"Dimitri! Go ahead Belikov. We don't have all night," Nathan's voice sounded irritated.

"No,"I said crossing my arm.

If he was stubborn, so was I. I looked straight into his red eyes. I was no longer afraid of him. I knew he couldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do.

I was stronger than him as a matter of fact. Dhampirs specially gaurdians have training which complements the Strigoi strength making them invincible.

Nathan on the other hand was Moroi before being awakened. So he definitely lacked my prowess. I could easily defeat him.

But I was especially cautious. I didn't want to get on his bad side just then. I had to reach Galina.

I was afraid of meeting her. After all she was my teacher who had been turned in a battle three years back.

My mentor must be deadlier than me too. She was an older Strigoi. I was anticipating the meeting for long.

We were heading towards Galina's place and they had stopped for snacks at Novosibirsk.

Snacks!!!

It was night and the group was out hunting, killing and draining innocents.

Only I knew how I was controlling my desires.

The burn in my throat grew worse every moment. I was literally in pain. But no,I would rather die than kill another.

Nathan was trying to force me to drink and hunt. But I was resolute.

Finally he gave up.

I watched them disappear deftly into the night. I could hear muffled sobs and cried of anguish from far away.

My increased Strigoi hearing tortured me with sounds I didn't want to hear. It completely broke me to think of all those innocent lives snuffed out before they could light. I hated them. I hated myself.

I leaned against the closed collapsible gate of a carshed. We were in a rundown area of the city, lined with old factories and abandoned houses which had sheltered us during the day. I was feeling weak and rundown. I knew why.

This was what I wanted. I wanted to starve to death. I hated my existence.

I closed my eyes taking in the smell of earth and of rusted metal mixed with the smell of human bodies. My heightened senses could hear the rustle of every leaf. The sound of every whisper. The world was really more different and clear.

Could I go on in this world? Did I really have to end this life of eternity I got? What was I thinking? How could I think of that at all. Was I changing?

I looked at my reflection on a broken glass of a store front. The same brown hair, the same sharp features, the same height. But the skin...pale as death and eyes, cold, bloodshot, no trace of the previous Dimitri in it.

I didn't dare open my mouth not with my deadly fangs gleaming, mocking my meaningless existence.

The Dimitri who could love unconditionally was forgotten . I placed a hand on my heart. I could feel the hollow beat. This was wrong. This heart will never be able to warm me up again. I was as good as a rock now. No emotions, no feelings. I knew that part of me was lost forever.

"Sir, may I help you," a female voice startled me.

A human, so close.

Oh no! I had avoided coming near one for so long.

Oh why had this girl to be there in the wrong place at the wrong time?

I couldn't just help myself anymore. All the determination, all my plans were lost on me as the tantalising smell of my only food overpowered my senses. All the nerves and animal instincts in me were aroused.

For a moment I was a predator and she was my prey. Nothing else mattered in the world. I could see fear in her eyes. She had realised what I was.

I could see her frozen figure. Weak and vulnerable. Every cell of my body screamed that this was wrong. But my thirst needed quenching.

Like a hungry lion, I pounced on my prey. As my teeth sank into the soft flesh of my prey I realised what I was doing. I immediately drew back and tried to get away but it was as too late.

Blood was pouring out from her artery in a steady flow. My body was not in control of me.

Before the girl could utter another scream I plunged in my razor sharp canines in her throat.

Her muffled cry was silenced forever as I continued drinking.

I felt intoxicated. It felt so good. It was like the world was changing around me. I felt a surge of raw energy. It was as if her life and power was draining into me.

I felt alive as I had never felt before. It was an unbelievable calmness. What was I feeling? Oh my God!

I drained her lifeless and stood staring at the massacre I had just done.

I was a beast. I was a monster. I was death. I had killed an innocent. Finally I was a Strigoi in the true sense of the word. I was the embodiment of evil.

I sat there dumb, unable to even move and hide the evidence. I was a murderer. I curled myself into a ball beside the corpse, drawing my knees to my chest. I felt dirty and sick. There was no mercy for me anymore.

I didn't know for how long I was in that position when I heard a dry cackle. I looked up to see Nathan standing, wearing that wicked smile on his face.

This time it meant , "Belikov you are defeated. You gave in to your desires."

I looked away from the lifeless body and the mocking smiles.

I wiped the last trace of blood from my lips. But yet it felt as if something was changing in me.

What was wrong to strive thus?

I wanted to live....I wanted to enjoy this life.

I should have died before thinking this. Oh How could such lowly thoughts cross my mind?

"Roza!" my scream broke the silence of the night. I suddenly needed her here to say to me that everything was allright.

I couldn't sleep and hence couldn't see her even in dreams. My life was a calamity.........