Read the title
So first off, dis one bitch found my sketchbook and decided to look through it and show some fucking friends and made fun of it. RED FLAG ONE: I hate when people touch my stuff! ESPECIALLY if I don't exactly know and trust them. And it's private too! Not that I'm really hiding anything much. I wasn't there but one of my friends were luckily. She tried to stop the bitch but she kept making fun of it -_- she then gave it back and we went on our way. So then somehow she found out about my crush, apparently ALMOST THE WHOLE GRADE KNEW ALREADY so when we got our candy/crush grams, my crush had the most and they were mostly from me and I guess people suspected it then even though I had 3 of my other friends write them. And my crush's seat moved RIGHT BEHIND MINE. I don't even really know about the bitch who did this and she don't know me, we only have one class together! So when I got home I cried 3 or 4 times within 45 minutes! Then next day I didn't go to school and people said it was stupid I stayed home WHEN THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE WHOLE STORY AND HOW UPSET I WAS!! Friday I went back and went to the Cleveland Orchestra for orchestra and we didn't come back till school just went out. I stayed because I'm part of WEB (and guess who else? Mr. Crush) and WEB leaders stay for it seems no reason. Then during a group activity, one of the more popular girls who was in my group was also shown my book (which actually I threw away. I'm not joking it's in the trash now. I have another one but I'm ONLY drawing scenery and stuff. I've learned my lesson) asked me this "what goes through your mind Mia?" "W-what do you mean? Wait, you saw the book?" She nodded "are you depressed or being bullied?" "... In my past.
L-let's m-move on with a different subject..." apparently she wasn't one who laughed and the others in my group (also pretty popular) kinda tried to cheer me up and told me to ignore the people who put me down and I don't have to worry about anything. I actually started tearing up because, they sounded , sincere. They meant it for once. They cared it seems. But it pained me at the same time because here are the kids who don't have many worries and I'm worrying them. But that's how I feel with anyone tbh... That morning and at the dance I had quite a few compliments on my dress, I have a pic but I honestly don't look good >~< The first 30 minutes I had to sit and do nothing because I was in charge of games which NO ONE played!! We had Jenga, mega Jenga, cards, connect four, aaaanndd that's it... I literally kept track of time and sprinted out the cafeteria shouting "I'M FINALLY FREE!!!!" The excitement didn't last long. The dance was so boring and I didn't really know the songs, my asthma was doing me bad, I was SO FUCKING SWEATY BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE AC!!! And UGH! I hated it. I honestly didn't have fun. What made it worse was this one 6th grader I know and she's my friend, I dunno if this is true but this is what it seemed, she may be dating my crush... yyyup. Now, my crush was talking with everyone and didn't even talk to me or anything. He just, UGH IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE HE KNOWS I LIKE HIM AND HE'S PROBABLY A FUCKING MANIPULATOR!! It's honestly time to face reality, despite him acting like he REALLY likes me he probably never liked me and never will. We're totally different, I'm not his type, it's just a little elementary school crush, a total fantasy which is not healthy for me. I need to just forget him and move the fuck on for once in my middle school life. I also need to get my fucking dumbass, terrible, worthless, life together anyways. I'm completely unorganized and don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know my purpose anymore. Am I here to help others or be an example of what not to become and be like?! I'M FUCKING CONFUSED!! The reason I wasn't on here for a while was because I felt like complete SHIT and honestly I wasn't really on my phone that much. I only really went on Insta for a bit and that's it. I'll be on here just coz I need to get my mind off of shit now BIG TIME. Why do I always chase fantasies? And even if the chance comes and he somehow likes me and asks me out, why would I still say yes when he honestly never gives me the time of day anyways? He's always after other girls but never acknowledges me. Unless maybe he knows he'd break me and didn't want to because he does care? But as I said I gotta face reality. But, how can I when I don't know what to think and if my assumptions are right or wrong? I hate this so much right now. I hope things just clear up soon...