Rainy days made Emmett want to stay in bed, snuggled up with Kaz. He loved days like these, spooning his lover while he talked about anything. Usually Kaz's art, but sometimes, he brought up other things. Emmett was so fond of his morning rambles, right after they'd gotten blitzed. Kaz smelled like fresh linen and lingering arousal from last night's short-lived passion.

"Want me to make breakfast?" Kaz asked, arching back against him with an innocent smile.

"Yeah, that sounds great." Emmett kissed the side of his neck. "Sometimes I wish we lived alone. I'd love walking down into the kitchen naked. I mean, I guess we could do that but I don't think the guys would like that."

Kazimir snorted. "Imagine Charlie's face if we did!"

"God, we'd never hear the end of it." Emmett grinned, lazily rolling over onto his side. He stretched when he rose from their bed, wandering over to grab some clothes.

Kaz followed him, shimmying into some new undies and loungewear. Last night still remained fresh on Emmett's mind, but he didn't bring it up. Perhaps it was for the best to forget about it. Emmett just needed some time. Killing those fucking perverts resurfaced traumatic memories for him, but it was nothing he needed to concern his lover with.

As they made their way into the kitchen, muffled voices caught Emmett's attention. Charlie, Alfie, and Rylee gathered around the bar looking at something sprawled out on the counter top.

"That's just fucking sick," Rylee said.

"Who would send this nasty shit?" Charlie scrunched his face up in disgust, glancing up when the two of them walked in. "Fuck, boss, you gotta see this crap someone left at our door. I bet it was that goddamn mayor. Always knew he was a pervert."

Emmett frowned as he approached them. "Huh? What is it?"

"Someone sent these, addressing it to you." Alfie held up a photo envelope with his name scribbled on it. "The pictures are fucking sick. I don't know who they're of, but we gotta turn this over to the police. I'm worried about that boy."

"Boy?" Emmett snatched some of the photos, bile rising in his throat as he dropped them. There was barely enough time for him to rush back down the hall to the bathroom to spew his guts out in the toilet.

How the hell did they find those? They couldn't still be circulating on the web, could they? Haunting memories flashed through Emmett's mind as he dry-heaved, bits of vomit clung to his trembling lips as he remembered that filthy fucker inside him. He was just a damn child.

Tears pricked at his eyes, but he desperately blinked them away. His stomach lurched, but when he leaned over the toilet bowl again, nothing but saliva trickled into the vile-smelling chunks. He remembered those photos he saw. His uncle took them, posing him perfectly for the shots. Right before he defiled him, at only nine years old.

A fist pounding against the door made him freeze. Emmett flushed the sick in the toilet, curling up on the floor like a frightened little child again. The first time he raped him, Emmett hid in their bathroom. Everything ached. No matter how much he scrubbed himself with soap and water, it couldn't wash away the filth that forever clung to him like a second skin.

"Emmett!" Kaz's panic-stricken voice called out his name. "Please, open the door. It's just me, I promise. I need to know you're okay. Talk to me."

Emmett parted his lips, but no response came. A lump in his throat threatened to break, and he wouldn't give that dead son of a bitch the satisfaction of making him cry as an adult. He did enough damage to him as a child. Unlike then, he knew better now. That fucking pedophile held nothing over him now. He wasn't afraid anymore.

The beating on the door only intensified. Emmett stayed on the cold hard-tiled floor, his back pressed back to the bathtub. Heart pounding in his ears, he tried to tune out the flashbacks pouring in like grainy fucked up pornos. Despite how many years had passed since the abuse, his uncle's musty smell of alcohol-breath and sweaty ass lingered. He could hear the fat fucker's snickers again, taunting him.

It sounded like Kaz literally flung himself against the door to open it. More desperate pleas came again. Emmett wanted to answer him, but he couldn't. Nobody needed to see him like that. Even back then, he never let his dear mother, father, or Everly see him. He waited until he calmed down enough and cleaned himself up. Emmett just had to let himself chill the fuck out. Everything would be okay.

When the knocks stopped and Kaz's voice faded, Emmett relaxed. He just needed some space. Hopefully, he understood why he needed to be alone. After he calmed the fuck down, they'd figure out what to do about those photos and find the sender.

Footsteps echoed over the thunderous beating of his heart. Was it Kaz again? Someone else? Before Emmett had a chance to react, he heard the grating sound of a power drill. It went on for a few minutes while Emmett sat, dumbfounded, as someone drilled fucking holes through the doorknob. The saw powered off, and with some rough jangles, the knob slipped off onto the floor with a clang.

Kazimir pushed the door open, kicking aside the knob he'd just sawed off and crouched down to his level. Nothing but concern and tender love brimmed in his teary brown eyes. "Talk to me, please. Are you okay? D-Do you need anything?"

"You just used a power drill to break the door open," Emmett stated the obvious.

"I know, it's the best idea I could come up with. Charlie kept telling me to just break it down by kicking it, but that didn't work," Kaz explained. "I'm sorry, but you just... Those photos, they're of you, aren't they?"

Everything inside Emmett shattered. Those sobs he suppressed threatened to surface. How much had Kaz seen? His precious boyfriend was never supposed to know about his past life. He'd done everything within his power to keep it a secret, nestled deep inside the darkest, dirtiest parts of his mind.

Such a little crybaby at your age. If you don't stop crying, I'll make you-

"No." Emmett whimpered, shaking his head. "No, no. Fucking no."

Before Kaz could respond, Emmett shoved him away as he stood on trembling legs. His uncle's disgusting words resonated in his head. With a guttural, heart-wrenching scream of frustration and every emotion he pent up inside as a kid, he balled his hand in a fist. One look into the mirror at his disheveled appearance and he punched the pathetic bastard that glared back at him.

Glass shattered all around him, sharp points falling into the sink. Bits of his blood seeped into the cracks of the shattered mirror. Pain pulsed in his hand as he examined his bloody knuckles. He focused on the throbbing pain, forcing it to dominate all his thoughts. That he could handle. His childhood traumas were too much for him to stomach, but his body knew how to fight pain.

"Emmett!" Kaz cried out, rushing to dab the wound with icy water and toilet paper. "Why..? I don't understand."

"He's not worth it." Tears rained down Emmett's pale cheeks. "I won't cry over him, dammit. Not again. Never again."

Kaz worked frantically to stop the bleeding, yet Emmett didn't mind the stinging. He'd endured far worse. It was just another injury to add to his growing list. They kept their first aid kit in their bedroom, so Emmett let Kaz lead him back to their room. At least none of their members saw him in that pathetic state.

"Don't damage our door," Emmett chided.

No amusement sparked in his lover's eyes. Only sadness glistened in them. It took Kazimir a few seconds to bandage his hand meticulously, careful with how he rubbed a bit of peroxide into the wound. But even that pain barely registered to Emmett.

Finally, Emmett asked, "How much did you see?"

"Enough." Disgust rolled off his tongue. "That sick fucker. He's dead, isn't he? Cuz if not, I'm gonna go kill him myself."

"Yeah, he's dead. Dunno about the others. I know one of them got promoted to chief before I moved away," Emmett replied.

"Others?"

A disturbed smirk twisted on his lips. "I was like a little movie star. He had me performing for all his buddies. They liked to trade pictures like Pokemon cards."

"Oh God, Emmett."

"Sometimes, they didn't like waiting to take turns with me. I think the most I ever took in one day was four," Emmett admitted. "Used me as their cum dumpster. I'm sure there's photos of them as well. Just gotta dig through them."

"You were just a child," Kazimir whimpered, tears streaming down his face as he wiped them away after removing his glasses. "They're fucking sick for doing that. I hope the police arrested the others."

"Cops?" Emmett roared with laughter. "They were the ones raping me! Uncle and his old pals! Who the hell could I tell? They already tried to kill my mom, leaving her paralyzed, and good old uncle said he'd do Everly instead if I resisted."

"I'm so sorry. That never should've happened to you." Kazimir reached out, engulfing him in a tight hug. "I hate them all. I hope they all rot in hell for what they did to you."

"I didn't want you to know," Emmett's voice came out hoarse. "You'd look at me differently, and see the fucking whore I really am."

"Emmett, you're not a whore. What those guys did to you was disgusting, vile, but it doesn't mean you're those things. You were forced to do that as a kid."

"My sweet Kaz." Emmett caressed his tender cheeks, wiping away the falling tears. "It wasn't just when I was a kid. Perverts always knew where to find me. They always said it was my face and whorish body. "

Kazimir choked on a sob, clinging tighter to Emmett. "I'll kill them too. Take us to them. I swear. You know we'd do it, we'll kill them all."

"It happened when I went to rehab as a teen," Emmett said. "They had to take me to the hospital cuz they gave me all kinds of nasties. Don't worry, I've been clean for years now. I got hooked on drugs since they helped mitigate the pain and erase the memories. Easier to take all those dicks in the ass when I'm doped up and numb. Wish my uncle would've been considerate enough to do that."

"You've been through so much. I just, I wish I could take all that pain away from you." Kazimir sniffled.

"I've never admitted this to anyone else, but I always wondered if that's why I'm a fag," Emmett said, voice softening. "They conditioned me into liking guys or something."

"What? No, that's not how it works, baby. Being gay is just part of your identity. Not something those nasty fuckers made you," Kaz explained. "And I love you just as you are."

"I've always felt dirty after sex.  Sometimes, I can't even get it up without thinking about being just like them. I lust over guys, have desires to fuck them..."

"That's not the same," Kaz argued. "They're attracted to kids, which is fucking gross. Everyone has sexual urges, that's normal, but who they're about is where it draws the line. I lust over handsome guys too and get that desire to fuck them, or be fucked by them. It's not something dirty. But I have to ask, have you always felt this way? Do I... make you feel like that?"

"No, God No. You make me feel amazing, sweetheart. Remember how I tell you that you're the best sex I've ever had? I'm not lying." Emmett smiled, brushing strands of his soft, brown hair. "You don't treat me like a sex toy. I love how gentle you are, and you always let me take control. I never could do that before. It's so different and just fucking great with you."

Kazimir blushed. "It means a lot to me to hear that. I'm glad you're comfortable with me."

"Sometimes, flashbacks come back to me. Not because of anything you do, but it's just my body remembering that awful shit, I guess. Make sense?" Emmett asked. "Like, last night. I couldn't, ya know?"

"I could tell something had changed," Kazimir replied. "You acted differently, but you kept insisting it was a muscle cramp."

"Yeah, I just didn't want you to know. I figured you'd be like most guys when they learn about my past." Emmett shrugged. "I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks of me now, but I just... Like, I never wanted you to know about that part of my life."

"I understand." Kazimir gently caressed his cheek. "Everyone wants to hide the hideous parts of themselves. But when you love someone, they don't mind. They accept all of you. Even the worst parts. You still love me in spite of my past, right? Why would I feel any different about yours?"

Emmett buried his face against Kazimir's chest, holding him close. "I dunno what I'd ever do without you."

Kazimir stroked his fingers through Emmett's blond hair, tousling it up. "You can always come to me with anything. I'll never judge you or look at you differently."

"Don't ever leave me, Kaz."

"You don't have to worry, I'm not going anywhere."