I fretted in my office, arranging and rearranging papers, reorganizing the pictures on my desk, checking too many times if I looked okay in the mirrored wall along the left side of the office. "This is ridiculous," I muttered to myself and forced myself to sit and go through the emails that had just popped up.

Donovan Brand had called. He was coming in to meet with me today; he'd agreed to take the job. Whatever! No big deal, right? If you hadn't been reading a book about your own life you would have thought so too. Andrea had met with Carver Gannon, the artist, in my book. If I hadn't noticed it while I was sitting there living it, I noticed it as I read the pages; Andrea and Carver had instant chemistry.

Andrea had flirted with Carver; I'd been flirting with Donovan! I didn't do that, did I? But as I thought about it, it seemed more and more likely. There was already something I liked about him before I met him, and like anyone, I'm not immune to having artistic or creative crushes on people. Not to mention I'd found him oddly attractive when I first met him.

I read only far enough into the book to know that Carver was undoubtedly attracted to Andrea. I read no further than that, I wasn't even sure of how Andrea felt about Carver, though she flirted so openly. I was afraid of the book clouding my judgement in making choices. What if Donovan asked me out and I wouldn't say yes to him, I didn't want that answer to change because of the answer Andrea gave Carver. Though it was hell not to rip the book from my purse and find out what would happen.

Wait, you're saying, what about Blake? Blake is a man who's called me sweetie, honey, lover, sexy, boo, but never once girlfriend. He'd even admitted to me once, when he was thoroughly drunk, that he wasn't in love with me though he so often said 'I love you". It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I realised some time later it was because I didn't really love him in any way other than I'd love my best friend.

So why were we still together? One; we live together. Sharing the small apartment and one bed would be mightily awkward if we were no longer together. Two; really, I didn't have time to go looking for a boyfriend, or a love to end all loves while I was focusing on my job. Three; secretly I was afraid that if I broke up with Blake, and I never found anyone else, I'd be alone forever. I've seen too many women who focused on career more when they were younger get where they want but end up there alone. I was terrified of being that woman. Was it so bad that I wanted to have someone around, to share my life with?  Was it so bad that I'd settle to be a together with my best friend, instead of waiting for a together with a prince charming that might never come?

And flirting is just flirting, like a thought is just a thought; you can't imprison someone for thinking about an illegal action.

"Russ? Your appointment's here, should I send him in?"

-.-

"Heya, Russ, I'll be coming by today. You free for lunch?" I pushed 3 to play the message again, and once again for good measure.

Melina widened her eyes at me, puckering her lips into a silent mocking "oooh". I rolled my eyes at her and pushed 3 again. Before I could push it again, Melina reached over and jabbed the disconnect button. "Seriously, Russ, that's getting annoying."

"Well no one asked you to be in here," I snapped at her jokingly.

"Some of us actually have to work here. Not all of us can afford to waste time listening to our lunch invitations all day!"

"Watch it, Missy! I can make it so you don't have to work!" I loved saying that! It wasn't like I meant it at all, and Melina knew it, but I loved that I could say it.

She crinkled her nose at me and shrugged, "So, was that who I think it was?"

"Hmm. So what're you in here for anyways?"

"Was that a yes or a no? I couldn't tell," she smirked at me.

I rolled my eyes at her again, "A yes."

"You know it's because he wants you right?"

"He does not," I protested, though I too could see it.

"You're not serious are you, Russ? Everyone here knows! Whenever you guys are talking, it's a total flirt-fest! Oh and the way he'll find any excuse to come in and see you- even when a simple phone call would have been good enough? It's see through! You're completely in denial if you don't see it! Or just a liar."

"Maybe both," I mumbled, for the first time admitting out loud that I knew Donovan liked me and maybe I had a tiny bit of interest towards him. Not that I was interested in seeing where that tiny bit of interest might lead. I had a man.

Melina raised a brow at me, but didn't comment on what I'd said, "Did you call him back?"

"No."

"Are you going to be free for lunch?"

"I don't know."

"I say you should be free. But don't call him back."

"I wasn't planning on either."

"Loser!"

I growled playfully at her in response, scrolling absently through some emails.

"Really, Russ. What's so bad about going to lunch with him? What's stopping you?"

"Blake," I said plainly.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. Melina got aggravated at the mere mention of Blake. It's not that she didn't like him, in fact she really liked him, she just didn't like him for me. She was never shy to share her thoughts on that matter either. "Blake is not your guy!" she was exasperated. "Russ, why are you so happy to settle for something that doesn't make you truly happy?"

"Because relationships like the ones in your romance fiction novels don't exist! I'm being real here. Practical."

"Practical is for ugly people!"

"Lina!" I laughed. "That's terrible! Anyways, relationships are about compromise."

"Yeah, compromise on things like time and hobbies and closet space- not compromise on the actual person!"

"I'm not compromising on the person, Lina, he's my best friend."

"And you love him like a best friend," she insisted before giving up all together. "Anyways, I got the first three chapters of Burning Barcelona this morning. I've proofed them already, but you might want to look them over, add any notes that you think might be helpful. This one's going to need it."

"Yeah sure, just leave it there. I'll get to it after I'm done the rest of this stuff."

She dropped the file into a slot of my paper holder, "I'll leave you to it then."

-.-

"Really, Donnie, you didn't need to come all this way just to drop of the chapters." Saying it, I knew, would make no difference, next time he'd find another reason to excuse why he'd traveled so far for twelve sheets of paper. "You could have just called the guy who dropped it off to you. We pay him for that."

"Meh," he shrugged. "I felt like eating at East! today, so I figured I'd bring the chapters back to you, since it's right around the corner. I don't know if you got my message, but I thought I'd ask if you wanted to come with me. I'd have you back within the hour."

I stalled as best I could without seeming like I was stalling. Or I tried to. But as I was trying to excuse myself using something I hope didn't sound fake- namely Melina- the girl popped her head in my door. "Russ, I won't be available for lunch today." I grimaced at her, backing out on me like that; Melina and I always took our lunches together, so we'd never have to eat alone. She must have been waiting on the other side of the door, so she wouldn't miss me turning him down. "May's coming to visit." She didn't let me say anything in response, but popped back out just as suddenly as she had come.

I was now left with nothing. No excuse. Maybe I could say I had a meeting with Ted? But what came out of my mouth was a decidedly different sentence than the one in my head, "Well then, I guess I'm free for lunch!"