WHY DO I LIVE ANYMORE?!? When i cut people cared now i stoped i needed help and i still do but no one cares anymore so what's the point in living i am now wanting to take my mothers extra key and unlock the medication cabinet and take all of my depression pills! I am being so rude to my friend i made them DEPRESSED like i always do.....just kill me

Please

I was trying to hang out with my friend Ethan today but EVERY FUCKING TIME i try to talk to him one of my friends butt in and it hurts he texted me when i said i would stay up all night with him but i fell asleep cuddling my body plush Foxy from five nights at Freddy's  and i said sorry and told him that he said aww so when i go to school i asked him "Why say aww?" as i blushed we were walking side by side He said "It was Cute tho!" it made me blush more. Lyrik comes over and PUNCHES HIM he asked her Why she did that but she just grunted and pushes it off! I said when we were at luch we were all eating together andi told her "You punched him because you like him!" She throw shredded carrots into my face not like one or two she throw a hand full. Ethan had to RUN AWAY from us because she was being a asshole. And a few weeks ago he said he would give me his drawings that were AMAZING and he wanted to burn them but i said i would take them he said"Okay just let me finish the last drawing then you can have them all" i was so Excited and happy bow today he said to me "HEY I BROUGHT THE DRAWINGS FOR YOU!" in a happy way he went to his backpack and grabbed the drawings he went over to me i was abut to grab them and say thank you to Ethan BUT FUCKING LYRIK CAME OVER AND TOOK THEM! I only have one now and she has the rest it makes me heart broken and sad i want to kill myself not for some simple drawing because sometimes i feel unwanted and a third wheel. Maybe i am being over dramatic. I REALLY need to stop talking about my feeling no one really cares about me anyways. But i shall go on for whom ever reads this.
Well i love you all stay cranky