Noel

Jax and I followed through with our scheduled meetup. Right now, I'm seated in a warm armchair opposite him in the library. The sky is dark, the fireplace is hot with glowing flames, and Jax is sitting upright at our desk. His forearms rest on the wooden surface with his sleeves rolled up.

His pen skates across the page as we talk. Jax is calm and intelligent, and thoughtful as he works. His work ethic is a complete contrast to his sun-like personality, because he's grounded and determined in whatever he puts his hands to. I can't pinpoint any flaws in him, as of yet.

"I think we're done for today." Jax says finally, his eyes flickering up from the page to me. His hair is set alight by the fire, warm and golden as the sun.

"I agree." I reply, leaning towards him slightly. If I wasn't interested in Jax before, I'm surprisingly interested now. I'm still not sure why, if only because of everyone else's attentions to him. Surely his ego must be inflated now. "I still don't know anything about you, but you already know my middle name."

Jax tilts his head to the side, studying my curiously with his gold-flecked eyes. "You volunteered that information."

God, his hair still looks like a halo crowning his skin. "Then will you volunteer the answer to why you call me by my middle name?" I ask. I've been wanting to know it for a while now; even when he greeted me after school, he called me Margot. Not Noel.

"Because it's pretty. Do you know what it means?" Jax says. I nod, and he looks surprised.

I smile bitterly, thinking about the past. Things were so much easier when I was a child. Mostly because I wasn't conscious of all the difficult things. "My grandmother told me about my name, because it was hers. Margot means pearl, doesn't it?"

Jax assents, still looking into my eyes. "You seem close to her."

I shrug. "I was close to her, before she died." I say abruptly. Part of me feels unfamiliarly comfortable with talking about such a personal subject with Jax, but a part of me wants to know how he'll take it. If he offers me one inch of pity, then I'm done with him. I can't bear people who sugarcoat things, or soften the blow for me. Maybe I'm a hypocrite for that, but it's how I am.

And thank goodness, I don't see anything of pity or embarrassment in his eyes. Just quiet reflection. He takes my hand in his, and I'm so shocked by the contact that I let him do it. His skin is warm against mine, and it soothes me.

He smirks wryly after about a minute, letting go of my hand. The cold air envelops my skin. "You want to know something about me? Pearls are my birthstone."

I'm so glad he changed the subject. I lean into him, eyeing him curiously. "Pearls are for June, aren't they? So you're a Gemini too."

Jax shrugs. "Probably. I don't know much about star signs."

"Yet you know your birthstone." I mutter, and Jax laughs. The sound is nice, and it sounds genuine. He seems genuine so far, and it's throwing me off. I'm not as sarcastic or sharp as I normally am, and surely Jax knows it. He saw how I treated him on the first day we met. I've softened considerably since then, even though it might not seem like it. And I'm scared, knowing that he has some kind of power over me.

Jax props his chin on his palm. "You said your grandmother told you the meaning of your middle name? Well, my mother knew all about birthstones. She was a jeweller."

"Was?" I ask cautiously, wondering if I'm intruding.

Jax's eyes become sad. "She passed on a few years ago. Cancer."

I don't want to apologise or offer meaningless condolences. I know firsthand how useless they are. So I touch Jax's hand lightly with mine. He starts, staring at my hand as he moves away. Then he looks up at me. "What was that for?"

"I thought it would be better than saying sorry." I say apologetically. But Jax takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers this time. He skims his thumb over my knuckles and studies our hands, entwined together. Then he looks up at me with those bright eyes of his. "Thank you." he says.

I just nod. Because something different is in the air. I'm looking at Jax and everything feels sharper, more vivid. He brightens the world and simultaneously, the world brightens him.

Suddenly, I notice that our paths cross all the time in school. After English, when there's a sharp turn in the corridor, I'll see a flash of gold and he's there, a few feet away. Jax always pays me some form of attention whenever we cross paths, even if it's just the smile that I came to appreciate, or a quick comment that makes me laugh. He's already changed my world by being in it.

When his mouth tips upwards the slightest bit, his beauty is enough to light a thousand suns. When he speaks, I drink in every word. I'm entranced by him because I'm finding something that I never bothered to look for before. That's a failing of mine. Whenever I see something beautiful in a person, I fall harder than Icarus fell into the sea.

"So what are we working on today?" Jax asks whenever I sit down with him. I actually try with our project, for Jax's benefit mostly. Every evening, I immerse myself in library books, regaining a flicker of interest in reading. Words are beautiful, with how they effortlessly slip into one unending channel of communication. Almost as beautiful as Jax.

When we finish for the day a few weeks later, Jax rubs his brow and leans back in his chair, watching me. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Sometimes, it feels like my unconscious mind is entombed deep within my soul. Whenever I slip into empty thoughts, the vague sensation of nothingness envelops me, like the tender waving of crests against the shores.

I force myself out of my reverie, to smile and shake my head at Jax. "Nothing."

He grins then, running a hand through his hair. "There's a café nearby that I've been wanting to try. Do you want to work on the project there?"

He's too perfect, sometimes. It makes me want to see the more ugly side of him that hides from the world. While Jax's appearance impresses something angelic, he's also strong. He's suffered hardships too. I suppose that should have prepared me for what came next.

After school, we walk together to the cafe that Jax told me about. It's pretty, with cream lighting and sweets lining the counters. I stare at them for a little too long, and Jax catches me looking at them.

He grins. "Choose one, Margot."

I turn to him with my eyes wide. "I was just looking, Jax. Don't worry about it."

He steps closer to me, leaning in to inspect the food. "If you don't decide on one, I'll get you the whole counter."

"They'll kick us out if you try something like that." I protest. 

"On the other hand, I would be promoting their business. Imagine the number of customers they would get if they sold out in an hour after opening. Actually, why do they open at two in the afternoon? Surely that's a fault in their business." Jax considers.

I roll my eyes at his silliness. "Just buy whatever you want, and I'll buy myself something too. Deal?"

Jax shakes his head stubbornly, and I hold in my sigh. "Fine, can you get me the strawberry one?"

He flashes a radiant smile at me then moves to order. I look around the booths, finding us a comfortable one in the corner of the cafe. Jax finds me a few minutes later, holding two plates. He sets them down in front of us, then we start eating.

I eye him suspiciously once I've finished inhaling my dessert. "Wasn't this supposed to be a work-related meeting?"

Jax shrugs. "Oops. Now we can learn more about each other."

"Sorry, I'd rather not play twenty questions with you." I scoff.

He pouts, and I'm forced to look at his full mouth. "Now you're just being mean."

"Or sensible." I quip.

"Sensible is boring."

"It would be to you."

"Has anyone told you that you can be really rude sometimes?"

"I get the occasional comment." I say with a wry grin. "Why, do you want me to stop it?"

"I like that you're a blunt person, Margot, but I feel like there's a lot more to you." Jax says, piercing me with his eyes. And there it is. That impossible feeling of him breaking through every barrier I put up. I can't stand it sometimes, and today is one of those times.

I bristle, deciding to put an end to this. Jax can't get any closer to me. But looking into his eyes, honest in their intentions, I feel myself starting to crumble.

That's exactly why I can't let this last.

I put my best sneer on. "You're a fool if you think that's true."

"Am I the fool?" Jax says quietly. I know exactly what he means, and I hate it.

"I'm not a fool for being strong all these years. You have no idea about what I've been through. No idea." I say vehemently. My hand starts to shake, which only happens when I get really anxious. Jax stands up, looking concerned but I stand up too, ready to storm off. It's a dramatic ending to our cafe meet, but then again, so am I.

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