"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with one another."

~ Thomas Merton

***

It's been about a month and a half since I met Mac. I guess you could say that we're friends, even though everyone knows that I don't want to admit it. But it's not as if we already know one another's deepest darkest secrets, no we're not close enough for that. And even if we were, I still wouldn't tell him. I once asked him what his pills were for and he looked at me with his mischievous eyes and a squint,

"If I tell you then you have to tell me about yours." The corner of his mouth quirked up and I glared at him.

"Yeah nevermind." I told him and he chuckled at me. And that was that. Our deal is that if one of us shares a secret, the other has to share one of equal worth. So far, it's been shallow secrets. Like the time when I was in the store with my mom and I ate a grape that had fallen out of the package in the produce section. Or like the one he shared that included him as a toddler once laughing so hard he peed on his mom's lap.

Hayden has come to feel the need to tease us whenever we're around each other. Abbie and Mitch often laugh at us when we finish each other's sentences. Amelia always has a smile on her face when he and I converse and Caitlyn has decided to plaster hers with an "I told you so" look not just when I'm with Mac but 24/7.

My dad has grown accustomed to the fact that he is now a good friend of mine and even my mom has invited him to dinner on some occasions. Braiden and Mac have developed a sort of platonic bromance between them and most days when he comes over we spend hours playing video games the three of us. I've learned that he is a beast at playing Just Dance, which is ironic considering that Mac is one of the best baseball players on the field and a kick-ass red belt in martial arts. It's even more ironic considering that I'm the best of the three of us at every single Halo game we own, especially at Halo Reach. However, Mac likes to make me do Just Dance, knowing how competitive I am yet how utterly retarded I look when I try to beat him at his own game. The laughing usually ends though when I blow them to hell with my rocket launcher during Halo 3. That's what I call revenge.

The only thing that has evolved with our relationship in a sort of negative way is the amount of people who know who I am now. Our school is big but more or less, I've known most of my classmates since junior high. I shouldn't be so uncomfortable about all of a sudden being known. It was like this back with Jason, but I was different then. During eleventh grade, people seemed to have forgotten about me. I was back to being the one they knew about but ignored and kept walking. But since I met Mac, everything's changed. And not always in a good way.

I was bullied at my old school back in Arizona. I know how it starts. I know how it progresses to become just as bad as the books make it seem. But I don't know how it ends. Cause it never did before we moved. I've never known what it's like to be stood up for because I've always stood up for myself. Sometimes I wish I could be the same person I was. I wish I could. Because even though day after day I would find Tampax pads stained with red food coloring stuck to my locker, or having my gym clothes dunked in a toilet before PE. Or having my books, so many of my books being ruined because I was a dork. Because even though they thought it was funny to watch me plead and cry while they tore the pages out and dropped them in mud puddles. They thought it was funny when they snapped my glasses in half so I couldn't read until I got a new pair. I was stronger then than I am now. I didn't let all their shit get to me because I knew that one day it'd all be over. I don't now either but I have let people hurt me more than I could've even imagined as a middle schooler. If I am to ever go through that again, I don't know what I'll say or do.

It's happening again. It's been developing over the past month and a half and I know I'm not the only one who's noticed.

It's because I'm the cigarette. I'm the most well-known cigarette this school has ever known. I dated the quarterback of the JV football team in sophomore year. I was popular at one point. I had the perfect boyfriend, the perfect family. I was on the honor roll. I was nice to people unlike a lot of popular girls I know. I almost had everything. But I'm the cigarette. Everyone knew that he was going to get bored of me at some point, even though we were the "it" couple of my class. Everyone knew that it wasn't going to last, except me.

Later on, just before summer began, his smoking time was up. He dropped me, and was done.

He was done.

"It's okay, Cole," Amelia says to me as we walk down the main hall at school. I don't hang my head down like anyone else would in this kind of situation. I don't want to give them the satisfaction. But Ames knows how easily I can get and anxiety when so much attention is focused on me. "Breathe." She says and I suck in a breath as told.

I finally come to my locker, Ames leaning up against the one next to it, and I shove in my things, replacing them with one of my binders and a book. I hold the book tight to my chest, thinking of all the times I saw the pages of them being torn out in front of me just to make me miserable.

"Let's go," I say in a strangled voice, though I can feel my peers' eyes on me wherever I walk. Amelia follows me down the hall in quiet attentiveness and I tread down the hall, thinking of how shocked Mac would be if he realized that this is all happening because of him.

***

I manage to make it through my first five periods without any mishaps. It's when lunch rolls around that I finally get what's been expected since day one.

"Heard you've been out with Mac lately," says a girl from behind me. I whip around, terrified to find Harley Mumford, the new girlfriend of Jason Brinkley. Oh God no.

I shut my locker and try not to let the fear show on my face. "Yeah, so?" I say. Harley grins all plastic Hollywood teeth at me and I groan internally. Jesus, whatever happened to enamel?

"You're so cute, Bee," She coos with a little flick of her wrist. I grit my teeth. "It's no wonder he likes you so much."

I'm taken aback. "What?" I ask. Harley giggles and takes a step back, allowing a few spectators to join.

"Don't play dumb," she snarls. "You know exactly what I'm saying." I swallow hard. She's right. I do. And I know I've been trying to hide it. To make sure that I forgot about the truth.

"What's it to you?" I say, irritated. Harley licks her lips and smiles sweetly.

"Nothing," She says innocently. "So how are you and... Jason doing? Still holding up okay since... well, you know."

My heart catches in my throat and tears threaten to spill down my cheeks. No... no this isn't happening. It can't be happening.

I choke down a sob but I'm afraid everyone that has gathered around can hear me. No, no, no, no.

"Are you okay?" Harley asks with fake concern. I fume. That bitch... "Do you want me to call your mom to bring you your pills?"

This time I can't stop the sob tearing through my throat. I quickly clamp a hand over my mouth and I feel myself stumble backwards into the lockers, my shoulders shaking with my sobs. Harley continues. "He told me everything..." She says. "Every. Last. Thing." She croons. "Right down to the little pink pills you keep in your pantry at home."

He told her. He told her everything. Traitor. That fucking traitor.

My body racks and I try to suck in a breath but the anxiety is too much. I can't hold it in. This is my breaking point. This is the day when every tear I didn't cry over the years from middle school all the way up until sophomore year comes out. I can't keep them in any longer.

"So back to what we were saying earlier," Harley says and through the ringing in my ears, that's all that I can hear. She comes up to me, her strawberry-scented breath heating up my face. She smiles down at me with a swipe of her tongue over her teeth. "I mean you know Mac likes you don't you?" I clench my jaw and swallow back tears. I'm not playing this game. I refuse to give her power over me. This is not going to go her way.

"Why do you even care?" I choke out. Harley grins.

"Because I know you think he does," she coos. "But he doesn't."

I can almost hear the rage boiling inside me. Keep it together. Keep it together.

But I keep hearing the same song replaying in my head and it angers me even more.

Are you insane like me?
Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?
Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?

And all the people say
You can't wake up, this is not a dream
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being

With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline...

"At least I had the decency to tell you all of this before he hurt you too." She says softly and that's when I break. And the tears come. And they don't stop.

Everything I've held back. Every goddamn thing I never cried about during the past seven years comes out in the form of hot, wet tears that sting my cheeks like revenge. I hate them. I hate every last one of them.

"Cole!"

I know that voice. Nobody says my name like he does. I know that voice.

I feel his familiar hands rest on my hair and my back and it takes all my willpower to look up into the ice blue eyes that are the eyes of my best friend.

"What's going on, Cole?" His voice is soft and pleading. I choke and I bury myself into his shirt that smells like green apples and vanilla. "What's wrong?" I try to wipe away my tears but they keep falling and I feel awful. I feel like death. "It's okay," he whispers. "It's okay you can trust me."

"Go on Mac," Harley's voice caws from a few yards away. Our spectators laugh at us. "Tell her."

I've never seen Mac so angry. "Tell her what?" He snarls. I can almost hear Harley grin

"What you told me in fourth period, dumbass." She says snappishly. Mac looks back at me, and tucks my hair behind my ear. He smiles softly at me and I feel my cheeks redden once again.

"What," he says in his smooth voice that never falters for a second. "This?" He turns to me and he whispers "trust me".

And that's the last thing I can process before I feel something soft being pressed gently against my mouth. And it's called a kiss.

***

Author's Note

Hey guys I hope you liked this! Sorry if it was super short and quick, had to have this ready by today.

So finally Macolby kisses!!! Muahaha, you have no idea how long I've been wanting this to happen.🙏🏿😈 Prepare for more on Friday! Don't forget to vote comment and share❤

~ Cara