Chapter 23 - Ella

Working on Light Up, this new song I wrote, with Mare is so fun, so much better than a cover. I play the guitar and she dances around, singing with me. I help her to hit the right notes and to control her breathing better when she’s moving. It actually sounds good in her voice but it’s her performance what makes the song better than I could’ve ever imagined. She makes me dance with her and we end up laughing because I’m a really bad dancer. This song has given us the glee we had lost before.

“You look happy again,” Timmy says when I go to the crops to pick the delivery for today. “With your dad we were worried, you seemed sad.”

“I had lost the right perspective, but we’re okay now,” I tell him and Timmy smiles widely.

“I’m glad. You look better when you smile,” he adds and my own smile widens at his words.

After that he wishes me good luck and I drive to drop the delivery at the centre humming to Light Up and remembering last night. I don’t think I ever laughed that much. I really love having Mare around, it’s like having one of my sisters. A new sister.

Carl is waiting for me when I arrive and he’s with Mare so I greet them both. I help Carl to carry the delivery inside and we keep a short and nice conversation. Mare even helps us and I notice the way she and Carl look at each other. I’ll ask her tonight about that, maybe she fancies him.

“What are you gonna do now, Ari?” Mare asks me when I finish with my business with Carl.

“Oh, I dunno… I was thinking of taking a turn around the gardens before going home, or even going to see the horses,” I reply and she smiles.

“Wait a sec,” Mare tells me and then runs inside the building. Confused, I wait until she comes back with some carrots. “Go to the stables and if you run into someone, maybe Mark —he takes care of the horses—, try to talk to that person. Someone you’ve never seen before, okay?”

I take a deep breath, knowing I have homework. No matter how nervous and anxious that makes me, I always follow her instructions. I’ve accomplished so much thanks to that. She may not have a degree, but she’s good.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. If it’s at the stables you’ll have horses to talk about. It’s easier for you to talk about something you’re familiar with, something you know of.” I’m surprised she has noticed that, probably because I always tell her how my conversations goes and she’s made me analyse the differences in my encounters with different people. She’s also been present for some, like when I talk to Carl.

“O-okay, I’ll do my best,” I promise and she gives me a quick hug.

“That’s the spirit! Go and make me proud,” she jokes and I laugh, taking the carrots and walking towards the stables.

I’ve never seen Mark, maybe because I don’t go as often to the stables. I’ve only met Niall there. Maybe I’ll see him there today. But if not, I hope Mark is a nice person and he’ll have patience. I know I’ll stutter a lot and probably I’ll only say five words, if I get to say a word at all, but I’ll try. So far I haven’t had to deal with someone being rude to me.

When I finally arrive to the stables and walk inside, I don’t find a man inside. Not Niall or Mark. I find a girl stroking the black main of Ares, that horse Niall really loves. She is pressing her face to the forehead of the horse. I can only see her back and her blond curls falling up to her mid-back.

“I’ve missed you so much, Ares,” she says, her voice soft, a mere whisper. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.”

I stand there, watching, wondering who this girl is, someone who clearly knows this horse, someone who’s been here before.

I even forget I’ve come here to see the horses and try to talk to someone new to me, but then a horse sees I have carrots and tries to bite them, scaring me, making me cry out a bit, which alerts the girl I’m there.

She turns around and her green eyes are on me, a slight frown on her face as her eyes examine me from head to toe.

“Hello,” she says carefully and I’m hugging the carrots as my whole body trembles.

I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down, I try to slow down my heartbeats and I repeat in my head that I control my body, not the other way around.

“H-h-hello,” I reply with my eyes closed, still hugging the carrots as if they were the best shield.

“Um… are you all right?” she asks next and I open one eye just to find her still watching me but this time I see worry in her expression.

Opening my other eye and meeting her gaze I say, “yeah. Sorry for… um… sorry for intruding… I was just… I… the stables… I wanted… I…” I ramble and she keeps watching me but she must see I’m in agony here because the frown disappears and she smiles at me.

“It’s okay, I’m Ella, by the way, nice to meet you,” she tells me and I sigh. At least she’s nice.

Then her name rings a bell in my mind, I even tilt my head a bit as if that would help me to think better. Ella… Ella…

Wait. Ella Drennan? As in the Ella Niall and Harry came here looking for?

“Um, excuse me but… are you… are you Ella Drennan?” I ask, my body still just because I’m waiting.

She looks confused for a second, but then she smiles again. “The one and only,” she answers and my eyes widen in surprise.

I thought she was gone. I mean, I heard Niall saying that he knew she wasn’t going to be here, that she had left to never come back. Even Harry had mentioned how she disappeared from their lives. But she’s here… and Niall is here.

Oh! Maybe if I go for him they can meet again and fix whatever happened between them. Maybe this is their chance to reunite and get back together. I mean, it’s clear Niall still loves her and would take her back in a heartbeat. And she’s here, Ella is here! Niall and Harry need to know this.

“Oh my God!” I exclaim, too shocked to even pay attention to my anxiety levels. “I’ve heard so much about you. Harry… Harry and Niall, both are looking for you. Niall is always here in the stable, talking to Ares—”

“Niall is here?” she cuts me off and I can see it in her eyes, the pain, the nostalgia and the love. I see the love! The same way Niall looks when he is talking about Ella. She clearly still loves him.

“Yes!” I reply, so excited for him. “He came here looking for you. If… if you wait here I can go and get him.”

“No,” Ella interrupts me once again. “Please don’t.” I see her closing her eyes, composing herself. “It’s… it’s still painful and— I’m doing my best to move on and I’m sure he did his best, too. Seeing him now would throw all that to the trash bin. I— I can’t do it now. Please…” she leaves the sentences hanging, staring at me.

“Ariel,” I complete for her. “I’m Ariel Hamilton.”

Her eyes widen in recognition. “From the lake, aren’t you?” I nod at her question. “I remember you,” she adds and now I’m the one surprised. “When… when all this with Niall happened I went horse riding and I saw you by the lake,” she confesses and I try to think of last summer. I don’t know when this happened, but it was last summer. I do remember seeing a girl one night. I do because I almost never saw people around the lake before this season. “I remember I saw you and I was so jealous because you looked so free, so happy there in the water. I wanted to be free like you.”

I frown, not really understanding what she means. Why would she feel like that?

“What do you know about Niall and I?” Ella asks me next.

“Not much,” I shrug. “I’ve heard him talking about you and Harry has told me something.”

Ella smiles sadly and looks down a bit before going back to Ares, as if the horse could give her the strength she needs.

“Niall and I met last summer. My stepmother is Rhonda and well… we never got along,” she laughs sarcastically, which tells me it’s more than that. “I hated being here, I hated being her servant. I hated her, I hated her with all my soul.” My mouth opens in shock. Mrs Drennan has been nothing but kind to me; why would Ella hate her? “She made my life a living hell and all I wanted was to get out of here. I used to channel all that hatred towards the guests here, because they were the reason she had changed this place. I know, misdirected hatred, I know. But then last year Niall came here and although I tried to keep my distance and my hatred barrier, he broke it down and made me realise many things. I ended up falling in love with him,” she recounts, her voice ever so softly and I can feel the smile in her voice. It’s warm and cosy, like a blanket around you during a cold night. “It was perfect, too perfect and it didn’t last. I was too full of hatred to love someone, I was just a puppet that had been controlled by all her hatred. I couldn’t be with Niall like that so I broke up with him. I wasn’t ready because I had lived with that hatred for so long I didn’t even know how to live without it. I hadn’t lived until I left this place and I needed to find myself again, to learn to live without that hatred. I’m still learning, you know? I don’t hate Rhonda as I used to, but I still resent all what she did to me, what I let her do to me. I still can’t be with Niall. I’m not ready to love him fully, like he deserves. That’s why you can’t call him or tell him I’m here because I know that if I see him I will give in and I’ll tell myself that maybe I can make it work, but I know I can’t. Not yet. He deserves better.”

I don’t even realise but by when Ella finishes her story, I am silently crying. Only tears slowly falling down my cheeks. I cry for her, for her and for Niall, because they love each other but it’s not their time to be together. I understand her point of view, I understand what she’s doing and I bow to her for being strong enough to stay away. But I cry because I know it hurts them both and I wish they could be together. But she’s right, when you’re so full of hatred, when you hold on to that, you can’t really love. You need to let go of that hatred first, of that way of living. That’s really a proof of real love

Ella turns around and I see her surprised expression when she finds me crying.

“Ariel, what… why are you crying?” she asks me and I wipe the tears away.

“I… I just wish you could be together now,” I reply. “I know he still loves you, too.”

Ella looks away when I say that, a sad smile on her lips. “I still love him, differently, but I still love him.”

I take a deep breath and wipe the new tears away. “If you two are meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other one day.”

“That’s what Charlie says,” Ella tells me with a kind smile. “Thank you, Ariel.”

I only smile, praying one day Niall and Ella will find their way back to each other, when Ella has finally let go of her hatred and is ready to fully love him. I know there’s more of that story that I don’t know, but I just hope they will reunite in the future and be happy together instead of happy in their separate ways. And I hope one day I’ll love like Ella loves Niall, so much as to stay away from him until she’s good enough for him, until it’s the right time. And I hope one day someone will love me like Niall loves Ella, still looking for her, still waiting for her.

I hope.

-:-:-

Surprise! Did you expect Ella to make an appareance? hehehe

Dedication to @katiebear001. I'm sorry you had such a horrible week, I totally feel you. I hope this makes you happy (:

Bel, xx

NU: Tuesday (3K votes for early update)