Noel

     Our Sociology room is silent. Jax is looking at me silently, and I've told him the secret that I desperately harboured for two years. It feels shameful. I feel like I'm not supposed to tell anyone about this. It's my story to tell, whenever I want to tell it.

      But the shame is still scratching at my throat. Whenever I think about Michael now, acridity rises up my throat.

     Jax takes a long second before he responds. "Was anyone there to support you, before this year?" his eyes pierce into mine, sorrowful but holding traces of anger. "Before me?"

     Imperceptibly, I shake my head. The smallest fraction of movement, but Jax's eyes catch it. Like they always do.

     He curses and pulls me into a hug, but I think he needs it more. "I can't believe it. You went through all of that- alone?"

      "It wasn't the worst part of the last two years." I replied quietly. "That would be the subsequent bullying."

     Jax pulls away from me. The fire lacing the expression of his eyes burns my senses.

     "They bullied you because you got raped?" Jax's voice shook with devastation.

      When he put it like that, so brutally out in the open once more, it hits me. Tears film my eyes, splashing down my cheeks silently. "Not because I got raped. Because Michael lied about it."

     Jax's expression becomes sober. "What did he say?"

     I shake my head, letting him know that this is as far as I can go. I can't go further into the past, or my mind will break. Ravaged as I am, I don't want the curses of my memory to interweave with the present.

     Jax watches me, his hands comfortingly holding mine. He sighs, the tiniest slight of breath slipping from him, and he pulls me closer. Gently, a threadbare touch.

      "Don't hold me like I'm broken." I tell him flatly. "It's been two years."

     "There's no time limit on pain, Margot." Jax says softly, holding me in his arms. "I know you're strong. I know that you can save yourself. But let me be your shelter, just this once."

      And I let him. I let him into my heart.

      I used to worry that one day, Jax would retreat into a corner far away from me. One day, I was going to push him away.

      Before I got the opportunity to build those walls between us, Jax sent my life crashing down. In the best way possible, all those broken foundations are renewed. A garden of peace and prosperity surrounds us now.

     I want to live in it forever.

     Jax kisses my forehead gently. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

      "Please." I murmur into his neck, and he smiles into my hair. I shutter my gaze, picturing Jax's honey-dipped eyes perfectly.

      At last, I've managed to memorise him. Every inch of his golden skin and hair and eyes. I never thought I'd meet my match, until I found everything I needed in Jax.

     "I love you." I say quietly, then I freeze once it registers. As Jax pulls away, looking wide-eyed, I curse myself for slipping. I take his wrist in my hand, starting to protest, "That's not how I-"

     I'm cut off by Jax cupping my jaw in his palms, brushing his lips over mine. I stop my stammers and wrap my arms around his neck, reciprocating the kiss.

     As I draw away for a breath, he murmurs, "I love you too. So much. You're so much better than what people think of you."

///

     That night, I ask Emily to come to my room to talk. I can't keep my giddy feelings to myself; the happiness and relief coagulating in my stomach. Jax isn't my secret, but the golden love that he showers on me is all-encompassing. It seeps through my skin, into my lifeblood, into my heart.

     As Emily opens the door hesitantly, her pure blue eyes peer at me. "Are you okay? Mason hasn't done anything else, right?" she asks, looking worried.

     "No, don't worry about that." I reassure her. "He's not a problem anymore."

      A smile slips onto her face as she says excitedly, "It's Jax, isn't it? What's happened?"

      As she settles on my bed, I nod and explain, "We said we loved each other."

      "You didn't!" Emily squeals, her eyes wide and happy for me. I see my own joy reflected in her eyes, and it's so cathartic. Emily's been there for me, with Georgia and Arden- and Jax.

      In that moment, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

     "I know!" I lean back on my bed and sigh happily. "Jax is a dream come true for me. Can you believe he only transferred this year? It feels like I've known him since forever."

      I look at Emily and to my bewilderment, she's frowning. "Transferred?"

      I stare at her. "Yes, I'm saying that I was lucky he transferred to our school in senior year. Not many schools allow that, right?"

     Emily stares at me. "Noel, Jax didn't transfer to our school this year. He moved into our Sociology class, yes. But I'm new, and even I know that Jax was here since freshman year."

     I feel the air plummet around me. I can't believe it. "What? But that can't be right. I would have..."

      "Noticed him? That's not your fault. Jax left the school for a year, then came back looking completely different. That's why everyone was talking about him at the start of the year."

      My heart plummets in my chest, as I realise that what Emily's saying is completely plausible. I search through my memories of the past three years, wondering at what moment I could have seen Jax. Was he there when I was friends with Michael?

     No. It can't be true. We'd met before he captured everyone's attention.

     Jax, Jax, Jax.

    I whisper his name in my mind, like I'm chanting a prayer. The mystery of my boyfriend circles in my head traitorously, daring me to catch him. Just as my hands fall upon Jax, he disappears yet again.

     Yet the final puzzle pieces are locking into place. In my mind, I'm sitting in this same bed with Georgia sitting opposite me, in Emily's place.

"I saw a picture of you in the school trophy room. I thought you had a twin sister. 

The girl was on the chess decathlon, and she wore glasses and braces."

     Georgia used to go here. To my school, with Jax and Arden, two years ago. I'm sure of it, now, even if I never saw them.

      I didn't notice Jax, but he always saw me. Always heard me.

      Jax's name runs through my mind as I try to remember him. During those first few years, back when the hierarchy was flipped on its head. And I sat at the top of it all, looking on from above.

///