"Anyway, I heard Dallon talking to his mother about... leaving Panic?"

"...What?" Brendon thought he misheard it. Until he let Kenneth repeat what he just said, and it all comes crashing down.

"He probably wanted to quit, Bren."

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Not that Brendon is not aware about how much Dallon is falling apart in front of him. He knows he could been the cause of it.

"That's why when he left..." Kenneth continues, who seems to be oblivious of Brendon's shock. "I thought he left for good."

Brendon's gaze turns to the small kid watching TV. He was giggling over something about the show. There was like a gaping hole at the idea of not having Dallon anymore. But it was his fault, after all. If only he treated Dallon better... If only he told Dallon how he truly felt--

"You still there, Bren?"

"Uh. Y-Yeah." He clears his throat, hoping the lump on his throat isn't because he's emotionally constipated about it.

"Uh. Okay. Anyway, we can go check out that bass for Darren later. I'll meet you guys later."

"Okay, sure." He nods absently, even though he knows the other man couldn't see it. He feels too dazed at the moment to even respond properly.

Brendon was about to drop the call when Kenny spoke again. "And Brendon?"

"Yeah?"

"Talk to Dallon, okay?"

*****

"Oooh, that one looks nice, right?"

"It looks silly."

Kenny and Dallon are looking at various selections of bass for kids. The kid is pretty picky, but then he remembers that the adult Dallon has his own taste of design. He likes the classic looks. And it appears his younger self got that trait as well.

"You okay, Brendon?"

He snaps out of his trance as Dan pats on his shoulder, giving him a concerned look.

"Y-Yeah. I was just... thinking."

Dan's gaze turn to the little kid arguing with Kenneth about which has the best design for the bass. It makes the drummer chuckle.

"You're thinking about Dallon, right?"

"How did you--"

"You been staring at the kid the whole time. It made me think you were actually remembering Dallon through the kid."

The discussion with Kenny that morning never left his thoughts. Would he be able to make it up to Dallon? Can he still make the bassist change his mind from leaving the band? He knows Dallon isn't an official member anymore. That was his fault. But he never asked for him to leave. He would never ask Kenneth and Dan to leave as well.

He doesn't know if he could take it if people start to leave him behind again, even though he's convinced himself that he's fine on his own.

"It's just that..." Brendon takes a deep breath, before continuing. "Do you ever feel like you wanted to leave the band?"

Dan stares at him for a moment, looking confused. But then his eyes soften as he realized what Brendon meant.

"Well, allow me to call on to your bullshit, Brendon." The older man clears his throat, running a hand through his hair before speaking.

"First of all, I could leave whenever I want. I'm not the band member here. Secondly, the moment you demoted Dallon was the day you never had band members to begin with. Third, you decide and say things without thinking, which is a lot. And we have no say in that. We're not your band members after all." Dan rants, which he knows he deserves to hear.

Dan crosses his arms, giving Brendon a stern gaze. "Bren, we all want to have that solo thing in our music careers. And what you did, we get that. We're used to that kind of thing. That's part of the job. That's part of being in this career."

The older man sighs deeply, turning his gaze to Kenny and Dallon's direction. "I just wish you thought of the consequences and who may be affected of your choices."

Dan's lecture makes sense. Maybe Dallon just wanted to have his band again. He's seen how happy Dallon is when he's able to contribute to the album. But after he got demoted, Dallon looked drained, tired, moody. But the older man didn't complain. ...Or more like he couldn't.

Of course he couldn't. This is the only thing left that could keep him and his family living.

And Brendon basically dropped a bomb at him just for his own convenience.

Dan gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, before going to Kenny and Dallon.

"Dan, wait."

The older man turns around and looks at him expectantly.

"W-Why are you still in Panic?" Brendon wanted to ask that question for a long time. He knows he's a douchebag to these guys. They seem to be the type who doesn't care about the money. So, what made them stay?

Dan turns his head to look at him properly, before giving him a smile.

"Dallon was right about you, you know?"

The older man turns his gaze back at the other two, who are still bickering over the best bass design in the store. The smile on his face widens as his gaze returns to Brendon.

"You know how to make people feel alive."

And with that, Dan goes off to Kenny and Dallon's side. It left Brendon to wonder if he really did have that effect on people. All of his years in performing for the crowd were electrifying, intense, powerful. If there's something that could be considered alive, it's the crowd. He only sings music to them.

But if what Dan says is true...

Is it enough to make Dallon stay?

****

Dallon didn't find a bass that day and Brendon isn't judging the kid. He knows what it feels like not to find that one instrument that feels like yours.

That's why the kid is sprawled on the floor with crayons and some paper. The little humming he makes could turn a frown upside down. While Brendon feels a little bit better watching him, there's still that sense of guilt in him that he feels like he should have done more for Dallon.

"Bren! Look!"

Dallon raised a paper, waving it in front of his face. The giddy disposition of the kid is just too contagious that it was hard for Brendon not to smile at the sight. He would have guessed Dallon was a quiet boy.

The poor kid probably didn't haven't much friends back then.

Brendon took the paper out of his tiny hand and looked at the picture.

Brewing up his best sports-announcer Olympic like voice, he gives his impression: "Wow! Look at that form! Such perfection in coloring! Why, I haven't seen such perfection in a crayola in a long time!" He announces, giving Dallon a fit of giggles.

Brendon let's out a fake gasp. "And what's this? Why, this is quite a risk. It's an image of little Dallon holding someone. And I must say, the other person looks rather dashing in his red suit. This is absolutely the best drawing! I give 10/10!"

Dallon's giggles turn into a fit of hysteric laughter that tears almost fall from the little kid's eyes.

"Did you really like it?" Dallon asked when he calmed down. He looks at Brendon expectantly, and the older man is definitely adding that to the list of his weaknesses.

The drawing was little Dallon and Brendon holding each other's hand. On Dallon's side was Kenny and Dan was on Brendon's side. On the bottom of the drawing says: Me and My Friends

Brendon has received lots of gifts but nothing will be as sincere as a child's gift.

"I love it. Very much. You are amazing." He says earnestly, giving Dallon the ruffle on the head.

Dallon perked up, mumbling a 'wait a sec' to Brendon as the kid rushed over the crayons and wrote something on it. Dallon folds the paper in half and gives it to Brendon.

"You can have it!" The child says excitedly, and went back to his crayons to draw another picture.

Curious as to what the kid wrote, he opens the paper and is greeted with words written in a bright red crayon on the upper right corner of the drawing.

"thank you, for seeing the best in me."

Brendon never said this often, and he never said this out loud. But he always saw Dallon at his best and at his greatest.

He just wished he would stop telling lies and stop being afraid of telling truths.

****

"How's babysitting and being a world class performer at the same time?"

When Brendon made sure the kid had fallen asleep, he thought he'd a few beers with Zack. He can't exactly get back to Dallon smelling like some drunkard.

He swirls his drink a bit, then takes a sip. "It's not that bad. The kid's a sweet kid. Obedient. I honestly thought the kid would be a pain in the ass. But the kid's been nothing but an angel, if not being a little shit when he tickles me." He chuckles at the image of Dallon tickling him in the morning.

Zack hums beside him, chugging on his beer and then setting it down on the table. "Any news from Dallon?"

Well that's new. Brendon looks at Zack, eyebrows raised. "Since when were you concerned about Dallon?"

"Dude, the guy's still my responsibility no matter what, okay? If this is his idea of slacking off, you better fire him." Zack says, before chugging on his beer again.

Before Brendon could even protest, Zack speaks again. "But he's too much of a goody two shoes to even do that."

He chuckles at how true that statement is. Despite the smart mouth and sass, Dallon has been nothing but a goody two shoes for his age. Which isn't a bad thing, really. Dallon sets a good example to the younger fans than he does.

"You think Dallon would be good off on his own?"

It's Zack's turn to look at him questioningly. "Okay... What's with the question? Is Dallon leaving or something? Is that why he's gone?"

"H-Hey, no. I just thought... He'd probably want to continue his old band or something someday."

He's a terrible liar. He's said that before. Zack doesn't seem to care, or he probably doesn't notice as Zack looks contemplative about the question.

"Well... I think you're pretty good on your own. I mean, you topped 100 in the Billboard charts, man." Zack says, as he looks down at his beer.

"But Dallon is pretty good on his own, too. You and him are good on your own levels."

Zack is definitely drunk. Did he seriously just complimented Dallon?

The other man doesn't seem to notice as he continues. "He's just too s-serious sometimes that's why he's in the butt of our jokes. But he isn't bad." Zack is starting to slur in his words, and if this isn't good prank material, Brendon doesn't know what is.

Zack is the type of person who says the truth the more he's drunk. If only it was that easy for Brendon.

"Dude, I think you're drunk."

"Brendon, I'm an asshole. I know I act like one and I know I look like one. But that doesn't mean I don't care about him, okay? And I'm not d-drunk." Zack hiccups. He has always done his job well.

And Brendon doesn't doubt him on that.

****

What Brendon didn't hope to find when he went back to his room was a shivering Dallon under the blankets, cold sweat on his forehead, his temperature is terribly warm.

"Dallon? Dallon!"

Dallon shifts, his eyes closed tight. It must be hard for him.

"M-Mom? A-A-Are you t-taking me home now?" He says weakly, his small hand searching blindly for warmth. Brendon takes his shivering hand in his. It's the only thing he could give at the moment.

"S-She will. She's going to take you home." Brendon reassures him, giving his small hand a squeeze of comfort until Dallon falls asleep again.

Brendon covers Dallon's shivering body with a few more blankets, and dabs a wet towel on the warm skin of his little head.

You can't blame him for lying. Fear latched on to him. And fear makes us latch in to things that would reassure us that everything would be okay.

Even if it's a lie.

****

[A/N: Eyy!! I'm back! I've been busy with graduation requirements 'cuz hey, I'm graduating hahaha!

So, the one about the crayon scene was based from a tumblr text post I found which is totally an adorable story and I thought it would be cute to add it here.

Thank you for the reads, favorites and comments oh my goodness I didn't expect this fic to be a hit for you guys *blushes*.  Sorry for the mistakes as always and have a nice day!!]