras na ito. May kung anong bumabagabag sa akin ngayong araw na ito. Lumingon ako kay Zander na nagmamaneho sa tabi ko. He was unusually silent today.

Hinigpitan ko ang pagkaka suot ng itim niyang jacket sa katawan ko. I forgot to bring a jacket so he gave his earlier. Maliban doon wala na kaming ibang napag-usapan pa. All I know is we're heading to his grandmother's ancestral house.

"Malapit na tayo."

Nasira ang katahimikan sa loob ng sasakyan dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Natigilan ako at tumingin sa labas ng bintana. Paakyat kami sa isang burol. Nagtataasan ang mga puno sa paligid. The asphalt road was silent and secluded.

Mula sa di kalayuan, isang bagay sa gitna ng berdeng kakahuyan ang nakatawag sa aking pansin. They seemed to be small towers and chimney from a gigantic house above the hill. The brown brick wall slowly surfaced from the green surrounding as the car got nearer.

Napansin ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Zander sa manibela nang pumasok kami sa gate nito. Maluwang at malinis ang property. May kakaibang katahimikan na bumabalot dito. It seemed like the silence in this place is listening. The trees were strategically plotted to shade the property from the sun.

Ilang tagapagsilbi ang nakaabang sa tapat ng malaking pintuan ng bahay. House is an understatement. Mas maluwang pa ito sa mansion ng mga Van Zanth. Huminto ang sasakyan sa driveway.

"If you feel any discomfort just tell me right away."

Tumango ako. Sabay kaming bumaba sa sasakyan. Sa likod namin huminto ang sasakayan ni Miss Loraine at Aunt Helga. The maids bowed their heads as we approached the front door. Isang bagay ang aking napansin. Hindi sila tumitingin sa aming mga mata. The formality in the air was suffocating.

They lead us inside the mansion. Habang naglalakad nakaramdam ako ng mabilis na pagbago ng pintig ng aking dibdib. It was so sudden and strong it almost made me breathless. Humawak ako sa aking dibdib at huminga ng malalim. What's this?

"Laura,"

I was a little disoriented when I heard Zander voice. He was searching into my eyes. Like he know what just happened.

"Nasa loob na po ang lahat."

Bumalik ang attention namin sa tagapagsilbing nagturo sa amin ng daan. Nakatayo kami sa tapat ng higanteng double door. Yumuko sila upang padaanin kami.

Zander stared at me. I manage to give him a half smile. "Go."

Binuksan niya ang pinto. The pain on my chest was worsening. This place... what is this place? Bumungad sa amin ang isang common room. Naamoy ko ang samyo ng bulaklak at scented candle. Gigantic pictures frames and other memorabilia lined the walls.

May mga sofa at mesa na makikita sa buong kwarto. It almost look like a room for exhibits. May hawak na inumin ang mga tao habang nag tahimik na nag uusap. Nakatalikod sila mula sa amin. Subalit napalingon sila nang marinig nila ang aming pagdating.

There are more than five people in the room. But my vision zeroed into an old lady beside a man sitting on a wheelchair. Nakatayo sila sa pinakadulo ng kwarto malapit sa bintana. Kinailangan kong huminga ng malalim. Something was wrong with me. Pakiramdam ko nanghihina ako sa lugar na ito.

"The Van Zanths are here. Finally."

Ang matandang nasa wheelchair ang nagsalita. Lumapit ito sa amin habang nakaalalay ang matandang babae sa likuran niya. Tumabi ang mga tao upang padaanin sila. Napansin ko ang discomfort sa mukha ni Miss Loraine. Tila ba maging sila ay nahihirapan sa paghaharap na ito.

"The alpha, Zander Van Zanth and her half sister Loraine Van Zanth."

Zander recognized the greeting. But he didn't bow like what Miss Loraine did. Maging si Aunt Helga ay yumuko upang bumati.

"It's an honor to have you here in my sister's death anniversary."

There was a strange meaning on his statement. He didn't mentioned that her sister is also the grandparents of Zander and Loraine. I knew little of the Van Zanth's history. But I'm aware that the death of the well beloved wife of the late alpha was grieved by many.

Bumaling ang matanda sa aking direction. My chest automatically constricted. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan sa mga mata. Humawak ako sa palad ni Zander. Napansin ito ng matanda.

"Hindi ka ba komportable hija?" There was venom in his crackling voice. The question was not meant for concern, it was dripping in malice.

"I'm fine, sir." I tried to reply.

Sumenyas siya sa babaeng nasa kanyang likuran. "Kung ganoon magsimula na tayo."

The wheelchair clad senior and the old lady headed to the curtain covered door. Binuksan ito ng matandang babae. I thought at first we were going inside another room. Subalit babigla ako nang isang hardin ang aking nasilayan.

The door was directed to the back of the property. Napakatahimik at payapa ng paligid. Maririnig ang huni ng mga ibon mula sa malapit na kakahuyan. Lumabas kami mula sa mansion. Kasunod namin ang tatlong matanda na nadatnan namin sa common room. They were talking in hushed voices.

Nang tuluyan kong masilayan ang lugar napagtanto ko na isa itong sementeryo. A private cemetery. The grass was trimmed. The plants and trees nicely kept. At sa dulo nito malapit sa kakahuyan ay dalawang puntod. Ang puntod ng grandparents ni Zander at Miss Loraine.

--

There was a short ceremony. It has something to do with the ruler family's tradition. The immediate family was in front. Nanatili ako sa likuran kasama si Aunt Helga at ang tatlo pang matanda mula sa mansion.

Hindi ko mapigilan na mapatitig sa dalawang puntod sa aking harapan. The place was solemn. I want to pray for the peace of these people. Subalit may kung ano sa likod ng aking isipan na dahilan kung bakit hindi ko magawang makalapit sa dalawang puntod. Like touching an electrically charged iron, I kept my distance.

Tumagal ang taimtim na programa ng halos isang oras. Kinalimutan ko ang hindi maipaliwanag na pakiramdam na bumalot sa akin. I though everything would end up civilly. But I was wrong. Patapos na ang programa nang magsalita ang matandang lalake.

"Nakakapanghinayang ang ganitong kapalaran."

He was talking to the gravestone. But his next words hit me like a hammer.

"Ang apong hindi mo nasilayan ay nandito ngayon kasama ang apo ng taong gumawa nito sayo."

Napantig ang aking tenga. My mouth went dry. Nanatili akong nakatitig sa puntod.

"Inaasahan mo bang mayayari ito, mahal kong kapatid?"

Isang kamay ang humigit sa braso ko.

"Let's go."

Galit si Zander. Halos kaladkarin niya ako paalis sa lugar. Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Iniwan namin ang mga tao at bumalik sa loob ng mansion. Hangang sa makarating kaming muli sa front door at sumakay sa sasakyan.

Binuksan niya ang pintuan at pinapasok ako doon. Subalit bago pa mapaandar ni Zander ang sasakyan isang matinding sakit ang biglang bumalot sa aking katawan.

Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib. I clenched the piece of fabric covering it. I couldn't breathe.

I heard Zander cursed. "Fuck this god forsaken place."

Mabilis niyang pinaharurot ang sasakyan. Panay ang tingin niya sa akin. He wanted to tend to me but we need to get away. Whatever this pain was, I'm sure it has something to do with the place.

Nang bahagya na kaming makalayo, unti inting kumalma ang paghinga ko. The aggressive rise and fall of my chest became moderate. Huminto nang tuluyan ang sasakyan. We were in the side of the road overlooking the tall evergreen trees and rocks formation below the hill. Ang tuktok ng mga puno ay halos kalebel lang ng daan kung nasaan kami.

Agad na humarap sa akin si Zander. "Are you okay?"

Tumango ako. More than concern, there was hatred in his dark eyes. Nakakuyom ang kanyang palad na hawak ang manibela. Halos iuntog niya ang sarili dito.

"I should have expected this from him." Zander was muttering words I couldn't comprehend.

Pinagmasdan ko si Zander. Veins started to be visible against his toned arms. His eyes flicking a dangerous golden color. He was losing his control. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang palad.

"Calm down, Zander. I'm okay."

Zander blinked. Bumalik siya sa kasalukuyan. He was suddenly aware that he's inside a compact vehicle with me.

"I'm sorry." He breathed. "Hindi na dapat kita sinama dito."

Umiling ako. "Hwag muna natin itong pag usapan. Kumalma ka muna. I won't let you drive in this state."

Nanatili kami sa gilid ng daan. It was almost noon. Ngunit maaliwalas ang panahon. Mababa ang puting mga ulap. Lone breeze swept through the trees making the thin nail like leaves rattle. It was almost comforting to be here with Zander, away from the town and everything that lies beyond it. We were in the middle of nowhere, and somehow we found peace.

Nanatili ang aking palad sa kamay ni Zander. Nakasandal ang kanyang ulo sa head rest at nakatingala sa ceiling ng sasakyan. His eyes were closed, his neck flexed, his adam's apple visible, and his breathing controlled. He was dark, destructive and mine.

Hinawakan ni Zander ang palad ko. Nanatili siyang nakatingala nang magsalita.

"My grandmother's family, they loathed us. She was their only sister. Their princess. They were one of the most powerful family in Van Zanth. My ancestor's family friend and trusted alliance."

Binuksan ni Zander ang kanyang mga mata. His eyes were fixed on the car's roof, reliving his family's faded history.

"They entrusted her to a Van Zanth. It was a fixed marriage. A partnership between two families. But grandmother, she loved my grandpa."

"Both of then were hybrids. But Grandma was well loved by local people and even by humans. Grandma has a soft spot for them. But she ended up being killed by them."

Natigilan ako. Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Zander sa kamay ko.

"It was then that grandpa realized the commitment he felt for his wife was indeed love. It was too late. He was devastated."

"All this time, grandma's brothers thought it was a tragic negligence in the part of my grandpa. Ang buong akala nila walang naging pakialam ang Lolo namin sa aking Lola. Na hinayaan niya itong mamatay."

Everything... everything that Zander was saying felt like a dagger being stabbed on my chest.

"His brothers thought that all those love, those compassion, and commitment was an act to show the public that their marriage was what Van Zanth needed. The town was just starting back then. People needed something to looked up to. And two powerful family thought that a good leader with a perfect marriage would settle the people."

"But disaster after disaster happened. My grandmother died. Her family blamed the Van Zanth for her death. My grandpa fell ill. Generations had passed. Hindi na naibalik pa ang samahan ng dalawang makapangyarihang pamilya sa bayan. We are family by law. But hatred for each other runs in our blood."

"Zander, will you tell me the truth?"

Tuluyang lumingon si Zander sa akin.

"Am I related to the person who killed your grandmother?"

Hindi siya sumagot. Bumalik siya sa maayos na pagkaka upo sa driver's seat. The vulnerability I saw from him was gone. He was back to being the unfazed Zander.

"Zander, I need to know."

"If this truth can ruin us, do you still want to know?"

I stared at him. "Yes."

There was a sad expression on Zander's face. Pinaandar niya ang sasakyan.

"I'll tell you everything when we get back."

Tumango ako. Muli kaming nagbyahe. Pinagmasdan ko ang payapang paligid mula sa bintana. Because I know that this peace, right here beside Zander, away from the town and from people's opinion, will be the last.

***