I question myself time to time,
"Why do I try...?"
I know that this feeling of mine is powerful
And that it hurts me,
But it is such a blissful feeling.
An emotion of joy
Admiration,
Embarrassment,
And the greatest of all—
Love.
I have begun to harvest these emotions
For you for quite some time.
I do not know why,
But I deny and deny these feelings—
Knowing that I will get hurt,
Not knowing the future,
Scared of who I am,
And if we will even continue seeing each other the following years...
I do not want to accept these feelings yet.
I will only halfheartedly believe it
As a fantasy and dream.
I know this feeling once already
And I've done so much before in the past,
Yet failed so miserably to be "forgotten".
I just hope not to be lost in all of this.
So why...
Why do I continue to push myself?
Why do I force myself to go so far
For this one sided love?
Why do I make these handmade objects for not only for my friends,
But for you when I know that it's only
One sided.
Why do I fall in love more
Whenever you speak or text me?
Why is it that I am falling so much...?
Why am I doing this all
When I know that I will crash hard?
Why does your smile seem like it holds
Quite the fancy for me?
These emotions are endless like the sky.
Endless like the stars that sparkles.
Well...
Questioning emotions are useless
If you are to blame it all on having feelings.
No one can answer your own emotions completely.
You have to answer it yourself
With some guidance if you wish to open to others.
That's why being human is interesting.
We can be emotionless,
But love can change us to believe
Despite being hurt.
We go far and wide for our crushes
So that we would not regret later of
Being crushed.
Because regrets are powerful enough to
Scar a pure heart of pain.
So why must I continue this risky love?
It's because it may be a way to
Find my own self in my own mess of
Emotions.
Maybe I can take this opportunity to
Discover some new feelings...
Maybe I can become a better person
When gained more experience.
Maybe through all of this pain
From which I've grown numb too,
Maybe I can find new views and perspectives
To my own world.
My own world of stars and galaxies
That stretches infinitely of imagination.
To wander with a mind that observes
Human actions of emotions
With a face of blank curiosity.
So why indeed...
Why are humans so odd yet fascinating
When dealing with these emotions of
Love?