Epilogue - Happy Endings

There's something people don't tell you when you start to integrate, and that is that by starting to make friends and interacting with people you might get to love people, but also hurt them deeply. Sometimes you can fix that, an apology is enough, but sometimes the harm is so deep you can't do anything about it. That's something I've learnt from all this experience. It's not just having the courage to talk to people, is learning to deal with them. Knowing that sometimes you'll make them happy, other times you'll make them suffer. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you didn't know how to handle things.

I hurt a friend and I hurt her so deeply that our relationship was impossible to repair. She walked away and I headed to another place, too. I apologised, but that wasn't enough. I received a letter a few months ago, a reply, from Mare, saying she forgave me, but that didn't mean we could be friends again. And I understood her. It wasn't the same anymore for us.

Maybe some people will think it's silly what happened between us, that she overreacted and I just made a mistake, that she should just leave that behind because our friendship was stronger. But how can she leave that behind if what I did was what would hurt her the most? I did exactly that thing she hated the most. And yes, maybe it's not a big deal for other people, but it is a big deal for Mare and if I had been more thoughtful, if I had been more careful, I wouldn't have hurt her like that. I did what so many others did without a second thought and that broke our relationship to the no repair point.

I lost a friend, yes, and that will always hurt, but I also gained an important lesson. I know I won't make that mistake again. Friendships are something you have to take care of, be careful and think of the other person. You can't rush to conclusions without listening the full story. You can't pretend you know what happened when you weren't there. You always have to listen.

Being part of someone's world is hard, the hardest thing because there are so many things that can go wrong. So many ways to hurt the people you care about and it takes a lot of courage to say I'm sorry and to make amends. Trust is the most fragile thing and it can't always be put back together once it's broken.

Those are things no one told me, those are things I had to learn on my own. Those are the kinds of things that make me grow up. I know I'll make more mistakes, I'll hurt other people, but I hope that I'll also make loads of people happy. I hope I'll be able to fix whichever wrong I make.

Now I'm someone who is part of the world. I don't hide in a lake and behind my disorder. I fight it, every day. Sometimes it's harder, sometimes it's easier, but it's always there. But I learnt that I'm the only one who can give the disorder the power to stop me and that's what I fight every day. With the help of some medication to control my anxiety and the physical effects. It's worked pretty well the last couple of months since I came to London.

I reckon things have been pretty easy for me. Harry has helped a lot, teaching me how to handle things, supporting me all the time. I've been introduced to the right people and they have liked my work. I've made new friends and I'm doing my best to keep them.

As Mare got her deal and she's been doing quite well, I also got a deal. The same label that produced One Direction offered me a deal I couldn't refuse. And that's how I started to work on my own album, with my music and my voice, and overall, my name. Mare and I used to be a team, now we are independent and separate artists, which follow different styles. She's a pop artist who now will start shooting a movie, according to what I've heard, and I'm more into an indie style, which has strangely proved to be quite popular lately.

Life has many twists that you never see coming, but at the end everything works out. Not always in the way you wanted to, but always in the way you needed them to happen.

I'm still very inexperienced in life, but I'm always eager to learn. Harry says that's what matters.

"Ready to go?" someone asks me and the voice brings me back to reality. I blink and then Harry comes into focus and a smile comes across my lips, a smile that is what I always do when I see him. He smiles back at me, showing me his dimples and making my heart swoon.

We've been together for a year already and I still can't believe how lucky I am. He's helped me so much to make this transition to this life in London, pursuing my dream to become a singer, and he's never left me alone. Yet we've managed to keep it a secret. Not because he's ashamed of me or anything remotely similar, but because it's too soon for me. He's the most popular member of his band and his fans are possessive. I'm barely making my way in the media and I'm building this silent and mysterious image so I can be left alone. Being associated with Harry Styles would only bring more attention on me and not because of my music. As Mare said, I want fans, not haters, and if the world knows I'm dating him I would get haters before I get fans and that's not the plan. Harry likes to protect me, he knows I would panic if I suddenly have to face jealous fans that can't accept he is taken now. He knows I wouldn't deal well with the media telling me lies about him just to get a reaction. I don't know how to deal with all those people yet, so it's safer if we keep it secret.

It's extremely hard, believe me, but we manage. We get help, especially Niall's help. He does whatever he can to help to make this work and to make things easier for me. He's my best friend, I can easily say that.

He and Ella haven't found each other yet. He met another girl and they have been dating for two months, but I can see in his eyes he doesn't love her. At least not like he loved Ella. He cares about this girl, very much, but it's not the same. Yet he's moving on and that's good. He's happy and all right, he remembers Ella with so much love and always with a smile. I know he doesn't regret anything that happened and that he believes they'll meet again. I also believe that.

Today it's my album release party yet I already released my first single, which is Freedom, that song I once started writing about Ella and Niall. I worked on it even more, made it perfect and decided it would be my first single, and also, Niall's next present for Ella. He already has it with the other two, waiting until he meets her again. I wonder if Ella has listened to my song and if she realises it's about her and Niall. I wish I could see her again.

"I'm ready," I say although my voice trembles. They are all waiting for me outside, to celebrate with me that my album finally has come out.

It's been eight months of hard work, with many complications, but I managed to finish this. To do the press work, to present myself out there. My first single reached number three in the UK charts and I've got loads of attention. The reviews on my album have been great and I'm so happy people think it's an amazing work. Some have said that it's the best album out there right now and I just want to know what people will think. What my fans will think.

I can't believe I have fans now!

Harry approaches me, probably seeing how anxious I am, and takes my hands. "Ari, it's okay. There are not many people out there and you know them all, almost. It's a small party, as you requested. It's gonna be all right. Come on, even your dad and Timmy are waiting. You can't keep them waiting, right?" he says and I nod. Dad and Timmy came just to celebrate with me that I did it, I'm actually releasing an album.

"True. Let's go, just don't let go of my hand. Please," I beg him and he chuckles, holding my hand and then taking it to his lips to kiss it softly.

"I won't. I'm here with you," he says with his green eyes on me and his everlasting smile, this time only for me.

I close my eyes for a second, take a deep breathe and then look at him again, feeling a bit more at ease. Then I lean in and peck his lips. By now this is comfortable for me, especially when it's only the two of us. Being with Harry is the most natural and easiest thing in my life.

"Let's go," I say and we walk out of the room in which I was waiting, or hiding. Depends on how you want to see it.

When we walk outside there are many people and I take a deep breath because even if I know most of them I still get too anxious and it's hard. I squeeze Harry's hand as we keep approaching them.

People start to approach me now, they congratulate me on my album and they say how much they like it. My sisters are here and they say how proud they are. Dad gives me a big hug and with tears in his eyes he says he always knew I could make it. Timmy jokes but I know he's also proud of me. Then Niall comes and hugs me so tightly, saying how proud he also is and that he knows I'm the next big star that the UK will see, and then the rest of the world.

Other people approach me, friends and acquaintances, some strangers as well, and they all seem happy to see me and proud of me.

The room is decorated with the topic of my album, which is water, of course. The cover is a picture of me playing on the shore of the lake. We actually went to my lake to have this photoshoot. The title of my album is My Hero, My Villain and my name is under it. It's surreal to see the cover art of my album displaying everywhere.

I can't believe I actually did this. What seemed impossible for me for so many years has actually happened. I, the little shy girl from the lake grew into a singer who is now releasing her debut album.

Harry is always by my side or somewhere around, except when the official reporters are allowed to take pictures. Everyone knows I don't like cameras and I'm actually very awkward, so my manager doesn't allow much exposition to the media. This is part of my image and it's worked quite well so far. People think I'm cute, or that I've read.

By the end of the party I'm feeling much at ease and I'm enjoying it, laughing with my friends and joking along. At some point Harry steals me from the rest and takes me outside.

"I know they all want to be with you, but I'm your boyfriend and I want a bit of privacy, too," he says as he takes me to the balcony of this floor the label rented for the party. "You've done great today, Ari," he tells me I walk closer to him, looking for his arms. He soon hugs me and I know I'm in the place where I belong.

"Thank you. With time it gets a bit easier to handle," I confess and he nods. "I don't think it'll ever be easy, but I'm learning."

"You'll be fine. I'm really proud of you. Of all the things you've done. Your album is wonderful. I know I've been part of the whole process, I've watched you working hard on it, but it's different to see it officially out there. To buy it and to listen to it. I love it."

His opinion means so much to me and I can't help but smile widely when I hear him.

"Thank you," is all I can say and I look up to meet his eyes. He cups my face and smiles at me warmly.

"You've changed so much but you're still the girl I met at the lake," he muses and I see the weight of emotions in his eyes. "You've grown up, I guess." I smile at him, I don't know what else to do. "And I'm still crazily in love with you, you know?"

"I do," I say closing my eyes for a second to enjoy the touch of his hand on my face. "And I'm in love with you. Thank you for being always by my side."

"I'll always be by your side, Ari," he adds leaning closer, pressing our foreheads together. "Always."

And then he kisses me and I kiss him back, losing myself in the perfect moment.

Happy endings don't exist as such. It's not just like closing a book because a real life story never ends, so you can't have a happy ending. You can have happy moments, ending of certain phases of your life, but you don't have a big ending. You work on it every day, on overcoming all the obstacles and working to be happy.

So no, it's not a happy ending, it's a happy to-be-continued, because there's always so much ahead. One chapter ends, but there's always something else to come and no one will give you a happy ending. You work on being happy, it's always your doing.  Life might throw at you all the bad things you can think of, but it's up to you what you make out of them. You can let them destroy you, or you can let them make you stronger. It's your choice, your doing. And I'm doing the bet so every experience only makes me stronger. I'm working every day on my happy to-be-continued.

Happiness is not a constant state, it's a collection of perfect moments. Like this kiss. I feel the happiest when I'm with Harry, or when I perform my songs, and at the end of the day those are the moments I think about and the ones that make me feel happy. I can say that at the end of the day I'm happy and that's the best anyone can get. No fairy tale can compare to the reality of being happy. Of being with who makes you happy. Of doing what makes you happy. Being happy is better than a happy ending. It's real.

The End

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Please read the Author's Note! Next page!